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Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 1:27:35 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

For some reason, CM wouldn't let me log in to the message boards with my user name, which is SmartLittleGirl. If you would like to contact me after reading my question, I'd prefer to be contacted there, but I will try to remember to check this temporary profile as well.

I have just been accepted for submissiveness training by a male dominant. I have had an interest in spanking for a long time but would now like to explore other forms of submissiveness, and the dominant I mentioned has offered to help me. He lives about three hours away and has a live-in slave, making weekend visits out of the question, I think, so I don't know how often I will have sessions. Don't know any of the details yet, in fact.

My question is whether someone else here has begun exploring submissiveness after age 50. As I read the literature, and especially as I watch some of the videos on the sites to which he directed me when I asked for some guidance, I feel quite old. Also, I believe that if I do well with the training, I would be interested in finding a long-term relationship with a dominant man, something the man who has offered to train me says is off the table with him. So I also would be very grateful to hear from anyone who found a committed relationship (in whatever way you define "committed") after age 50 focused on D/s.

I'd be very pleased to elaborate if you'll send a note to me by going to my profile, SmartLittleGirl.

Many thanks.

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 1:36:28 PM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I started all this after I turned 50. Have also mentored other submissives in their 50s and 60s. I can answer any questions you have using my own experiences. Write to me on the other side and we can chat about those experiences.

I met Gary when I was 53 living in WA state and he was 63 living as a snowbird. We met at a week long kinky event called In The Woods. We recently celebrated our 3rd year living 24/7.

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 1:40:48 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

Thank you! I will write to you from SmartLittleGirl

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 2:46:25 PM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Hi Zia
I am 57 now and started my exploration of being submissive at 55. I have found this to be a hard and wonderful journey. Sir and I live about an hour apart, and been together over 2 and half years. I not sure if I can be of much help to you, but you are welcome to email me.

oceanwynds

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 3:21:24 PM

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/13/2009
Status: offline

I am not quite 50. I am 49 and just started along this path in the past year. You can message me if you like. I do have a Master and have been in a loving relationship with him for the past 7 months. If you are looking for a long term relationship though, no one else will be able to train you for your eventual Master/Dom. There are good sites out there for submissives that will answer any questions that you may have as well as many of the threads on CM. You may find these a bit more reality based then some of the other sites.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 5:48:15 PM

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm a 52 year old dom. and have just recently decided to actively seek only a D/s relationship. It's something I think, I know that I've always wanted but it seemed so unreal. Really wasn't until I came on CM that I found a place where real women openly admit to being interested in this lifestyle. Quite liberating for me, I haven't found who I'm looking for as of yet, but I have had some interesting contact here.

So now I'm single, was married until a year ago and I'm searching for a relationship and I'm very specific about what I want, most likely unrealistic, but I'm good on my own, have people on my life and I think I can wait. Until....

Could be interesting.

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 6:21:24 PM

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Just a little note here, spanking has nothing to do with being submissive, although plenty of submissive types do enjoy it. Spanking falls under the BDSM activity umbrella (Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism).

I'm not sure what "submissiveness training" will entail for you, but good luck with it. And just a little warning..., being "trained" by someone who has no intention of entering into a relationship with you can be fraught with problems..... the first being the propensity for the "new to the lifestyle submissive" falling in love with their "trainer", "mentor", "protector" or whatever other name they may call themselves. This guy sounds like he's just interested in getting his sadistic jollies off with you, then sending you on your way. That's fine if that's all you want.

You'd likely do better to try and find a local BDSM community and get involved there, interacting with a wide variety of people while you learn and get your footing.

Good luck to you.

p.s. You'll find many people come into the "lifestyle" later in life.

(in reply to rastermanblu)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/24/2009 8:10:45 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I was 48, but I think that's close enough. Yes, porn always shows pretty young things. So does tv for that matter. What of it?

As far as going with this guy who already has a primary when what you want is to be with someone in a relationship of your own? Why would you agree to do something you already know won't fulfill you? Why not find it all in a relationship with a man of your own age who would love to train you to fulfill his desires, and in return fulfill yours?

I don't know why you feel you have to settle for crumbs here but I suggest you think it over. Read profiles and see if there's a man in your area who you feel attracted to, then send him a hello note. Men rarely get written and would be more than happy to get an email. Most of them you won't click with, just like most people you meet you don't click with. But I'm sure there's someone out there who would be perfect for you, and think you are perfect just as you are.

I say this because I found such a man myself, happy that I was a newbie, and pleased to find someone compatible.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 12:11:15 AM

Posts: 5159
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

BRNaughtyAngel brought up a good point. Spanking may or may not be part of a D/s relationship.

There are spanking clubs for those who have an interest in only that. If spanking is your primary interest perhaps you could google spanking and your area. You might find a club near you.

