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Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 11:21:03 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

I need some advice - and fast. I am about to end a long distance (he Austria, me USA)relationship with my Master who I have been begging to come see me or let me come see him. He said I could not come see him, but that he would someday come see me. I am very new at this and he is my first. He says he would like to give me a collar but I don't have one. We are in a monogomous relationship and have talked since April.

Anyway, I thought we were in a monogomous relationship. He finally has agreed to come see me, but there is a huge problem. He told me that he would see me at the end of January or beginning of Feb. But now he says before he comes to see me, a woman who he has been chatting with for 5 years has said she wants to see him. He said she could. He says he will come see me two weeks later than he had planned so he can meet with her. I wanted to know why we couldn't meet her together if she was truly just a friend and it means nothing. I was completely shattered. I built my life and my world around the two of us and now I've learned there is a woman for whom he would break his promise to me. I don't know what to do. I'm seeking another Dom right now because now I don't want to be without one and I want it to be real this time.

My question is: am I over reacting? Is this normal Dom behavior (seeing past women before meeting with a potential life partner)? Is it not my place? He says he's sorry he has hurt me but he has given this other woman his promise that she can come. He says he has known her 5 years so he has to keep his promise to her, but he says they are just friends.

Any help or advice is welcomed.

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 11:32:04 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatziboo
My question is: am I over reacting?

No but you are acting immaturely.

quote:

Is this normal Dom behavior (seeing past women before meeting with a potential life partner)?

It's common behavior. Not normal. In reality he's probably trying to keep you both on his leash.

quote:

Is it not my place? He says he's sorry he has hurt me but he has given this other woman his promise that she can come. He says he has known her 5 years so he has to keep his promise to her, but he says they are just friends.

Any help or advice is welcomed.

I think you are already out the door on this one. I think the fact that you are looking for another relationship because you can't be alone says you aren't ready to be in any sort of relationship at all. I think you fell for the first guy who gave you prolonged serious attention without really analyzing his character and now are too insecure to realize good behavior from bad and will settle rather than building a strong foundation for yourself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 11:37:35 AM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I need some advice - and fast. I am about to end a long distance (he Austria, me USA)relationship with my Master who I have been begging to come see me or let me come see him. He said I could not come see him, but that he would someday come see me. I am very new at this and he is my first. He says he would like to give me a collar but I don't have one. We are in a monogomous relationship and have talked since April.

Anyway, I thought we were in a monogomous relationship. He finally has agreed to come see me, but there is a huge problem. He told me that he would see me at the end of January or beginning of Feb. But now he says before he comes to see me, a woman who he has been chatting with for 5 years has said she wants to see him. He said she could. He says he will come see me two weeks later than he had planned so he can meet with her. I wanted to know why we couldn't meet her together if she was truly just a friend and it means nothing. I was completely shattered. I built my life and my world around the two of us and now I've learned there is a woman for whom he would break his promise to me. I don't know what to do. I'm seeking another Dom right now because now I don't want to be without one and I want it to be real this time.

My question is: am I over reacting? Is this normal Dom behavior (seeing past women before meeting with a potential life partner)? Is it not my place? He says he's sorry he has hurt me but he has given this other woman his promise that she can come. He says he has known her 5 years so he has to keep his promise to her, but he says they are just friends.

Any help or advice is welcomed.

If there aren't a million red flags going off in your head by now, there should be. The first and most important thing is for 'you.' He is still your "Master" albeit it may only be online, so looking for another Dom because you don't want to be without one is just bad form. Dump the first one before you go looking for another. If you want it to be real this time, seek out local Doms at local venues.

