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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 1:34:58 PM

Lockit

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No I am talking about how a submissive might feel about a dominant that will not budge on a limit they have and ask that you maybe go past your own in some way. About the fairness of it all and whether we view it differently for submissive's than we do dominant's. And how both dominant's and submissive's view this.

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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 1:52:05 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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I won't expect a servant to breach a boundary whether or not I would be willing to consider doing so for someone else, unless that servant changes hir mind and desires to do so. To me, life often does not seem 'fair', but authority-biased relationships do have a measure of fairness, despite the appearance otherwise. That 'fairness' resides in respecting that "no" means "no" on both sides of the kneel. But a "no" doesn't mean "never discuss"... at least in our house. In fact, I would hazard that someone who told me "This is my position and we can never discuss it again, even on a philosophical basis." would not be a suitable candidate for our home.

This doesn't mean that, just because I brought it up, I expect a different answer than the first time we talked about it... I consider myself free to bring up any subject for discussion that I choose. We are not static individuals, and things may change over time and with experience, and so, I don't see any harm in bringing up a subject, whether or not I have given ground on something on my end.

The point, I think, is whether the person in control -forces- the issue, or attempts to guilt the person yielding control into going somewhere that xhe doesn't want to go. If I do something to someone else for my own pleasure and to hir detriment without hir consent, or worse, with hir active denial of consent, that is an act of not -only- unnecessary cruelty, but of a level of selfishness that I would find reprehensible, perhaps even going to far as to say that I would find it sociopathic and criminal.

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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 1:52:39 PM

PeonForHer

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For me, the more hard limits are respected at first, the more I can play within them. Contradictorily, given that initial respect, the eventual result is that those hard limits are going to soften up. That would be partly a result of trust in one's partner.

If my hard limits aren't followed scrupulously at first, though, then I'll be edgy about doing anything at all. The long and short of it, for me, is that one just must be an assertive sub to be good either for one's dominant, or for oneself.

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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 1:53:51 PM

Lockit

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I agree!

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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 1:55:33 PM

LadyPact

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In general, I run into this sometimes, as I have certain tastes that are automatically on some males hard limit list. I've explained on several occasions that, they are activities that I enjoy, they aren't requirements that are a necessity. My "must have" list doesn't include things that are that unusual. Pain is one. Protocol is another. Most other things fall into the category of wants.

Now, on to a specific. To illustrate the point, I'm going to use clip's case and two of the hard limits that he came to Me with. One was needles, the other was whips.

When clip first came to Me, he was here being trained by the military as a nurse. Any one in the medical field knows that needle sticks under certain circumstances can lead to tons of paperwork and a pain in the butt in general. With this in mind, clip had this as a hard limit during his nursing training. I accepted this limit, though I knew it had the potential to change. As some of you have seen on pictures I've posted on another site, it has.

On the subject of whips, this was a hard limit for an entirely different reason. My sub's military service has also included time spent where he was in an active war zone. It isn't the pain associated with the whip play, it's the sound of the cracker. This is a limit that I have no desire to push because I feel it could create an emotional harm for him. It could bring up a turmoil for him that he is not ready to handle. I don't fool Myself and think that I am more qualified to handle situations that I may not be able. Should he come to Me and be ready, that's one thing. It would be irresponsible of Me to try to get him to do so before that time comes.

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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 2:47:58 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Or just use your whip silently, like me! I hate loud noises!

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Post #: 26

RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 7:17:25 PM

dreamerdreaming

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There are certain things that, if they were a hard limit, would preclude me from going any further with the prospective slave. Your question was about sex so I'll confine my answer there:

*wanker alert*

If my slaveboy would not drink my pee, directly from the source, and then lick me clean on a daily basis... If he would not stay naked for me, in my stainless steel cuffs and heavy chains every day of his life... If he would not stay locked in metal chastity for me when I am not using My cock... If he didn't agree to me milking him by hand, rather frequently... If he would not agree to only being allowed to orgasm in the most humiliating ways I can think of...And if he would not agree to be cuckolded while he watches, bound and helpless.... If he wouldn't allow me to beat his ass, torture his cock, etc. and have very strict control over his (My) balls (keeping them bound, etc)...

If he had any of those things as a hard limit from the start, I wouldn't waste my time trying to soften them. I'd just know he wasn't the slaveboy for me, that's all. I would bid the lovely boy farewell and good luck, and we'd stay friends. I have very specific needs and desires. Luckily I am NOT looking.

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Post #: 27

RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 9:57:25 PM

chezzy71

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Thanks to all for your very insightful responses.I am willing to discuss almost everything as my limits are fairly common in most cases,perhaps uncommon in just a handful of cases.I'll leave it at that and look forward to may discussions with Mistress.

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RE: respecting limits - 1/26/2009 10:09:43 PM

Nikitaa

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If the sub had a limit with something I enjoyed then the sub or I must have changed something about ourselves because I talk about the limits with the sub before I play dominatrix with a man. If the sub changed his limit and the kink activity was something I had to have then I would register an account on collarme and find a new sub.

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Post #: 29

RE: respecting limits - 1/27/2009 2:46:28 PM

MsDDom

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Joined: 1/1/2009
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if it is a hard limit, then i respect it...
if it is a limit w/ possible expansion...then discussion would continue...

open and honest communication is required in the relationship...in all aspects.

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Post #: 30