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 4:31:38 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

First time i've ever posted on these message boards! lol!

i'm not quite 50 (47 this year), but i did stumble into this 'lifestyle' quite by accident only recently (last couple of years).

i felt like a child all over again, learning a whole new way to think, act, respond . . . having brought a lot of baggage with me regarding relationships, who i thought i was, and life in general. my Master has been very patient with me, for which i've been so grateful.

As a product of my own dysfunctional environment, as a "middle-aged" (yikes!) adult, i've had to unlearn some thought processes and reactions. T/this has opened me up in ways i never knew existed. i've found it has brought deep satisfaction and contentment to parts of me that knew they were lacking, but didn't know what was missing.

And i have to say thanks again, to my Master for His patience and care.

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 4:43:37 AM

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

While I took my first steps into my journey in my late 30s, I was ready for and found my first collared relationship well into my 50s. I met my Master 18 months ago, have been collared for 15 months and I moved in with Him 6 months ago. I will be 56 in March. Master is 9 years younger than I, if that tidbit of information is helpful *wink*

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 6:24:23 AM

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/17/2008
Status: offline

i started my journey at 60. i was so lucky to find my Master i am collared and enjoying every day with Him. Master has been very patient with me. i have alot of baggage starting with two failed marriages. W/we have been together for 5 months. and both of U/use hope to spend the rest of O/our lives together.

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 6:36:28 AM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

It does help when you have a Dom that is patient with you. Personally, I am not one to believe in trainers.

Coming for a 29 year vanilla marriage that only ended because of his death, I too had to relearn a lot of behaviors that just were not appropriate in Ds. Sometimes, I am surprise that Sir has any hair left. I am not collar, but consider myself his s-type from my heart.

Cm is a great place to learn about yourself amongst other things.

oceanwynds

(in reply to lynn1947)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 7:58:42 AM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zia3699

For some reason, CM wouldn't let me log in to the message boards with my user name, which is SmartLittleGirl. If you would like to contact me after reading my question, I'd prefer to be contacted there, but I will try to remember to check this temporary profile as well.

I have just been accepted for submissiveness training by a male dominant. I have had an interest in spanking for a long time but would now like to explore other forms of submissiveness, and the dominant I mentioned has offered to help me. He lives about three hours away and has a live-in slave, making weekend visits out of the question, I think, so I don't know how often I will have sessions. Don't know any of the details yet, in fact.

My question is whether someone else here has begun exploring submissiveness after age 50. As I read the literature, and especially as I watch some of the videos on the sites to which he directed me when I asked for some guidance, I feel quite old. Also, I believe that if I do well with the training, I would be interested in finding a long-term relationship with a dominant man, something the man who has offered to train me says is off the table with him. So I also would be very grateful to hear from anyone who found a committed relationship (in whatever way you define "committed") after age 50 focused on D/s.

I'd be very pleased to elaborate if you'll send a note to me by going to my profile, SmartLittleGirl.

Many thanks.

Not 50 but 40 and I went straight for the relationship. I figure that if he wants me trianed, he'll do it himself as only he knows his preferences.

I don't understand why weekend visits are out of the question. I am a live in and if he was engaged with another then I would be more then happy to make it work.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/25/2009 9:11:17 AM

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

These answers are all very thought-provoking. Thank you so much, all of you!

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/26/2009 2:48:59 AM

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

I started when I was 15 but I know there are some groups for over 50 on FetLife you could also look into.

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/26/2009 3:17:41 AM

jstmi

Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

hi, i am still rather new to the lifestyle but my first experience with r/t came when i was 48 and i am 52 now. i wish you the very best on your journey i know i cannot go back to how i was in a vanilla relationship. having had a few relationships in d/s it can be so rewarding and so wonderful . i have found my calling and even if it is later in life i look forward to continuing on that journey. i am fortunate to have a wonderful Ma'am who is helping me become the best i can be and i strive to please Her everyday. yes , we live far apart but the distance seems closer when we talk.

once again the best to you

jstmi

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/27/2009 5:01:18 AM

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

Oh yes, I learned about all this after 50. I'm happy to talk with you on the other side as well.

_____________________________

You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to zia3699)

RE: Older submissive women - 1/31/2009 2:52:26 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/24/2009
Status: offline

I am sorry to say that I'm just now coming back to say thank you to all.

Many thanks. You've given me some hope. I became less attractive to my putative top and am in a holding pattern now.

(in reply to bound4more)

RE: Older submissive women - 2/15/2009 7:06:26 PM

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

I always knew I was a slave. When I was in my single digits I desired to be dominated by a woman. This of course remained a fantasy for decades, since this was BTI (before the internet).

I first found the community in San Francisco when I encountered a lesbian magazine called 'On Our Backs' I believe. As a male slave, I did not fit the demographics, but I did find some ads for publications in SF. So I started doing play in SF in my thirties.

I'm in my fifties now and still have a healthy sex drive. I still desire to serve a Dominant woman, but there are few who are interested. Most men and women want partners who are 20 or 30 years younger. Such is life. At least I've had a number of short-term slavery positions, and those memories are still fresh and rewarding when recalled years later.

(in reply to zia3699)

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