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Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 1:52:24 PM

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Submissives that proactively think about how they can please their dominant partner are top notch. It's one of the qualities that makes a sub stand above the rest. However, there's a careful balance -- subs sometimes have to sit back and consider who they are trying to please with their actions. My examples are from a Femdom/malesub perspective because that's what I'm familiar with.

Femdoms, do you think you would appreciate/be flattered by all of these gestures? Some of them more than others? Would any of them be not appreciated?

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Akasha

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 1:58:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

Cute.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

Very nice (IF he'd seen me use them before)

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

I'd ask and tell him to tell me next time after he did it, but would appreciate it.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

Uh as long as he's still picking me up and carrying my bags and ready to let me chill out awhile first, sure knock yourself out.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

I'd say thanks and be sure to mention that I'm not sure exactly where to go and not build false expectations.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Sweet! Though he might have wanted to probe her in case she's had her eye on something even better.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

If he hadn't told me about any of it beforehand, I'd be surprised and slightly annoyed.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

I'd thank him for it but go over the "gift includes work you have to deal with after it's given" element.

Cute situations.

I like proactiveness, I like taking note and surprises. But more so I like attention to details and keeping me informed. Surprises where I don't have to DO anything are great, surprises where I'm expected to DO something are not.

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 2:01:03 PM

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Based on what I've learned over time, sometimes, being too thoughtful can put pressure on the dom... I don't like feeling backed into a corner, however, I know sometimes my over eager thoughtfulness has backed my dom (male) into that same corner.

So, yes, I think although intentions might just be to be nice, being to thoughtful can sometimes end up be thoughtless.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 2:46:55 PM

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I would definitely appreciate 2, 3, and 6 because they appear to represent gestures that don't necessarily mean any pleasure for him. They aren't specifically BDSM related (with the exception of the paddle), but show a deeper understanding of the closeness of the relationship, in my opinion. They also show an attention to detail on his part and show his proactive nature.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 3:09:49 PM

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Well, I was working on an answer to each one when I realized I was giving about the same answer each time. It all comes down to the sub's/slave's INTENT. Was it his/her intent to merely please the Fem Dom or was it done with some ulterior motive, like getting to play or have sex? If it's the former, and it can clearly be seen as it being that, it's a good thing. If it's the later, then it's clearly all about the sub/slave, which isn't where their headspace should be.

The hard part, then is telling the difference between the two situations. My advice there is: go with your gut. I have two scenarios as examples:

A slave has gotten home before me. he knows that I just LOVE men in uniform, so he answers the door in his BDUs. he sees my positive/happy reaction and is pleased with himself. Then, he goes on about his normal routine that we have for when I get home. This is proper intent...he's done it merely to please me and isn't looking for any kick back. he wore it (yes, I had this happen, lucky me!) until I told him to change, but it would have been just fine if he had asked to change once there was a lull in activity. The intent had been met.

Now, lets say there's a sub who has, repeatedly, let his sexual interest be known, but I'm disinclined to take him up on the offer. This sub then offers to show and tell a new sex toys he's gotten. What's the intent here? Clearly, it’s to try to further entice me to engage in an activity with him that he wants but I don't. I find this manipulative, and that doesn't fly.

Of course, these are just my opinions and my examples, but the idea of proper intent is valid for all Fem Doms, I think. We all want subs/slave who give selfless service instead of trying to manipulate us into doing what they want (topping from the bottom, anyone?).

Fire

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 3:47:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Submissives that proactively think about how they can please their dominant partner are top notch. It's one of the qualities that makes a sub stand above the rest. However, there's a careful balance -- subs sometimes have to sit back and consider who they are trying to please with their actions. My examples are from a Femdom/malesub perspective because that's what I'm familiar with.

Femdoms, do you think you would appreciate/be flattered by all of these gestures? Some of them more than others? Would any of them be not appreciated?

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Akasha

what happend to No. 9 ?

You mean you scratched the idea of putting that NASA solid rocket booster up your ass to show her you missed her.......

lol

and all us guys want is a sub that thinks about nuking a hot dog for us a couple times a week.... go figure

del Rey

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 3:52:00 PM

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Interesting questions!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Submissives that proactively think about how they can please their dominant partner are top notch. It's one of the qualities that makes a sub stand above the rest.

I agree - *if* proactivity is what the d-type in question wants. Some don't want any type of proactive service.

quote:

However, there's a careful balance -- subs sometimes have to sit back and consider who they are trying to please with their actions.

Agreed, and I'll agree with what Fire said about intent.

quote:

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

I think this is sweet - provided he doesn't expect anything beyond her pleasure out of it.

