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Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 3:00:25 PM

colouredin

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I have been told today something that I never realised about my childhood, im not going into details I just want some advice. The things that I have been told I still actually dont remember they are just words to me now its very odd. I was wondering if anyone had any experiance of repressed memories and any advice on how to handle them?

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 3:31:43 PM

DavanKael

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I'd recommend speaking with a practitioner who specializes in such things if the things that you were told happened are/could be upsetting.
Best wishes,
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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 4:07:01 PM

MRandme

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i live with my repressed memories. i have no interest in digging them up and reliving those moments -- there is a reason i can't remember.

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 4:54:53 PM

MistressAinCT

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Have you ever read The Bottoming Book or the Topping Book? There is a section in one of those books that talks about how BDSM can help unlock certain repressed memories. I have even witnessed it.

you didn't mention whether this was BDSM related, so I thought I would throw that out for you. Sometimes a certain situation is familiar, a certain feeling, smell, action, sound...its like Deja Vu only more powerful. you start crying or screaming but you don't know why.

I am one of those people who believe that BDSM can be both therapeutic as well as enjoyable. It really does help people-both Dominant and submissive-reach further inside themselves like nothing else can, and help release inhibitions and memories.

But I agree with another poster: you should seek professional counseling, and there are many Kink Aware Professionals who can help (you can google Kink Aware Professionals for a list).

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 9:37:52 PM

cagliostro

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There are a lot of books on the subject. Search under PTSD, DID, or dissociative disorder. They're all related to the kind of events that cause the memory repression you're referring to.

Something to remember as you investigate them is that these memories are repressed because they were too much for your mind to handle when they happened. So they are going to be difficult. Journaling, for some reason, seems to help some. Having people around you who are understanding, since you're liable to have mood swings as you process the memories. A good therapist helps a lot. It can be hard to find trauma specialists but you can probably find one by contacting enough psych wards, government organizations, etc. It's really important to find one you're really comfortable with because the repressed memories can be very traumatic and having someone around that you're not comfortable with exacerbates the emotional instability.

The last thing I can think of is going to sound kinda stupid and unrelated. Try to appreciate that the function of the repression of memories is to protect you. It's a very sophisticated mechanism that the mind uses when something is beyond your capacity to cope with. (Statistically the victims of this kind of problem are more intelligent than average) So by accepting it and appreciating it you start to break down some of the barriers to it.

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 10:15:46 PM

rulemylife

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I have been told today something that I never realised about my childhood, im not going into details I just want some advice. The things that I have been told I still actually dont remember they are just words to me now its very odd. I was wondering if anyone had any experiance of repressed memories and any advice on how to handle them?

While you are doing all that some others here suggested, you might want to keep in mind that repressed memories, in many cases, aren't. They are fantasies created with the help of over-zealous therapists.

There are numerous books and detailed research about the subject. Look into it.

(in reply to colouredin)

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/19/2009 10:37:15 PM

CalifChick

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I'm a bit curious as to what age you were when these things happened? The reason I ask is, I have memories that date to when I was 2 years old (having surgery). One of my sister's memories start around age 9 or 10. Before that, there were some bad things happening to me, but she has zero memories related to that time (good OR bad memories). The average age of earliest memory is 3.5 years; most people fall into a range of 2 yrs to 8 yrs.

Some things we just don't and won't remember, and they aren't necessarily "repressed" memories. That term usually means memories that the brain purposefully does not acess, in order to protect itself (overly simplistic, I know). The simplest explanation (without going into a long boring essay on how the brain stores memories), is that those memories are not stored in long-term memory.

Cali

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/20/2009 5:07:15 AM

colouredin

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Thanks everyone for the advice and that, Cali its a few of specific events before I was 11 so you may be right it may well be just that I dont remember them. One or two of them though I remember but I remember something very differant to what everyone else witnessed (three other people) which did throw me a bit.

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/21/2009 10:18:58 AM

ashyflower

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From what i have learned through countless times in therapy is that it is your minds natural defense mechanism to not remember. Sometimes it is better kept this way and to others there is a need to know. That can only be decided by you....and with great thought and terms as to thinking how much it will bring up and whether you can learn to deal with that or not. There is nothing that will ever take those horrible memories away....i know this by personal experiences, but, you can learn to cope and or deal with them. it just takes time.

ashyflower

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Post #: 9

RE: Repressed Memories - 1/25/2009 11:52:45 AM

whiteslavebitch

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I have a lot of repressed memories, things lying under the surface that sometimes affect me in the here and now. As long as they stay repressed, and don't cause me emotional distress, I'm not interested in finding out what they are. I'll just live with the blanks in my memory.

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/25/2009 2:12:31 PM

Lynnxz

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Heh... I'm with everyone else, they are repressed for a reason, and they can stay packaged up nice and neat like everything else. :D

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RE: Repressed Memories - 1/25/2009 8:36:14 PM

Katchoo

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As far as I know there has never been a documented case of someone being able to remember everything, or even a majority of what has happened in their past. Our brains weren't designed to hold everything in the same crisp clear light. I've been taught that studies of victims have shown that the memories of a traumatic event are burned in crisp detail for around four days... from that point there is a steady decline in detail. As CalifChick said, some memories may not be actively repressed, simply forgotten over time.

I'm a believer in the power of the placebo effect... if you think something is going to help you then there is a greater likelihood it will. I would do a little research on techniques available if you are interested in taking an active approach. This also gives you control over your comfort level. Figure out what you think might be best for you and go from there.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 12

RE: Repressed Memories - 4/5/2009 11:35:40 PM

Timesamyth

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You were tortured and abused by a satanic cult too?

