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Youch !! - 1/13/2009 9:06:21 PM

missturbation

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From: another planet
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During a conversation the other day a friend and i were discussing an issue which is quite prominent for us. Nothing had really changed since the last time we discussed it, but it's nice to know and check you are both still reading from the same page, right?
Anyhow in the course of discussion my friend said one word, just one little word and it cut me to the bone. Now to clarify the use of the said word really changes nothing about our friendship, it wasn't a nasty word or even really a word that could be construed as hurtful, but it shocked me, hurt me.
I now can't get away from it, i keep hearing it in my head. Any advice on how i deal with this one little word that changes nothing but somehow everything for me?

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RE: Youch !! - 1/13/2009 10:24:20 PM

aravain

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If it's the type of word that I'm thinking it is (racial slur), I still haven't found a way around it either when it happens, especially when it comes outta nowhere. I've lost 3 friends to the fact that they're racist against black people, and have to deal with the huge cognitive dissonance when my mother calls them 'those people' or talks about her trips to 'the black lady' store (for clothes).

If it's not, completely disregard :)

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Post #: 2

RE: Youch !! - 1/13/2009 10:39:57 PM

BbwCanaDomme

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

If it's the type of word that I'm thinking it is (racial slur), I still haven't found a way around it either when it happens, especially when it comes outta nowhere. I've lost 3 friends to the fact that they're racist against black people, and have to deal with the huge cognitive dissonance when my mother calls them 'those people' or talks about her trips to 'the black lady' store (for clothes).

If it's not, completely disregard :)

That's what I took it to be as well. I don't think you should try to get over it or move past it. I've only been in this situation once, and decided the appropriate course of action was to just cut them out of my life. I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone that ignorant and obnoxious, they're not worth it.

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RE: Youch !! - 1/13/2009 10:54:44 PM

Kalista07

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Mist,
i'm not sure that i even have a very clear picture of what it is you are going through. But, my basic premise in so many experiences i've encountered through my life has been that ti's my responsibility to teach people how to treat me. If they offended me, hurt me, etc. i have to teach that that treating me in this manner is unacceptable. Utlimately, as with most things in my life the work and the responsibilities fall on me.
Sorry i couldn't be more help. Feel free to cmail me.
Kali

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Post #: 4

RE: Youch !! - 1/13/2009 10:57:44 PM

marie2

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Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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Tell!!

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Post #: 5

RE: Youch !! - 1/13/2009 11:34:20 PM

MadAxeman

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From: UK
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I'm guessing the word is...
Loan

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Post #: 6

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 12:48:07 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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You tell her you do not like the word or/and clarify what he/she meant by it and talk it through and if it was that bad for you, ask he/she not use it again. Unless you communicate to her it sucks, it will turn into drama whilst you sit there letting it eat away at you. Then you get over it.

Although honestly, if you are going to ask a question like this it would cause less second guessing of other posters if you said what the word was. It can change the entire answer depending on the word and the context.

the.dark.

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RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 2:45:33 AM

Evility

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Anyhow in the course of discussion my friend said one word, just one little word and it cut me to the bone. Now to clarify the use of the said word really changes nothing about our friendship, it wasn't a nasty word or even really a word that could be construed as hurtful, but it shocked me, hurt me.

I don't see how someone could say something that fits all of that criteria and is still disturbing.

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Post #: 8

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 3:55:06 AM

Dnomyar

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Come on miss. Do we have to turn this post into a word guessing game. At least mail the word to me.

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Post #: 9

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 5:06:27 AM

MrRodgers

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Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

I'm guessing the word is...
Loan

my thoughts or something like, pay it back...bitch.

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Post #: 10

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 5:14:23 AM

Owner59

Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
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Tell me what`s the word......

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Post #: 11

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 5:20:55 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I know! I know! I know!
She told you that you had lousy taste in shoes. Didn't she?

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Post #: 12

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 5:21:04 AM

TNstepsout

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I guess it depends on what the word is and how it was used. If it wasn't a nasty word or one that could be construed as hurtful, then it sounds like it's your problem to deal with. If you are having an abnormal response to a word you need to figure out why and work to fix it. You can't go around making everyone around you eliminate words you don't like.

Words are just tools. They have no meaning in and of themselves. It is the meaning we attach to them that is important to communication. Each of us can have a different interpretation of the same word and that's why some words have more power than others in our lives.

(in reply to MrRodgers)

Post #: 13

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 5:44:27 AM

missturbation

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Sorry i know my post is way too vague. Ignore me

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 14

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 6:53:41 AM

colouredin

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Ok may not be relevent. Recently my sister called me a slut because of the D/s thing, this properly upset me until then she had been my special advisor and confidant on things D/s related when i needed to cry etc. Its shifted everything for me personally and actually I cant help because I cant seem to get it back either.

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Post #: 15

RE: Youch !! - 1/14/2009 8:24:58 AM

kdsub

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Joined: 8/16/2007
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It has changed something and you know it. If you can't talk about it with your partner that is a red flag... If you think this could be a problem in your relationship and you still want this relationship then see a professional third party.

Butch

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Post #: 16

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