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Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/24/2009 7:23:09 PM

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Other femdoms - I'm curious if you have ever found any physical (emotional, mental, insert-whatever-drive-you-need-to-feed) relief/pleasure from dominating (or topping) a man you are not into. Not necessarily a man you *do not like* or repulses you, but someone who you are neutral to - but really, on a chemistry level, he does nothing for you.

If you are a femdom type who dominates from a place of lust, need, craving - does going through the motions still scratch the itch? Do the "juices" start flowing once you get into the spirit, and it still ends up being rewarding? Through the process of domination, can a man become something he was not for you - you find yourself attracted all of a sudden?

Do you ever dominate a man you are not attracted to, in hopes that during the course of the domination, you develop that attraction? Does it ever go right, or is it horribly wrong?

I can recall a few times in my 20s and early 30s when at a party or with someone who I had some "affection" for - but not *attraction to* - I found that once I started the proess, I could find some satisfaction in it. But, I did find that I always felt very drained and cranky if I did it too much or for too long, and it made me realize that lust, really, is what has to be present for me. Or a deep, sweet affection of some sort - it has to be *more* than "just friends" but can be 100% "I don't know your name," casual, too, if I have some lust behind it. And I can have lust for a man based on a wide variety of obscure cues and mannerisms which appear at times to be random, but they are there or are not.

Another odd thing is that I have found there are some men that do not attract me on - on any chemistry level or physical level or lust level, per se, but they have a keen insight to my mind or are very intuitive, and they get a grasp on my femdom motivations enough that they can appeal to that side of me and push the right buttons. But that's much more rare.

So how does physical attraction - or ANY kind of attraction - factor into your pleasure/satisfaction/feeing the "need" as a femdom?

Akasha

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/24/2009 7:26:05 PM

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I used to be able to... I am sure I still can, provided he is a good, reactive playmate. I don't need any kind of sexual attraction to enjoy the encounter, it's all in the mind, eh? And if it's just aerobic exercise, all the better!

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/24/2009 7:34:33 PM

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As long as I'm taking My sadist out for a stretch, it's all good.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/24/2009 7:36:05 PM

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And they have to say thank you, and maybe offer to get me an iced tea. If they don't have courtesy, then they are just annoying.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/24/2009 10:45:40 PM

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I'm frequently neutral toward people in terms of chemistry, and *especially* D/s, until I've done at least mild play with them. I just generally don't think about people that way until I get somewhat involved with them, sometimes even multiple times. I have done completely casual play without the intent of dating/etc., and it can be fun, but I specifically try not to get sexually or romantically involved with them. I can feel other emotions, but even so, I tend to hold back quite a bit compared to someone I'm in a relationship with.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 2:46:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Other femdoms - I'm curious if you have ever found any physical (emotional, mental, insert-whatever-drive-you-need-to-feed) relief/pleasure from dominating (or topping) a man you are not into. Not necessarily a man you *do not like* or repulses you, but someone who you are neutral to - but really, on a chemistry level, he does nothing for you.

I've tried on a couple of occasions to play with, or in my case do it to see if I would get a rise out of the experience. The experiences simply served as a way for me to discover one or two more things to wrap my mind around kink-wise. Emotionally for me, it's been a neutral to neutral-negative experience, and for that reason, I haven't the desire to do anything I do casually. M

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 4:34:29 AM

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It doesn't work for me at all -- I always joke that I at least have to like you in order to beat you. People I'm neutral or negative towards I usually ignore, so if I really need to get something flowing for myself, I phone a friend.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 6:06:10 AM

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I enjoy the encounter, bening in control is my turn on in itself. MsFaye

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 7:29:05 AM

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Strange question for me. I have certainly dished out a beating to men I was not "into", in the sense that I had no desire to have sex with them and didn't find them particularly sexually attractive. It was more out of a sense of playful camaraderie and fun than to scratch some "itch", per se.

I don't have a generalized, non-specific need to be sadistic. The urge to inflict physical pain is extremely specific to circumstances: either I want a masochist to enjoy himself/herself, or I want an enemy to suffer. There really isn't much in between.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 9:40:21 AM

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Short answer: No

Long answer: Yes and see below.

I have trained many folks whom I had no interest in simply because they approached me through the local communities and demonstrated a desire i felt I could help nurture much like a teacher.

I have also co-topped a few times to learn or practice a skill and to bond with the other top over the bottom.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 2:17:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

If you are a femdom type who dominates from a place of lust, need, craving - does going through the motions still scratch the itch? Do the "juices" start flowing once you get into the spirit, and it still ends up being rewarding? Through the process of domination, can a man become something he was not for you - you find yourself attracted all of a sudden?

quote:

ORGINAL:GoddezzT`
Either I am atracted or I'm not. That's not going to change overnight.

quote:

Original:Aakasha
Do you ever dominate a man you are not attracted to, in hopes that during the course of the domination, you develop that attraction? Does it ever go right, or is it horribly wrong?

quote:

Original:GoddezzT`
I have in the past yes, it was never satisfying , so I don't do that anymore.

quote:

Original:AAkasha
So how does physical attraction - or ANY kind of attraction - factor into your pleasure/satisfaction/feeing the "need" as a femdom?

quote:

Original:GoddezzT
Everything must be alright or else there is NO GO ! Simple!! I don't do it for any less anymore, so I feel atracted, touched, intrigued, inspired, and great with My sub, and he with Me, and we are on the same level, then I'll be happy.
GoddezzT`

< Message edited by GoddessTeaze -- 2/25/2009 2:19:07 PM >

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 8:26:55 PM

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For me it varies. Foot worship, for example, is something I can really enjoy even if I'm not attracted to the person or connected to them in any other way. Once my toes are in someone's mouth and their tongue is on my arch, I don't care if it's Gollum at my feet, I'm really enjoying it. If I'm attracted to the person, it can be a sexual turn on as well. If I'm not, I just enjoy it from a different place.

