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An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:18:35 AM

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Hi...

I was wondering something..

Can a person be both Dominant and submissive without identifying as a "switch"? I see some profiles here I know are from the same people: one is totally Dominant, the other is totally submissive, neither profile identifying themselves as "switch". This makes Me wonder: can you be both but be neither? (does this make sense?)

Perhaps I don't get the definition (if there is one) of switching so I look here for answers. I have heard everything from " I start out as Dominant and then at midnight we switch" to "one day I feel Dominant, the next, I want to give up my power". I also know of many people who are tops but enjoy the sensations play can bring from the other side.

Is there something that constitutes "switch" or like anything else, its just a title that means something different to everyone?

Thanks in advance

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So many toys-so little flesh...

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:21:27 AM

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Sure, someone can be both in that with a Dom they are strictly sub, or with a sub they are strictly Dom. It's obviously rare and incredibly hard to separate the 2 personalities in a relationship, but it can be done.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:24:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Banzai550

Sure, someone can be both in that with a Dom they are strictly sub, or with a sub they are strictly Dom. It's obviously rare and incredibly hard to separate the 2 personalities in a relationship, but it can be done.

But that fits the definition of switch.

(in reply to Banzai550)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:26:38 AM

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I think of a switch is someone who switches with the same partner. I started as a sub, but I have evolved as a Dom. Does that make me a switch too?

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:26:49 AM

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A switch might change roles with one person, be top sometimes and bottom sometimes.

But a lot of switches stay exclusively in one role with any given person. They may be dominant with one person and submissive with another.

Both examples are switches.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:29:34 AM

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Maybe that's why they have 2 distinct profiles. They don't want to be labelled as a switch...too much negativity associated with it.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:30:56 AM

T1981

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It would, I imagine, depend on the person and the relationship. For instance, I am my husband's submissive. I will ALWAYS be his submissive - that dynamic shows no signs of changing. And I wouldn't want it to. It was long ago established that this is how the relationship works, therefore, that is how it works.

And around other Dominants I'm quite submissive as well. But with other submissive women, where perhaps the relationship lines have not been drawn as clearly as they have between my husband and I, I find that I greatly enjoy topping and giving pain. (Of course, with permission from said Dom/me if needed) For instance, one gal that we play with is far, far more submissive than I am, so that allows me to take up the reins and play top for awhile. She enjoys being the most submissive person in the room and I enjoy being able to give that to her.

So what it comes down to, is when the situation presents itself, if I can be of service by beating another willing gal, I'm incredibly happy to do so.

For me, topping is 90% giving back the wonderful sensations of a good beating and 10% (well, actually, maybe 80/20) satisfying the streak of sadism that I have in myself.

That probably didn't help, in fact, I think I even confused myself......

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(in reply to Banzai550)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 10:31:25 AM

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Can someone who is staunch submissive, say, live totally Dominant the rest of their lives even if they find someone who can submit effectively? Is "switching" a personality trait like being Dominant or submissive? Does one or the other always have to be satisfied?

As I said, I see people use both submissive and Dominant profiles and it just makes Me want to say: make up your mind! If someone says in their profile they are a switch, I tend to say "all right, you know yourself". Not sure I'm making Myself understood so bear with Me.

I tried bottoming when I first got into BDSM because I wanted to experience things from the other side. I felt I would be a more effective Dominant that way, but I also found that I am NOT a bottom/sub/slave because it isn't in Me to "serve". I don't identify Myself as a switch just because I tried it. I have known submissives who have had similar experiences, deciding instead that they were indeed Dominant, rather than submissive. And of course, people do go both ways. But they made a DECISION.

And of course, I probably need to separate the physical from the mindset. Bottoms can enjoy topping, Tops can enjoy bottoming, so let's say for the argument here, I am talking strictly personality wise.

_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to Banzai550)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 12:41:46 PM

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When I am dominant I am all powerful. I take no shit and I certainly take prisoners! As an edge player and sadist I become totally consumed within this role.
When I met Steve I was only curious about my submission but after a lot of grief in the past I didn't really believe I could go there. I met Dom after Dom in my search but each time I walked away with the thought that I was dominant only. I just wanted to eat these guys for breakfast.
Steve has been the only man that could bring me to my knees and he's a switch. I met up with him because I liked his mind but I never initially believed for one moment that he could make me submit.
All the dominants I had met had felt intimidated by what I was and I think thats because of my natural dominance and the fear that perhaps I could do it better than them!
Its a difficult thing to take on a woman that not only has worked as a pro Mistress but also become known on the scene for being a cruel and evil bitch and be able to knock her into shape!
Well this guy can dominate me with a mere whisper! When he dominates its frightening, hedonistic and truly mind blowing.

