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RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 8:17:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

During a recent discussion with a sub; the subject was fantasies becoming reality, and how the reality is never the same as the fantasy. He remarked that the reality is not always as good as the fantasy. He went on to explain that the fantasy always proceeds from beginning to end flawlessly, without misstep, exactly as he wants it to be and there is no disappointment in fantasy.

Control.

He controls fantasy, but cannot control reality.

Submission, go figure.

It's sorta like when I used to fantasize about
hidding in your bedroom closet. The thrill
and excitement had me trembling about
watching you, then you catching me and
punishing me in all sorts of delicious ways.

But now that I'm actually here and the reality
of a coat hanger poking me in the eye, the
disturbing scent of moth balls, the horrible
reception I get on my laptop, and the most
chilling realization that there is probably a
family of spiders focusing in on me right now,
has me re-examining my views of fantasy.

Just open the fucking door................please.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 11:06:57 AM

WiseCracknSadist

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Fantasy and reality are both great. The thing that can ruin either one of them is the expectations we put on them. If we expect our reality to be be exactly as we fantasize we leave oppurtunity to be let down. If we expect only to enjoy ourselves and have a good time then that is what we will do.

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 11:28:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

How about you? Is fantasy better than reality? What's your experience and what are your thoughts?

It depends on the fantasy. I have spent some time spinning pretty elaborate fantasies for myself and my partner, and I've taken some steps toward exploring them in real life.
But they can be difficult to pursue sometimes because of various complicating considerations (safety being foremost, but other things as well). Some of those compromises can take the edge off a little.

Those kinds of scenarios that are a little more "out there" remain more vivid as fantasy just because they are difficult to translate into reality.

As for what can be done without logistical obstructions, to actually experience something I desire is preferable to imagining it (generally speaking!)
And the reaction of my partner is often something that I'd like to savor, and that can't be done in a very satisfying way in fantasy.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 2:32:14 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Fantasy is not reality...and sometimes, thank GOD it is not. But then again, reality is not fantasy...and sometimes, when you think about it, thank GOD it is not.

The nature of the way I fantasise means that I don't want them to be goals. I want them to be the wonderful, delicious daydream quality that meander with no direction, that take on a life of their own. It'd ruin the sheer imaginative pleasure if I had any plans attached to them.

agirl

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 4:26:24 PM

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chia, I will happily open the door. Are you sure that the spiders and the coat hanger are more dangerous than me?

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 4:34:36 PM

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Thank everyone for your replies, lots of very good thoughts and ideas presented.

LA, you have a good point about the difference between male and female fantasies, thank you.

LP, yes, there's the difference for me. I am not usually fantasizing, I'm usually plotting. Oh, I mean setting goals.

chia, I see your point about control, though I don't think it applies to the sub I was conversing with, it just might, we'll see.

I have to agree with those who said that sometimes fantasy needs to remain fantasy. That's certainly true for me, some things are better left in the filter of my brain.

The more I think about this, I have come up with one more reason that I think reality is better. Energy exchange. You can imagine it in fantasy, but you can't feel it or experience it in your mind.

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 4:56:54 PM

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I prefer reality to fantasy. Reality is my everyday life. I live it, breathe it, touch it, taste it, feel it (deep inside). Fantasies are good for the imagination and often good at bringing into reality. You can't take reality into a fantasy, but you can take a fantasy into reality if you so choose.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 5:02:44 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why have fantasies when you can have goals?

In my defense, I can only say I chalk it up to an exceptionally vivid imagination that actually may someday pay the bills... so I do what I can to keep it well exercised and well fed. *grins*

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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 8:45:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

chia, I will happily open the door. Are you sure that the spiders and the coat hanger are more dangerous than me?

That all depends.

If you have eight legs, realllly thick eyebrows
have your face slathered in cold cream, and
you scream, "NO MORE WIRE HANGERS",
whilst beating me in a wild intense frenzy,
then it's more than likely a draw.

chia* (the pet)

< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 1/15/2009 9:10:58 PM >

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 9:03:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

...When did fantasy change from a simply enjoyable thought or daydream and become a plan or a blueprint that needed to be experimented and improved upon?...

Another way of looking at it: Wouldn't this simply be the natural result of you having an active imagination and then finding yourself in a situation where you have a subject or focal point to act your fantasies out on? If that's true, then wouldn't the initial change in the way in which you fantasize have occurred at the moment when you realized you were now going to be able to act them out basically at will?

