RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom?

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RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 1/31/2009 6:44:49 PM

NCNutCase

Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Are you considering marrying the guy or dating him?

I completely agree that being 12 years older than you gives him a lot more life experience... which just might mean he has more to offer a mature 18 year old than a guy your own age...

If you enjoy talking to him, then talk to him... if while getting to know each other a relationship developes, go with it... keep your senses and don't become so vulnerable to him that you can't step back...

In all honesty, most of the responses I've read (and I have not read every post in this thread) that are telling you not to give the guy a chance sound quite paranoid...

Take the warnings offered here and be careful... and take the encouragements and live a little... the balance will serve you well ;-)

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

Post #: 101

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 1/31/2009 11:00:39 PM

lilmisssubmiss

Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NCNutCase

Are you considering marrying the guy or dating him?

I completely agree that being 12 years older than you gives him a lot more life experience... which just might mean he has more to offer a mature 18 year old than a guy your own age...

If you enjoy talking to him, then talk to him... if while getting to know each other a relationship developes, go with it... keep your senses and don't become so vulnerable to him that you can't step back...

In all honesty, most of the responses I've read (and I have not read every post in this thread) that are telling you not to give the guy a chance sound quite paranoid...

Take the warnings offered here and be careful... and take the encouragements and live a little... the balance will serve you well ;-)

ya couldn't agree with you more.

(in reply to NCNutCase)

Post #: 102

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 1/31/2009 11:35:17 PM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

What is really going to shock you later on..like when you are 40, is just how immature guys of 30 are..they just want to get laid

of course...

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

Post #: 103

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 1/31/2009 11:57:03 PM

Needysubgrl

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/13/2008
Status: offline

My first Dom was 17 years older than me and my Master was 36 years older than me. Both were mutally fulfilling relationships. The chronological age doesn't matter. Do what feels right and what makes you happy.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 104

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 2:44:22 AM

VioletAshes

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline

There are 12 years between my Husband and I and it has always worked very well for us... I suppose it depends on where you are in your life and what you both want from it.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm not like other girls that you know
but I believe I'm worth coming home to"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 105

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 8:26:22 AM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

I will turn the question around: is an 18 year old sub too young for any age Dom?

My view: Yes.

This does not negate anything about an 18-year-old being a sub by disposition, but I think it is too young for a Dom to be having a relationship in BDSM with an 18 year old. Regardless of which gender is the Dom(mme) and which is the sub. I opt for more life experience beyond age 18 because of the special challenges in BDSM, emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually.

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

Post #: 106

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 8:36:08 AM

MarsBonfire

Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

MarsBonfire's secret to a happy life: as long as the law is okay with it, don't give a flying fuck about what anyone else is thinking.

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 107

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 8:38:27 AM

MistresseLotus

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarsBonfire

MarsBonfire's secret to a happy life: as long as the law is okay with it, don't give a flying fuck about what anyone else is thinking.

If only life were that simple.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to MarsBonfire)

Post #: 108

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 8:55:02 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

I will turn the question around: is an 18 year old sub too young for any age Dom?

My view: Yes.

This does not negate anything about an 18-year-old being a sub by disposition, but I think it is too young for a Dom to be having a relationship in BDSM with an 18 year old. Regardless of which gender is the Dom(mme) and which is the sub. I opt for more life experience beyond age 18 because of the special challenges in BDSM, emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually.

I find I want to argue with you, pull the semantics game, and challenge you on this, but that is because it implies that I lived my life "wrong" and that my D's were "wrong" to be with me when I was young. I am sorry that you feel that young adults are too young to explore their sexuality (BDSM) or relationship types (D/s) since that is the age that most people ARE exploring those things legally.

I get that for you, they are too young (not enough life experience), I really do get that. I guess the wording just hit a nerve about how younger=stupid, incapable, malleable, lacking in worth and value, and inherently not worth it.

Anyhoo... it is a valid point, in so far as it goes, that a first relationship tends to have a lasting effect on a person. But if you feel that D/s-BDSM relationship aren't a good direction or life choice for someone, what are you doing here?

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 109

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 9:00:08 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Age matters. It's that simple. Do I like the idea of pounding on the tight beautiful flesh of some pup? Sure...I gotta dick ....means that I think like a man.

