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Marriage and D/s - 1/6/2006 9:41:17 PM

redstripehubby

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/3/2006
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Hi I was wondering if there are any sub/slave men here who are married to their Mistress. Do you live in a 24/7 relationship? How successful are you at establishing boundaries between the "regular" life of a couple and BDSM? I have been a slave to my Wife for over 3 years now and it has enriched our life immeasurably but it took time to develop the right balance. We are always learning and trying to incorporate our Femdom aspects into more of our life and are curious how others have succeeded or failed at it...Marriage or Long-Term relationship ok...Thank you!

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 1/7/2006 6:06:30 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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I am not there....

yet.

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 1/7/2006 8:04:17 AM

cutentampa

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/21/2005
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Wow!! Three years!! wonderful restripehubby!! I love hearing success stories! Keep up the good work, you are obviously doing a wonderful job in serving her. Are you familiar with the Eliose Sutton site? THere are many real life stories on her site from Femdom couples who share their stories.
I met my sub almost six months ago right here on collarme. I moved him in after the third week. It is working out fantastic. There was, of course, adjustments we both needed to make, but we did it with minimal effort and stress.

This is O/our first D/s relationship for the both of us. his submission is the best gift I've ever been given. Femdom has really changed my life and I anticipate much more happiness.

Trying to mix the D/s aspects within a vanilla world is sometimes a challenge, but also exciting. The key is keeping the balance and knowing when to keep your mouth shut about your secret little world behind close doors.

I wish I could find more dominant women to mingle with. ( I'm sure all the male subs are thinking "Yeah, well take a number!") I would love to host an occasional Femdom party for sharing ideas and supporting the lifestyle. We live in Tampa, so anyone Femdom couples out there in my area, shoot me a message.

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 1/7/2006 10:10:18 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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FEMDOM marriage begs the question, "Can you have TOO MUCH of a good thing?"

My mistress and I sometimes peer around the corner to ask "what if" about ourselves. Generally when I do it, the FEMDOM looks very, very exciting, but at the same time I also think, "shit, we'd be saddling ourselves with all the mundane aspects (bills, lawns, dishes, jobs) of life as well."

I guess the question to me is, would things get old and would the mundane seep into the D/S, causing it to devolve....

I don't know.

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 1/7/2006 10:46:30 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

FEMDOM marriage begs the question, "Can you have TOO MUCH of a good thing?"

My mistress and I sometimes peer around the corner to ask "what if" about ourselves. Generally when I do it, the FEMDOM looks very, very exciting, but at the same time I also think, "shit, we'd be saddling ourselves with all the mundane aspects (bills, lawns, dishes, jobs) of life as well."

I guess the question to me is, would things get old and would the mundane seep into the D/S, causing it to devolve....

I don't know.

That stuff goes on whether you're married or not. It would definitely take effort to keep things going, but all relationships take effort at some point. Believing that Femdom can occur 24/7 on a constant basis is just not realistic, in my opinion. I know several couples who make it work, but it's not the fantasy that many make it out to be. There is a conscious effort to incorporate into the daily relationship the lifestyle things that they find important.

Be well,
Julie

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 1/7/2006 10:20:13 PM

redstripehubby

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Thank you for your reply! My Wife has been looking to meet other R/L Dommes for some time now...just to chat and exchange ideas. All the best with your new slave!

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 1/7/2006 10:26:37 PM

redstripehubby

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/3/2006
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Its definitely not all fantasy. Cleaning the house (even naked) gets tiring and there is much to be done outside of playtime. There is always some aspect of D/s...even if its just the welts on my butt from some misdemeanor...the point is to keep it always in the background of everything we do and not the fantasy version. It becomes a very tasty part of the daily routine. Occupies and excites the mind without all the costume etc that just takes too darn long on a weekday to arrange. There are benefits - no arguments, a generally cleaner house (lol), and great sex, to name just a few.

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 12/20/2006 10:00:34 AM

misswipp

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it takes great effort on both partners part,the real trick is being able to live as two different people. the every day life you live has a pull on your outher life for sure.
communication is the trick,agree going in to the demainds and research and read,this life style is not to be taken litely.
it is a ballanceing act for a couple,between two lives that by their nature can only live apart.

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 12/20/2006 10:22:32 AM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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I am nowhere close to marriage but I am developing a simultaneous D/s (Daddy/girl) and romantic relationship. We'll see how it goes. 4 months so far. I think the main difference I see between us and people who do it strictly D/s, service oriented is that I rely on him for a lot of emotional support the same way I would with any vanilla partner. I show him plenty of weakness and there are times I cry on his shoulder literally and metaphorically. And I think that many femdoms would not see this as an appropriate dynamic but because he is my boy (er, girl) and my partner, I don't worry about undermining my big bad dominant image. Basically cause I don't have a big bad dominant image, lol. I am the Daddy. I am sadistic too but there is no need to walk around like I have a stick up my ass or am not human. There's my 2 cents.

