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(semi) Public Play - revisited - 1/2/2006 12:38:16 PM

TheArbiter

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2006
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I seem to recall an interesting and heated discussion on the ethics of public play some time ago. Our old friend Dan Savage weighed in recently with his characteristc bombast. I wonder if others here agree with him?

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Savage Love, (first letter)

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< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 1/2/2006 3:37:15 PM >

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RE: (semi) Public Play - revisited - 1/2/2006 12:52:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

While I am in agreement that being blatant around personal family members and guests who are not comfortable with it is fairly rude.

However, nothing in this scenario speaks to any specifics- simply that the slave is ordered around. This could be as simple as "get tea ready for everyone" or it could be "Snotboy make sure you're quiet with your breathing and get upstairs where we don't have to look at you"

Seeing it through the eyes of an uncomfortable vanilla, it's hard to judge the reasonable level here.

We should make family and friends as comfortable in our domain as possible if we choose to be out to them. There is no reason you can't be completely M/s in vanilla situations and not have everyone totally comfortable with it.

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RE: (semi) Public Play - revisited - 1/2/2006 1:09:06 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheArbiter

This advice may come too late, S&M, so please accept my regrets if your sister and her slave have already come and gone. But just in case everyone is staying at mom's place through New Year's Eve—and your sister is still ordering her slave around in front of the whole family—I wanted to address your sister directly: KNOCK IT OFF, MISTRESS FUCKWIT.

The interesting thing here is that Mr. Savage reacted to a letter that simply represented what the non-Domme sister viewed as something a Mistress does with her slave. There is no evidence that the Domme sister behaves in that manner with her slave at home or in public. Her view is a very common "vanilla" view of the lifestyle, in my opinion.

Be well,
Julie

< Message edited by LadyJulieAnn -- 1/2/2006 1:10:29 PM >

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RE: (semi) Public Play - revisited - 1/2/2006 1:13:08 PM

YveGee

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline

Disclaimer: "you" is general and not directed towards any specific person!

As a guest (and if you don't live there, you are a guest), it's your job to keep your hosts comfortable. If you are unable to be a good guest, then you shouldn't go.

Parents are not required to accept your (unmarried) partners. While a collaring ceremony may be deep, meaningful, and the equivalent to marriage to you, your parents may not feel the same way. Show your parents respect by honoring their feelings. After all, you're in their house.

If your family with your ordering your submissive around, then learn how to give orders in polite terms. Usually a "please" is all that is required.

Very little BDSM-modification is required if you just remember your own manners as a guest.

<sigh> I just know this isn't going to be a popular response........

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