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What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 9:30:59 AM

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Joined: 12/24/2008
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Goood afernoon everyone. . .

I recently joined Collarme, after finding out that I have submissive tendencies, and certainly an interest in this lifestyle. I'm searching for a Dominant partner to better explore. . . but it seems to me like my search can become extremely dangerous of not handled properly. (Especially as a sub who just turned 18)

What are some signs to look for when I'm talking to a Dom online? How can I determine if they're real-or just plainly derranged. I want to equip myself with as much knowledge as possible before making this step. . . so ladies/gentleman..I'd appreciate it if you shared your experiences!

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 9:52:18 AM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Well the same way you did before you realized you were submissive. All the same things you worried about out there you have to worry about in here.

My Best Advice is if it Looks and Smells like Bullshit don't eat it.

And for GODS SAKES at some point think about think about waiting longer than a month before you accpet a collar from someone you have never met. And also remember that although this is a lifestyle which asks you to surrender your will to another doesn't mean you have to me stupid about it. If someone expects something of you that you think will harm you. DON'T DO IT.

See just like in the Nilla world.

Steel

Edited to Add: After reading your Profile.........I am so sorry for the experiences you are about to have. I wish you well in your Journey. You are in for one wild ride.

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 1/1/2009 9:54:25 AM >

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 9:54:52 AM

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Deranged people are "real." In fact, they are more interested in meeting you than some guys, who are "just" masturbating or emotionally cheating on their wives or partners.

I would suggest meeting in real life before getting emotionally invested online. Meet in a public place, for coffee, or a light meal. That way, you can be done quick if you hear alarm bells, but you can stretch the day out if you're liking it.

Have fun!

-- DerangedDom

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 10:00:34 AM

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Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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My advice would be to no take things too quickly and watch out for people who seem desperate for you to move in for them or want you to do questionable things to "prove your loyalty".

DV's Fox (Who is accidentally posting on his Owner's profile. Oops.)

P.S. Though taking things quickly can turn out just fine. I met my Owner on my first day on the site two well over a year ago. We visited the next day, and then a few days later I was collared. We've been together and happy ever sense.

< Message edited by DiurnalVampire -- 1/1/2009 10:01:10 AM >

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 10:02:42 AM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Red makes a good point.

Be Smart with your decisions NO MATTER WHAT THE DOM SAYS, If he says you won't meet then you muct be a fake then guess what? He is a Douche Bag and not worth your time. However if you have been talking to someone for 3 months and still won't meet and he lives less than half an hour from you then maybe you are being a little unreasonable.

Point is BE SAFE, don't get caught up in this lifestyle and do stupid things all for the Fantasy because eventually the Fantasy Fades and you realize that those who prey on the Fantasy are only interested in one kind of relaity.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 10:13:44 AM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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Just remember people lie online. If they wont give you real info about who they are. Place of work, real name, phone numbers, forget them. If they can only meet during the day, they are probably married. I would suggest sticking to those local to you if at all possible. Dont cam with them. Dont give out your IM without having lengthy e-mails where they show effort in wanting to get to know the real you. Go for one who is willing to give you real information about who they are. Ignore those that say things about your breasts or call you slave when you dont even know you. Always meet in public and dont let it go past 3 weeks if they live locally. If they cant seem to meet up even though local, they most likely have a girlfriend or are married or are just wanking online. Also, make sure you have a safecall set up where someone knows where you are going. Have them call to check up on you. Also get there full name ahead of time and google their name in the least.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 10:19:41 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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My advice is mainly do not make a commitment to anyone for at least 6 months and use good sense and judgement. If you can't trust your judgement, then don't make any choices based on it.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 11:04:05 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
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We're fairly new (husband and I), too, and haven't had any of those horror stories that people talk about - but definately just think things through. A useful tip we have used to have an alternate email set up to filter all off board discussions you may have with people you meet here - it's also useful so that if you're not checking your email at work or something someone doesn't wander by and see the email subject of "Hey, I would love to paddle your ass!".

(that would just be embarressing!)

We've also had very good luck with dusting off our IM'ing program and chatting with people from here - it's a good way to start out small conversation and get a feel for how you and your new friend will be able to "flow", if that makes any sense.

If you are JUST starting out, it might be better to look for a "playmate" rather than searching for a long term relationship right off the bat. Playmates often don't have the baggage and implications that relationships do, and it's a much more relaxed way of exploring your own submissive tendancies.

Everyone we've talked to here has been very polite and easy going, and we've just set up our first face to face dinner meeting for Saturday, so if we pick up any tips there, we'll let you know!

< Message edited by T1981 -- 1/1/2009 11:08:26 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 11:13:11 AM

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Trust your gut instinct. If something seems wrong it probably is.

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RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 12:14:42 PM

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Joined: 10/20/2008
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Its no different than if they walked up to you in a bar--if you feel squeeky, chances are they are not right for you.

Remember: Just because you feel you want to be submissive does not mean you kneel before the first idiot that comes along.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 2:57:20 PM

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I'm curious as to how you got to be an "Expert" in Political Activism at such a young age.

