RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (Full Version)

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SirDarkside357 -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/5/2006 8:30:47 PM)

Hell, I didn't even know what the internet was until the 90's, when we started useing it to hunt folks at work, sure beet knocking on doors, but by then i was in the big city LOL



justatoy2 -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 6:41:32 AM)

I happen to think the two week rule is a wonderful tool to use. First it will weed out the pretenders. Second, it will save you from wasting alot of time. How often have we seen people who talk for months o/l and on the phone, building up some sort of romantic relationship, only to meet and realize there isn't any chemistry? I have seen it happen too often and then months have been wasted. I myself have a month rule. Lives are busy, and sometimes two weeks isn't possible, so i made it a month. If after a month of talking someone doesn't want to meet, then it isn't someone i would want to be involved with. Let us know how your two week rule is working for you Del Rey. I would be interested to see. Good luck.



Burninglash -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 8:14:14 AM)

This is my first post to the forums section. How to minimise time spent on a dead end is really the issue isnt it? Fakes to me means those people for whom online is all that its about. The ones who claim they seek reality, untill the crunch time. Suddently they vanish, make up excuses etc. The two week idea is simply to hasten that event so you can move on to some one who is actualy going to take this ofline instead of remaining trapped in fantasy.

Now my question/chalenge to those arguing against a short period before meeting is this. If you see some one in a pub/shop etc .. do you wait two weeks before walking over and saying hello? To my way of thinking the internet is really just a large shopping mall venue where thousands of people pass by. A few will catch your eye. What is different here is that you have time to take a closer look at those who interest you, you can be certain that the people on this site want BDSM in some form or another. As some have said thats not the same as face to face chemistry.

When you take ages to meet up you are forced to fill in the blanks with your imagination. Meeting that person then turns out to be dissapointing, possibly because of the imaginary persona you created to fill in the blanks. Possibly because the person was never right for you to begin with. There is no way of knowing that before meeting. Even then meeting face to face is really only the first and smallest of steps to building a real relationship.

Perhaps I have the benefit of living in a simpler country where we do not have to worry about meeting axe murders or ending up as some ones breakfast. In the end it still comes down to "trust your instincts". I find my instincts work better face to face.

As to 2 weeks verses shorter or longer, my view is it should be as soon as possbile. Coffee, not sex, not play .... just coffee. Hmm now if I can just figure out how to get American girls to South Africa for coffee with out breaking the bank.



spoiledbrat -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 10:50:02 AM)



The rule sounds great, but has so many in and outs that can go wrong to me.

Take for example long distance, Who pay's for the tickets? Now if it is the Dominant that has this rule shouldn't he be the one that offer's to buy tje airline tickets?

What if you would be more comfortable meeting for the first time and would prefer to stay at a hotel, would that be considered rude?

Was just asking?




Burninglash -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 11:05:29 AM)

Who pays for long distance meetings .. Hmm a whole topic on its own. In the world of infinite bank balances .. the Dom should pay. hmm but then some will argue that then implies some kind of obligation on the subs part. in my peronsal life I have paid on occasion .. and refused to pay on others.



Mercnbeth -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 11:09:17 AM)

quote:

Take for example long distance, Who pay's for the tickets? Now if it is the Dominant that has this rule shouldn't he be the one that offer's to buy tje airline tickets?

What if you would be more comfortable meeting for the first time and would prefer to stay at a hotel, would that be considered rude?

Was just asking?


Yup!
As I just posted in another thread, in my not so humble opinion, if you want a slave you better be prepared to afford having one.

Besides the offer or even the cost of a plane ticket is better and cheaper than time spent wasting time with a web based relationship. You can always recover money. You can't recover time.



Osamadom -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 3:31:58 PM)

Everyone in collar me is a fake or a wannabe!!!



Padriag -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 8:40:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Burninglash

This is my first post to the forums section. How to minimise time spent on a dead end is really the issue isnt it?

