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Mercnbeth -> RE: Pain, Sex and Orgasms (1/13/2009 8:12:51 AM)
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~ Fast Reply ~
beth's been asked this a few times and she compares it to trying to pry open a peanut butter on Wonder Bread sandwich that you've been sitting on all day. In the right context and circumstance, you can't separate pain and sex. Pain is sex. Sex is pain. The sensations of BDSM are sexual foreplay. We use them as a end to a means as well as a means to an end.
The usual caveats apply; migraines, foot pain, a stubbed toe, don't have the same effect. Spankings, floggings, canes, the application of clips on various body parts and even things more on the 'humiliation' pain scale all can and have resulted in orgasms regardless if any other 'sexual' contact. Although beth requires less stimulation than most; she isn't unique in my experience. With enough time, and a desire to do so, intensity can be built to get the same effect with just about anyone. The key is the mind. It's a whisper at the right moment while applying the right prop to the right location at the right intensity. A mindset, shared emotions, self awareness, and a connection are the building blocks; but the catalyst agent is surrendering inhibition and allowing yourself the freedom to process the sensations as sexual.
Sometimes that mindset gets in the way of opportunities for 'casual' play. When someone comes and asks to join us on either end of the flogger they don't always understand that we consider the request as if we were being asked to share sex. Not that we resent or turn down those opportunities, but just like any intimacy shared with another - we like to know the person.
Ideally life with a partner is 24/7 foreplay; using all the senses to keep the embers stirring to take advantage of any opportunity to turn them into flames. A compatible partner with complimentary desires, fetishes, and sexual drives is important too. A redhead and a Sicilian Italian seems to be a living up to the stereotypes in that regard, but beyond genetics it still takes a willing mind and functioning body to make it work.
From another perspective the build up to orgasm is more 'fun' than the orgasm itself. All orgasms are not 'equal'. One permitted after an hour long build up may generate screams. Another, induced by a remote vibrator while riding the Tram up Mt. San Jacinto, may only be indicated by whitened knuckles resulting from a tightening grip on the window bar. Sometimes you need a nap afterward, sometimes they are little dips in an ongoing roller coaster ride.
At this point, orgasms are 'commas', pauses, between sessions that start soon after the last one ends. With or without pain as the spirit moves me.
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