I never thought of myself as a switch but I embrace that title now. I will never say never again because I wasted so much time believing that a relationship with a switch could never possibly work for me.

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(in reply to Banzai550)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 12:46:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Banzai550

I think of a switch is someone who switches with the same partner. I started as a sub, but I have evolved as a Dom. Does that make me a switch too?

All it means is you have a dominant side and you have a submissive side too. You can call it anything you like. If you tell people your a banana you will probably confuse them about as much as you would if you told them you are a switch.

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S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Banzai550)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 12:55:16 PM

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If those people that have two profiles (One as Dom and one as sub) are not being honest about the second profile, then they are being deceitful. A Dominant need must always be met. A submissive need must always be met and if they just end up doing one side of what they are about because they lied about who they really are, then they will end up resentful and unhappy.

When I first put up a curious submissive profile on here I talked to hundreds of guys (Doms) The moment they knew about my switch side, a great deal of them (actually a disturbing amount) started confessing that they would love to be dominated.

There are far more switches than will ever confess to being one.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 12:55:53 PM

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From: Sacramento
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I don't switch with Daddy, he's always Daddy and I am always baby. Our roles never change. Not only would he never allow me to dominate him in the bdsm sense D/s M/s, I don't wish to. Even though I am a switch I don't want a Dominant, who doesn't want to be dominant the whole time. A switch Dom never appealed to me and probably never will.

No, Starting as a sub and changing to a Dom doesn't make you a switch in my opinion, it makes you someone who changed orientation.

To me a switch enjoys both domination and submission.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Banzai550

I think of a switch is someone who switches with the same partner. I started as a sub, but I have evolved as a Dom. Does that make me a switch too?

(in reply to Banzai550)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 4:13:14 PM

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I think anyone who does both giving and getting, whether D/s or S/M or bondage, can reasonably be classified as a switch, whether or not they do it with the same person. Even if I am in a monogamous relationship with someone as a Domme, submissive, top, or bottom, I am still a switch, just as I'm bisexual even when I'm in a monogamous relationship with a man.

As to why have separate profiles, I agree that some people are deceitful. Many people are not interested in switches, so they put up two separate profiles to appeal to them, and hope they won't be discovered. However, I think that it can be difficult to express what you want on both sides of the coin without being too verbose or confusing. I had considered putting just the general stuff in my profile, and putting more detail in for bottom/submissive and top/Domme in separate journal entries, when I created this profile.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 8:50:31 PM

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Someone with more than one profile raises a red flag with me. I was contacted by someone who confessed to have 3 totally different profiles. Yes, one was as a dominant, one as a submissive, and the third was the oddest one, just into degradation. He contacted me using all 3. (Same pic for all, though) Needless to say, I wasn't interested in any of them.

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/6/2009 11:20:12 PM

Posts: 152
Joined: 12/22/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

Hi...

I was wondering something..

Can a person be both Dominant and submissive without identifying as a "switch"? I see some profiles here I know are from the same people: one is totally Dominant, the other is totally submissive, neither profile identifying themselves as "switch". This makes Me wonder: can you be both but be neither? (does this make sense?)

Perhaps I don't get the definition (if there is one) of switching so I look here for answers. I have heard everything from " I start out as Dominant and then at midnight we switch" to "one day I feel Dominant, the next, I want to give up my power". I also know of many people who are tops but enjoy the sensations play can bring from the other side.

Is there something that constitutes "switch" or like anything else, its just a title that means something different to everyone?

Thanks in advance

I have heard this issue addressed many times and still have not found 100% agreement. But, the explanation I found that resonated best with me broke it down somewhat like this.

Top and bottom are more activities for a scene. The Top does and the bottom receives.

Domme/Dom would indicate a Dominant personality and submissive would indicate a more submissive personality.

Now, as human beings we have many flavours in between. There are some that could be 100% Dominant and others 100% submissive, but many fall in between the scale. Some may define that as "switch".

For me, I use Domme/Dom and submissive to define the personality traits of a person and Top/bottom as the activities. You can have a Dominant person have their submissive Top them. In this case the Dominant would be a bottom, but very Dominant for She/He would be in control of the scene. I would not define them a switch in terms of Domme/Dom and sub, but in terms of Top/bottom perhaps. Maybe there are some Dominant personalities that prefer to receive, bottom, but they are in control of each stroke and how it is done. There are so many gray areas.