That is precisely what this revolves around. All the bemoaning from dominants and submissives I see over and over about all the fakes and so forth really comes down to that question. And what people want is some easy miracle answer that will somehow make the process painless, easy. People want their money back guarantees, their warranties, their disclaimers, etc.

The bad news is, last time I checked life doesn't come with any warranty. You pay your money, you roll the dice and you take your chances.


quote:

Now my question/chalenge to those arguing against a short period before meeting is this. If you see some one in a pub/shop etc .. do you wait two weeks before walking over and saying hello? To my way of thinking the internet is really just a large shopping mall venue where thousands of people pass by. A few will catch your eye. What is different here is that you have time to take a closer look at those who interest you, you can be certain that the people on this site want BDSM in some form or another. As some have said thats not the same as face to face chemistry.

Here's the flaw in your thinking. If I see a pretty lass in a resteraunt it really is as simple as just walking over to meet her, saying hello followed by something hopefully witty, and we see where things go from there. The internet is very far removed from that simplistic senario. First, she isn't just a lass I happened to see across a room.... she may live in another state, another country, or on another continent. Second, she isn't just a pretty lass that I happened to see... she's words on a screen. Here, first impressions are as much about what a person says and writes as they are anything else... sometimes that's all you have of them. And while that pretty lass in the resteraunt is just that... exactly what I see... you can't say the same of anyone online. The kind of illusions spun online are simply not possible in real life without the aid of a Hollywood special effects crew. That's the problem with trying to compare meeting someone online with meeting someone in a resteraunt... its apples and oranges. When I sat flirting with a cute bank teller the other week, I knew basically nothing about her other than she was a cute brunette and her first name... nothing invested, no emotional investment. Compare that to meeting someone online. Generally nobody asks someone to meet them until you've already gotten to know them at least as a friend... and by that point you do have emotions invested. And again the two experiences are apples and oranges. In short, things online can often be more complicated and more involved... not simpler. If you want a simple method of meeting people, I suggest a local resteraunt or night club... any of them. The real advantage to meeting people online is not that its easier... it isn't, its that it offers you a broader range of opporunties and experiences. You will meet more people here than you will at that resteraunt or night club and thus have presumeably greater odds that one of them will turn out to be just what you were looking for... or so say the mathematicians. Here's the bad news... mathematically speaking, you will also face proportionately more disappointment and rejection precisely because you are meeting more people. Just as there is a greater chance of finding what you want... you are also going to find a lot more of what you don't want.

Welcome to reality... sorry to bust anyone's bubble.

quote:

When you take ages to meet up you are forced to fill in the blanks with your imagination.

Really... someone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to jump to conclusions? I'm amazed... appalled... skeptical.
Okay, seriously... you bring up a good point. A lot of our disappointment does stem directly from letting our imaginations get the better of our judgement. Sometimes we see what we want to see, project onto someone who we wish them to be, instead of seeing them for who they are. But guess what, that happens face to face as well as online. Its easier to do online, but the only real way to avoid it is to learn to control the impulse.

quote:

As to 2 weeks verses shorter or longer, my view is it should be as soon as possbile. Coffee, not sex, not play .... just coffee. Hmm now if I can just figure out how to get American girls to South Africa for coffee with out breaking the bank.

Or past imigration for that matter.

My main objection to a "2 week rule" is that its looking for an easy answer... a simplistic filter... to take the place of using my own judgement. I know better than to go that route, I would much rather rely on my own judgement and leave the choices up to me. There have been those I met the same day I met them online... not many, but a few. There have been those I took much longer to decide about meeting. Each of those cases was unique and in each I used my own judgement as I saw fit. I'm a dom... I like it that way.

