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Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 7:25:53 AM

angelspassion4u

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From: Angels
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Here are some questions I thought might help a newbie ask a prospective Dom/Domme. Many newbies are asking for advice and get quite nervous talking to a Dom/Domme. These might help in some way for a sub/slave to get an idea of the type of person they are talking to. There is no reason why a Dom/Domme couldn't ask these questions of a sub/slave either. If there are other questions that could help some one new, why not post them in this thread. Hopefully, this will help some new sub/slave on their quest.

Have you been married? How often?
Are you currently committed to anyone else?
Do you have children? Ages?
Have you had previous subs/slaves and how did those relationships end?
How much contact do you expect? As things progress what level of daily management do you desire?
Are you active in the local community? Why or why not?
What is your approach to 'aftercare'?
What is important in your life?
Who do you love? Who loves you?
If we were to continue, what would cause you to end the M/s relationship between us?
What changes in your own life would take priority over maintaining the relationship?
What precisely do you consider to be the Master's responsibilities to his sub/slave?
One that does not live with you.What do you want/need/expect out of your submissive?
Are you poly? What are your thoughts on poly?
What do you believe are your faults, if any?
What is your punishment style?
Do you have friends that you spend time with?
How much contact from you can I rely on?
What type of job do you have? How long have you been doing this?

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 10:09:39 AM

Focus50

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While I think your heart is in the right place, I would NOT appreciate being presented with this list in one hit and I certainly wouldn't answer them (collectively) via email to someone I've never met.

Most of these questions are things that get answered during the growing (or dating) stages of a relationship but, together, they amount to a very personal interrogation and to me, that's an attack that would have me asking serious questions about who tha hell I'm dealing with...!

Focus.

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 11:14:54 AM

GoodFeathers

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I have to agree with Focus here. I wouldn't be comfortable asking these in a rapid fire q&a of any perspective dom. I'll figure them out over the course of a few weeks, but then again, I prefer to form a friendship first and see what happens from there.

The getting to know you stage is about just that, getting to know you, not interrogating you. Besides, when was the last time a proper subbie did the interrogating?!?

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 11:31:34 AM

mc1234

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Well, to be fair the OP didn't suggest posing these questions all at once. Most of them are things that I'd find out during the course of the 'getting to know you' stage with a prospective dominant.

quote:

Besides, when was the last time a proper subbie did the interrogating?!?

Perhaps you were kidding (?), but I didn't want to let it stay 'out there' that the submissive couldn't pose any questions she wished of the dominant before their dynamic is established. I've spoken with doms who discourage questions and I've always found someone who doesn't like my getting to know them better before submitting to them wasn't someone I wanted to be with in the long run.

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 11:37:45 AM

lally3

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i agree with the guys here, as i was reading the list i was wondering after how many of those searching questions would someone decide a beer in the pub would be much more fun.

but they are questions that need to be asked along the way.

remembering my newbie period on the internet i almost didnt like to ask questions because it seemed impertinant and nosey. ive learnt to see it as 'taking an interest' along with checking for compatiblity - also that D's are human beings not ironclad heathens with no sense of humanity or humility to them.

the best thing is to work the questions into a conversation on the phone i think. gives you something to talk about and you can use the tone in your voice to soften the inquisitorial impact.

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 11:54:28 AM

angelspassion4u

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From: Angels
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Yes I didn't mean for them to ask all the questions at one time. Or ask all of them. I was just giving a suggestion on some questions that might be helpful that is all. Sorry wasn't trying to offend anyone just being helpful to someone who is new. When I started out in this lifestyle I was very nervous and had no clue on what to ask. My mind would be blank. Someone gave me a list of questions like these that I kept written down and while I was talking to a Dom I could give one or more of the questions during the conversation. Sorry for any confusion.

< Message edited by angelspassion4u -- 12/30/2008 11:57:29 AM >

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 12:11:04 PM

DesFIP

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I would think that him not offering up this kind of information freely is in itself a red flag. Normal people like to talk about themselves. Someone who is careful not to talk about his family, friends, job, hobbies etc is someone with a lot to hide.

Instead of asking these basic info questions I prefer to mention something about my family, and then pause and wait for him to respond appropriately about his.

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RE: Some help for newbies........ - 12/30/2008 1:05:38 PM

lockmeupplease

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I think these are all good questions, but agree with many posters here that these are items that should come up in the regular course of conversation that you would have with anyone---BDSM or 'Nilla---that you were interested in getting to know on an intimate basis (okay---I don't ask a 'nilla girl what her punishment style is!)

A red flag for me on collarme is any Domme who contacts me and isn't willing or able to carry on an an interactive chat/e-mail/conversation that includes info about themselves.

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