Anything else, I need some type of attraction to enjoy, but it can vary. Before I started exploring domination, the best sexual experience I'd had (and have had) was with a guy who I wasn't all that physically attracted to. He wasn't repulsive or anything, just not giving me any butterflies. But I was comfortable around him, and he really enjoyed pleasing me so the physical part worked out fine. I still can't put my finger on exactly what he did, but I've never been with someone who was so into my pleasure and knew exactly how to respond to non-verbal cues. Even though we had an amazing physical connection, I never wanted anything more than his friendship.

Who knows though, that's the first experience I remember having of something physical being about what I enjoyed, how I felt, what I wanted to do and having complete control when I wanted it. So maybe part of it is that I'd never had those buttons pushed before and my (unknown) femdom buttons were being pushed.

I've yet to have that experience dominating someone (where I don't want more, but have an amazing kink connection that would satisfy me), but I think it's possible.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/25/2009 8:34:21 PM

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It is fine to do a scene with someone who holds no attraction for me. Skill and technique and teaching all come into play. They must however, have a positive attitude and approach for the situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Other femdoms - I'm curious if you have ever found any physical (emotional, mental, insert-whatever-drive-you-need-to-feed) relief/pleasure from dominating (or topping) a man you are not into. Not necessarily a man you *do not like* or repulses you, but someone who you are neutral to - but really, on a chemistry level, he does nothing for you.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/26/2009 6:02:32 AM

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Sadistically yes it works for me but after that I am looking for the nearest exit and I hate the puppy dog look afterwards. It gives a little relief but the drive seems to get worse after and I am usually irritated witht he whole deal. It is like rubbing poison ivy on a mosquito bite. The initial rubbing makes it feel better but beware the after effects.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/27/2009 10:00:10 PM

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quote:

Sadistically yes it works for me but after that I am looking for the nearest exit

this i must agree with...
it can be done, but it wouldn't be something done on a regular basis...

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 2/28/2009 10:13:30 AM

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Attraction has to be there for me. Not just physical. I cant domme someone I am not into in any way. Id be cheating them as I am not fully into it and Id be cheating myself. Looks to me are very important but with that said, I also need that person possess other characteristics that I look for. For ex: I could not get into dominating a drop dead gorgeous male or female if they had no intelligance or personality.

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 3/1/2009 11:37:40 AM

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What a great post.

I've sessioned sub males I had no connection with in the past, but would not do so today.

I started in this lifestyle in an environment where I was expected to Domme a group of subs, in group sessions, for the pleasure of playing them alone. I was taught that a good Dominatrice is a rare thing, and that the ratio of subs was overwhelming, and that a good Domme had a responsibility, a 'noblesse oblige' to engage with subs who devotedly petitioned Her, even when they were something other than 'her ideal' sort of man.

I took that responsiblity seriously for a very long time, until I realized it was more about the sub than it was about My needs.

I took no real, lasting pleasure in Domming a sub I couldn't connect to on some level.

There were a few here and there that were sessioned out of lust and sadistic craving, but at the end of the day they weren't around when I needed or wanted a man to be around.

Not much different, I suppose, than the woman who follows sexual conquests then finds herself alone and unhappy one too many Saturday nights.

An example would be the sub males I was attracted to in their professional lives who turned out to be men with breast implants who craved being feminized every time we were together.

I simply couldn't connect to that type of sub long term and I found that investing a great deal of time and creativity into those casual relationships was a waste of My time and talent.

Then there were the sub males I was physically attracted to that had such different lifestyles or political views or interests that we just didn't connect or compliment each other in any way. I learned to avoid those, too.

I learned, over time, to focus on a submissive who turned me on in the bedroom as well as out of the house.

I would probably have more than one sub today if that kind of man were easy to find, but he's not.

He's also generally not the kind of man who will tolerate, much less embrace the idea of another submale in the stable.

I'm thrilled with and am very much in connected to the submale in my life today.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 3/1/2009 11:41:25 AM >

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 3/2/2009 7:09:19 AM

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I'm never attracted to the people I top in any sexual sense. For me, domination is about power and about spiritual transformation, not about lust. If the guy isn't drooling and trying to grope me I'll give him a chance. That said, once the scene starts, I like there to be a certain amount of energy exchange (which you might consider a type of chemestry). I play off of the sub's mood and that's where a lot of the fun comes from for me. I don't like to session with subs who's attitude is to stoiclly take whatever Mistress dishes out. This gives me nothing to work with. If I want to mock his fear or pain, how can I when he won't show it to me?

PS. I don't experience physical attraction even for vanilla sexual partners so I realize I'm coming from a weird direction here and my impute may completely corrupt the data so take it with a grain of salt :P

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 3/2/2009 9:38:30 AM

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I do not think I can engage a man in that way unless I was into him physically and/or emotionally... at least on some level. :)

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RE: Dominating someone you aren't into - 3/2/2009 10:47:48 AM

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At this point in my life I don't WANT to engage a person in that manner unless I am attracted to them in some way.

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