RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs first..."

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 9:47:05 AM

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Best? probably not.. I do think its a good way to go.. I think its a great place to learn.. but I do not think it will tell you everything there is to being a bottom or submissive... it also will NOT be like your bottom or submissives experience...

that said, I think its a good idea, but the not an absolute

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 11:20:09 AM

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(fast reply)

Greetings,

I guess the only question I have (as the whole 'whose a better Dominant has been asked and answered a hundred times) is ... why is the OP asking switches for their opinion? Not that there is anything wrong with the opinions of switches but is there a reason for seeking out this segment of the female population for their opinion?

Wickad

(in reply to Madame4a)

RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 11:38:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: femdommistress

I'm wondering, what is Your opinion in this case.

Fast reply? I think it's a line that other dominants use when they find a woman sexually attractive, want to have sex with her, and find out that she isn't submissive. I have never heard this line used except as a line to get a hawt chick into your shackles when she would normally be disinclined--it's a scam. You notice that no one ever tries to sell this line of shite to heterosexual male dominants!

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 12:22:50 PM

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Now now, I have been trying to sell this line to DG for over a year now!

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 12:43:13 PM

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My personality will not allow me to sub and be content,neither will roleplay where I am not happy with my role.Would I do it to"see through a subs eyes"? NOT!! Would I do it as part of a relationship? Not at all,but it does work for some and thats great,has the horse been taken to the glue factory yet???

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 1:10:22 PM

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I do not agree with it and my reasoning behind that is fairly simple, a submissive has a submissive personality, I do NOT. I cannot understand how they feel nor how they think.
I have no desire to be obedient or to serve anyone. So knowing that I could never be a submissive and to pretend to be one would not accomplish anything. I am who I am, a Dominant female and a Mistress. I learned to be a Mistress the old fashioned way..trial and error.

~Lashra

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 1:30:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdommistress

I'm wondering, what is Your opinion in this case.

Fast reply? I think it's a line that other dominants use when they find a woman sexually attractive, want to have sex with her, and find out that she isn't submissive. I have never heard this line used except as a line to get a hawt chick into your shackles when she would normally be disinclined--it's a scam. You notice that no one ever tries to sell this line of shite to heterosexual male dominants!

I have heard this line used in a different scenario. As a matter of fact I can't think of a time I heard it in any other situation. A dominant woman says started out as a bottom or sub someone will say "Oh the best Dommes started out as a submissive". To me it always has a feeling of giving assurance to a Domme that in their mind a subbie past doesn't make them any less of a Domme.

Bill

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 1:44:46 PM

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If someone desires to become policeman should he become criminal first?
If someone desires to become prison guard should he become prisoner first?
If someone desires to become surgeon should he have surgery preformed to him first?

People can learn from listening and talking to other people. People not need to become object the person is learning of.

I can learn to become better dominant from listening to my submissive and from reading opinions of other submissives and dominants who write on forums. I not need to become submissive. If I try to act submissive I would become lie. I am not submissive.

My opinion. NO, submission is not required to make better dominant. Submission does not guarantee person will become better dominant.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 1:51:18 PM

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quote:

Fast reply? I think it's a line that other dominants use when they find a woman sexually attractive, want to have sex with her, and find out that she isn't submissive. I have never heard this line used except as a line to get a hawt chick into your shackles when she would normally be disinclined--it's a scam. You notice that no one ever tries to sell this line of shite to heterosexual male dominants!

Yes....

I've heard that line before, usually from male Doms. When put that way, it never fails to underwhelm me, however, in my case (not every case) there is a little bit of truth to it. I have had a few mild and temporary experiences with submission, all within my comfort zone, and mostly just to see whether I did have any interest in it. I submitted to a woman in a short group scene of very trusted friends, and I tried a little online chat submission, just to see what might be going on in the head of the one on the bottom.
I'd say I learned a lot, and had fun doing it. I know I'd make a crappy slave, but I did get to experience the exhiliration of being a sex object, of being the center of attention, the laughter that a hard spanking brought on (although if my spankee laughed from pain, I would probably get really annoyed). Although I know I think differently from a true submissive, I like to think these experiences have given me a little more compassion, and perhaps as a result, my style has softened from the horrible mean using bitch approach, to a warmer sadistic pervert approach. Improvement ? Who knows.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 3:45:18 PM

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quote:

LadyPact wrote: As My sub just said to Me as he was reading over My shoulder. It's not like anyone says that to be a better sub, they need the experience of being a Dominant.

Or, to be a better jockey, they need the experience of being a horse...

beeble

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 3:57:59 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Its true in my case, but I don't think its true as a general statement.

