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your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 3:55:06 PM

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ive been doing some heavy thinking lately, inspired by a few threads i have recently dug into here.

its common belief that a submissive retains her right to say no, a slave gives up all rights... as i said.. its a common belief, not always the actuality.

within those tenets, what do you see as your "role" to your owner?

allow me to give you some examples

if he wanted you to top him sexually?
if he decided to return to vanilla living for a while?
if he told you one day "I just dont feel it with you anymore, your released"?

im sure you can come up with all sorts of scenarios

so, my question is... when and where does your role end after you have submitted to the Dominant?

tazzy

_____________________________

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 4:55:04 PM

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From: Apple County NY
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Most of our sex is vanilla. Hell, most of our life is vanilla. So your 2 doesn't apply to us. As far as 3, you can't have a relationship unless both of you want it. So whether he or I said it was over, then it would be. There's no law that will return runaway subs, or doms, to their homes. Besides, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't want to be there with you.

I'd want to know what I had missed, for him to be so unhappy with me that he didn't even want to talk about it, or try to fix it.

About me topping, he knows I can't do that. I wouldn't be any good at it, and since for us bondage is intensely sexual with the energy going between us, and me topping would not be something I could eroticize, I can't imagine him wanting such a thing. Beyond that, I don't see much difference between rubbing his feet when they hurt and banging on them harder with a dowel for a more intense sensation. Some people enjoy light back rubs, others find a rhythmic flogging to help back pain more. If he taught me how to do it, then I could perform a sensation on him. But as I said, I couldn't eroticize it so it would be for sensation only, not sexual.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 5:01:52 PM

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From: Montana
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First, I do not see my life as a role. I live according to my personality and morals. I serve as his companion. I cook, clean, and wash clothes. He does the repairs that need done. We are best friends.

Now to answer your specifics. Our sex life is not D/s based therefore I would have no problems with topping him sexually.

Our lives appear to be basically vanilla to all those around us. I guess if he wanted, we wouldn't go to munch or play parties anymore. That's no big thing as we live hundreds of miles away from all that. I really doubt if our lives would change all that much. I'd still be me. I'd still cook, clean, and wash clothes. He'd still be head of household and he'd still do repairs.

If we broke up I would be devistated and hurt....just the same as I was when my vanilla relationship broke up. It would take some time to separate our finances, but in the long run I'd live through it....just as I have done before.

The last question about where does my role end after submitting is just not clear enough for me to give a reply. I am really not sure what you wish to know.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 5:48:07 PM

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for me i am a service submissive and if my M'lady asked it of me than i would follow the directions, topping is not being dominant just another service. as far as going vanilla it would not bother me over much as i would still be in service just in another way. as far as the last one i would be just devastated to hear that from my M'lady, i would want to know what was wrong to cause such a major shift in the relationship. i would stay with my M'lady to help ease the current difficulty's.

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 6:24:55 PM

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hi peppermint

everyone seems to put conditions on their relationships. watch as someone posts a problem and you see what others would or wouldnt do in that situation, what they would tolerate, and how fast they would walk.

yes, i know slavery is consensual. im gorean trained. but, for me, when i beg that collar, i am committing whole heartedly to the relationship. it takes a hell of alot for me to turn my back on it.

i was just wondering where others' breaking points where and how hard and fast they are set

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to peppermint)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 6:50:39 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

ive been doing some heavy thinking lately, inspired by a few threads i have recently dug into here.

its common belief that a submissive retains her right to say no, a slave gives up all rights... as i said.. its a common belief, not always the actuality.

within those tenets, what do you see as your "role" to your owner?

allow me to give you some examples

if he wanted you to top him sexually?
if he decided to return to vanilla living for a while?
if he told you one day "I just dont feel it with you anymore, your released"?

im sure you can come up with all sorts of scenarios

so, my question is... when and where does your role end after you have submitted to the Dominant?

tazzy

Is this a straw and camels back question because I don´t think I´m getting it? As long as we´re together nothing has ended and if he were to get some sort of sudden massive brain damage and release me, I would have no choice but to pack my bags and head back to the States. I mean, what am I going to say.. "NO, you are not allowed to dump me!"

edited ~ I should have read the thread first! lol It is a straw and camels back question.. but, my response pretty much is the same. If he dumps me, that will be the straw.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 2/26/2009 6:55:30 PM >

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(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 7:14:39 PM

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My "role" is His companion, His confidant, His partner, His toy, His lover, His victim, His.... anything He asks of me. If that includes topping, so be it. He owns me, I serve Him in whatever capacity He chooses.

As far as being vanilla, we tried that for about 2 hours once- He changed His mind- it wasn't working. We could do without the S/M play, I'm sure, but our dynamic is so endemic to who we are and how we relate to one another that we could not step away from our power exchange any more than we could change the fact that He's right handed and I'm left handed.

And if He said He didn't feel it anymore....well, I couldn't imagine that happening because He has told me again and again that He will own me forever (and has shown it in His actions daily). He is the least mercurial person I have ever met. But, as stated previously, it takes two and if one leaves- there is no there there.

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(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 7:22:25 PM

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my "job" is to do everything he asks me to do. it could mean taking him to pick up his car, or doing some roleplay, or simply shutting up when I'm supposed to. it's all inclusive. I also take it to mean giving him the "best" of me. the best love, affection, kindess, comfort, attitude. I'm kinda the Pollyanna of s-types.

that being said, there are many things I cannot do because my children are still young and they are my priority. so while I consider myself to have slave tendencies, I don't know if they will ever have the chance to fully develop in terms of my relationship with him.

our limits discussion never went far. he's understanding of my sensitive nature, and I trust him not to push me so far as that I would feel damaged. I did have one experience where I completely freaked out, it was just one too many things going on, but he helped me through it. I look forward to the time we have together where it may happen again, because it was a tremendous experience of growth for both of us.