The other thing that bothers me about a "2 week" rule is the kind of tone I've seen in this thread and elsewhere... that anyone who doesn't abide by it is then labelled a "fake". My... how very judgemental. And who made any of you so ominciently wise that based on one short sighted rule you are fit to judge who is a fake and who isn't? Who wants to be the first to pick up that stone? You who need such a rule because you don't feel confident to rely on your own judgement are going to judge the rest of us... my how reassuring. Harsh words I know, but it does cut the wheat from the chaff. Its what bothers me with labeling people fakes... sooner or later people start abusing those labels. We start calling this one a fake or that one a fake for no other reason than they didn't do what we wanted. We forget that people have their own lives and they are not going to always do what we want... that doesn't make them any less real or valid in their choices... just different from our own. Someone who doesn't want to meet within two weeks because they aren't comfortable or they have a kid who is in school or whatever the reason isn't any less real because of that. If someone doesn't meet your needs, if they don't seem to be what you are looking for, then move on. Its that simple... there's no need to call people names, to label them, to black list anyone... they didn't meet your needs, get over it, move on and find someone who does.

To be blunt, I have to wonder what kind of "dominant" would accept anything less than relying on their own judgement... who would need a "rule" as an excuse to make that decision to either continue or to cut contact with someone. You say you are a dominant... act like it... make the call on your own.

BTW Burning, this wasn't aimed at you personally. More of a shotgun blast at the whole thread. You just happened to be in the front.



kyraofMists -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 8:52:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Here's the bad news... mathematically speaking, you will also face proportionately more disappointment and rejection precisely because you are meeting more people. Just as there is a greater chance of finding what you want... you are also going to find a lot more of what you don't want.



And then you have the statistical anomalies like myself… I met Knight of Mists my first night in a chat room and we have talked almost every day since. Largely what helped with keeping realistic expectations for me, was that I was not looking to start a relationship. I was only interested in learning and discovering myself.

That was a very nice post, Padriag. You do not pull your punches *g*

Knight's kyra



Wildfleurs -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 9:15:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

That is precisely what this revolves around. All the bemoaning from dominants and submissives I see over and over about all the fakes and so forth really comes down to that question. And what people want is some easy miracle answer that will somehow make the process painless, easy. People want their money back guarantees, their warranties, their disclaimers, etc.



To be honest, I figured out very quickly what solved the problems of running into people who weren’t necessarily sincere. Just making it clear that I wanted to meet *just for coffee* very quickly.

quote:


Here's the flaw in your thinking. If I see a pretty lass in a resteraunt it really is as simple as just walking over to meet her, saying hello followed by something hopefully witty, and we see where things go from there. The internet is very far removed from that simplistic senario. First, she isn't just a lass I happened to see across a room.... she may live in another state, another country, or on another continent. Second, she isn't just a pretty lass that I happened to see... she's words on a screen. Here, first impressions are as much about what a person says and writes as they are anything else... sometimes that's all you have of them. And while that pretty lass in the resteraunt is just that... exactly what I see... you can't say the same of anyone online. The kind of illusions spun online are simply not possible in real life without the aid of a Hollywood special effects crew.


That’s why its nice to meet early. Then you move beyond the words on a screen and illusions to actual impressions.

quote:


In short, things online can often be more complicated and more involved... not simpler.


I think it is as complicated as you make it. Or it can be as simple as you make it. It’s a medium where the interactions are all based on how you want it.

quote:


My main objection to a "2 week rule" is that its looking for an easy answer... a simplistic filter... to take the place of using my own judgement. I know better than to go that route, I would much rather rely on my own judgement and leave the choices up to me.