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RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 4:38:34 PM

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lusciouslips gave you great advice. There are two reasons why her safety tips make sense. The first is the obvious one, that they keep you safe. The second is that it can use as a screening tool. There are some "Doms" who would refuse to comply. This is because they are unsafe or are hiding something.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 4:40:33 PM

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Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

What are some signs to look for when I'm talking to a Dom online? How can I determine if they're real-or just plainly derranged. I want to equip myself with as much knowledge as possible before making this step. . . so ladies/gentleman..I'd appreciate it if you shared your experiences!

In some ways, D/s is "deranged"—that is, a purposeful deviation of what is considered an orthodox relationship by society's standards. Therefore, the dominant type by virtue of his open interest is an outlier to a lesser or greater degree, so you should perhaps prepare for the inevitable eccentricities you'll find. Only you can be the judge of the characters you'll encounter.

I would say be honest to yourself about the male you're considering—does he naturally capture your interest early on? Do his words and actions add up to what you instinctively sense shows authentic strength and nobility, or is there a weak neediness in him you can easily exploit or should be wary of? I say this as I believe authenticity in dominance and the honest appraisal of it is so vital in the beginning. There are many men who assume they are dominant, but they, much like the women who seek to serve them with all the best intentions of the world, have not the shadow of an idea how cunning the female sex can be. Therefore it would be best to know the Master in your heart and seek him in as pure a form as possible and always avoid enthroning a man who does not deserve this power.

Outside of these things, I would generally suggest the caution you should have with any stranger you meet online. Get more than one photo. Get a name and a phone number and exchange meaningful conversation to some degree before meeting. There is a lot ongoing conversation can reveal if you listen carefully.

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/1/2009 4:53:40 PM

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Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline

My advice is to go slowwwww....watch for inconsistencies when speaking to a Dom online. If he not available to you at certain times you can probably count on him being available to someone else. If he wants to collar you without really knowing you, move on. Don't settle for what you can live with~~wait for the one you can't live without. And...most of all...remember safe, sane, and consensual. Anyone that doesn't respect your limits is not worth your time. I thought I didn't have limits for the right One...found out...I do...and I won't compromise on hard limits. But then I am older than you and not inclined to put up with a bunch of bs either. Best of luck to you...stay safe!

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/2/2009 2:41:22 AM

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Joined: 4/1/2008
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I became a sub at an age younger than you and MasterDaddy was much older than me.You should give older dominants a chance..but that is just my opinion.
Be careful on here and take it slow...do not let a Dominant rush you into anything especially a collar .You seem intelligent so i am sure you will be able to see the diamonds trough the rhinestones..believe me tey are out there!

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/3/2009 4:56:54 AM

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Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline

Read as much as you can online. Knowledge is POWER.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual--the bdsm mantra.......but i've met some who just don't get it....

Meet and Greet within a few weeks. Chat/email a few times. Ask a lot of questions--and give a lot of honest answers. If you seem to click--then meet somewhere VERY PUBLIC. I like coffee shops. This is for a intro meeting to CHAT. Re-ask some of those questions to see how he responds. Ask vanilla stuff as well as questions about his Dom style.

Ask to see a driver's license at the Meet n Greet. This verifies his name/age. If he lies about the basics--RUN! (my Master agreed to let me see it AFTER he covered his address. Wasn't comfortable with giving me that info yet. I LOVED THAT he was concerned about his own safety!)

SAFE CALL--any and all meetings for a while. Tell the Dom you will be getting a safe call. A friend calls you. If they don't hear the "ok phrase" then they call the police for you. Make the phrase something odd. Mine was that i suggest getting together for lunch the next day. No lunch invite--and i'm in serious trouble.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/3/2009 6:27:36 PM

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Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

Goood afernoon everyone. . .

I recently joined Collarme, after finding out that I have submissive tendencies, and certainly an interest in this lifestyle. I'm searching for a Dominant partner to better explore. . . but it seems to me like my search can become extremely dangerous of not handled properly. (Especially as a sub who just turned 18)

What are some signs to look for when I'm talking to a Dom online? How can I determine if they're real-or just plainly derranged. I want to equip myself with as much knowledge as possible before making this step. . . so ladies/gentleman..I'd appreciate it if you shared your experiences!

Check out my journal entries on my profile. i wrote down some thing i think you'll find useful.

_____________________________

You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

RE: What Should I Look Out For? - 1/3/2009 10:41:08 PM

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Status: offline

quote:

What are some signs to look for when I'm talking to a Dom online?

Same basic signs as when you're talking to someone in real life. Put the whole "Dom" thing off to the side at first. Find out what kind of human being they are before you delve into what manner of dominant they may be. Someone who's a total jerk and asshole might be quite the dominant, but if he's a total jerk and asshole how will you ever bring him 'round to show the parents?

(Which, btw, is probably a good gut-check for you. Call it the "dad" test--if you are ok with introducing the guy to your dad, that's a good sign, but if you're leery about it, that's a warning sign you probably should not ignore)

_____________________________

(in reply to xNevermoreX)

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