gaining the respect (Full Version)

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fierysub1390 -> gaining the respect (2/20/2009 11:15:28 AM)

thank You for stopping by *bows*

i have a few questions actually:
1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?
2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?
3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

thank You *bows*



VeryNastyDom -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 11:42:40 AM)

Respect is a mutual thing and must be established if the relationship is to thrive.  I think respect, for both Masters and subs, starts with the other party being honest and doing what they said they would do, whatever that might be in your flavor of this lifestyle.  As for how would I feel if a sub came after me - I would like that.  There is no rule that only Master's can pursue slaves and not the other way around.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 11:53:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390
1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?

That question could be taken a number of ways.

I believe a healthy fulfilling dynamic does include all participants in a relationship to have gained the respect of eachother.
quote:


2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?

Be who they are.  They either a person who will gain respect or not.
quote:


3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

Depends on the person.  We all have to say yes at some point, how you get there is up to you.



fierysub1390 -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 11:55:15 AM)

well this is what i am currently going thru, i am very interested in a certain Man and i have told Him this. His feelings so far are that i am entertaining converstaion, and that i have not "wowed" Him yet in any way. i keep talking to Him, He does reply and talk back, being happy that i can at least entertain Him and hoping to prove myself to Him. is this disrepectful in any way? He has made comments that i am persistant, but my reply was that it is b/c i know what i want and feel that i am, can, and will be good enough for Him to have me.



WiseCracknSadist -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 12:25:07 PM)

People say that you have to give respect to get respect.

My dad told me that I would love him or fear him but either way I would respect him.

So what type of respect are we talking about, a loving respect that is mutually agreeable, or respect out of retaliation?

I'm assuming the loving kind. Therefore my advicve is that you give people a chance to earn your respect. If they fo not move on to the next. As far as approaching a Dom as long as you're genuine, not misleading, and of course respectful you should be fine.



windchymes -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 1:07:09 PM)

I'm assuming this is someone you met online.....

Frankly, I don't respect myself much if I have to keep jumping through hoops trying to "wow" somebody.  I mean, what hoops did he jump through to "wow" you?

Sure, you're "entertaining"....until someone does "wow" him, or until his wife comes home, whichever comes first.



Lashra -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 1:30:41 PM)

quote:

i have a few questions actually:
1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?
2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?
3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?


1.  I feel that respect should be a two way street particularly in a relationship.
2.  S/he would have to show me that they are honest, trustworthy, dedicated and focused.
3.  I have in my profile currently that I am not seeking a sub/slave. Yet I still get emails
    asking for consideration. I usually do not answer them because if they are to lazy to
    read my profile and respect my wishes why should I bother with them?
    But if I were looking, I would not mind a sub/slave contacting me in an intelligent and     respect way.

~Lashra



DesFIP -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 1:31:35 PM)

Part of being someone worth respecting to me means doing what I say, and accepting other people for who they are. So if a man says he isn't interested in having another sub at this time, I would show I respected him by believing that he knew what he wanted. Telling him that I'm going to wow him, or that despite him moving cross country, dealing with illness, job loss etc he still is going to suddenly decide I am more important that all his other priorities is not showing him that you respect him.

I'm curious if you do this habitually, only want people who have made it clear they don't want you? Because if so, you may want to work on your self respect.



fierysub1390 -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 1:48:14 PM)

*frowns* i've never persued someone like this before, He did not state that He was not interested, just He had not though of a relationship. He said that it was not out of the question

W/we are still talking and getting to know eachother tho. i will ask Him if He finds it disrespectful that i keep a relationship in mind



sojourner9 -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 1:52:42 PM)

1) Dom and sub need to respect each other for the relationship to work.  I wouldn't put any time or effort into someone that I couldn't respect.  And I can't imagine why a healthy/sane/stable submissive would agree to serve someone they can't respect.

2) How to gain respect is going to be different for everyone.  For me -- be yourself, be honest, be polite, be an adult, don't be prone to drama.   Those 5 things right there will put you ahead of most other people.

3) I have no problem with a submissive approaching me first.  Perhaps even kind of flattering if they did so because they know of me.


As for the bit about now "wowing" the master you're talking to -- there's a fine line between getting to know you, and stringing you along.    Where that line is, and which side of it this falls on is going to have to be up to you to decide.



antipode -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 2:34:47 PM)

quote:

He did not state that He was not interested,


To spare you a rejection, if he did not say "yes" he said "no". He is just playing.

As to respect, that is, for me, a given. I don't believe in "gaining respect" or someone proving themselves. I have respect for others by default, and expect them to return the favour. Admiration is another matter, but basic respect, at least IMNSHO, should always be there.