You are assuming that a rule like the 2 week rule is used in lieu of using ones judgment, while my experience was that I used it as part of an overall judgment on someone. In my case it was a four week rule, but just because any tom, dick, or jane wanted to meet me didn’t mean that it actually happened.

quote:


The other thing that bothers me about a "2 week" rule is the kind of tone I've seen in this thread and elsewhere... that anyone who doesn't abide by it is then labelled a "fake". My... how very judgemental. And who made any of you so ominciently wise that based on one short sighted rule you are fit to judge who is a fake and who isn't? Who wants to be the first to pick up that stone? You who need such a rule because you don't feel confident to rely on your own judgement are going to judge the rest of us... my how reassuring. Harsh words I know, but it does cut the wheat from the chaff. Its what bothers me with labeling people fakes... sooner or later people start abusing those labels. We start calling this one a fake or that one a fake for no other reason than they didn't do what we wanted. We forget that people have their own lives and they are not going to always do what we want... that doesn't make them any less real or valid in their choices... just different from our own. Someone who doesn't want to meet within two weeks because they aren't comfortable or they have a kid who is in school or whatever the reason isn't any less real because of that. If someone doesn't meet your needs, if they don't seem to be what you are looking for, then move on. Its that simple... there's no need to call people names, to label them, to black list anyone... they didn't meet your needs, get over it, move on and find someone who does.

To be blunt, I have to wonder what kind of "dominant" would accept anything less than relying on their own judgement... who would need a "rule" as an excuse to make that decision to either continue or to cut contact with someone. You say you are a dominant... act like it... make the call on your own.



I can understand if someone has a serious reason for not being able to meet within the four weeks (in my case that was always my rule, not two weeks), but some people just procrastinate and procrastinate. And if they were interested in a long cyber courtship then they just weren’t meant for me.

In my experiences when I was single, I never actually ran into someone in real life who couldn’t get their shit together and meet fairly quickly (whether it meant that they needed 6 weeks instead of 4). Like in your example if they can’t get a babysitter for a first date, what kind of priorities will the relationship have months down the road? Those are the sorts of critical questions I’d be asking to use my judgment to figure out whether the person was even worth meeting. So like I said the 2 or 4 week rule can be used as an additional tool for discernment, not the sole tool.

C~



SirDarkside357 -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 9:29:33 PM)

Cool, we all know at least one more now...thanks dude, or dud....how do ya spell that? WEG



Padriag -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/6/2006 9:35:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Here's the bad news... mathematically speaking, you will also face proportionately more disappointment and rejection precisely because you are meeting more people. Just as there is a greater chance of finding what you want... you are also going to find a lot more of what you don't want.



And then you have the statistical anomalies like myself… I met Knight of Mists my first night in a chat room and we have talked almost every day since. Largely what helped with keeping realistic expectations for me, was that I was not looking to start a relationship. I was only interested in learning and discovering myself.

That was a very nice post, Padriag. You do not pull your punches *g*

Knight's kyra

Sometimes it does happen that way, and when it does you get to be one of the lucky ones who can skip all those other disappointments. For those not so lucky, its just something you have to deal with. If they want to say they aren't going to invest more than 2 weeks in anyone they meet online without a fact to face meeting... fine... but don't say its weeding out the fakes because that isn't really true. What they are weeding out is anyone who won't meet in two weeks for whatever the reason (which will include some online game players, certainly, but it will include a lot other people as well) for the sake of an arbitrary rule. Maybe they're that impatient... or just that skeptical about meeting people online... whatever the reason, just say it, be honest about the fact you are going to cut them off after 2 weeks unless they meet face to face and leave the name calling and the labelling out of it.

And actually... I was pulling my punches in that post.



Burninglash -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/7/2006 6:14:45 AM)

Padriag dont sweat it. I don't take it personally when some one takes issue with my posts. An agressive tone does not makes one point any better than one quietly spoken. Personally I like the direct approach so its all good where I am standing.

I agree that you are meeting more people online than you would ofline. Thats part of the reason why the discussion on approaches to sorting the wheat from the chaff. You really have no idea of who your talking to online, male/female You don't know if they are any of the things they claim to be. Each type written message can be edited to sound "just right". Images and be crafted, edited, airbrushed etc .. or plain faked.