As for the 'is it usual' for a Dom to behave in this manner. Of course it is, if they are a player. His word is mutable and he has no problem making dual promises he can't possibly keep. Which came first, the chicken or the egg. If he promised her first, she could come see him, then why go on to promise you something in the same time frame. If he promised 'you' first, then why make arrangements with someone else that were only going to hurt you and cause you grief. Chalk this one up to a life experience, learn from your mistake and move on after you give yourself some 'mourn' time to get over it. How can you ever trust this man's word since he's now broken a promise to you. How many times will you let his word be your undoing? How much hurt are you willing to accept from someone who's, literally, thousands of miles from you? One last thing, and this may sound harsh, but allowing yourself to become involved with an online relationship to the point where you have envisioned building a life together is something that you need to give serious consideration towards before you let it happen again. Seeking out another Dom before this relationship is technically even over says a lot about how you truly feel.

I wish you the best of luck.. keep your chin up, be smart, use your head, trust your gut.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 11:56:46 AM

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Hey...it's them crazy Aussie's...not Doms...play with people on this side of the pond.

Hang in there....before you know it...he'll have your skirt up and feel like he's back at home.....Down under!

Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 12:21:19 PM

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

I don't think that lack of communication and dishonesty are typical behavor for Masters and should not be for anyone in fact. A real Master/Dom/Domme will be honest about themselves. If He/She prefers a poly lifestyle then they should upfront about that and not lead you to believe that you are the one and only.

For me and my Master, honor and respect are huge. He honors me by allowing me to be His and i honor Him by serving him and submitting to Him. It's a two way street and dishonesty by either of U/us would break that contract or at least damage it.

You deserve a Master who respects you for what you can give to Him. Don't put up with lying or disrespect. You wouldn't do it in a vanilla relationship and you certainly shouldn't do it in a D/s relationship. What you can give to the right Master is worth so much more.

Seek someone who will adore you and your submission. You deserve it.

Just my two cents
typesgirl

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 12:44:58 PM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline

You are not over-reacting. You've been had. This behavior is not exclusive to Dominant males, vanilla males do the same thing, so please don't chalk his bad behavior up to anything bdsm-related.

It's very likely that the woman he's been "chatting" with for 5 years has the same belief in their having a monogamous relationship that you do. It's just been going on longer. If she was 'just a friend' he wouldn't mind your meeting her. There may also be other women. He may also be married-which explains the reason you can't go see him.

It's never a good idea to build your life and your world around someone you have never met. Although your mileage may vary, after over 10 years of meeting people from the internet, I've learned that it's best to not get too attached before you meet someone in person. Don't let it become a relationship before you see the whites of their eyes (and not just over a cam). Watch out for the warning signs-before you try connecting with someone new, pick up a book or visit some sites on Internet dating and learn them-those little red flags will let you know when someone is playing games with you.

The Internet is a great tool to connect with people that you might otherwise never have met-but don't let it be the end-all and be-all of your 'relationship'.

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 1:34:34 PM

Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

Sorry, but I agree with MysticalPhoenix here. Sounds to me as if he is playing games with you. I would end it now, before it got too much further.

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 1:43:49 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/20/2005
Status: offline

Thank you so much for the advice. I've deactivated my profile until I can get my head together on this one. You are absolutely right; I do not need to seek out other relationships until this one has been on the cooling board for a long enough time.

I would know better than this in vanilla life. This whole new world has thrown me.

(in reply to IceyOne)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 2:54:52 PM

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline

Sorry to have to agree with everyone above, but it does look like he's playing games with you. Not so much that he has agreed to meet someone he's been chatting to, but that you can't meet her together, and that he's told you that he'll come to see you but you can't see him. There's no good reason for that, he's clearly being dishonest with you.

No this isn't normal Dom behaviour at all, in fact, most of the rules that apply in Vanilla relationships, love, trust, honesty, commitment and respect, are just as valid whichever side of a D/s relationship you're on.

This may sound like a cliche, but you deserve better!

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 4:58:38 PM

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatziboo

I need some advice - and fast. I am about to end a long distance (he Austria, me USA)relationship with my Master who I have been begging to come see me or let me come see him. He said I could not come see him, but that he would someday come see me. I am very new at this and he is my first. He says he would like to give me a collar but I don't have one. We are in a monogomous relationship and have talked since April.