Compatability is essential as well. However, even though it is true that age is not the sole measure of one's character and the underlying compatability it does play a huge role in determining one's life experiences.

Tits that don't sag, a vagina untouched by the rigors of childbirth along with thousands of plunderings and an ass that you can crack an egg on, are all pretty damn fine qualities. The question becomes how much bullshit am I going to have to swallow to enjoy these wonderful perks of youth?

Apparently out here it is quite a lot.

Words of wisdom, as usual. We've missed you , bro.

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 110

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 9:08:26 AM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I guess the wording just hit a nerve about how younger=stupid, incapable, malleable, lacking in worth and value, and inherently not worth it.

If I was clumsy with my wording that you got that, then let me correct it.

Too young does not mean = stupid, etc. "Too young" was the term used by the OP. It is a loaded term, positive and negative. Perhaps "too soon" would have been more precise. That is not to knock anyone for whom it did work out for at age 18 or younger, just my preference and perspective.

A D/s -- BDSM relationship is a good life choice for someone; I believe it has a better chance of working out well with more life experience beyond age 18.

(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 111

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 9:13:33 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for taking the time and effort to type that. I feel a bit silly getting bitchy about it, honestly.

Yes a lot of my early WIITWD relationship didn't last for a lifetime, but they weren't supposed to. It was about learning and growing and having a ton of good sex. So they worked out for me (and i would like to think for my partners) for what we wanted out of them.

Relationships are hard and complicated and wonderful and strange at any age, i guess.

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 112

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 10:33:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well speaking as someone who was actively involved at 18 and involved with someone 42 at the time, I can say my special challenges would have been in pretending to be vanilla and miserable in the process. Not sure why I need to do that just so I can come out of the closet at some nebulous "right time" later in life?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 113

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 10:54:34 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Okeeeedokee. Maybe it is time to view this from a man's perspective. Or "the older person's perspective." 18 compared to 30. There is a lot of growing up that transpires between those two ages.

I value conversation and a relevant view. The chances are slim that I will find that in someone that is 18 to their early twenties. What possibly would we have in common outside of the things I could do to/with her? That might be enough for awhile. However, sooner or later I know I would be pondering if the medical field had developed the technology where it finally might be possible to replace "her" brain with that from a more developed single cell creature.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/1/2009 10:55:09 AM >

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 114

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 11:03:44 AM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

Yeah, but you'd still be missing that ass that you could crack an egg on.

Nothing's "perfect".

< Message edited by cjan -- 2/1/2009 11:04:11 AM >

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 115

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 11:10:39 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

When I was 18, I had my own apartment, was selling cars, and going to college. My boyfriend was 35, my manager, and a complete tool. While I read, and studied, he perused Penthouse and watched sports. Truly, he had the brains and emotional development of a tic. No wonder he was married 5 times. No, I was not one. Not all 18 years olds are fluff heads domiguy. By the way, where have you been?

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 116

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 12:10:54 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The only one who can decide this is the op. If she needs someone she can bring home and meet her family, then this isn't a good idea. If she's fine telling her parents that she isn't seeing anyone when she is, not seeing him except while away at school, not talking to him from her parents house, then she should go for it.

The only one who can know what she needs in a relationship is her.

Now, it wouldn't work for me. I need someone who fits into my whole life, not someone I have to sneak around to see. But that's me. YMMV

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 117

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 12:13:42 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

There might eventually be hope for the parents point of view. I've always dated older guys, and C is 30, 9 years older than I am. Surprisingly when we visited my parents it went over very well...

Except mom kept hitting on him... and that was awkward.

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HBIC

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 118

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 12:32:19 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

*Snort*

'nuff said

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 119

RE: is an 18 year old sub too young for a 30 year old dom? - 2/1/2009 12:39:43 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

Let's have you put it in perspective.....

How do you view a person of 8? Why? Because you have more life experience. Do you see them as an equal.. or just mature for their age? The older you get the less it matters. Right now 18 is a very tender and vulnerable age which you will not see until you yourself have more living under your belt. We all have gone through it.. you'll survive. What is really going to shock you later on..like when you are 40, is just how immature guys of 30 are..they just want to get laid. LOL!

Lotus,

Extremely well put and right on the money!

CP

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

Post #: 120

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