My point of meeting some one in a bar was that their is not an elaborate ritual/process associated with meeting a stranger. You walk over and say hi. I see no need for one when the manner in which they caught my eye was via the net. I am the same person, I behave the same way online. Given the ease with which people can fake things (aspects of themselves as much as whole identities) I would like to get the face to face thing done sooner rather than later. Who knows, it may be them that does not like me. Cest la vie!

Precisely because the numbers are so much greater and because you are potentially meeting people from anywhere in the world, I try to get to real world contact as soon as possible. My agenda is not to play online .. my agenda is to meet the girls that will become part of my family to love and be loved in service to me. The point made about loosing some gems by applying the "rule" is valid and is true of any system. I am certain I fall victim to that with many potential slave girls from cultures different than my own. Its an imperfect world after all. Who knew?



Padriag -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/7/2006 3:28:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Burninglash

Padriag dont sweat it. I don't take it personally when some one takes issue with my posts. An agressive tone does not makes one point any better than one quietly spoken. Personally I like the direct approach so its all good where I am standing.

Good, didn't want you to think I was trying to roast you coming out of the gate. BTW, welcome to the forums.

quote:

I agree that you are meeting more people online than you would ofline. Thats part of the reason why the discussion on approaches to sorting the wheat from the chaff. You really have no idea of who your talking to online, male/female You don't know if they are any of the things they claim to be. Each type written message can be edited to sound "just right". Images and be crafted, edited, airbrushed etc .. or plain faked.

Absolutely true, and people tell some pretty tall tales. I've heard my fair share of them and I'm sure others have as well. For me I take it as coming with the territory and just maintain a certain level of skepticism. Its why there are statements like this in my profile...
quote:

Trust is the foundation of any D/s relationship, and that trust must go both ways. I will work to earn yours, please keep in mind you need to earn mine as well.

Online, trust is a commodity that is always at a premium value.

quote:

My point of meeting some one in a bar was that their is not an elaborate ritual/process associated with meeting a stranger. You walk over and say hi. I see no need for one when the manner in which they caught my eye was via the net. I am the same person, I behave the same way online. Given the ease with which people can fake things (aspects of themselves as much as whole identities) I would like to get the face to face thing done sooner rather than later. Who knows, it may be them that does not like me. Cest la vie!

I can understand wanting to move to a face to face as quickly as possible... where I disagree is whether a 2 week or similar rule is fair. That would be fine I suppose if you were only looking for people in your local area. But that wasn't a caveat to the rule. Take for example the last girl I was seriously interested in, she lived in Texas and I live in NC... about 1600 miles apart. Is it fair to ask her to travel 1600 miles to meet me after only 2 weeks... just for coffee? Lets do some math... lets say her car gets 30 miles to the gallon, to make that trip... round trip... would be 3,200 miles driving divided by 30 miles to the gallon gives us 106.66 gallons of gas used... rounded off to 107... at anywhere from $2.2 to $3.5 a gallon is going to cost $235.4 to $374.5 just for gas... plus food, hotel, etc. Air fare would probably be similar if not higher. So with all other costs included you could easily be looking at say $700 or more in expenses just meet someone for coffee you've only talked with online for two weeks. Am I alone in thinking that's nuts?

As others have said... who bears the expense? If its either the submissive or the dominant alone... somebody better be a millionare or you might as well hang up trying to meet anyone online. Does turning this lifestyle and meeting people online into a sport limited to the financially independant sound fair? Again, I think not. Even if you split the expense between both people... that's still a lot of money. Let's say $350 each. How often can most people afford to do that... once a month... every two months... every six months? So if you're only able to afford to spend that kind of money say every couple of months, why only two weeks of chatting... why not spend more time online trying to screen people out before you go to the expense.