In my current relationship, I often buy things that I think Sir will like to see on me. I show him when I can, or sometimes I just wear it for him to notice (or not) at his own pace. He appreciates that I make an effort to dress in *his* tastes, and I've always got my eyes open for "looks" that he's said he likes.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

I think that's great. It'd be appreciated by me as a top, and by Sir in my relationship.

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

Little things like that are appreciated in my situation.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

The shaved part would be appreciated (just in case), but the rest would be seen as too assumptive.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

As long as it's not expected it'd be used that day, it'd be appreciated - *IF* that was an activity that had been discussed with interest by both parties.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Thoughtful and sweet.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

Too assumptive. Doesn't take into account whether the d-type *wants* to participate in that activity. While it might make a nice surprise, the risks often outweigh that chance.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

*Only* if it's something she was previously interested in, and if it was clearly understood that it was given without *specific* expectations on the s-type's end.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 7:00:06 PM

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A good majority of the examples seem that the sub is pleasing himself rather than his Mistress.

Is that being a good sub?

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 8:19:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

A good majority of the examples seem that the sub is pleasing himself rather than his Mistress.

Is that being a good sub?

I don't think i can agree with this. Why is it when us subs/slaves want to do something nice for our owners.... we're going over board? Or we're just trying to pleasure ourselves?

As far as pleasing ourselves..... being able to do something for our owners does please us. We love to see the look of being pleased on our owners faces when we do something that we didn't have to.. or even wanted to. We just did it because we wanted to please.

When Master goes out and buys me a new outfit he does it to be pleased.. so if we take and buy one... can he not still be pleased? All we want is to see that look of being pleased on the faces of our owners.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 8:32:01 PM

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quote:

I don't think i can agree with this. Why is it when us subs/slaves want to do something nice for our owners.... we're going over board? Or we're just trying to pleasure ourselves?

Who is the one defining what is pleasing them? Just because we have a self centered idea...like my dom should try a strap on. So I think I will buy them one. Doesn't mean they want a strap on.

I decide to buy myself a new pair of panties because I assume it will please my dom.
Assuming isn't communication and communication is the only way to actually please.

I do things daily for my dom. But, I also ask many questions daily on what he wishes me to do verses what he doesn't wish me to do.

(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:02:05 PM

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Kudos AAkasha, a very thought provoking post.

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.
I would probably not want to hurt his feelings, his heart was in the right place, but I would prefer since the panties are to please me, that he present me with a gift certificate so I can take him shopping and have input into the choice.
2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.
He is paying attention and thinking of me, I would be thrilled, there would be a reward in his future.
3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her. He is paying attention and thinking of me, I would be thrilled, there would be a reward in his future, possibly a trip to his favorite shop to pick up something we can both enjoy.
4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.
Unless I have told him specifically to do that, he might be met with a jet lagged Lady who is not in the mood. A better choice might be a warm scented bath, candles, my favorite music, a cuddly robe and either snuggling on the couch watching TV or off to bed to snuggle in freshly laundered sheets and blankets.

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.
"TAKE IT BACK!" I decide what new things I will try and I decide when.

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise. He is paying attention and thinking of me, I would be thrilled, there would be a reward in his future, possibly christening the new paddle against his butt.
7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time. "EXCUSE ME?! He could go wait in the car while I ate, the plug would be cleaned by him and put away until I decided to bring it out.
8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.
"AAAAAAAAwwwwwwwwwwww" Now that is romance, cut flowers wither and die, but nothing says forever like a locking cock & ball harness.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:18:10 PM

LadiesBladewing

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Femdoms, do you think you would appreciate/be flattered by all of these gestures? Some of them more than others? Would any of them be not appreciated?

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

This is one that I wouldn't appreciate, and SilverRose -might- appreciate, but only if she came home in a good mood (about 30% of the time). If she -wasn't- in a good mood, this would likely darken the mood considerably... and then there is the issue of finances, and whether this came out of the sub's "allowance" or whether he surprised us with our own funds (definitely not cool).

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

Only if he made sure that we didn't hurry up and use them up because the fragrance bothered us and they were a gift from our short ones or someone else whose feelings mattered and we didn't want to hurt. (Because of allergies, anything fragrance needs to be checked on.)

quote:

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

As long as it was handled in a fiscally responsible manner (we hate fiscal surprises!) this would be an outstanding display of forethought.

