A New Dominant's Recommendation

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newdombbw -> A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 1:02:05 PM)
OK, I admit I'm new at this, but I've been learning quickly.... Of course I won't name names, but chatted for a few months with a very sharp-minded potential 24/7 slave. Over time I made some scary discoveries regarding his health - on anti-seizure meds and worse - coumadin - a serious blood thinner. I still love the man to death - but had to tell him I couldn't accept him - be responsible for his health under my care and supervision. (Really wish that for his own health and safety, he'd leave the BDSM scene altogether, but that's his choice, not mine.) MY RECOMMENDATION: Ask for a medical history and list of meds - or at least discuss this with potential submissives BEFORE play begins.

amayos -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 1:03:24 PM)
An excellent point, indeed.

Rayne58 -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 3:18:50 PM)
Not only subs, but Doms should take that into consideration as well. My Master is a diabetic and if He'd had a hypoglycemic attack (low blood sugar) when we first started out, without me being aware of his medical condition, I would not have known what was wrong and it could have been a potentially fatal situation. Honesty in all things, including medical history[:)]

JohnWarren -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 3:30:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rayne58 Not only subs, but Doms should take that into consideration as well. My Master is a diabetic and if He'd had a hypoglycemic attack (low blood sugar) when we first started out, without me being aware of his medical condition, I would not have known what was wrong and it could have been a potentially fatal situation. Honesty in all things, including medical history[:)] That's true, but you didn't reject him because of his condition. I'm disturbed by the OP's contention that such people shouldn't be part of the BDSM community.

Rayne58 -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 4:19:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren That's true, but you didn't reject him because of his condition. I'm disturbed by the OP's contention that such people shouldn't be part of the BDSM community. There are ways around disabilities, and of course we all know that BDSM is not all about whipping and pain. Anyone can be a part of this lifestyle if they are informed and take things into consideration. Master has other problems besides His diabetes. Certain positions are impossible for us but others work fine. We make sure His blood sugar is up before we play. There are jelly beans within easy reach if needed. Bondage hasn't been a part of our sessions much but when it is we will be using easy release knots so if anything happens I can free myself. I do commend the OP for her honesty though, in that she didn't think she would be able to take on that responsibility.

windchymes -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 4:25:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newdombbw OK, I admit I'm new at this, but I've been learning quickly.... Of course I won't name names, but chatted for a few months with a very sharp-minded potential 24/7 slave. Over time I made some scary discoveries regarding his health - on anti-seizure meds and worse - coumadin - a serious blood thinner. I still love the man to death - but had to tell him I couldn't accept him - be responsible for his health under my care and supervision. (Really wish that for his own health and safety, he'd leave the BDSM scene altogether, but that's his choice, not mine.) MY RECOMMENDATION: Ask for a medical history and list of meds - or at least discuss this with potential submissives BEFORE play begins. Being overweight, BBW's have many health risks, including high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, plus the possibility of seriously physically harming another human being if they accidently tripped and fell on them. I guess they should leave the BDSM world....for everyone's health and safety. Of course I don't mean this, and very valid points were made with the recommendation of honesty and the revealing of medical conditions up front. But if every person with a medical condition had to leave the BDSM world, it would be pretty sparse. I commend the OP for recognizing her own inability to mentor someone with a medical condition. But the suggestion that anyone with a medical condition (and his don't sound all that serious....millions of people take coumadin, which does not "thin" the blood, it inhibits the clotting factors which prevent thrombosis. It's closely monitored by frequent blood tests until the dosage is stabilized. And millions more suffer from some form of epilepsy, which is also controlled by a number of medications.) should leave the BDSM world is just unfair. And IMO, completely untrue. I mean, geez....I have high blood pressure, but it's controlled through medication. Should I leave? Hopefully the potential sub/slave has the intelligence to know his own limitations, and the good fortune to find a mentor who accept and work around them, and that they both live happily ever after. chymes

girl4you2 -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 5:41:13 PM)
adaptations can be made with thought and imagination. it's a matter of different abilities rather than disabilities.