And then I know some that are submissive or slave to One Dominant or Master/Mistress and yet find they wish to dominate others, if given permission, and thus give expression to their Dominant side.

From what you are saying, if someone has to have 2 or 3 different profiles, well then that raises a flag to me. If they are up front in one profile that they are primarily Dominant but will submit for the 'right' partner, or primarily submissive but have noticed some Dominance they are wishing to experiment with, then I find that totally honest and up front and see that they may be in transition or a form of transcendence to a new state of being. But 2 or 3 different profiles, again, my trust factor would be very low in that case.

I am not very submissive. I have a deep inner desire to serve someone, and when I meet that someone I choose to give that submission to, then I will definitely do so whole heartedly. That does not make me a switch in my eyes. I just don't like submitting to everyone. It's an intense state of mind for me that I will only go to for someone I trust, over time.

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(in reply to MistressAinCT)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/7/2009 8:32:47 AM

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I have a very dominant personality. I speak my mind, I don't let ANYONE tell me what to think, and I know what I want and will do what it takes, within reason, to get it.

I still identify as a sub.

What it all comes down to is what makes sence for you. If someone feels like they can be both dominant and submissive, and still identify as one or the other, then that's what works for them. If they feel more like a switch, then that's okay too. It can be difficult, and I certainly do it too, but try not to get too hung up over 'what is right?' or 'is it possible?'. Nine times out of ten, the answer is yes, no, and everywhere in between.

(in reply to MistressAinCT)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/10/2009 1:49:02 PM

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And some are just confused; I fell into BDSM after meeting a Dom, who later became My Master. Since I'd always enjoyed catering to/spoiling My man and I LOOOOVED being on the receiving end, I figured the sub role fit. It didn't. While I loved Him dearly and would've done anything for him, I soon found that it really grated on My nerves to be TOLD what to do, whereas I wanted to spoil him according to My desires, not His, i.e. I would have willingly made him a sandwich if I knew he was hungry, but I hated to have it demanded of me. I'm also big on surprises, so having an expected routine - thereby negating the need for a verbal order - also didn't work for Me. I soon came to realize that I'd be truer to Myself in the Domme role, and it does work for Me -- (1) I still get to spoil my male, just in a different way; I know that it brings him joy to submit to Me, so I know he's getting what he wants/needs. (2) My ex- used to refer to me as a "control freak", so of course, I get to let that out without being put down for it.

BUT! I do still like to be on the receiving end - bottoming - physically, so I guess in My case, I'm a Domme who likes to bottom on occasion!

(in reply to Sfortzando)

RE: An innocent question... - 2/10/2009 7:27:12 PM

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Imo, someone who can Dom and sub is a switch.
People here and everywhere else take lots of odd liberties with definitions.
< shrug >
Davan

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RE: An innocent question... - 2/13/2009 11:54:46 PM

TwilightsKitten

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For me, as a switch, I am either the Dom, or the sub, depending on who I am with. I may, for example, let a pet that is feeling a little frisky be the top, or maybe even a little dominant with me, but at the end of the day, I am still the Dom, and they are still the pet. So for me, while I am comfortable with and enjoy both, I may strictly be one or the other, or sometimes maybe 90/10 but I don't do 50/50. I want my role and my partner's defined, but that is something that changes with each individual partner. With one person, they may be totally submissive, and I'll be totally dominant, or maybe they are mostly dominant with submissive streaks, so I'll be mostly submissive, yet willing to be dominant when her submissive side shows. All switch truly means is you are capable of both to some degree. Some can do one or the other 100%, some are 50/50, 80/20, and so on. So a person that can be all Dom or all sub, is a switch. Most people make 2 different profiles to avoid the negative reactions associated with switches being unsure or not knowing what they want or who they are. For me, I know exactly who I am, and proudly label myself a switch. If people can't see past stereotypes within a community that is already stereotyped....do you really want to spend your time on them? I know labeling myself a switch has caused me some grief before, but that's what profiles are for, right? If a switch is able to tell you what they want as both, they are probably sure of and comfortable with who they are. Making a bunch of profiles just leads to people thinking you are insecure. If you are a switch, be proud of knowing that is who and what you are. You can't explore with someone else until you have discovered yourself. As always, just this kitten's humble opinion. Mew!

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(in reply to DavanKael)

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