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

Yes, I'm guessing we would like this one -- as long as he had the tub filled, the bed changed and turned down, tea prepared, comfortable sleepwear laid out for us, and was shackled in such a way that he could attend to caring for us and unpacking us, and laying out the next day's work-wear on our first night home -- or if we were keeping him as a "pet", and he realized that we might pat him and praise him, but would likely haul ourselves off to tea, bath and bed.

quote:

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Nope... I don't want to be told what new things I'm going to try, or have someone try to anticipate what activities I might find fun to explore. Not only that, but I'd want to pick out the equipment that I was going to be using, to make sure that it was going to be comfortable to -me-.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Probably... again, as long as there wasn't a nasty fiscal surprise that came along with it.

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

This would depend -entirely- on the dinner... casual or formal, with company or without -- and whether or not I was in the mood to play or just wanted to enjoy a peaceful dinner.

quote:

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Again, I don't like to have the servant choose the toys. I want to pick them out, choosing the quality, cost, and features that appeal to me. We might want to hear the servant's opinion, but I'll be damned, I'd much rather come home and have a nice creme brulee with blackberries prepared than fight with a cock harness. SilverRose said that she'd probably appreciate this one, again, with the qualifier that there are no nasty fiscal surprises.

Lady Zephyr

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:22:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Who is the one defining what is pleasing them? Just because we have a self centered idea...like my dom should try a strap on. So I think I will buy them one. Doesn't mean they want a strap on.

I decide to buy myself a new pair of panties because I assume it will please my dom.
Assuming isn't communication and communication is the only way to actually please.

I do things daily for my dom. But, I also ask many questions daily on what he wishes me to do verses what he doesn't wish me to do.

This is one of those, that no matter the answer... it's going to be wrong.

Assuming isn't communication.........

Do I wait.. and communicate to my to owner... that i need to leave the house because it's on fire... or do i assume... he wants me to get my ass out of there?... hmmmmmmmmm

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:29:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

quote:

I don't think i can agree with this. Why is it when us subs/slaves want to do something nice for our owners.... we're going over board? Or we're just trying to pleasure ourselves?

Who is the one defining what is pleasing them? Just because we have a self centered idea...like my dom should try a strap on. So I think I will buy them one. Doesn't mean they want a strap on.

I decide to buy myself a new pair of panties because I assume it will please my dom.
Assuming isn't communication and communication is the only way to actually please.

I do things daily for my dom. But, I also ask many questions daily on what he wishes me to do verses what he doesn't wish me to do.

I agree. I think a lot of the questions are about presumption versus proactive service. Presumption is many times *I* focused and it is deep down about the submissive getting a payoff(i.e. well I presume that since I would be happy with X, my dominant would be happy with X). While proactive service is more based on actual knowledge that the actions will please the dominant for A, B, C reasons (based on prior experience or direct knowledge).

I think its easy to try to twist a presumption around and make it seem like its about the dominant when its really about the submissive, but I view actual proactive service to be about the person recieving it.

C~

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:32:23 PM

ZenrageTheKeeper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

I don't think i can agree with this. Why is it when us subs/slaves want to do something nice for our owners.... we're going over board? Or we're just trying to pleasure ourselves?

As far as pleasing ourselves..... being able to do something for our owners does please us. We love to see the look of being pleased on our owners faces when we do something that we didn't have to.. or even wanted to. We just did it because we wanted to please.

When Master goes out and buys me a new outfit he does it to be pleased.. so if we take and buy one... can he not still be pleased? All we want is to see that look of being pleased on the faces of our owners.

It becomes a matter of expectation. If you buy a sex toy, unannounced, for a Dominant to use on you, then you are expecting a possible unwarranted reward from the purchase.

Thinking ahead and doing something unexpected is one thing (and potentially a very sweet thing), but buying a toy and saying "Here, I bought this out of the kindness of my heart. Please use this on me" would be, at least in my eyes, a method of topping from the bottom and translanted as "Here, I bought this for you to use on me. Now do as I say and use it."

(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:48:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenrageTheKeeper

It becomes a matter of expectation. If you buy a sex toy, unannounced, for a Dominant to use on you, then you are expecting a possible unwarranted reward from the purchase.

Thinking ahead and doing something unexpected is one thing (and potentially a very sweet thing), but buying a toy and saying "Here, I bought this out of the kindness of my heart. Please use this on me" would be, at least in my eyes, a method of topping from the bottom and translanted as "Here, I bought this for you to use on me. Now do as I say and use it."

Ok Now this I will agree on. There is a differance between the two here.

(in reply to ZenrageTheKeeper)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:52:39 PM

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AAkasha, nice post. Very thought-provoking.

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

I like the inititive, but I would of liked to have been there to choose the panties for him.

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

I would enjoy this very much, although I would prefer he buy the kind of bath scents I like <s>

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

I can imagine that my submissive would do this for me, but I also would expect that he would tell me, since he would be eager to see the pleased look on my face.

