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What should I do? - 2/9/2009 12:54:51 PM

Absentia666

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From: Washington, DC
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I need some advice, some support from someone, I don't know what to do...

I've been with my Master for about two years now, he's the most loving, kind, caring Master I have ever had and I love him.. But recently.. he's confessed to me that he's also a switch, and thet he would like it if I could be dominant with him...

Usually if he asked me to do something I would have no reservations.. but .. I don't know what to do. I was born to be submissive, even just thinking about being dominant in the least bit sends me into panic attacks. I start to shake and get scared and nervous and I just don't think I can do this...

Is anyone here a Sub to Switch? ... Can you give me any kind of advice on trying to get over this innate fear I have so that I can be the slave my Master wants me to be for him?

Please help.

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RE: What should I do? - 2/9/2009 5:51:01 PM

DavanKael

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Perhaps you can approach it from the mental perspective of serving via topping him.
Davan

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
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RE: What should I do? - 2/9/2009 7:51:27 PM

Absentia666

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I have thought of it that way and I think that it would most likely benefit us both, btu I'm also looking for a few more alternatives just incase it doesn't work.

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RE: What should I do? - 2/9/2009 9:43:02 PM

DavanKael

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What other alternatives have you entertained?
And, can you better articulate your fears/anxieties about doing as your Master wishes?
Service is service, regardless of the side of the kneel.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to Absentia666)

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RE: What should I do? - 2/9/2009 10:11:33 PM

E2Sweet

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Have you considered seeking out someone from outside the relationship (as it is configured now) to allow him to explore this?

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"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

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RE: What should I do? - 2/9/2009 10:43:48 PM

Nikitaa

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Can you act? Have you ever acted in a play in school? Do not think is domination, pretend is acting. Have your dominant write or tell you his domination fantasy and then you pretend you are actress playing part in a movie. You are not really dominant, just actress playing a role.

There is not a real James Bond, just man playing him. Not a real Desperate Housewives, just actresses. In your instant, not a real Absentia dominant, just you pretending. Have fun and wear customs so you realize you are only playing character. Use different voice and accent. Really become a fiction character. The more silly you make the fiction character the easier is to disconnect the fiction character and yourself from each other. Your dominant should not mind if you become a silly fiction character. He probably would enjoy and might have his own idea.

If you really involve yourself in the fiction character you create you will discover is not you doing the domination, the domination is getting carried out by the fiction character you create.

This idea works for real. Is like you are outside your body watching a play.

Good Luck

< Message edited by Nikitaa -- 2/9/2009 10:49:10 PM >

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RE: What should I do? - 2/9/2009 11:14:47 PM

aravain

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Does he want you to *dominate* him (mentally), or top him (physically) or a mixture of both?

Defining the exact nature of switch that he means may be more helpful, especially to you.

Personally I wouldn't be able to *dominate* someone at all, but I relabled as switch rather than submissive because I *do* need to 'top' someone every now and then.

(I personally like the terms 'order' vs. 'hit' but they're really simplistic so most people don't

)

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RE: What should I do? - 2/10/2009 4:00:30 AM

chainedgirl

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For me personally, I could not do it. I want to explore domming one day, but not my own dominant. That would be too much of a head f*ck. As it is I am more than happy for him to find other submissives to play with, either casually or something more permanent, but then I was never monogamous to begin with.

I did have a dom once who was into dressing up as a woman when topping. This didn't bother me at all, it just wasn't for me, so I told him to go ahead and find someone else to do that with but we could still have our relationship. He did and now they are now a happy couple.

In the end, how do you feel about him having this need met elsewhere? Is there enough trust in your relationship to do this?

(in reply to aravain)

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RE: What should I do? - 2/10/2009 1:25:44 PM

sensura

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Its all personal choice some dont mind others wont have it. As I am bi my Master and I domme a woman together, I trust him completely as she is just a toy, no feelings involved. If he wants to do something to her that I wont do then by all means go for it. As long as she agrees. I would trust him if I met the girl he was with and I wasnt involved. The bond and trust in this lifestyle to me goes much farther than in any other kind of relationship

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RE: What should I do? - 2/10/2009 8:00:36 PM

Absentia666

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I'm sorry I haven't had time to get online and reply. All of the help and suggestions are very much welcomed.

I'm sorry I wasn't clearer in my explaining the situation. To clarify, He wants me to Dom him physically and mentally, not Dom -with- him.

Bringing another in from outside of the relationship is a big NO. Its one of my hard lines, I have issues with insecurity that demand I remain in a manogamous relationship.

Nikitaa: I never thought of it that way o.o... It may actually work, I know my Master will be somewhat pleased as long as I try my best.. so even if it doesn't work out its still a really good suggestion.

I think a mixture of The 'serving through Domination' and the acting out might work the best..

Thank you all for the advice. More would be welcomed lol since this may not work, but hopefully it will at least help with some of the reservations I have and help me break the ice per-say.

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RE: What should I do? - 2/11/2009 12:34:09 AM

Nikitaa

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^^^
Just try and enjoy yourself.
Look upon as fun and acting

Good luck

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RE: What should I do? - 2/11/2009 4:00:50 AM

allthatjaz

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Absentia, your fears are well founded fears and possibly your biggest fear is how you are going to react and feel when you see your Dominant submits to you.
I have never been very submissive but I can comprehend what your going through.
Is your love strong enough to see you through this?
Have a thought about him (Im sure you are doing). He has kept this secret for fear of rejection for two years but what an awful secret for him to keep. He has now released that secret with the woman he loves and trusts and in doing so he risks losing you and he knows that or he possibly makes your love for each other ever more open and honest..... He must be going through a lot of guilt and inner turmoil right now.
Think of it as something you are giving to him. You gave him your submission and now you will give him some dominance (even if it is only acting). His need to submit is not something that will go away if you can't do it and if he feels he has to put that part of himself back in a closed box then he will never fulfil part of his dreams.

I do know a switch/sub couple that have an incredibly strong bond. He told her a few years in that he needed to submit and she was in just as much turmoil as your in right now. She did play out the occasional Mistress part and I remember her saying how difficult that was at the time. I remember her saying, 'I did all my crying and put away my doubts of losing a Master and started to concentrate on the new celebration of being able to fulfil each others dreams totally and honestly'

I wish you well

Maria

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RE: What should I do? - 2/22/2009 1:29:57 PM

SassyFINAM

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Thanks, Absentia666, for the post. I am too in a similar situation - although I am pretty new to BSSM as we started out in a vanilla relationship and he introduced me to this - and I found out that it was something that I had been missing ;). I think we are still mostly vanilla, but both enjoy experimenting. He has dominated so far and I tried twice on his request and I want to satisfy him better...and I know it will have to be more of 'acting' or mentally preparing to serve as a top like Nikitaa and DavanKael suggested. It doesn't come naturally or from the 'heart' to me. Thank you for those suggestions - I will try those out.

Also thank you, allthatjaz, for words of wisdom. It got me thinking about fulfilling each other totally and honestly.

As far as sharing (chainedgirl, E2Sweet, Sensura)...I don't deem myself insecure or untrusting...I just prefer one person at a time. I don't mind watching together or being watched, but other than that sharing is not for me either.

Have a great day, everyone.

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RE: What should I do? - 3/4/2009 2:30:27 PM

Marion001

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if your dom is patient, he will help you learn how to dom him. ask him for advice outside of the scene. negotiate with him extensively and watch him yourself for ideas and knowledge when he doms you. t, the best thing to do is to accept the fact that he wants to submit to you, trusts you to do a good job and take it for what it is, a gift.

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