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A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 4:41:25 PM

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I have several questions for all of you Masters/Doms out there. (Let me add that the relationship is open.)

Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship?

What steps would you take to pursue someone in said relationship?

How would you pursue said person?

Would you allow your Slave/submissive to continue on with a vanilla relationship if the relationship was in place before hand or would politely ask her to end the relationship?

And now for the fun question: Why?

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 5:16:34 PM

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it depends...
on who she is
on the sort of relationship she has
on whether she wants to keep it
on the reasons for it
on the stage of the moon
...

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 5:17:37 PM

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From: St George Utah
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Mine is simply one of many opinions but mine is the one that I know. It may not always be the most popular opinion but the one that I stand by.

First off I would not get in a relationship with someone who was currently in a Vanilla Relationship. The Dynamics of my perfered D/s Relationship require a dedication that would not be fair to the Existing relationship and I do not feel it would be appropriate for me to interfere in that. I am however more than willing to wait for the right girl to get OUT of her Vanilla relationship before moving forward with it.

Now since The rest of the questions no longer apply I can only answer WHY?

I require quite a bit of dedication from anyone whom I take responsibility for. If they are to be in my life they will be required to give much of themselves to me as I would give much of myself to them and if they are already in a relationship I do not believe they have what I require to give.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
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Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 5:19:40 PM

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Part of it would depend on what was being looked for in the BDSM relationship. If it is play only that would be one thing; if it was expected to lead to romance it would be another. When I was a Mistress I would accept subs who only wanted session time and if they seemed like they were getting too close to me (closer than to their "loved" one) I would warn them that I did not want to break up an established relationship and if it continued they would be released.

It is not uncommon for a Master to want a sub/slave to belong only to him. It is part of what creates the strong bond between them. This is true even if he is poly. (This is a generalization and not meant to cover ever single relationship.)

Pursuing someone in the lifestyle isn't that different from the vanilla world - you pay them attention, speak seductively (though the topic may be a little different), and basically woo them.

_____________________________

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 6:08:08 PM

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Let's start with why. Because she has indicated she wants a non vanilla relationship that he can not give her. Then I have to ask if she believes she will ever be happy with a vanilla relationship or will want a full time D/s or whatever type of relationship.

I reviewed your profile and it says nothing about a vanilla relationship. If I approached you and then you brought up the vanilla relationship, I would say too bad, you should have been truthful from the start and good bye. I am not saying this is the case just how I would handle it. I have offerred to train him as well as her if he wants it. The purpose there is that truth is necessary for all relationships and that includes vanilla. Telling him what she wants will either get him to want to be part of the life also or he will leave her.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 6:40:10 PM

Usako

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I'm not a male but I know I wouldn't want to be with someone already in a relationship nor would I ask them to break up their current one for me. If they were that amazing, I'd show my interest and then let it be, if they ever become single then things might happen. If not, life moves on.

(in reply to mstrj69)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 7:14:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lovemetomorrow
Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship?

since I am poly.. that wouldn't be an issue. However... their relationship would affect the nature of the relationship I have with the slave/submissive.

quote:

What steps would you take to pursue someone in said relationship?

I don't pursue...

quote:

How would you pursue said person?

Same type of question as above just worded differently.. but my answer doesn't change.

quote:

Would you allow your Slave/submissive to continue on with a vanilla relationship if the relationship was in place before hand or would politely ask her to end the relationship?

I wouldn't expect the vanilla relationship to end except for reasons within the the relationship itself.

quote:

And now for the fun question: Why?

why not?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 7:22:21 PM

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I would not talk to anyone that has a lover/partner in hopes of stealing them away and when I have it clearly on my profile that I am taken and I get hit up by one, I block the Dominant... that just shows they have no common sense or they do not respect my relationship be it a vanilla partner or my Daddy it would not matter.

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 7:27:43 PM

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It wouldn't kill things completely but it would make things difficult. If she was in an open relationship and her partner knew, then the big drawback would be that I wouldn't necessarily be #1 on her dance card.

I would NOT ask her to end her existing relationship for me - that would be unethical. If I felt that the relationship was bad for her, as in abusive, or that she was about to end it anyway, I might prod her.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 7:30:57 PM

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If they were open and honest in their other relationships, sure. I'd approach it like anyone does a new possible partnership.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/23/2009 9:50:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lovemetomorrow

Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship?

Sure, why not? Most of us have been in 'nilla relationships at one time or another.

quote:

What steps would you take to pursue someone in said relationship?

I don't 'pursue' in the usual sense of the word. If a woman is interested in me, I give her my attention and see if the chemistry is there and something works out.

quote:

How would you pursue said person?

Keeping my caveat above in mind, we explore and see how things work out.

quote:

Would you allow your Slave/submissive to continue on with a vanilla relationship if the relationship was in place before hand or would politely ask her to end the relationship?

Whoa, wait. Are you assuming a casual spank/suck/fuck situation or something deeper? If she was in an ongoiong vanilla relationship, I wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. (You verb in the first question was past tense, not present tense.)

quote:

And now for the fun question: Why?

Why not?

I think your real question is if a dom would be interested in a vanilla man's wife? (shrug) For me, nothing would get past the casual stage.