Foibey -> "No sex please, we're cripples"? (1/4/2006 5:46:27 PM)
There've been a few people suffering from rather serious medical conditions who've found BDSM therapeutic. No matter what happens, if you're tying someone up/beating them/whatever else, you're always responsible for their health/physical safety in teh situation. This is true whether or not the person in question has any outstanding medical issues. Moreover, there's every possibility that unexpected circumstances could come up with anyone. Discriminating against ill or disabled people for reasons other than personal incompatibility seems really ignorant about the responsibilities inherrent in domination and the fact that pretty much all situations in BDSM have circumstances and requirements which have to be dealt with and accomodated.

girl4you2 -> RE: that title bugged me (1/4/2006 5:57:30 PM)
that title bugged me, so i named it back. no offense to you, Foibey, and i know none was meant other than to the original poster, but it really did bother me.

Foibey -> RE: that title bugged me (1/4/2006 6:00:26 PM)
I could have expected someone might consider snarks about ablism a bit controversial. I guess snarks aren't all that worthwhile anyway.

girl4you2 -> RE: that title bugged me (1/4/2006 6:06:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Foibey I could have expected someone might consider snarks about ablism a bit controversial. I guess snarks aren't all that worthwhile anyway. i got the irony of the post, but it still bothered me. i worked with people of varying abilities for years, so maybe i'm a bit sensitive to it all. the OP was wrong to condemn people from the lifestyle, but that title just irked me deep inside. perhaps it's just me. but you've got the right idea. quote: ORIGINAL: Foibey There've been a few people suffering from rather serious medical conditions who've found BDSM therapeutic. No matter what happens, if you're tying someone up/beating them/whatever else, you're always responsible for their health/physical safety in teh situation. This is true whether or not the person in question has any outstanding medical issues. Moreover, there's every possibility that unexpected circumstances could come up with anyone. Discriminating against ill or disabled people for reasons other than personal incompatibility seems really ignorant about the responsibilities inherrent in domination and the fact that pretty much all situations in BDSM have circumstances and requirements which have to be dealt with and accomodated.

KatyLied -> RE: that title bugged me (1/4/2006 6:16:18 PM)
Anyone who is under medical care for a serious condition should disclose that.

Foibey -> RE: that title bugged me (1/4/2006 6:41:50 PM)
I'm not going to list my "disability-friendly" credentials, because to be honest it's a bit naff to push arguments with that kind of stuff. I feel pretty justified with the subject header I used other than that snarking isn't the best way to put your point across to someone.

newdombbw -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 7:23:46 PM)
I have read the posts regarding the possibility that I have discriminated based on a disability. (Especially the one about bbws - <g>). Actually, I've learned finger-spelling to better communicate with a potential 24/7 slave who is deaf. I wonder how many other dominants might take the time or make the effort do that? As the potential slave in question is still here on collarme - I have been trying to be discrete, but I maybe should have included the fact that, thinking it would please me, he tried to give himself an enema and almost bled to death before he was found by his sister. As a result, I don't believe he has been honest with himself about his own capabilities or inabilities. (And yes, I told him this.) What might have happened if I'd accepted him as my cherished slave and he had done that while I was at work? Please remember - I didn't post this to cause any sort of discord or disallow BDSM activities to the disabled - but only to suggest that medical information is important to learn in advance of any "play".

