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RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/25/2009 6:28:47 PM

missturbation

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I'm too changeable for a list to work for me, i'd be updating it every dy.

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Post #: 21

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/25/2009 6:54:56 PM

came4U

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There is a time and a place for everything, but in general people tell too much, and it is a turn off.

I'd rather learn along the way, I am patient. Sure pet peeves add up eventually to a breaking point possibly, but honestly, if I liked a person 'slowly' I can check some of their 'ticks' off one by one and might consider them irrelevant. (err maybe). I do not want to hear someone's entire life story in the first 5 minutes of conversation.

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Post #: 22

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/25/2009 7:59:04 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship (for me).

For a 21 yr old man, I think we can safely assume this is a turbo-charged eight cylinder engine ready to hit the wide-open road.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 23

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/25/2009 8:04:07 PM

aravain

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true enough.

It's somewhat misleading, in actuality. I define sex very broadly, really, and not very evenly

I honestly don't care if I get my rocks off (typically I don't or can't with a partner), it's more important that I can please my romantic partner (preferably multiple times per day).

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Post #: 24

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/25/2009 9:43:18 PM

DavanKael

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If a person is 'significant' (Word utilized in the OP) to me, they may feel free to ask me anything and I expect to have the same options. I have this peculiar attachment to honesty and real-ness in relationships, lol! :>
Davan

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Post #: 25

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/26/2009 1:26:48 AM

StormsSlave

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We just had conversations. Lots of conversations. We both asked a lot of questions, then listened to the answers, and most importantly, remembered the answers, in spite of our usually inebriated state. Making a list seems to clinical. It was much more exciting to watch his face, see his smile.

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Post #: 26

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/26/2009 1:37:18 AM

pixidustpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship (for me).

For a 21 yr old man, I think we can safely assume this is a turbo-charged eight cylinder engine ready to hit the wide-open road.

heh. its pretty much a vital thing for the 50 year old guy snoring away in the other room, too. (and yes, one can snore while wearing a CPAP.)

i think its a good idea to have an organized list (even if its only in your mind) that a potential partner should know about you. and even *when* that someone should know those things, you know? "hmm, we've been out twice, i think its time Cutesie-Pie knew *this* factoid about me." each step closer means something more they need to know.

example, someone that ends up filed under "probably a great friend to hang out in the mall and play the 'boxers or briefs' game with, not full blown relationship material" doesnt *really* need to know that biting the inside of my wrist will make me climax. it falls under "LOOK OUT! TMI monster alert!"

kitten, laughing

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Post #: 27

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/26/2009 2:52:24 AM

Evility

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Nobody needs a list to figure me out.

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Post #: 28

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/26/2009 3:18:22 PM

MidMichCowboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: auburnvixen

quote:

ORIGINAL: SultryItalian

quote:

ORIGINAL: NYLass

Oh my...

That's what I said.

I emailed him about a week ago when I stumbled upon his profile, and told him he had the best profile I'd ever seen, anywhere.

Ladies, thank you. But I would rather have a successful profile. :)

< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 1/26/2009 3:19:09 PM >

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Post #: 29

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/26/2009 5:39:31 PM

gypsygrl

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I do tend to think in terms of lists. I would like a list for everything, though I've accepted the fact that I have to do without lists for most things. Sir isn't much into lists, though he accomodates my need for them and even sometimes writes one of his own.   One thing about lists, so long as you're using them right, you're not forgetting things. And, if you're prone to forgetting things, lists can be a big help.

But, there is a series of things that a SO should know about me before committing. And, by the time they're an SO they've probably figured those things out without me necessarily having to tell them explicitly though I do pay attention if this or that issue has been covered in some way.   I do have a few things relevant to D/s that I really want them to know in my profile.

Of course, my own self understanding is limited so this sort of process only goes so far. Theres things an SO might observe about me that I'd rather keep to myself, or I'm unwilling to admit to myself, or am unaware of, or am only dimly aware of. So, any list I could potentially write about me would be incomplete. It would only be a list of things I know about me and also want them to know.   Sir recognized early on that I'm rather frail in some ways. Thats not something I would ever have included on a list of things to know about me because I never thought of myself that way, but is rather important when it comes to compatibility. Obviously, he accepts it, but others might not.

Similarly, I have um's and no matter how much I describe them in how much detail, until everybody's met everybody and has spent significant amounts of time with each other, and made their own judgements/observations/conclusions about each other, those descriptions are pretty meaningless. Simply talking about my kids isn't enough and I'd much prefer an SO spend time with them rather than listen to me talk. That way, they can decide for themselves. I guess thats the point I'm trying to make: the sort of process you're talking about in the original post where you have a series of things in the back of your head that you want to make sure they know about you might come into conflict with the other person's process of getting to know you. (if that makes any sense...I'm feeling like I'm rambling.)

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RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/26/2009 8:15:10 PM

aravain

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That's why I've tried (a few times) to clarify what I meant in the original post with later posts, apparently to no avail

*shrug* I guess I give up.

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Post #: 31

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/28/2009 6:32:12 PM

SirRussellP

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I have posted a checklist of bdsm related experiences on several website and it has been well received. It isn't all mine I started with a list found on the internet and then added to it. What it does is allow 2 people to compare each other wants and needs to see if there is a potential for them or just too many deal breakers to overcome. It rates each one from 0 to 5 and also have done or haven't.