Anyway, I thought we were in a monogomous relationship. He finally has agreed to come see me, but there is a huge problem. He told me that he would see me at the end of January or beginning of Feb. But now he says before he comes to see me, a woman who he has been chatting with for 5 years has said she wants to see him. He said she could. He says he will come see me two weeks later than he had planned so he can meet with her. I wanted to know why we couldn't meet her together if she was truly just a friend and it means nothing. I was completely shattered. I built my life and my world around the two of us and now I've learned there is a woman for whom he would break his promise to me. I don't know what to do. I'm seeking another Dom right now because now I don't want to be without one and I want it to be real this time.

My question is: am I over reacting? Is this normal Dom behavior (seeing past women before meeting with a potential life partner)? Is it not my place? He says he's sorry he has hurt me but he has given this other woman his promise that she can come. He says he has known her 5 years so he has to keep his promise to her, but he says they are just friends.

Any help or advice is welcomed.

It doesn't sound to me like he has any intention of being a "potential life partner" with you. I would encourage you to stop building your life and world around someone who you have not yet met in person.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 7:12:07 PM

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/18/2004
Status: offline

Its a trust issue.
The only way to know is to find out.
If hes being honest with you he shouldnt mind introducing the two of you. By email, phone, perhaps webcam. He should be upfront and have nothing to hide. If he cant do that....RUN!

camigirl

_____________________________

You had me at "stay"

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 7:54:06 PM

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatziboo

My question is: am I over reacting? Is this normal Dom behavior (seeing past women before meeting with a potential life partner)? Is it not my place? He says he's sorry he has hurt me but he has given this other woman his promise that she can come. He says he has known her 5 years so he has to keep his promise to her, but he says they are just friends.

Any help or advice is welcomed.

Perhaps embrace the novel idea of accepting his divided attention? What would it really cost you?

While I generally understand your conflict, it's quite common for a dominant male to seek out more than one female to interact with. People looking for stable, traditional "boyfriends" shouldn't be looking for them across the other side of the world via the BDSM network, in my opinion. It's amazing you've made it this far, considering the odds. If in the end it doesn't work, try to move on and re-evaluate your methods.

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 11:18:36 PM

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

It doesn't sound to me like he has any intention of being a "potential life partner" with you. I would encourage you to stop building your life and world around someone who you have not yet met in person.

I agree completely, and will tell you bluntly Schatziboo that your alleged master sounds like a lying sack who is stringing at least 2 people along in addition to probably being married and lying to his wife.
I will attest to the fact that actually meeting and dating him doesn't necessarily mean he isn't attached, but in this case, with you offering to come, and him blocking you at every step, it seems fairly obvious he doesn't intend to do anything outside of online play. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/16/2006 11:20:58 PM

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Hey...it's them crazy Aussie's...not Doms...play with people on this side of the pond.

Hang in there....before you know it...he'll have your skirt up and feel like he's back at home.....Down under!

Peace, Kevin

(psst... yo Kev, Austria and Australia are two different countries in two different hemispheres. Quick before anyone sees it - edit your post to read:

Hey...it's them crazy Arian Racers's...not Doms...play with people on this side of the pond.
Hang in there....before you know it...he'll have your skirt up and feel like he's back at home.....wolfing Brats and gulping steins of beer!

