Is confession ever wrong?

Is confession ever wrong? (Full Version)

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beth314 -> Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 8:42:52 PM)
i had lunch with 2 friends today. Abby, who is married to Mark, and Tasha. Abby tells us that she has had an affair 4 days ago and as of today she is feeling really guilty and thinks she should tell Mark. Tasha drops her fork, and says, "What makes you feel that you have the right to shatter his life because you dont like the way guilt makes you feel? You deserve to have that eat at you every minute of everyday because you made the choice. Mark should not have to suffer because of your selfishness." i couldnt say anything because i have never really seen it from that angle. i'm curious how many would agree with Tasha and how many think that honesty is always the best answer no matter who it hurts? Any and all views are greatly appreciated:)

MissMorrigan -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 8:48:19 PM)
I am surprised that you could find nothing to say at having been made complicit in your 'friend's' affair/s.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 8:59:32 PM)
I've always seen it that way. Confessing relieves the confessor of guilt at the expense of the person receiving the confession.

ExKat -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 9:19:38 PM)
I'm the type who would rather be wise and miserable than in the dark and happy. Besides, confession won't really relieve the guilt (I assume), since then they'll be face to face with the pain that they were felt guilty of potentially causing.

starshineowned -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 9:44:27 PM)
Greetings.. Guilt relief or not..If you do not have honesty..you have nothing. In continued deception she's not going to act and react the same way towards him, and deprive him of measures of happiness from that stance alone. He should be afforded the chance to decide for himself what he wishes to do from that point on. Ending it, and leaving would be a lifetime of grief enough it would seem. starshine

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 9:51:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan I am surprised that you could find nothing to say at having been made complicit in your 'friend's' affair/s. Thank you for your comment Maam. Its true, i couldn't say anything because i was just flabbergasted. If i had spoken first, my response would have been to tell him and see if ya'll can work through it. If he doesn't forgive you, then you deserve it. You play, you pay. BUT when i heard Tasha's gut reaction, it made me think about what she said.

devotedinSD -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 9:51:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I've always seen it that way. Confessing relieves the confessor of guilt at the expense of the person receiving the confession. I agree.

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 9:54:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I've always seen it that way. Confessing relieves the confessor of guilt at the expense of the person receiving the confession. Thanks OsideGirl, i appreciate your comment.:)

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 9:56:59 PM)
My boy is not allowed to lie to me or withhold this type of information to do so would break our trust. Coming clean would allow us to work the issue (not that I would have one with him having a little fun as long as he told me about it and he knows that) Mike

MissMorrigan -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 10:00:14 PM)
My belief is that it isn't you who has the moral obligation to take responsibility for your friend's infidelity and notify Mark that Abby has had an affair. Their relationship is their business, not yours. What you need to decide is what is/isn't acceptable in your friendship - quite a lot of the time people use the guise of friendship to get away with some really crappy behaviours. I also do not agree with the viewpoint of 'Tasha', it's akin to saying, "I don't care what you do provided I don't get to hear about it"... If I could not have integrity and honesty in my relationships and friendships, I'd rather be single and friendless. quote: ORIGINAL: beth314 Thank you for your comment Maam. Its true, i couldn't say anything because i was just flabbergasted. If i had spoken first, my response would have been to tell him and see if ya'll can work through it. If he doesn't forgive you, then you deserve it. You play, you pay. BUT when i heard Tasha's gut reaction, it made me think about what she said.

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 10:11:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExKat I'm the type who would rather be wise and miserable than in the dark and happy. Besides, confession won't really relieve the guilt (I assume), since then they'll be face to face with the pain that they were felt guilty of potentially causing. Yeah, me too. i would definately want to know and i think i'd be even more pissed if a great deal of time passed before i was told. Don't know if i agree on the second part. Haven't you ever done something that you knew was wrong and when you finally came clean about it, you had a sense of relief? You know the whole confession is good for the soul thing? Thanks for the reply:)

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 10:17:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: starshineowned Greetings.. Guilt relief or not..If you do not have honesty..you have nothing. In continued deception she's not going to act and react the same way towards him, and deprive him of measures of happiness from that stance alone. He should be afforded the chance to decide for himself what he wishes to do from that point on. Ending it, and leaving would be a lifetime of grief enough it would seem. starshine Hi and thanks for sharing your outlook. That's a really big point for honesty!

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 10:22:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD My boy is not allowed to lie to me or withhold this type of information to do so would break our trust. Coming clean would allow us to work the issue (not that I would have one with him having a little fun as long as he told me about it and he knows that) Mike Thanks for the input, Sir. She has already broken the monogamy rule that was given to her, so she clearly has an issue with what she is allowed to do.