Now as far as a list of who I am in a non-specific non-bdsm or D/s way that is way to complex for me to put together but conversations and getting to know the potential partner in both online time and in person is extremely important. Be open with this potential partner and try not to answer as you think they want but as you truly are and see yourself.

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Post #: 32

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/28/2009 6:58:17 PM

masterericslave

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I have a bdsm contract with Sir, but outside of that, he already knows everything there is to know! I'm pretty much an open book...love me or leave me!

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Post #: 33

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/29/2009 10:39:34 AM

Jeptha

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From: Portland, Oregon
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Making an actual list might not be such a bad idea.

Not to present a written list to someone, but to have a list of "talking points" that might be helpful for the other person to know at some point (perhaps not all at once!), or questions that might be useful for me to ask.

Mostly I just spend a lot of time defining terms at first.
Even what seem like the most basic terms people can interpret in a wide variety of ways.

Figuring out what the other person is looking for in terms of what the structure of the relationship might look like, what the boundaries might be, how much time they would wish for together, what kind of activities, etc.

Things that have been on my "list" in the past;
That I didn't want children (not so much an issue any more),
That I don't want to get married,
That I didn't want to live together (some flexibility about that now for a "short term" experiment...),
That I am a "slow processor" (sometimes will elect to take a lot of time to "mull things over" before coming to a decision - and sometimes take a while to "get my head around" new ideas.)
I have lots of more personal idiosyncrasies ~ but those are all part of getting to know someone more on a more intimate basis.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 1/29/2009 10:41:57 AM >

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Post #: 34

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/29/2009 2:42:54 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aravain

That's why I've tried (a few times) to clarify what I meant in the original post with later posts, apparently to no avail

*shrug* I guess I give up.

Don't give up, aravain. Go back and look at some of the posts...some get what you are asking. I believe I do and I have this to say:

I have a list of things that are brought out at certain points along the dating path or the "getting-to-know you" stage. These points are further divided into things I would...or will...tell someone I am dating and things that a partner who is considering moving further along should know. This second part is where it gets difficult...while I've spoken on here about my submissives and about my marriages and about my profession and about my parents, I have not gone into all the gory details. With someone I was considering entering into a relationship with, I might share some of those gory details but to be honest, I don't know that I would share them all...

Some things in life are private...they are your own to deal with and, if you know for a fact that what occurred in the past in no way resembles your life or you today, if you know that what happened 20 years ago has little relevance to today...and they should remain so. Despite what is often claimed, full disclosure is not always the great thing it is cracked up to be. What do I mean by this? An example: Does a person under consideration to become my significant partner need to know how many times I've been married? Yes. Does she need to know the reason behind the failure of my first marriage almost 30 years ago? Well, it it was due to my killing my partner or her acting as a "massage" whore and passing on an untreatable S.T.D. to me, then yes...she should. Other reasons? That is where it gets cloudy...the reason for the failure of my first marriage is an acceptable one but not exactly one that I care to bring up constantly and deal with in terms of something so long ago. And trust me when I say that I have had women look at me... when I have misjudged the extent of their "compassion" and have dared to share the full story ... and state some things like "God, you were blind...stupid...a sap...a weakling...etc".

So...bringing this rather long answer to a close, yes there are things I bring out to partners and yes, there is a time within the relationship when that is done.

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Post #: 35

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/29/2009 3:24:38 PM

feydeplume

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There are some things I don't disclose to potential snuggle buddies that i will talk about with actual snuggle buddies. There are things that even casual friends need to know for my safety and theirs like I have condition that makes me faint or (in worst cases seize). It is a VERY rare occurrence, like a few times a decade, but i prefer to let people know and what to do if it happens. I don't think i need to tell every single silly thing i have ever done or every time someone has hurt me (or me them). Biggies for snuggle buddies would be things like yes i am happy with my M and will not be leaving him, yes i do laugh this much and it's not nervous laughter, and I am serious about having my quiet time every day.

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Post #: 36

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/29/2009 3:52:53 PM

aravain

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Exactly, Jeptha

@CreativeDominant Thanks for the encouragement

I tend to throw my hands up in the air when I can't make myself understood quickly

Part of the reason I don't want to move down south once I've got my degree! Too many different idiosyncrasies in the language (not to mention partially bi-lingual students)!

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 37

RE: "The Fine Print" - 1/31/2009 9:01:07 AM

MyWorldCT

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I personally think that open and honest communication is VERY important (which I also wrote in my first reply in these forums).

If do not ask the right questions, or all the questions you wanted to, then end up in an arguement over something you should have discussed pre-collaring, then you both need to revisit your "mental list". I prefer to have standard questions, in hopes that the answers will be thorough enough for me to deduce my own opinions. A list is nice to do for yourself and to revisist and re-write as your life/training progresses.

Organized thought is always important as you live you life. If you need to pull-out a list when we are having a discussion about our futures and relationships, then you obviously have put some effort into your thoughts, so I will listen. We may not agree on everything, but who really does agree 100% of the time. If you say you do, then you obviously do not know your partner well enough, or the truth has not come out yet. It is life, it is a struggle at time, get over it and be stronger than your problems.

If you want to ramble on and change your mind 15 times during a discussion, then I will most likely shut-down on you. Need I say more...

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Post #: 38

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