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 12/20/2006 10:36:54 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
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How successful are you at establishing boundaries between the "regular" life of a couple and BDSM?

try doing it with 2 daughters (1 who is a special needs daughter) plus a regular job.

i have a very understanding Daddy/Dom who knows there are times when i have to be Mom to my daughters and a concert reviewer covering local bands where i live. fun part is how He instructs me (when i have to work) that i must behave at all times while alone but knowing He will be up waiting for me to come home.

our relationship as Daddy/Daughter-Dom/Sub is very open and will last a lifetime. i'm free to date whomever after He approves and grants permission because He has set high standards (4 of them) for potential suitors to pass - you have pass #1 in order to get a date. i like this type of guidance - trust me. if you have seen the guys i've dated before you would understand why He has set these standards.

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there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 12/20/2006 11:05:04 AM

pixelslave

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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I have 2 daughters from my marriage to my former Mistress. Living a 24/7 D/s relationship can be a challenge and is full of compromises that one must make. Ideally, I see it as the best of a vanilla world and the best of a D/s world when it works. In my opinion, both parties need "down time" away from being "Mistress & sub", so that they can just be "partners and friends" who are in a marriage. That underlying relationship still needs to be nurtured and the needs of both parties must continue to be met.

For many couples, they have their "given" names and then their "sub" or "slave" names that are used to signify when the Mistress is and isn't in charge of the situation and the sub is "free" to do as he wishes and interact normally without following any particular protocol. This is important when socializing with vanilla friends. Regardless, there's always that mental image in the mind of a sub that sees his spouse as his Dominant Mistress, at least there was for me. Since I still have to deal with her because of my daughters it is even more of a problem. Not so much for me, but for her in that she still likes to be in control and tries to Domme me all the time and gets angry when I don't respond. LOL! Needless to say, she's angry an awful lot of the time, to the detriment of my daughters.

There's no doubt that it can work with the right two people involved who both are committed to making it work to their mutual satisfaction. I hope to find another woman for a 24/7 relationship again. Its more a case of expecting to take the time to choose more wisely next time and making certain I find someone who is concerned with seeing that my needs are met and not just hers; making it an equal power exchange.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 6/14/2007 4:57:15 PM

maledave7

Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
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I have thought about a femdom marriage for quite some time. I do know that this is something that you cannot take lightly. I do desire a commit relationship with a dominant woman. I do feel that both people need to have the same goal and vision in mind. I feel that marriage takes a lot work for it to last. I enjoy DiannaVesta comment that she made on another post “marriage and female domination is the perfect union.”
I think a journal would be a great way to express ones fears, feels and thoughts. In a journal, you can write down things during the day. I do feel that communication is very important in the relationship.

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 6/14/2007 6:27:52 PM

zavalfuin

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/14/2007
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Marriage/living together within a D/s relation is without a doubt a great challenge. I do believe that the experiences vary alot depending on the personality of both the Mistress/sub and their overall view on life and the D/s relationship.

Me and my Mistress struggle daily with the pressure "normal life" puts on the boundaries and general conceptions of the D/s relationship. I think one of the keythings is to define very clearly it's separation from the normal days(if the couple now choose to have those), what's ok and what's not ok, what kind of controll and say does the Dominant want in the subs "everyday" and what of that "everyday" can the sub or is the sub willing to give up. As many people will have allready told you negotiation/communicating will be a constant demand to set yourself up together. This doesn't allways go so well with the general conceptions of a D/s relation, but is essential and necessary. Me and my Mistress have been living together for 7 months, we're still struggling and we need to keep working and fighting it out, othervise we'd be in bad shape.

As far as Elise Sutton goes.. Pure "female supremacy" couples might have an easier time acklimating in the sense I suppose, if they both now are firm believers in that, they allways(allmost allways) reckon the final decision lies within the woman no matter the subject. Personally I find female supremacy very "one way" and that it doesn't hold up too well when put under my critical eye and because of that cannot give anywhere near a fair perspective on situations without the base thought of "female supremacy" in the relationship. Surely while being outstanding for couples who share it's views, it doesn't give a fair perspective on those who don't.

This has been my own two bits of thoughts, my Mistress might have other and might toast me for some, heh. We'll have to talk about that another time.

- j

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