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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/4/2009 7:56:44 PM

clearlightblack

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I totally *heart* you Steven

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/4/2009 8:02:42 PM

Ellsa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

I still have feelings for him, after all he put me through. I don't know why I do..I shouldn't, and I don't even want to. But I can't control what I feel for someone. None of us can.

It looks to me like what you need is some closure and it looks very doubtful that you will get any. It is very difficult to get over being jerked around because it makes you question your value. No amount of others telling you that this guy is a pig is going to make a difference for you. You need to realize just how unhealthy your obsession/irrational attachment with this person is and let it go. It is not a matter of who did what anymore, stop questioning the whys and wherefores of things that are in the past and cannot be changed. Perhaps you were victimized, but if you do not put it down now, then you risk being stuck in the position of victim over and over until it is all you know how to be. Forget it. Be something else. Even if you do not know what or how to be anything else yet I guarantee that you will not learn if you continue down the path you are on.

Ah, closure. I think closure is a gift and some people are incapable of giving.
I could dispense advice, but would just be repeating Maxwell67.
Very well said, thank you Maxwell67.
xNevermoreX, you are not alone. We all get caught up in things. Time to put the big girl panties on and accept life on life's terms.
:) feel free to contact me for more pep talks
ellsa

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/4/2009 8:03:51 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

I think closure is a gift and some people are incapable of giving.

His behavior would provide me with the closure I need and definitely enough to get him out of my mind.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/4/2009 8:05:57 PM

xNevermoreX

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Haha I know you! Kinda :-D

You're from fetlife.

And I've posted it..quite a few times. Because to be honest I didn't expect to get so many answers! lol

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 1:36:41 AM

badlilthang

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For me it would be obvious what to do - but then again, i am not 18....smiles...my son is almost...winks.

In that age - people feel so strongly for everything they experience - as it should be...but my little advice here is - move on.

You got your closure the day this socalled dom whimpered at his girlfriends feet - obeying her.
They are both playing you - he lied to you - she turned on you - they are not worth the time of day.

Be the bigger one - move on - if you have to - change chatname in those places you chat, or squech/ignore him. He is into mind games - and sounds like a spoiled little boy - whining because he wants his cake and eat it, too - but mommy has said no. You were a plaything for 2 years online, but when his rt girl put her foot down, he dumped you without hesitating. That is harsh - and i can understand you being heartbroken, but hon - people like this are not worth your tears....they play with other peoples emotions - with no thought of the harm they do. Him showing up where you chat also shoes clearly how little he cares about your feelings...and how little respect he has for his rt girl - he thrives on your attention - and if he can get to you - even better. Some people are players, we do not have to play their games.

Enjoy being 18. Log off - find something else to do for a while. Read - movies, giggle and have fun at the mall with your girlfriends. LIVE...s...

< Message edited by badlilthang -- 1/5/2009 1:40:04 AM >

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 1:50:16 AM

bamagirl4u

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In time you will forget him and her...it is harder when you don't have closure, but sometimes that is the way it is...look to the future and let the past stay in the past.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 1:59:26 AM

PanthersMom

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remember he cheated on his girl, so he's not the greatest catch to begin with, if he cheated on someone so precious to him, he'd do it to you too. stop and look at his behavior in an objective light. slyly contacting you even though he promised to stay away? he's lying to her about cutting off contact. i'm sure there are more examples of misconduct you can think of. look at him as he really is, not as you wanted him to be. then consider yourself lucky to have gotten away with just a bruised heart. time will heal your heartache, just look at this as a lesson, learn from it and be better prepared for the next relationship.
PM

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 4:17:05 AM

Viridana

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I'm not 18, I'm 26 but I can still remember how it was when I was 18. The relationship that I had back then was the most intense one I've ever had. I suffered the biggest heart ache to date and I pin it on my age how exaggerated all feelings became. I got some sound advise from my mom to just cut my losses, move on, learn from the experience. As hard as it was at the time, I don't regret it at all today. I think you will too. A cheater is a cheater. The likelyhood of him changing is dismal. Having contact with him again or his girlfriend will only cause you more pain. There are over 6 billion people in this world, why waste your time socializing with 2 individuals who don't care about you or your feelings?

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 4:48:30 AM

colouredin

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The advice I always give on a break up is this, if they lie or cheat then they are not the person that you were in love with so you havent actually lost anything. Its simply one less person you need to be with until you find someone who deserves you.

