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boundntied -> RE: Need Advice On Dom- Follow Up (1/18/2009 11:46:54 AM)
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Thank you again for all of the nice people that gave me advice. I wish I had good news but unfortunately many of you are right when you say that those gut feelings are usually right. Though he doesn't deserve it I won't malign him publically. Aside from that CM prohibits it. Though we need to form a secret society or board to list the names of the players....kinda like a listing of war criminals. Or seriously maybe a list of Dos and Don'ts For Subs. To save others the heartache and trouble.
Many of you already know this from experience but I thought I would add another voice to the message.
I know there may be genuine and honest Doms on this site but there are also alot of dishonest, hurtful, empty people out there that like to play with other people and their emotions. Please be very careful who you choose to talk, correspond with or invest time with. Don't give them to much of yourself to quickly (emotionally, mentally or physically). Most importantly when you see those little things that don't add up run no matter how much you like them.
One of these things alone aren't reason to be suspicious but maybe a few of them or all of them definitely are. My list of things to pay attention to:
1. Things that you write off as little white lies or untruths. You rationalize he only told you those litle white lies in the beginning because he didn't know you or care about you then. When he forgets those little white lies he told you in the beginning and later tells you something else...not matter how small they seem...pay attention
1A. He seems so open and honest about details of his life and tells you alot about him....but then there are those small white lies about other things. Was it to throw you off the scent because he has been so open about everything. Why would you question him or even verify because he has been so forthcoming and told you so much about him and his life. You feel bad about doubting the little white lies because he has told you so much. Why get upset or question those little things he has lied about. I think they call these kind of people sociopaths or something like that. They are so believable so open, so convincing...you feel bad about doubting them. I think I read on here or somewhere else.. TRUST BUT VERIFY.
2. When he disappears suddenly or often...pay attention
3. In my case...if he spends a lot of time (daily or more) on this site even after he tells you that you are the only one for him. He isn't just reading the message boards if he constantly changes things in his profile. He isn't just reading the boards when on two separate occassions he told you he was busy and wouldn't be able to talk with you...but two hours later you see his on CM.
4. He only calls you from his cell. Denies he even has another phone until you hear it ring once.
5. You seem to be the only he ever talks to on the cell. It seems he never gets any other calls on the cell except yours. He says you can call him anytime doesn't matter... yet every time you have ever tried to initate a call to him on the cell phone it is off, you get voice mail or it takes him a long time to respond.
6. His biggest issue with you as a sub is that you are to cautious and slow to trust. He doesn't ever get angry about your trust issues but plays the wounded and soulfully hurt card. Someone really interested in being with you and buidling something will understand, be patient and give you the reasonable amount of time you need. A real Dom understands what a gift submission is and that it doesn't happen in a day, in a week and certainly not in one month.
7. He seems really interested in the details of your life, genuinely interested in you. You have conversations about other things or do other things besides sexual things. Eventually you slowly start to notice he has forgotten important things you have told him or important conversations. Or he doesn't seem overly interested when you are telling him about a problem. He only seems to perk up when you are talking about the kinks that interest you or things about your body.
7. Last but not least....you finally find his other profile.
Thanks for listening and letting me vent.
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