Not everyone can find true pleasure or fulfillment in submission.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/13/2009 11:18:57 PM

LovingMistress45

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

The statement "The best Dommes are those, who were subs first" is absolutely true for some dominants.

For myself, absolutely, positively, never... I can even wrap my mind around bottoming to someone I really love and trust, but I would still be telling him what to do, when to do it, where and possibly how. I have zero desire to submit, and if that limits my awesomeness as a dominant, it is a burden I'm willing to live with.
On the other hand, I am also fairly empathic, so that it has never been necessary for me to be in someone's exact shoes, in order to feel them most times. M

I agree. For myself I started out in the Spanking Fetish and I did bottom and I gave instructions on just how to do it. I do have masochist desire and pain in the right form, when and how I want are a wonderful experiences. However, even in the Spanking Fetish I Topped way more than bottom and Topping gave me satisfaction on a much deeper level.

I meet and fell in love with a very submissive man through the spanking, his desires were much more submissive than just bottoming and it is through him that I began to explore more of the BDSM lifestyle.

What I know is I am Dominant and a Mistress, I also know that I have no desire to submit to anyone. And there have been some bad experiences when some have assumed that because I like to be spanked they could dominate me sexually. Let's say it didn't go well for them.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/14/2009 1:56:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45
And there have been some bad experiences when some have assumed that because I like to be spanked they could dominate me sexually. Let's say it didn't go well for them.

Are you going to tell us the story or let us imagine CBT.

M

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/14/2009 4:10:39 AM

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I grew up amongst dominant personalities that didn't have to show their dominance....examples,my father,a whole host of my uncles,my brothers even my cousins and myself.I saw what they did,how they reacted in everyday life.As a kid though growing up with others my age on the street,there was a pecking order.The toughest was King of the Hill so to speak.That would have been me till i got my lunch handed to me one day.What does this have to do with the subject??Well..regardless of my mouth and spewing and chest beating,i knew at a very early age that being a Tarzan type wasn't me.I am submissive by my nature and thankfully didn't take up a call to arms.Oddly enough,it was my ex sister-in-law who set me straight years ago when i was dating her neighbor.Just be yourself..you have alot to offer instead of acting like an ass...i have to tell you..no truer words ever spoken.So after sifting through all that,trying to act dominant didn't make me a better submissive,nor do i think of that term in the reverse.I am submissive in heart and always will be.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/15/2009 1:31:36 AM

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The suggestion that dommes should apprentice as subs is ridiculous. The only venue where it's taken seriously is in online chat forums.

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/15/2009 4:28:07 AM

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I am in theory a switch.

Functionally I am a dominant for three reasons, and see no reason to change this.

1) I have taken vows that mean I am essentially collared to a Higher Authority. Giving over submission for anything other than a sexual position during vanilla sex is therefore a religious action and can't be done for "play" and can't be done full time.

2) I have a chronic pain condition which means that at some points on my body, generally in the body of the solid muscles, there are points which when stimulated create large regional pain complexes. Sometimes they are more sensitive than others, sometimes they shift within the muscle. This makes working with a top rather difficult, as I would be utterly unreliable in terms of what works on me and where, and relaxing would be difficult as I would be afraid of any impact or restraint play causing me acute pain, rather than the diffuse and pleasureable stimulus that I generally intend to give.

3) I have, as well, a lower gut condition that randomly changes my plans, humiliates me in public, and makes decisions out of the blue about what I'm going to wear and eat, and also submits me to bursts of racking, break out in a cold sweat pain if I violate its random and whimsical edicts. I don't need a dominant for humiliation and control play. I already live with it.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/15/2009 9:35:36 AM

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Me too Andalusite ... I spent years as a Mistress with no wants to submit at all and I think I did just fine. I used to romaticize though about the story of O and tell myself that I could never possibly find a man that could take me there. The man that did (Stephen) says that the submission I give him is the ultimate in what he wanted (I guess it must feel like converting a lesbian!). I wonder if being a Dominant made me a better submissive!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 2/15/2009 9:41:15 AM >

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/15/2009 9:37:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(fast reply)

Greetings,

I guess the only question I have (as the whole 'whose a better Dominant has been asked and answered a hundred times) is ... why is the OP asking switches for their opinion? Not that there is anything wrong with the opinions of switches but is there a reason for seeking out this segment of the female population for their opinion?

Wickad

Because people that have been one before the other could mean they are switches or at least for a time they were.

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/15/2009 10:27:41 AM

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I have no notion to feel what a submissive feels, I would much prefer my being Dominant, and have never subbed or bottomed :)

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RE: "The best Dommes are those, who were subs firs... - 2/15/2009 10:54:11 AM

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Nonsense. The best, most natural dominas I have ever known whould never submit to anyone.

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