See this is the big difference between that girl in the resteraunt in our example and someone online... walking across the room to say hi is not going to cost you $700+, nor is it going to cost her $700+ to respond to you. That makes quite a difference in how things will happen. Now I suppose you could limit your online search to just people in your local area... but then I have to ask, if someone does that why bother with online at all? What I mean is this... in the last 12 years or so I've met about a dozen people online from the same state I live in... roughly one per year on average. Only one of those people lived in the same town as me. Comparatively I can go to the local AppleBee's resteraunt and meet more people than that in a single weekend. If I cared to do so, there are at least two munch groups within about a 30-40 min drive of me, both of which could introduce me to far more people right away than I have met through the internet. If you are in a hurry to meet face to face... why online... real life is much more likely to produce those kind of results than the internet. (Albiet you are in South Africa and I have no idea what sort of options are available there to you... but for most living in the US, online is a poor choice vs munch groups if you're looking for lot's of face to face meetings).

quote:

Precisely because the numbers are so much greater and because you are potentially meeting people from anywhere in the world, I try to get to real world contact as soon as possible. My agenda is not to play online .. my agenda is to meet the girls that will become part of my family to love and be loved in service to me. The point made about loosing some gems by applying the "rule" is valid and is true of any system. I am certain I fall victim to that with many potential slave girls from cultures different than my own. Its an imperfect world after all. Who knew?

I'm not looking to play online either. But you an I are in the same boat in one respect if nothing else... we're both open to meeting someone from virtually anywhere. So let's ask this question of ourselves... what is a fair time frame for that? Considering that in some cases it could take a person 2 weeks just to get a VISA to travel to your country or mine... a 2 week rule doesn't seem fair in that case. So do we have mutliple rule sets based on some progressive scale based on how many miles (or kilometers if you prefer) distant they are? I can see it now... well... you're 4,892 miles from me according to Google maps... so based on my sliding scale here you have just 5 weeks, 2 days and 9 hours to meet me face to face or I write you off luv... actually it was 8 hours and 49 minutes but I'm in a generous mood today. Yeah.... somehow I don't think that's gonna work.

Hence my point... if we can't say that one rule fits all situations (and I think at this point most agree that it doesn't)... and we can't come up with some equitable system for all the various cases possible (and no one has even suggested one), then aren't we really left with our own judgement anyway? And if it all comes down to using our own judgement in the end... then why bother with some rule? And though Wildfleurs began disagreeing with me, by the end of her post she's talking about cases where she used her own judgement. My point all along has been why bother with rules that are imperfect at best and instead just rely on one's own judgement entirely... especially since it seems in all cases it comes down to that anyway.

Maybe one day we'll have Star Trek style transporters and we can all beam around the planet instantaneously with ease... that would be a different story. But for now there are little details like travel expenses, passports, VISA's, and the like to consider. Unless that someone you met online is local, then coming to meet you (or going to meet them) is going to involve both expense and effort and I don't think most of us are going to be willing to do that just for coffee with someone we only just recently met. It would be like asking that girl you just met in the resteraunt to take a vacation with you (and split the bill) when you just met... not going to happen.

If it is someone local... say within 50 miles or so... maybe then you could reasonably expect to meet for coffee very quickly... but beyond that I don't think the idea is being either realistic or fair.

As to the question of how much time to invest... to my mind that is a personal choice... how much are you willing to invest? For me that varies. I have cut some off after only a few days or few hours of conversation online... I just didn't feel it was going to go anywhere and wasn't a good investment of my time... judgement call on my part. In other cases I've spent as much as six months getting to know a person. I take each case, each person, individually and I act according to how much I'm willing to invest at that time and how much I think I should invest based on my impression of that person. Its a judgement call, its subjective, it works for me. Does it give me any guarantee I won't be fooled by someone... not at all... in fact I've been lied to plenty of times. Hasn't killed me yet and I don't expect it will... a little disappointment now an then I can deal with... I'm a big boy. But I don't have any sort of rule about it... its just my own personal judgement, no more and no less.