I know how hard it is to get over this kind of relationship, I also know how intense online relationships can be, they are no less real. The advice from Redmagic is good. You have to look after yourself. Yes he hurt you but thinking about it wont change it. Take any good from it, what you have learned about yourself and focus on that. Dont talk to them any more, dont be angry at her either, imagine how she must feel!

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 5:15:35 AM

BondageBarbieX

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When I was 18 I was already married to my MasterDaddy for 3 years and a mom so I was in a totally different stage in my life at your age but I have been online awhile and I would not put up with crap like this for a second.I would move on,the fact that he is a creepy stalker would make me get all icky about him by itself.I say forget about him.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 6:00:12 AM

chamberqueen

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Sometimes it is helpful to try to look at best case or worst case scenarios. What is the best that could ever come from this? He no longer wants to continue the type of relationship you were having because his girlfriend means so much to him. She wants to have lunch with you, but after seeing how she's treated you already do you believe that you could have an enjoyable lunch with her? Can you picture her not getting in any digs? While she may be comfortable with him sharing his body she may not be able to handle him sharing his heart. If he is only able to sneak messages to you, are you getting what you need from the relationship? I think you've already answered that. He is not a lifestyle partner but perhaps you can maintain your friendship.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 1:53:22 PM

kiwisub12

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Sorry OP - he isn't a dominant man - therefore your whole online relationship was a bit of fun for him. He's a player, and probably "got off" on having a real gf, and one on the side - if you were the only one.
Time to acknowledge that he was a jerk, you were naive (as you should be at 18), and go on from there. Since you are now 18, check out the munches in your area. I would rather think that there would be any number of doms willing to assist you in your journey

- so you might find an older sub and ask if she/he would take you under their wing for events. Besides - its always nice to know people when you go somewhere new.

Good luck with the next phase of your life.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 1:55:51 PM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Sorry OP - he isn't a dominant man - therefore your whole online relationship was a bit of fun for him. He's a player, and probably "got off" on having a real gf, and one on the side - if you were the only one.

Sorry but I dont understand this kind of comment. Why wasnt he a Dominant man? Because he lied and cheated? Nah that doesnt mitigate him being a Dominant man its just makes him a waste of space.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 4:30:25 PM

MasterTslave

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Got to tell you...once a cheat, always a cheat! I was married to a cheater for 14 years...and it turned out that not only did he cheat, he had other children that I was supporting without knowing it! I had many jobs and only had 2-3 hours of sleep a night because I tried to make ends meet and live a lux lifestyle...and now I know that the whole time, I could have worked less and had more time doing what I wanted to.
I would kick his ass and never look back. Men can be PIGS and someone that was talking with you when you were 15 and he was of age was just trying to screw with your head. He will WIN if you go mushy on him...fight back and get rid of him...and his girlfriend. Get a real time man and have fun...you can do it and you will be happy when you do...some tears at first, but then a weight off of your chest. Stick it out.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 4:50:05 PM

CelticPrince

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

I just turned 18 in November. . . but let me tell you, my love life has already been intense in the most unusual of ways. I met a guy online named Dave when I was 15. . . he was 19 and we were friends for awhile, but eventually he introduced me to the lifestyle.

I know some people believe that online relationships aren't real..but it was real to me. It was what I made of it, and it was more real than anything else I'd experienced. I'd finally found what I'd been missing for so long- that secret part of me...the submissive part. And he was my Dom..or so I was naive enough to think.

But it turns out later that he had a girlfriend the whole time, and once she found out...he declared that ..."She is the most precious thing to me and I cannot afford to lose her. No one could ever mean more to me than her..and if gaining her trust back means I can't communicate with you. .. then well..I guess I'll have to do it."

I was heart broken, lost, and scared. I'd been going through a hard time even beyond what he did..so this just left me feeling broken. His girlfriend was really nice to me at first, and I felt bad so I reciprocated. I thought we both were feeling the same thing...but then she got so odd with me. And what was worse...I was only 17..and his girlfriend was 23..and he mentioned to me afterwards that she let him mess around with other girls sexually. But I guess she was upset about the emotional affair.

She called me a loser and said I just wanted to be like her- and taunted me over my loss- after I was nice to her. She then a few months later asked me out for lunch.

