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Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 12:29:04 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		May I ask, is it impolite to send a second email query to a prospective Mistress identified through profile searches?  I have sent a several dozen initial messages (with fewer than 5% responses) since I started here and another site, thinking it to be a reasonable way to find someone with similar interests, a complementary disposition and, most important, geographical proximity.  My inquiries have (hopefully) gotten better as I've relaxed bit in this new environment.  My horizons have also expanded to include chatting, attending local events and, of course, reading/posting in this forum.  Without getting any response to most of the previously sent messages, I neither want to hold out false hope nor to miss a chance to find someone very special.  Thanks for your advice. 

yours

Hmm, I still need a signature. 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 12:39:21 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		A second email is okay but do not send a third. Keep in mind that the Mistresses you've written may have email filters set (distance, age, etc.) which can send your email directly to their bulk email and not be seen.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to YoursMistress)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 12:43:04 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		A second message can sometimes make one look a little closer at you and what you have to offer. Be sure to mention commonalities in your mail and keep it friendly. I always respond to polite nice emails that do not seem to be cookie cutter, sent to everyone found on a search.

good luck!!!

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 2:28:19 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Just don't send the e-mail like right after the first. It really annoys me when a guy e-mails me like the very next day or so just because I haven't checked his first one; I hate being rushed.

Agh! And it's really annoying if the second e-mail is like "Why didn't you read my other e-mail?" or "I don't know if you got the first one or not." I DID I just didn't check it yet or did and totally deleted it.


< Message edited by Usako -- 12/26/2008 2:35:53 PM >

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 3:50:24 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		What do you say in your first email?  Perhaps fine-tuning that some will increase your response rate.

(in reply to YoursMistress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 4:45:04 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Madame Gigs,

I went back to pull from my previous correspondence my best example, in light of what I have read in a number of previous posts.  What I found was that my notes were far poorer in quality than I had remembered, and in addition to being overly self-deprecating were selfish in their focus on my own experience and insensitive to the intended recipients.  I apologize for taking your time to answer what should have taken merely a simple review of my own writing to see clearly.  Thank you so much for helping me. 

yours

Hmm, I still need a signature 

(in reply to MmeGigs)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 5:14:32 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		When I was new here, I would send notes saying things like, "I read your profile and liked it."  Sure enough, I had, and I did.  But.... I soon learned by reading the message boards that my notes were also the content of 99% of the form letters sent by people who never read profiles.  Oops.  For an "opener" letter, I would suggest something short, that comments on something specific in her profile in the first line.  Example: "I see you like cats.  I'm more a dog person myself, but I respect anyone who likes animals."

My response rate -- and meet-in-real rate -- went way up once I started doing that.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to YoursMistress)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/26/2008 8:58:44 PM   
dominalisa


Posts: 129
Status: offline 		If I were you, I would remove the s/m activities you listed in your profile text. (you already have them listed on the left and to say them again just makes me think you're a "do me sub".) If you want a loving, female-led relationship (rather than a one time bdsm session) then in your profile talk about what you can do for your future Mistress (be service-oriented) and tell what makes you different.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/27/2008 7:50:36 AM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks all for your aid and encouragement, for I feel more focused and confident now.  I only hope that I have not poisoned the well with ill-penned pleas sent out in my exuberance to many of those that seemed like good potential matches to me.  Happy holidays. 

Hmm, I still need a signature. 

(in reply to dominalisa)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/27/2008 8:06:20 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		These are good suggestions, thank you. I'm still relatively new to Collarme myself, and it's good to hear what works and what doesn't!

(in reply to YoursMistress)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/27/2008 9:23:28 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Also OP, remember that a Dominant can check if you've viewed Her profile ... so don't say you have when you haven't! That really irks Me! (Not saying you've done this, just that I get a lot of msgs like that). Pick up something specific in Her profile that resonates with you and comment on it in your note. And if you feel you already got off on the wrong foot, you could even apologise briefly for your first attempt and note that you are learning how to behave more appropriately. Hard to knock back someone who's willing to learn and shows evidence of successfully learning! Finally, don't think you can overcome major barriers by saying they don't matter to you ... presumably they matter to HER! For eg, My profile states I am only interested in boys already resident in My country, Australia. Someone from Italy, Jordan, or the USA saying "it doesn't matter to me Maam, i am happy to relocate" simply gets Me very annoyed as it's just not that easy to get permanent residency here anymore and I've no wish to tread the long and weary road of trying to import a sub!