If not, then strike my post up to "too much cold medicine"...

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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 9:08:34 PM

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E2Sweet, excellent point, and most likely correct. I do believe that my fantasies become blueprints because I have the desire and ability to act them out, and the intention to do it soon.

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to E2Sweet)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 9:10:05 PM

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chia, to know that much about how I look in the morning, you had to be in my closet!

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 9:55:12 PM

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People who say fantasy is better than reality really mean if their fantasy came true to the last detail it would be better than the imperfect reality that has already come true.

Reality is of course better because we can see, feel, smell, hear, and sometimes taste the reality, and it doesn't end after we cum. :-)

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/15/2009 10:02:50 PM

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I like the real thing, fantasy is just that, fantasy, nothing like the sound of leather touching flesh.

(in reply to Loliita)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/17/2009 4:11:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

How about you? Is fantasy better than reality? What's your experience and what are your thoughts?

There is no question that reality is always better than fantasy in my world. I have never been a person to have all those fantasies that people talk about... I just don't get it! If I have fantasies they have been something to make real. They are more goals or things to experience and enjoy than to get off on. You talk about that hot threesum... I have had few of those in the past.. ironically... before it had happen... I wasn't fantasing about having a threesum and what it would be like... I was thinking about how to make it happen! I have found that savoring an experience enjoyed so much better than fantasing about some hot fantasy in the future... so rather dreaming about hot threesums... I focused my energy on making it happen... more than a few times. That's the way that it's been in my life from the beginning. I just don't do alot of dreaming or fantasizing. But... I do alot of goal setting and planning.

As last thougth.. .I have always found fantasies to be some what empty. The discussion you had with a sub talked about how fantasies are flawless and there is no disappointment. I suppose that is why I think they are empty... and unrealistic. I like the challenges and disappointments that come from having and experience... almost as much as the successes. It's all the variety of the experience that make it so savory and fulfilling. Prefection of fantasy is empty to me.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/17/2009 4:52:43 PM

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No, fantasy is usually better...

I mean, the reality is, I will probably not ever encounter a pair of twins who are conjoined at the hip, both of which wish to bow down to me. I will never encounter a Valkyrie, and if I meet a woman with highly pointed ears, it'll be a birth defect and not a sign of mythical raceness.

Like, I will never be a doctor or any sort of rich guy in the 1910s with peculiar perversions but enough money to get people to look the other way, and I will never, ever, ever get the best of She-Hulk.

For me, no, fantasy trumps reality.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/17/2009 5:07:28 PM

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I'm going to have to go with reality. I used to entertain many fantasy scenarios in my head. But now, having someone to live them out with, and experience her excitement with what I've conjured up in my head, and learn all the dark corners of her mind and her fantasies... Lovely. To add to that the bond that develops along the way...
For me there is no comparision. Reality trumps fantasy hands down.

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(in reply to Padriag)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/18/2009 6:34:09 AM

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FR

Different angles on this.

To have a fantasy and then to implement in reality can disappoint - in the fantasy the cauliflower was used before the top hat (and it was so important that the top hat be green!) so the failure to match the fantasy can disappoint.

A fantasy is in one's mind and can encompass any desired thing perfectly. It can also allow one to go way beyond one's normal limits - great mental fun.

Real life is, in the main, good and - if one has aspirations, imagined outcomes which are attractive - achieving one's desires can be extremely fulfilling.

(in reply to Cuffkinks)

RE: Fantasy vs. Reality - 1/18/2009 2:05:27 PM

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fantasy vs reality is one of those things that differs for each person. for myself personally, in reality, guys talk too much. When guys talk I think they're trying to be sexy or turn girls on, regardless of Dom/sub relationship or vanilla. If it's not timed right and sounds corny or completely wrong then it'll throw off the mood. Also it's hard to find someone you click with right away, especially when subs are looking for doms. It'll almost never be a fantasy like situation where that one person is the perfect dom, people are flawed, always will be, it's sometimes part of the fun, but more often just things you have to deal with.
I think fantasy is better. Fantasy, anything can happen, you can try anything in your brain that you might not be comfortable with other people unless you have a partner that you truely trust heart and soul. Also, I don't care what anyone says, it takes people a long time to trust people, actualyl completely trust, I don't think it's anythign that can be given right off the bat and that's a big part of reality being much more difficult and not as pleasing as fantasy.

(in reply to Padriag)

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