Weird.

What's even worse though- was that recently he kept slyly contacting me for some odd reason. He would always be on sites I was on- even if he knew I was the only one there. It was almost like dangling something in front of me.

So tell me this everyone. What is this guy's deal? What is HER deal? What should I do to continue to move on?

It's been bothering me awhile. . .

Nevernomore,

I think you know the answer to that wuestion, you came across a player simple. Ne is young as dom's go as you are a cherry as subs go so you both got something from the interaction. You learned thru the cyber media and that is allso important, just stay on the boards for awhile befor you jump agains and use the info that you glean.

the path is a great place when used wisely. good fortune

CP

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 5:26:13 PM

DesFIP

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He stopped not because he wanted to, but because she made him. He wants to know you still want him because that makes him feel better. She is occasionally nice to you when it's been a long time because she remembers you are much younger, but she feels threatened by you when in contact and reverts to meanness to drive you away.

Beyond all that. Do you need this drama? Block him, whenever you think some new nic is him, block him. Develop new nics yourself so he can't identify you. If you tend to mention something unusual about yourself, your home town, anything that helps him identify you, stop doing that. Block her, you don't need this.

Because you were so young, any time you speak to them you again have the emotions you felt back then. Those emotions are not appropriate any longer. The way not to deal with them is not to have them brought up. So block them and move on doing only things you would recommend a friend do in her relationships. You wouldn't suggest your best friend sees people who make her unhappy, would you? So why not be your own best friend?

You deserve better than these people are giving you. Don't accept it.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/5/2009 11:06:20 PM

bound4more

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Joined: 10/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xNevermoreX

I just turned 18 in November. . . but let me tell you, my love life has already been intense in the most unusual of ways. I met a guy online named Dave when I was 15. . . he was 19 and we were friends for awhile, but eventually he introduced me to the lifestyle.

I know some people believe that online relationships aren't real..but it was real to me. It was what I made of it, and it was more real than anything else I'd experienced. I'd finally found what I'd been missing for so long- that secret part of me...the submissive part. And he was my Dom..or so I was naive enough to think.

But it turns out later that he had a girlfriend the whole time, and once she found out...he declared that ..."She is the most precious thing to me and I cannot afford to lose her. No one could ever mean more to me than her..and if gaining her trust back means I can't communicate with you. .. then well..I guess I'll have to do it."

I was heart broken, lost, and scared. I'd been going through a hard time even beyond what he did..so this just left me feeling broken. His girlfriend was really nice to me at first, and I felt bad so I reciprocated. I thought we both were feeling the same thing...but then she got so odd with me. And what was worse...I was only 17..and his girlfriend was 23..and he mentioned to me afterwards that she let him mess around with other girls sexually. But I guess she was upset about the emotional affair.

She called me a loser and said I just wanted to be like her- and taunted me over my loss- after I was nice to her. She then a few months later asked me out for lunch.

Weird.

What's even worse though- was that recently he kept slyly contacting me for some odd reason. He would always be on sites I was on- even if he knew I was the only one there. It was almost like dangling something in front of me.

So tell me this everyone. What is this guy's deal? What is HER deal? What should I do to continue to move on?

It's been bothering me awhile. . .

Okay, let me make sure I'm hearing right (banging the side of her head slightly). So, the dude led you on, lied to you about the fact that he has a relationship, announced, quite blatantly, that she, not you, is who is important to him, then his girlfriend acts all nice and then becomes a bitch and now you're wondering if you should continue on with him? My verdict. The information is in honey. What more do you need - unless of course emotional masochism is your thing.

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RE: Really Confused! And lost! - 1/6/2009 2:53:40 PM

porcelain26

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I haven't read any of the other responses...but here is my two cents worth.

1. He's an ass. Cut him loose in no uncertain terms.
2. She's having fun dragging you through the mud because it makes her feel better that her man had to go elsewhere to find a girl that made him happy.

I have to wonder why you would have had anything to do with her, whatsoever. That to me is mind blowing. Also, if he's so concerned about his relationship, he wouldn't keep popping up in your world. He sounds like a lifestyle cheater to me...do you really want someone like that in your life?

Believe me, I understand about wanting guys who pull this kind of crap...I've soooo been there and done that. But trust me when I say you're far better off without that drama.

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