With those and the other excellent pointers ... good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to T1981)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/28/2008 2:27:47 AM   
idroolchicksrule


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/6/2007
Status: offline 		If they liked what they saw on your profile or said in your email you would have heard back.
These are Doms we are talking about....MOST ( yes I am generalizing) I have talked to seem to be type A's, so they will get back to you when and IF they want to.
If it is someone who seems especially cool just wait a month or two and say something again.
Perhaps their situation has changed....or you learned a few things and know how to approach a dom with out sounding like a boob.
(btw if you do learn how to talk to a Dom without sounding like a boob please teach me how!)
Just some advice from the peanut gallery.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/28/2008 2:31:49 AM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Ma'am,

Thank you kindly.  I am certainly aware that one is able to see my views of profiles and that I review profiles for updates regularly.  I am also subscribing to journals for those who are of great interest to me due to their profile or journal content, Ma'am.  I trust that you are enjoying your holidays Ma'am. 

yours

Hmm, I still need a signature

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/28/2008 2:56:08 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

MaamJay wrote:
Also OP, remember that a Dominant can check if you've viewed Her profile

No she can't!  It is a common misconception that `Who's Viewing Me?' shows everyone who has looked at your profile but this is not the case.  If somebody looks at your profile while logged out, they obviously can't appear on the list because the site doesn't know who they are.  If somebody who is logged in goes to the front page of collarme.com, enters your name in the `username' box and hits `Search', they can see your profile but they won't appear on your list unless they click the `View Full Profile' button.

By way of a demonstration, your own profile starts, `Hi, I live in a 24/7 relationship, with my sub side collared to my Master (Aslan71 on this site).'  Am I listed under `Who's Viewing Me?'

There is no way of knowing who has read your profile.

beeble.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/28/2008 5:03:45 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble
No she can't!  It is a common misconception that `Who's Viewing Me?' shows everyone who has looked at your profile but this is not the case.  If somebody looks at your profile while logged out, they obviously can't appear on the list because the site doesn't know who they are.  If somebody who is logged in goes to the front page of collarme.com, enters your name in the `username' box and hits `Search', they can see your profile but they won't appear on your list unless they click the `View Full Profile' button.


Then I guess they'd better click on "View Full Profile" before responding to make sure they show up on the "Who's Viewing Me?" page.  Of course, this is a complete non-issue if rather than telling me that they read my profile, they say something in their email that shows me that they actually did read my profile.  When a guy says something like, "I see that you like flea markets.  Me, too!"  he immediately has my attention and interest.  He obviously read my profile - there's no need to check.  We have something in common and he's showing interest in me as a human, not just as a dom.  I'm definitely going to write back to him.

Many of the emails I get start with, "I looked at your profile," and follow up with a message that could have been sent to anydom, usually all about the guy's kinks or kinky experience.  Most often they don't mention anything I've said in my profile.  That's when I go to the "Who's Viewing Me?" page to see if they actually did look.  I understand that they could have read most of my profile from their home page, but not seeing them on the "Who's Viewing Me?" page adds to the impression that this is a copy of an email they've sent to a lot of other doms.  If they do show up there I give them a little more benefit of the doubt, but frankly, it's still pretty unappealing.  I probably won't write back either way.

(in reply to beeble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Profile Inquiries - 12/28/2008 5:15:13 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Also OP, remember that a Dominant can check if you've viewed Her profile ... so don't say you have when you haven't! That really irks Me! (Not saying you've done this, just that I get a lot of msgs like that).


I agree with MaamJay on this one, it really annoys Me when I know darn good and well that it hasn't been viewed or contains a note that I am not taking petitions and I still get an email.
 
One other thing that is really annoying is someone who asks to petition then never writes again---gees.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 16
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