If your question is would I be interested in someone who'd had only vanilla experience, my answer would be yes. I have pretty good radar for sensing a woman who hasn't recognized or come to grips with her submissive side. Those have turned into very good relationships.

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/24/2009 3:46:52 AM

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lovemetomorrow

I have several questions for all of you Masters/Doms out there. (Let me add that the relationship is open.)

Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship?

If I *knew* she were in a relationship, I doubt I'd be the one to instigate anything "extra curricular"....

quote:

Would you allow your Slave/submissive to continue on with a vanilla relationship if the relationship was in place before hand or would politely ask her to end the relationship?

And now for the fun question: Why?

We'd certainly be discussing why *she* needed two relationships because I can still cover all the usual vanilla bases, too. If she were reluctant to choose, then that's a choice in itself and would greatly limit the breadth and depth of our relationship. I can hardly own my girl when she's going home to someone else, and an ownership dynamic is a foundation basis of my M/s relationships. My property is mine to utilise however I wish, which makes choices and decisions infinitely easier.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/24/2009 7:08:14 AM

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quote:

Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship?

Umm yes. And the rest of your questions aren't really answerable - the answers depend on the situation and the person, so you will only get meaningful answers if you provide that in some detail.

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/25/2009 2:48:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lovemetomorrow

Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship?

Absolutely not. I'm an easy life person, and it's pretty much all or nothing with me.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/25/2009 3:20:21 AM

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My answer is: I don't share well...

(in reply to NorthernGent)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/25/2009 12:05:01 PM

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Hmmm love the subject! I would let her continue her vanilla relationship but of course everyone gets tired of the same flavor over and over again.

Wont have to pursue her after she learns to love othe flavors...black, blue, red....etc etc!

Basically you can keep your boring style and still enjoy a good fun kinky one time to time......Trust me.

(in reply to masterforRT)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/26/2009 3:09:44 PM

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There are a lot of issues here. The exact proper course of action depends on the details, not all of which we understand from your brief post.

I found myself in a similar situation last week - but from the other side. I was deeply annoyed when a woman who had represented herself as a single submissive casually mentioned that she also had a vanilla "boyfriend". We had been cooresponding for nearly two months. I wrote her that I would almost certainly direct her to drop him. I knew that this directive would probably end our budding relationship. Indeed she signed off in a huff of rightious indignation.

Some of the "issues".

Honesty - She had been concealing this guy. Maybe it's different if everyone knows everyone else who is involved right from the start. Women are always complaining about men who post that they are single but who actually have a wife at home. I now understand how they feel.

Dom's Role - Some Doms respond, apparently, to those ads from women who want to meet some guy on the side who will spank them the way her husband just won't or can't. Such arrangement certainly holds no appeal for me. They reduce the putatively Dominant male to the role of mi'ladys sex toy.

Control of the Sub - Almost all male Doms like to control their sub's sexuality. Some enjoy orgasm denial or delay. Some train the subbie to orgasm on command. Many forbid the subbie to masturbate except when specifically directed to. All of these techniques and practices are compromised when the woman has another man available nearby to service her.

(in reply to sailorfrank)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/26/2009 3:35:45 PM

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If she was in an open relationship and she really intrigued me or her smell drove me totally crazy or something, against my better judgment, I might pursue a relationship. If it grew, I'd force her to choose. How would I attempt to win her ... I'd conquer her and love her .. what else. Why don't I like to share .. Because I'm a selfish bastard who wants someone to give all my love to.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to SensibleSam)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/26/2009 3:42:26 PM

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Would you begin steps to enter into a relationship with a Slave/submissive that you knew was in a vanilla relationship? Not unless I was friends with both people and everything involved both of them and it was a training or demo type relationship that did not involve sex... I would never persue such a thing so the odds of those conditions being met are like 0%

What steps would you take to pursue someone in said relationship? I am a pretty blunt person.... I would tell them strait out.

How would you pursue said person? I wouldnt really pursue but just say exacly how I thought and felt and leave it at that and return for a response after they have had a few days to think about it.

Would you allow your Slave/submissive to continue on with a vanilla relationship if the relationship was in place before hand or would politely ask her to end the relationship? If it were my slave / sub I wouldnt have to ask no more than I ask my car if its okay to go to work in the morning.

And now for the fun question: I dont play games. I dont take sloppy seconds. There are a lot of single woman in the world that know what they want out of life why screw around with someone that is not single and has no idea what they are into. I have established rules for my personal reltionships and frankly going after a woman with the intentions you describe would break a lot of them. You cant come out of the gate breaking your own rules or it undermines the future of the relationship. If the relationship did go then she would have to prove herself continiously to me as I would never really trust her and there really isnt a reason to get involved in something like that. I play rough. I can pretend to be nilla but I get allmost no enjoyment out of it so therefore I dont like to play with them. Its just asking for trouble.

(in reply to SensibleSam)

RE: A curious submissive seeks answers - 1/26/2009 6:03:38 PM

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depends on her..while its not that hard for some Dom..many submissives can't split they lives that way..sure they can try it..but most have a very hard time of it..and sometimes lose both relationships...

(in reply to FRSguy)

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