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"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I saw TexasMaam's reply to a thread, identified with it on some levels, so wanted to have this discussion here for opinions/thoughts.http://www.collarchat.com/m_242910/tm.htm

I've been married, am now happily divorced, so don't have any especial need for a state sanctioned contractual relationship with a man, but I enjoy intimacy, commitment, and I'm monogamously wired, so I seek the same. I've encountered a phenomenon only apparent since my declaring self dominant/sexually open to exploration...

Since beginning my exploration/adventure into this lifestyle, I'm finding a large number of men who separate the women they love from the women they phuck (hundreds of men approaching me, some married/attached, some not, wanting to submit to me in private, but not seeking a relationship on the up and up; or a man having awesome chemistry/connection with me while cheating on/staying with a partner with whom he has a broken/unsatisfactory relationship), making me think

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The Madonna/Whore Complex
For some men, love and sex don't mix. For them, love is reserved for 'good' women, and sex is reserved for 'bad' women. In cases of the Madonna/Whore Complex (or Syndrome), a husband's relationship with his wife may be based upon the unmet intimacy needs he had as an infant. He may unconsciously seek out a woman who reminds him of his mother so that those needs can finally be met.

When these men marry, they will marry a 'good' woman, a virginal woman. They will love her, they will protect her, they will treasure her. http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/sexualproblems/a/madonna.htm

I was wondering how common this is encountered within WIITWD, and was hoping people would respond with their experiences from what they've lived/experienced. Women, have you encountered it, and how have you coped? Men do you live two lives, one with the woman you love/reproduce with, and the other with women whom you find sexually exciting?

I hope this doesn't piss off some men, but keep in mind I'm a heterosexual woman, so my only experiences have been with men. M

(editted to remove unmentionables previously mentioned, lol)

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Sweetpettjenny
I was collared to a man who is exactly like that.... although he lied even about being married . WOW i never thought of this before...interesting.

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Jasmyn
I think some men do have the madonna/whore complex but I wouldn't necessarily agree it is indicative of men seeking a subservient experience.

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LuckyAlbatross
I'm a lot more complex than just that

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I think alot of wives really wish their husbands would get kinky and add some spice to bedroom because not all women are willing to open up and admit what they want. Communication, communication...it is key.
~Alexa

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thetammyjo
I've encountered the idea the because I'm kinky and dominant (though from talking to some female submissives they seem to have similar experiences) that must me that I'll have sex or scene with anyone.

Is this part of the "whore" idea, that unlike the "madonna" being sexually sure of yourself or aware of what you want and female = being "easy"?

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Far far FAR too common. You can't read a dozen posts without tripping over some dom saying they want a "lady in public and a slut in bed."

Grrr. I'm a lot more complex than just that. I can be a lady and a whore and a slut and many other things ALL THE TIME. I won't box myself up into your accepted archaic lines just to give you the toy of your dreams.

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It's easier just being a serial girlfriend.

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ORIGINAL: amayos
I should note there is an equally considerable inversion of this tendency in the woman, too.

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

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thetammyjo
I've encountered the idea the because I'm kinky and dominant (though from talking to some female submissives they seem to have similar experiences) that must me that I'll have sex or scene with anyone.

Is this part of the "whore" idea, that unlike the "madonna" being sexually sure of yourself or aware of what you want and female = being "easy"?

Do you get insulted? How do you deal when folks approach you with this? I do get frustrated with it sometimes, and so am trying to better understand and learn something new.
Thanks everyone for your responses. *Looks around wondering where the men are* M

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I'm monogamously wired

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Indeed, there are many men who aspire for the "whore in the bedroom & lady in public", though I should note there is an equally considerable inversion of this tendency in the woman, too

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Yes and I double Grr at that

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In general, it's a human problem made up mostly of double standards. Many men and women view life in our popular social structure as a series of trappings through which they must maneuver to enjoy a desire or behavior others would not accept openly. Marriage, community obligations, career commitments, religious lifestyle, or familial expectations make up many of these trappings. Self-actualization helps one understand who they are and what they want from others.

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Self-actualization helps one understand who they are and what they want from others.

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I can't tell you how many guys I have dated, that wanted me to act and dress like a little hottie sex kitten, and then they get mad at ME if other guys look. I mean, hello ... maybe if I wasn't fucking half-naked, guys wouldn't look.

Or, you date guys that say they want someone they can have an intelligent conversation with, but if you discuss any topics worth discussing, and have any point of view worth expressing, ... they become threatened.

So ... all you have to do to get along with men, is be totally hot when they look at you, or when their friends give them the wink of envy ...

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in all fairness to my gender ...
you can't really blame them ... they have "guy brains"
seaturtle

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cloudboy
Being second is all about connection and intimacy. O, the horror of it! Why would anyone want that?

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

...but a large number of the trappings are choices that we make, and in making them we should be responsible to live and respect them as such...


...I understand that there are things we need, but a commitment based on lies hardly comes under the things one needs to do in order to survive, as is ones sexual proclivities...

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Self-actualization helps one understand who they are and what they want from others. Great concept! M

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

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ORIGINAL: amayos
I should note there is an equally considerable inversion of this tendency in the woman, too.

Yes and I double Grr at that.

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I will NEVER accept second place, unless I come to wrap my brain around the poly idea, where I would have many lovers anyway, and would possibly permit one of my men involvement with others while I'm bored with him.
Intimacy and connection for me involve honesty, trust; I have never trusted, nor would knowingly become intimately involved with someone who lies and cheats to his wife/girlfriend.