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 10:41:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan My belief is that it isn't you who has the moral obligation to take responsibility for your friend's infidelity and notify Mark that Abby has had an affair. Say what? Nobody has said anything about me telling Mark anything. Their relationship is their business, not yours. What you need to decide is what is/isn't acceptable in your friendship - quite a lot of the time people use the guise of friendship to get away with some really crappy behaviours. Yikes! you and i have a whole different view of friendship! my friends and i confide in one another. We always lend an ear, or a shoulder anytime day or night. We help each other through the bad times and celebrate the good times. People are human they make mistakes and if you dont stand by anyone through the rotten times then i guess you deserve to be alone through your own rotten times. We all need somebody to lean on every once in awhile. I also do not agree with the viewpoint of 'Tasha', it's akin to saying, "I don't care what you do provided I don't get to hear about it"... Can't even begin to imagine what it is you are trying to say here. If I could not have integrity and honesty in my relationships and friendships, I'd rather be single and friendless Best of luck to you in that....

GoddessTeaze -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 11:03:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beth314 i had lunch with 2 friends today. Abby, who is married to Mark, and Tasha. Abby tells us that she has had an affair 4 days ago and as of today she is feeling really guilty and thinks she should tell Mark. Tasha drops her fork, and says, "What makes you feel that you have the right to shatter his life because you dont like the way guilt makes you feel? You deserve to have that eat at you every minute of everyday because you made the choice. Mark should not have to suffer because of your selfishness." i couldnt say anything because i have never really seen it from that angle. i'm curious how many would agree with Tasha and how many think that honesty is always the best answer no matter who it hurts? Any and all views are greatly appreciated:) Secrets do tend to come to the surface.. One day or the other. Honesty is the best road is My opinion. And yes then she has to suffer the consequences, he will sense something is wrong in time.. That's why think before you act. I wish you enough. GoddezzT`

MissMorrigan -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 11:13:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beth314 quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan My belief is that it isn't you who has the moral obligation to take responsibility for your friend's infidelity and notify Mark that Abby has had an affair. Say what? Nobody has said anything about me telling Mark anything. quote: ORIGINAL: beth314 If i had spoken first, my response would have been to tell him and see if ya'll can work through it. Actually, you mentioned that (see above) and I was reiterating my relief that you exercised good judgement in remaining silent and NOT adopting a cavalier attitude that you ought to be the one to interject in their relationship quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorriganTheir relationship is their business, not yours. What you need to decide is what is/isn't acceptable in your friendship - quite a lot of the time people use the guise of friendship to get away with some really crappy behaviours. quote: ORIGINAL: beth314Yikes! you and i have a whole different view of friendship! my friends and i confide in one another. We always lend an ear, or a shoulder anytime day or night. We help each other through the bad times and celebrate the good times. People are human they make mistakes and if you dont stand by anyone through the rotten times then i guess you deserve to be alone through your own rotten times. We all need somebody to lean on every once in awhile. Infidelity is not a mistake. It's a choice. The choice was, in your friend's case, to have sex outside her primary relationship and make her friends complicit to ease her conscience - afterall, a trouble shared, right? I also have friends, we too support one another in times of difficulty but they know that there is no way I am going to hold their hands if they want to engage in shitty behaviours they refuse to take responsibility for. Dress it up all you want to and I understand why it is you are being defensive here, it still doesn't alter the fact that the one person your friend should be discussing this with remains ignorant. How would I feel if I were the man involved in this and people were discussing whether to keep something secret they had no right to being privy to in the first place? Angry. there are two issues here. Firstly, the infidelity. Secondly, the fact it was being discussed with others over whether they felt I had a right to know. quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan I also do not agree with the viewpoint of 'Tasha', it's akin to saying, "I don't care what you do provided I don't get to hear about it"... quote: ORIGINAL: beth314 Can't even begin to imagine what it is you are trying to say here. I thought it quite clear. People can pretend a situation isn't occurring, people in marriages tend to do it all the time, at the end of the day the only people they are fooling is themselves. Would you much rather have a relationship where you can look across the dining table and directly into the eyes of your partner and know that you are united in honesty, integrity, faith and love or spend your days avoiding eye contact? I know which I prefer. quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan If I could not have integrity and honesty in my relationships and friendships, I'd rather be single and friendless quote: ORIGINAL: beth314Best of luck to you in that.... I assure you there is no luck involved in having either, which I do.

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 11:30:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze Secrets do tend to come to the surface.. One day or the other. Honesty is the best road is My opinion. And yes then she has to suffer the consequences, he will sense something is wrong in time.. That's why think before you act. I wish you enough. GoddezzT Hello Goddess:) So nice to get your input. I always value your opinion. Last time, i gained a wonderful friend:) thank you!

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 11:38:02 PM)
Wow! i will yet again exercise some good judgement and refrain from saying anything if i can't say something nice:) Have a nice day!

beth314 -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/29/2009 11:43:34 PM)
Sincerest apologies, Goddess. don't know what i did to make the text sooooo small. the reply was: Hello Goddess:) So nice to get your input. I always value your opinion. Last time, i gained a wonderful friend:) thank you! bethany

colouredin -> RE: Is confession ever wrong? (1/30/2009 1:53:14 AM)
To be honest if you have cheated there is something wrong with the relationship, simple really. Its funny actually the just the other day I had a date with someone who told me he once cheated and didnt tell her just broke up with her. I actually think those are the only options, fess up or leave. But for me once you have cheated there is no point in carrying on.

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