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RE: Repressed Memories - 4/6/2009 5:10:44 PM

BohemianGoddess

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I suppose we all have suppressed memories of some kind. Just remember that these memories are things that you experienced that were very painful emotionally and or physically, this is why you put them away in a file cabinet locked up in the back of your brain. It was to protect you from remembering and reliving what you had gone thru, it is your bodies way of coping with it. Sometimes that file cabinet can open for a moment or so. I also recommend you seeing a councelor of some type to help you thru this. Good luck to you and sorry to hear of this..

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Post #: 14

RE: Repressed Memories - 4/6/2009 5:46:53 PM

lovingpet

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I will add something from my own experience to keep in mind. Yes, these memories were locked away for a reason, however, when the time is right (and you have NO control over this) they will sometimes break out of their nice neat little containers and make a real mess out of things for awhile. You cannot choose to keep them in, but you can choose to let them out on your terms to some extent.

A lot of complex triggers are involved in the sudden release of a repressed memory. For me it was being in a stable relationship, with a child around the age I was at the time of the incidents and dealing with some problems that were going on at school at the time. There was far more to it than that, but this was the beginning or at least what I am aware of. I would look at your life right now and see how it might be relating to what you are remembering. If it is coming up spontaneously, then it will likely all break through eventually. If it is something that you are pulling up intentionally, then there is a possibility of placebo or false memories to develop. It may be more difficult to roll with the current of remembering, but I think it prevents a lot of problems in the long run.

When you have remembered enough, I would seek help from a counselor, not to help find the rest, but to help you come to terms with whatever it was. It is never going to be a big, happy thing that got repressed. Sometimes it is as benigne as missing your mom and dad while away for the summer or something horrible like witnessing a murder or abuse. You may be able to deal on your own, but be prepared to enter therapy if you need it.

Please don't look at such things as a problem. They mean growth is on the way for you on a very deep level. Embrace it and I will hope it is not something too massive. All my best!

lovingpet

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Post #: 15

RE: Repressed Memories - 4/8/2009 10:59:03 AM

kuriouswitch

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Repressed memories happen a lot with me, they're repressed for a reason yes but it's hell when something you didn't even know was going to be an issue sets of a trigger and you end up a sobbing ball. Thankfully Master's aware that this can happen and we're both careful, so far he's only hit a trigger once accidently and we dealt with it and moved on (i was so mad, all that reaction over a simple little word but he took it in stride). It's best if you see someone if you think you can and can afford it. Master's very patient with me and I told him up front during our first discussion when we were both laying out our limits and expectations I explained that I had this problem so that he could ,make an informed decision on whether or not it was something he wanted to deal with, if not fine but I'm glad he decided he could because he's actually helped me a lot, and while i don't cry easily with him it's a comfortable thing to do. Not many people who stay up with you every night for two weeks while you have nightmares.

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RE: Repressed Memories - 4/8/2009 11:30:53 AM

slvemike4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Heh... I'm with everyone else, they are repressed for a reason, and they can stay packaged up nice and neat like everything else. :D

Ahh,sometimes they refuse too.35 y/o and I heard a phrase,a few simple words...and a light exploded in my head....'inappropriate touching"...Now when my head "exploded" the certainty of the event was solid.I can put myself in the room...I know how old I was ,I even know the date(my mother was in the hospital giving birth to my sister)...what I don't know and what has tortured me since has been what exactley happened....Tried therapy get closer and closer to the answer...but still 15 years later I don't have the answers just the shadows.

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RE: Repressed Memories - 4/8/2009 12:39:17 PM

Phoenixpower

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Heh... I'm with everyone else, they are repressed for a reason, and they can stay packaged up nice and neat like everything else. :D

Exactly!!!!!!!!!

I was told I drove with my brothers bike through our window into the cellar and had the head full of little pieces of glas and not one single cut...do I need to remember that??? Nope...

I was also told that when I was about 5 my parents and our neighbours thought that I will be hit by a bin collection van now as there is no chance that I would survive and no chance that this man would realise me in his loud van....luckily he did not hit me as I was quickly enough behind the van....do I need to remember that???? Nope...

When I was 8 I was hit by a car...I do remember leaving the footpath to start crossing the road and I do remember to wake up lieing on the ground in the entrance from a house with lots of people looking after me...do I need to remember how the car did hit me and how I probably have been picked up from the street and carried to the entrance from a house nearby??? Surely not...

Not to remember certain things of your life is good to protect you...don't ask for memories you might not want to have in the first place. Best wishes

p.s. I wish I would have more repressed memories then those I mentioned...there were other moments where I would love to have them repressed *sigh*

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 4/8/2009 12:40:10 PM >

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RE: Repressed Memories - 4/8/2009 6:01:27 PM

ShaharThorne

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For me recently, someone breaking my hard limits and no one telling him to stop what he was doing. I was raped when I was 11 and in more ways than one (hence the anal play is a no-no for me). It caused a psychosis of PTSD that was so extreme, I accidently tried to harm myself because I could not obtain sleep for over 5 days. Luckily I got into the hospital and the doctors upped the medication for PTSD so I am near normal now. I still refuse to talk about it since the original incident was over 30 years again and I don't want the nightmares again.

I am luckily I don't have a sexual hangup, just some hard limits that I demanded that should be respected...safe sex and no anal...PERIOD!

Off the soapbox now. Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt and came back for more without intenting to. I need a stiff drink tonight.

Shahar

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RE: Repressed Memories - 4/10/2009 12:23:23 AM

FangsNfeet

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I remember doing a little experiement in college. We told a guy a series of events that occured while he was drunk. As he kept thinking about it, he started remembering more and more untill he could tell the story from A to Z without fault or time laps. Everything we told him was made up. Even after we admitted to lying to him, the guy argued about "But I remember doing those things."

The mind is a crazy thing.

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