Much better! Adds 10 IQ points at least )

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/17/2006 6:45:12 AM

Posts: 78
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline

My advice is this, find someone who lives in the same country , preferably within driving distance. Get to KNOW them before making any decision to serve them. Getting to know a person takes TIME it does not happen over night. I hear this all the time of people getting involved with someone very far away, thinking they actually know this person. You don't know that person you only know what they tell you and how do you know its true? You don't!
Get a hold of that urge to serve and serve yourself up a favor, find someone you can be friends with first, get to know and then think about the other stuff. In the long run you will be alot happier that you did.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to subtlesubie)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/17/2006 8:11:55 AM

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think you are already out the door on this one. I think the fact that you are looking for another relationship because you can't be alone says you aren't ready to be in any sort of relationship at all. I think you fell for the first guy who gave you prolonged serious attention without really analyzing his character and now are too insecure to realize good behavior from bad and will settle rather than building a strong foundation for yourself

My goodness. If you haven't witnessed this or lived it, WOW! The wisdom of this is outstanding and I needed to see this myself. Thanks for the insight.

Rich

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/19/2006 6:49:40 PM

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Schatziboo
My question is: am I over reacting?

No but you are acting immaturely.

quote:

Is this normal Dom behavior (seeing past women before meeting with a potential life partner)?

It's common behavior. Not normal. In reality he's probably trying to keep you both on his leash.

quote:

Is it not my place? He says he's sorry he has hurt me but he has given this other woman his promise that she can come. He says he has known her 5 years so he has to keep his promise to her, but he says they are just friends.

Any help or advice is welcomed.

I think you are already out the door on this one. I think the fact that you are looking for another relationship because you can't be alone says you aren't ready to be in any sort of relationship at all. I think you fell for the first guy who gave you prolonged serious attention without really analyzing his character and now are too insecure to realize good behavior from bad and will settle rather than building a strong foundation for yourself.

100 out of a possible 100! READ AGAIN!

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/19/2006 6:52:38 PM

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

have to be? no...

ending up being if the wrong Dominant is chosen...most likely

IMHO

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to ehlovindom)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/20/2006 7:42:08 AM

Posts: 206
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

First of all, I'm not saying that I completely disagree with everyone and there's nothing fishy about this whole situation.

But....

Is it really that odd to have to rearrange timing when you're talking about such distances? Yeah, if the three people involved are right around the same area, it's not a good sign to be juggling things so much. But we're talking about different continents here! Where is this other woman located? Maybe he's meeting her first simply because in her life, she can only arrange to meet him during that one time. It's then or never. Or at least, not for another good long time. If I'd been good friends with someone for 5 years and wanted to meet them, I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity completely just because of another "date" that COULD be changed. Why pass up meeting a good friend to meet a "potential" life partner, when you could have both instead?
And as for all three meeting, again to me it depends on where this other woman is. If one person is from the US, another is from Austria, and another is from Australia, I don't think I would want to have all three meeting at the same time. If I was going to fly across the world to meet someone, I'd at least want to have time to spend with them. Just me and them. I mean, if you were going to another country to meet a good friend, would you want to feel like you were in the way while he's trying to spend time with his long-distance girlfriend? I know I wouldn't.

That said, yeah, I'm rather suspicious about him not wanting her to go see him too. That's definitely odd. But changing the schedule by a couple of weeks for something as big as flying around the world? Not *quite* as suspicious. But then, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt FAR to often.

(in reply to Schatziboo)

RE: Does a slave also have to be a fool? - 1/20/2006 2:34:07 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

maybe this is just because i'm new at all of this, but my biggest issue with the whole scenario is that you've allowed him to be your dom but you've only interacted with him online. i've done the vanilla long-distance internet-inspired relationships, and guess what? they all crashed and burned. online, he could be anyone... dom, sub, player, doesn't matter.

my Master and i started as a vanilla couple even though we both knew our preferred tendencies. it wasn't until a good base of trust and love was established that i was able to submit to him completely, and the more we're together, the more i can submit. but without that rock-solid foundation, none of it would have worked. what i see is your guy playing you because he can, not because he feels any real obligation to you as his sub.

dump him, and find someone flesh and blood, not text and emoticon.

~meridia

_____________________________

why couldn't you just put the bunny back in the box?

(in reply to Schatziboo)

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