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Take for example long distance, Who pay's for the tickets? Now if it is the Dominant that has this rule shouldn't he be the one that offer's to buy tje airline tickets?

What if you would be more comfortable meeting for the first time and would prefer to stay at a hotel, would that be considered rude?

Was just asking?

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ORIGINAL: Burninglash

This is my first post to the forums section. How to minimise time spent on a dead end is really the issue isnt it?

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Now my question/chalenge to those arguing against a short period before meeting is this. If you see some one in a pub/shop etc .. do you wait two weeks before walking over and saying hello? To my way of thinking the internet is really just a large shopping mall venue where thousands of people pass by. A few will catch your eye. What is different here is that you have time to take a closer look at those who interest you, you can be certain that the people on this site want BDSM in some form or another. As some have said thats not the same as face to face chemistry.

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When you take ages to meet up you are forced to fill in the blanks with your imagination.

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As to 2 weeks verses shorter or longer, my view is it should be as soon as possbile. Coffee, not sex, not play .... just coffee. Hmm now if I can just figure out how to get American girls to South Africa for coffee with out breaking the bank.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag

Here's the bad news... mathematically speaking, you will also face proportionately more disappointment and rejection precisely because you are meeting more people. Just as there is a greater chance of finding what you want... you are also going to find a lot more of what you don't want.

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ORIGINAL: Padriag

That is precisely what this revolves around. All the bemoaning from dominants and submissives I see over and over about all the fakes and so forth really comes down to that question. And what people want is some easy miracle answer that will somehow make the process painless, easy. People want their money back guarantees, their warranties, their disclaimers, etc.

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Here's the flaw in your thinking. If I see a pretty lass in a resteraunt it really is as simple as just walking over to meet her, saying hello followed by something hopefully witty, and we see where things go from there. The internet is very far removed from that simplistic senario. First, she isn't just a lass I happened to see across a room.... she may live in another state, another country, or on another continent. Second, she isn't just a pretty lass that I happened to see... she's words on a screen. Here, first impressions are as much about what a person says and writes as they are anything else... sometimes that's all you have of them. And while that pretty lass in the resteraunt is just that... exactly what I see... you can't say the same of anyone online. The kind of illusions spun online are simply not possible in real life without the aid of a Hollywood special effects crew.

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In short, things online can often be more complicated and more involved... not simpler.

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My main objection to a "2 week rule" is that its looking for an easy answer... a simplistic filter... to take the place of using my own judgement. I know better than to go that route, I would much rather rely on my own judgement and leave the choices up to me.

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The other thing that bothers me about a "2 week" rule is the kind of tone I've seen in this thread and elsewhere... that anyone who doesn't abide by it is then labelled a "fake". My... how very judgemental. And who made any of you so ominciently wise that based on one short sighted rule you are fit to judge who is a fake and who isn't? Who wants to be the first to pick up that stone? You who need such a rule because you don't feel confident to rely on your own judgement are going to judge the rest of us... my how reassuring. Harsh words I know, but it does cut the wheat from the chaff. Its what bothers me with labeling people fakes... sooner or later people start abusing those labels. We start calling this one a fake or that one a fake for no other reason than they didn't do what we wanted. We forget that people have their own lives and they are not going to always do what we want... that doesn't make them any less real or valid in their choices... just different from our own. Someone who doesn't want to meet within two weeks because they aren't comfortable or they have a kid who is in school or whatever the reason isn't any less real because of that. If someone doesn't meet your needs, if they don't seem to be what you are looking for, then move on. Its that simple... there's no need to call people names, to label them, to black list anyone... they didn't meet your needs, get over it, move on and find someone who does.

To be blunt, I have to wonder what kind of "dominant" would accept anything less than relying on their own judgement... who would need a "rule" as an excuse to make that decision to either continue or to cut contact with someone. You say you are a dominant... act like it... make the call on your own.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

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ORIGINAL: Padriag

Here's the bad news... mathematically speaking, you will also face proportionately more disappointment and rejection precisely because you are meeting more people. Just as there is a greater chance of finding what you want... you are also going to find a lot more of what you don't want.

And then you have the statistical anomalies like myself… I met Knight of Mists my first night in a chat room and we have talked almost every day since. Largely what helped with keeping realistic expectations for me, was that I was not looking to start a relationship. I was only interested in learning and discovering myself.

That was a very nice post, Padriag. You do not pull your punches *g*

Knight's kyra

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ORIGINAL: Burninglash

Padriag dont sweat it. I don't take it personally when some one takes issue with my posts. An agressive tone does not makes one point any better than one quietly spoken. Personally I like the direct approach so its all good where I am standing.

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I agree that you are meeting more people online than you would ofline. Thats part of the reason why the discussion on approaches to sorting the wheat from the chaff. You really have no idea of who your talking to online, male/female You don't know if they are any of the things they claim to be. Each type written message can be edited to sound "just right". Images and be crafted, edited, airbrushed etc .. or plain faked.

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Trust is the foundation of any D/s relationship, and that trust must go both ways. I will work to earn yours, please keep in mind you need to earn mine as well.

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My point of meeting some one in a bar was that their is not an elaborate ritual/process associated with meeting a stranger. You walk over and say hi. I see no need for one when the manner in which they caught my eye was via the net. I am the same person, I behave the same way online. Given the ease with which people can fake things (aspects of themselves as much as whole identities) I would like to get the face to face thing done sooner rather than later. Who knows, it may be them that does not like me. Cest la vie!

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Precisely because the numbers are so much greater and because you are potentially meeting people from anywhere in the world, I try to get to real world contact as soon as possible. My agenda is not to play online .. my agenda is to meet the girls that will become part of my family to love and be loved in service to me. The point made about loosing some gems by applying the "rule" is valid and is true of any system. I am certain I fall victim to that with many potential slave girls from cultures different than my own. Its an imperfect world after all. Who knew?

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ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

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ORIGINAL: DelRey
I am also interested in with the subs/slaves think of having to obide by a Master’s rule before he may or may not become your Master.

i see requiring a person to follow your rules before you have even met them as being pushy and forcing consent before you have earned the right to place a collar on them.

in your journal you said that if the two week period was to be extended, the woman would have to beg, plead and make offering to you. what do you mean by “offering”? the connotation in the lifestyle is that this is either a financial or sexual gift. is this what you are referring to? in my opinion, requiring this appears that you would be attempting to take advantage of the person.

to presume that because a person does not meet you within two weeks is a fake or wanna-be seems like a very close-minded view. it simply means that they do not meet your expectations of a partner.


Knight's alandra

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ORIGINAL: Delvin

Final note - If I do not believe in what you believe, does that make me a fake? or simply someone who disagrees with you?