RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends...

RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

CatdeMedici -> RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... (2/15/2009 10:52:59 AM)
odd, I never think of My friends based on what I may perceive their intimate preferences to be--I may say: single mom, single dad, horse exper, horse trainer, religious, etc--based on that I am vanilla in some of those areas--I would never presume to assume what their private proclivities are nor do I want to--and I would never share My thoughts with anyone, its just bad social grace.

chainedgirl -> RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... (2/15/2009 10:59:11 AM)
Come to think of it, the only reason people would get upset is because they have perceived an insult. Doesn't mean one was intended or given. They should at least have the maturity enough to ask what was meant by it.

Amaros -> RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... (2/15/2009 1:16:23 PM)
I think it's still a useful term, when you get right down to it, Vanilla = innocent - that's all, and that is pretty much what we mean by it, as opposed to all us babes in toyland; i.e., "damn girl, and you look so Vanilla!". Most, if not all of us, are Vanilla to the outside world, there's always some situation where we have to present present our bland exteriors, our "mainstream" social personae, to feign innocence (some more than others, lol) - it saves a lot of complications sometimes, and it's can make it that much more fun when we present our not-so-bland interiors, in private. So yeah, most of the time, in public, I'm pretty Vanilla, I don't get up in peoples faces about kink in mixed company, and I expect them to damn well keep their erotophobic neurosis's out of my face, it's called being sociable, discretion. You want more? Just say the word.

MarsBonfire -> RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... (2/15/2009 4:48:27 PM)
You know, growing up kinky, I got terms and names hurled at me that were far, far worse than "vanilla." I try not to use the term in mixed company. Somehow, it makes me sound like I'm saying that being one of the other 30 flavors* is somehow better than those who are part of the mainstream. But, to be completely honest about it, I don't really worry about offending others. No matter how hard we try, we're going to offend someone at some point. (Our mere existence is offensive to many.) I've taken my full measure of shit from others. If someone gets into a snit about being someone who's into basic sex, that's their problem. * this is a woefully inadequate metaphor, anyway. There are FAR more flavors of sexuality than a paltry 31.

Prinsexx -> RE: "Vanilla" can hurt Vanilla Friends... (2/15/2009 5:01:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OttersSwim So the concept is really easy to grasp - our vanilla friends might take umbrage if we call them, or refer to them as Vanilla...most don't think of themselves as "vanilla" and the way in which it is used can imply superiority and sound condescending...sort of a DUH issue... And yet, I got caught in it. Six of my best friends in the world and I used the term vanilla in reference to them. It was casual, never even crossed my mind what I said might hurt anyone. It has made its way around the circle, and it caused hurt feelings in people I would never want to hurt. [&o] So just a word of caution. It is easy to get used to thinking of "us and them" and casually and carelessly throw out that term - Vanilla...and cause 31 flavors of hurt... well labelling is a pronlem sure, but that;s wjy I don't move in any particular circle.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125