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

No. I would not like him to shave or wear shackles and nip clamps. That is alittle to much. I decide when he wears those things, not him.

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Again, nice but no. When it is time for me to use a strap-on, I will decide when, not him.

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

I think that sub daniel might be over-stepping. I buy my own toys. Although his heart is in the right place, I wouldnt want him to choose my paddles, even if he does notice that I like it.

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

No No No. Seems to me sub robert wishes to please himself more than his Mistress. I would not allow this. I have a vibe that brian uses, but I decide when he wears it, not him.

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Mmmmmmm now THIS I like!

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RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 9:57:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

quote:

I don't think i can agree with this. Why is it when us subs/slaves want to do something nice for our owners.... we're going over board? Or we're just trying to pleasure ourselves?

Who is the one defining what is pleasing them? Just because we have a self centered idea...like my dom should try a strap on. So I think I will buy them one. Doesn't mean they want a strap on.

I decide to buy myself a new pair of panties because I assume it will please my dom.
Assuming isn't communication and communication is the only way to actually please.

I do things daily for my dom. But, I also ask many questions daily on what he wishes me to do verses what he doesn't wish me to do.

I agree. I think a lot of the questions are about presumption versus proactive service. Presumption is many times *I* focused and it is deep down about the submissive getting a payoff(i.e. well I presume that since I would be happy with X, my dominant would be happy with X). While proactive service is more based on actual knowledge that the actions will please the dominant for A, B, C reasons (based on prior experience or direct knowledge).

I think its easy to try to twist a presumption around and make it seem like its about the dominant when its really about the submissive, but I view actual proactive service to be about the person recieving it.

C~

You hit the nail on the head and it was the point that I was trying to make. I think some femdoms are more easily irritated by the way some acts may come across -- ie, buying your femdom a toy -- and it comes from prior bad experiences or just going against their general way of things.

Personally, I don't like it when subs buy me toys or do any kind of the proactive "I wanted to prepare myself/offer myself to you" thing. I've always felt that "playtime" would start off on the wrong foot if the sub didn't anything "in anticipation of your desires" (ie lubing up a dildo, shaving themselves, applying clamps, applying shackles) because that assumes I will want to do whatever those acts are. Quite often it would have the opposite effect and make me not want to do certain acts.

I'd always tell my partners to be proactive in other ways and if they wanted to do something to please me or make me happy, to do something that doesn't require I dominate in return, or "hint" at it.

Another one that I didn't add to the list is something like...a submissive wanting to brighten his femdom's day with an email, so he sends a story to her -- but it's all his fantasy, or something he just downloaded off the net (and maybe didn't read), or something he wrote while obviously getting himself off. In reality, a simple "I was just thinking about you, I miss your smile" would go a long way.

Akasha

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(in reply to Wildfleurs)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 10:44:52 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

I think the major difference we see in these things are those actions where the sub is thinking of himself, and those actions where the sub is thinking of his Mistress.

quote:

1. Sub Stanley is out shopping and wants to surprise his Mistress. He stops off at the lingerie/beauty shop and buys a new pair of panties to put on that he will show her later when she gets home from work.

Thinking of himself...many Dommes would consider this too forward.

quote:

2. Sub Joe wants to surprise his Mistress and buys her a small bath set with the scent "lavender" because he noticed she'd used some of the same products once before and they ran out.

3. While out running an errand for his Mistress, sub Richard fills up her gas tank and never mentions it to her.

Thinking of the Mistress...who could object to these?

quote:

4. Realizing his Mistress is returning from a 5 day business trip, sub George arranges to have himself shaved, his nipples clamped and his shackles on and ready when she returns as a surprise.

5. Planning ahead, sub Allen picks up a strap on harness for his Mistress because she'd said that day she'd be open to start trying new things.

Thinking of himself.

quote:

6. Sub Daniel notices that his femdom's favorite paddle started to crack, so he ordered a new one of the same style as a surprise.

Borderline one here...

quote:

7. Sub Robert wanted to surprise his Mistress at dinner so he wore a vibrating plug and planned to hand her the controls under the table at the perfect time.

8. On Valentine's Day, sub Tom felt that flowers were predictable and expensive, so he spent the same amount of money instead on a locking cock and ball harness and put the key in a wrapped box for his Mistress.

Again, thinking of himself.

Not sure what I did that for...I really should go to bed.

Taggard

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Can you be too thoughtful? - 1/2/2006 11:13:51 PM

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

yo'kay

i vote #2 and #3.

Ladies?

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(in reply to AAkasha)

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