As far as being disrespectful to this guy you're talking to, it is unclear to me how you work respect into this story. You would be disrespectful if you did or said something you knew not to, but I think that you're reading a dynamic into this that isn't there, that is all in your head. Come back down to earth, before you singe your wings.



fierysub1390 -> RE: gaining the respect (2/20/2009 2:51:28 PM)

hmm, as much as it sucks, i guess You are right. guess i'll just cut my loses and move on now. thanks for the realailty check.



domcypher -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 1:29:31 AM)

its my honest opinion, being a male, that he is not interested. he just doesn't have the balls to tell you himself. not worth your time. but looks like you've figured that out already. plenty of fish in the sea...



eyesopened -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 3:54:15 AM)

Don't confuse respect with interest. 

I start out repecting everyone.  On a scale of  0 - 10 everyone I encounter gets a 5 for being a fellow human-being and from that point they will either move up or down my scale of respect depending upon their actions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390
entertaining converstaion, and that i have not "wowed" Him yet in any way.


In guy-speak he is saying "I'm bored enough to chat online with you but you are not what I want or need and you'd have to come up with something really spectacular to change my opinion."

Guys tend to be pretty straightforward in expressing interest.  They don't shop the way women do.  We will weigh the merits of 20 different pairs of shoes before convincing ourselves that the cutest ones are really the best value.   Men, in general, say "I need a pair of black dress shoes" go to the store and without looking at another item in the store, find a pair of black dress shoes that fit, buy them, and leave the store. 



IronBear -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 7:28:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fierysub1390

1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?



I believe it is  better that some form of mutual respect is earned during the "courting" stage before a collar ie either begged or offered. IKf somerespect isn't earned by both parties during the Probationary Collar stage with us it is unlikly to go further.

quote:


2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?


Displaying traits such as honesty, obedience and asking questions when not sure and also by being themselves and human too. No quick fix formular, but a lot rides on the character and personality of the slave.

quote:


3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You aproaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?


Initially a tad flattered but of course this also depends on how they went about it too.



Kana -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 7:35:29 AM)

1) do You feel that a Master needs to gain the respect a sub/slave and vise versa?

Of course. She damn well better respect me (and a little fear ain't so bad either, just that teeny weeny smidgen to make the edge wonderful). Like maybe, respect, hell yes. that's not negotiable.

And the respect isn't given, it's earned. I don't want anything that comes for free.

Here's how he does it to her IMHO:
1-Be firm but always be consistent.2-Be fair, but never let them forget who is in charge.3-Never miss an opportunity to reward good behavior

2) how would a sub/slave gain Your respect?

Serve, please and obey. That's a broad generality. Things like kindness, decency, honesty, consideration of course are there. I respect people for who they are as much as what they do.Equally so for what they don't do and the choices they don't make.
Its the same in the real world or any other relationships.

3) how would You feel if a sub/slave tried to gain You as his or her Master and Your respect without You approaching them first, or maybe starting off with little or no interest in finding a sub/slave at the time?

-Not only would I be fine with it (as long as it was done in a proper manner), I would be flattered. It's happened before so I am not speaking out of my ass here.



SassySarijane -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 7:41:58 AM)

Respect and trust go hand in hand with me. I cannot trust someone I do not also respect, nor can I respect someone I do not trust. I believe there needs to be respect on both sides and I believe as trust is built, so does respect grow. I know I could not submit to someone I did not both trust and respect. The building of both takes time for me and takes, for one thing, consistancy on the part of the person I am getting to know.



MasterTslave -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 7:59:15 AM)

I would say that respect MUST be met for a good slave/sub/Master/Dom relationship to work.  If I had no respect for Master T, I sure as hell wouldn't do the things for him that I do!  I think that if Master T didn't have respect for me, he wouldn't care about me and could end up as a dangerous situation (physical or mental).

I think that as you get to know each other and thru actions, you grow respect for each other.  BDSM is very close to vanilla relationships as far as learning about each other and gaining respect for each other.

As far as a sub trying to get a Dom to want to be with them...don't know if that works....always good for a sub to show interest in a potential Dom...but don't go too crazy.  Again, much like vanilla world.  Master T and I started our relationship in a vanilla way...but I tried to get him to notice me and he didn't...as soon as I decided that he wasn't interested in me and I gave up is when he decided that he would take notice and want to be with me...men are strange...no matter what their sexual desires are...lol



MasterFireMaam -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 2:40:45 PM)

I can't imagine being in any kind of close relationship without respecting the person. The concept is simply foreign to me. As for who approaches who, it varies from person to person and you can't tell unless you ask.

Master Fire



catize -> RE: gaining the respect (2/21/2009 4:35:54 PM)

No one has to earn my respect, but they should be aware they could lose it. 



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