Burninglash -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/7/2006 4:04:09 PM)

Yup exactly my problem, how to pay for it all. I am comfortable, own business and all that but still ... fly girls out each time we reach 2 week mark? Point taken. In the case of a local girl I insist on meeting for coffee within a short period 2 weeks would be long for me. For out of town .. I still think it should be as soon as is pratical (finances allowing)

As for excercising your own judgement, we are all going to do that regardles of the outcome of this thread aren't we? I certainly am.



mysecret40 -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/11/2006 6:16:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists



quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey
I am also interested in with the subs/slaves think of having to obide by a Master’s rule before he may or may not become your Master.


i see requiring a person to follow your rules before you have even met them as being pushy and forcing consent before you have earned the right to place a collar on them.

in your journal you said that if the two week period was to be extended, the woman would have to beg, plead and make offering to you. what do you mean by “offering”? the connotation in the lifestyle is that this is either a financial or sexual gift. is this what you are referring to? in my opinion, requiring this appears that you would be attempting to take advantage of the person.

to presume that because a person does not meet you within two weeks is a fake or wanna-be seems like a very close-minded view. it simply means that they do not meet your expectations of a partner.


Knight's alandra


Great point ~!!!
I know for myself....I don't mind meeting a local Dom in two weeks..say the tri state area...no problem. It gets challenging when they live farther. But to meet for say coffee or lunch or just a fun day together is great. I love being able to plan something that you can both enjoy, walk and talk, laugh....whatever setting you both agree on. What I don't like is when that Dom has expectations of sex. Some are so bold as to state that "hey, if I make the effort to visit your ass I expect you to submit" and try to put you in the setting of having no power or choice. Ahhhhhh, no. Deal breaker I have learned the hard way.
To assume that the sub/slave will even be attracted to you without in person meeting is total ego. Just ridicoulous.
secret



amayos -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/11/2006 9:12:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delvin

Final note - If I do not believe in what you believe, does that make me a fake? or simply someone who disagrees with you?




A fair point, indeed. I think people either simply disagree, or have misrepresented themselves in some fashion when it goes bad. No big deal; it doesn't mean one of the parties have to be "wrong" for the lack of meeting. Just move on and refine your search criteria.

Edited to add: Miscommunication has a lot to do with it, too.



EriaeMelody -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/11/2006 2:24:00 PM)

While a 2 week rule sounds good, especially for the possibility of weeding out those whom you have termed 'fakes', it is also not very realisitic. Relationships do not develop quickly; time, patience, nurturing; all of which can not be done in 2 weeks. Now, if you are specifying that you want to meet this person for a possible friendship only type deal, then by all means, 2 weeks works great. But not as something to build a relationship on.

Many live so far apart from each other that meeting within 2 weeks is physically, financially, and just plain impossible. If you are so concerned with making sure that they are 'real', buy a cam, have them buy a cam, and affirm it that way.



slavedesire -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (1/15/2006 10:57:06 PM)

I dont know. I think the 2 weeks might be a good thing. I have had a Dom carry it on and on by the internet and never get to the point of meeting.. so I finally dropped it. So I think a time span may be a good thing,, Im just not sure 2 weeks is enough.



mtumwawaBwana -> RE: **New Rule** Keeps fakes at bay... (6/29/2006 7:31:04 AM)

i'm just a slave type wallflower Sir, and i know my thoughts are not important in the long run, but still, may i please make comment.

Your two week rule is a very good rule. it will afford You the opportunity to read her soul. the eyes never lie. body language is another form of expression the gives forth tail tale signs of her true essence of her soul. and please do not forget about the voice inflection.

i feel there is so much in communication that is lost in simple word. now i am not saying the written word is wrong. it is a great "opening line", but should not be used as the sole form of communication. it is a one dimensional way to express ones thoughts. far better to be colourful , multi faceted, and multi-dimensional : i would rather "feel" and "hear" the communication, than just "see" it.

this is just my opinion, in keeping my place



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