girl4you2 -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 7:38:46 PM)
i'll be the first to say that perhaps i jumped a wee too fast to conclude it was a more blanketing statement. for that, you have my apology in sincerity. it's that we've to choose our words more carefully or think first a bit longer before saying them i guess. you did say that you cared for this person and you had reasons to wish he'd not be involved with the bdsm activities. perhaps he is unable, or perhaps he needs a lot of adaptations (to the extent perhaps as to always have someone there with him--if this is the case, might he need the same in any case?). i don't know. i'm not sure how one can bleed to death from an enema unless its due to perforating an artery, and although that area if rife with blood vessels, none are that major that i recall. maybe his body reacts to medications differently, or he's a hemophiliac as well, whether natural or chemically induced. i could guess all night. i suppose what i wish to say is that most conditions may be worked around, things may be adapted so that one can pursue life in the way in which they wish. as a whole, we should do what we can to support this. okay, i'm done. for now.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 7:53:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newdombbw I have read the posts regarding the possibility that I have discriminated based on a disability. (Especially the one about bbws - <g>). Actually, I've learned finger-spelling to better communicate with a potential 24/7 slave who is deaf. I wonder how many other dominants might take the time or make the effort do that? As the potential slave in question is still here on collarme - I have been trying to be discrete, but I maybe should have included the fact that, thinking it would please me, he tried to give himself an enema and almost bled to death before he was found by his sister. As a result, I don't believe he has been honest with himself about his own capabilities or inabilities. (And yes, I told him this.) What might have happened if I'd accepted him as my cherished slave and he had done that while I was at work? Please remember - I didn't post this to cause any sort of discord or disallow BDSM activities to the disabled - but only to suggest that medical information is important to learn in advance of any "play". I think this example more appropriately describes what you were trying to get across in your original posting. I would also be very wary of playing with someone who was not vigilant with his own medical care. While I take ultimate responsibility for what happens in a scene, I would also expect my partner to take responsibility for disclosing any medical issues and being aware of his own limitations. Be well, Julie

JohnWarren -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 7:58:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: girl4you2 i'm not sure how one can bleed to death from an enema unless its due to perforating an artery, and although that area if rife with blood vessels, none are that major that i recall. maybe his body reacts to medications differently, or he's a hemophiliac as well, whether natural or chemically induced. i could guess all night. I've never heard to this either. There have been serious injuries from fisting and the chemical balance of the blood can be altered by improper enemas, but I've never heard of almost fatal bleeding from an enema and I've had a number of teachers from the gay scene were this is a regular part of their play. I do think the OP came on a bit judgemental in hoping he would leave the scene. How would she like it is someone were to make the same judgement based on something she had no control over in her makeup. Suggesting more care, certainly; outright dismissal, way way over the top.

newdombbw -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 9:40:11 PM)
OK - I have re-visited this thread and wish to God I'd never posted it - rest assured, after some of the flames I've received already, I won't dare to post at Collarme again. Yes - I am learning - I'm learning to keep my damned mouth shut in the future. Will clarify one last point I made - and mis-stated - the submissive in question did not "almost bleed to death" - he was found, however, by his sister in great pain and bleeding from a torn rectum which required surgery to repair. I still ask - what if he'd done it while I was at work? I may be new, but I take responsibility for the care of a submissive very, very seriously. How dare I hope that the submissive leave the scene? I hope the dear, dear man finds whatever he seeks, but most importantly hope he lives a long, happy, healthy life. I have cared very deeply for him and only hope he doesn't accidently kill himself through neglect of his body in hopes of pleasing a beloved dominant. I wish you all well.

quietkitten -> RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation (1/4/2006 9:47:27 PM)
Please don't feel the need to be silent about your opinions. Just because people don't agree with what you say doesn't mean you are being flamed. No matter where you go or what you say, there will always be those who disagree. You should note that there were many who agreed with you on this post as well.

mitsu -> RE: "No sex please, we're cripples"? (1/7/2006 4:27:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Foibey There've been a few people suffering from rather serious medical conditions who've found BDSM therapeutic. Yes. This reminds me of the late Bob Flanagan, writer, artist, cystic fibrosis patient, and "supermasochist." Bob and his wife, Sheree, have been an inspiration to both the bdsm community and to patients of chronic illness.

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