I hope that is the info you are looking for.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 7:37:33 PM

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I came to answer the questions, but none of them are applicable. My Dom and I have a weird relationship. We do kinky things together, have kinky sex, and obviously he considers himself to be Dominant as I consider myself to be submissive. But at the same time, we also lead a perfectly natural boyfriend/girlfriend not quiet engaged but going to be sort of relationship.

So, he wouldn't really release me, maybe dump me, but that's out of the question. I'd never top him, he's not interested beyond me nibbling him a bit. And I think I could be perfectly content leading a vanilla life with him, BUT leading a kinky one makes me ecstatic.

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May break my bones
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So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

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(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 7:42:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessEllie

And I think I could be perfectly content leading a vanilla life with him, BUT leading a kinky one makes me ecstatic.

agreed

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/26/2009 8:20:37 PM

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From: Montana
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Thank you for clarifying that for me, tazzygirl. There are a few breaking points I have. In fact there was a thread earlier today about being punished by being ignored. That is something I will not tolerate ever again in my life. Also, I'd never tolerate having a bigot as part of my life.

I would expect most people get to know each other before becoming deeply involved in a LTR. That would help one discover if the other has habits or needs that are intolerable to the other....or so I would hope. Before Gary and I decided on 24/7 we talked for hours, met each others' families, and I spent 3 weeks living in the motor home to see if I enjoyed living in it. He even insisted that I meet with his doctors so I would understand his physical condition.

Although I am not a slave, I am rather like you, tazzygirl. It would take a lot before I could walk about from a relationship.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 3:47:36 AM

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My role is to be and do whatever he wants.
Would I top him if he told me to? I doubt it would happen, but sure, why not.
It would be acting on my part and we would most likely be laughing throughout the entire "scene". He'd most likely stop laughing as I strapped on the big ten inch dildo as he was hog tied...

The second option isn't an option.
The third option is a possibility in any relationship.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 5:26:00 AM

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I am as certain as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow, that my Master is the one I am committed to for the remainder of my life. It was with that absolute certainty that I begged for my collar. Therefore the only 'breaking point' would be some circumstance where my Master changed in some fundamental way that He was no longer the Man I committed to. If He had some kind of psychotic break and took a rifle to a clock-tower or a book dispository.... I'd probably have to beg my release. Obviously if He told me to leave, I wouldn't be His slave anymore. The only other way I would stop being His slave is upon my death. And even then, I'm not 100% sure that would be the end.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 7:23:33 AM

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Speaking from personal experience, my "role" would end when my slavery to him (phantom "him" at this point) starts compromising who I am as a person. I didn't leave because of this the last time (due to my commitment to do and take whatever he wanted me to do and take), and after about 6 months of a growing depression, he let me go. Of course I accepted that. As others have said, without two (or more) willing parties, there is no relationship.

Now that I know what it feels like to be so compromised, it's not something I'm likely to do again. The Buddhists have a phrase (and KOM uses this phrase a lot here on the boards): "Do no harm." If I am being harmed, emotionally or physically, then I should not be there. We only get one chance at this life, and I have spent far too much of mine being unhappy due to allowing myself to be in unhealthy situations. Because of that, it's going to take a lot to give myself so fully and completely to another again, so if a resolution can not be found for unhappiness in a relationship, I will likely leave it. This is not to say I take my commitments lightly. It's quite the opposite - I won't give such a "complete" commitment until I am certain that is the best choice for me.

I think I went off on a tangent here, but to answer your question with "whatever he wants, no matter what" would really depend on the path I took to get there, and I won't get there quickly.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 7:37:59 AM

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The key point in my role with my owner is we are still having a relationship, therefore my "role" is of lover, partner, spouse, sub, confidante, play toy, etc. Therefore my role(s) have no ending until such time the relationship ends.

if he wanted you to top him sexually?
- this doesn't factor into the equation since these roles will be firmly established from the beginning.

if he decided to return to vanilla living for a while?
- this may or may not happen. The point is, we do not live the kink 24 hours a day so in my case this wouldn't be a major concern.

if he told you one day "I just dont feel it with you anymore, your released"?
- This question is irrelevant in my case simply because myself and my partner stay focused on the present and maintaining our relationship dynamic in the present. Which means we face and solve issues as they appear and not live on the "what ifs."

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 1:59:49 PM

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oh i'm most definately a slave to Master. i've never said "no" to him, i've said, "i don't want to" when it's been an issue (hard limit ect) but i always do it and usually end up enjoying it and i enjoy the feeling i get of pleasing him by doing it but also the feeling of accomplishment i get when i pass a hard limit and enjoy it.

Most of the time we are vanilla with an undercurrant of D/s at all times. I may call him a different "title" while in public but he's always the one i defer to (yes i can and do make my own decisions but i do like his imput if available)

He's had me not top him, but get my pleasure from him during sex i found that difficult to do, not used to that yet.

Honestly if Master released me, i'd probably live as a single woman the rest of my life. sounds drastic but there are reasons for that.

My role as slave never really ends, i'm always a slave, sometimes i'm a woman more with a woman's needs, sometimes the little girl comes out, sometimes the smartass peeks out and causes mayhem. I must say it's a good thing the man has patience lol. but in the back of my head, even while at work my focus is on his pleasure, doing well at work cause that will be pleasing to him, controlling the frustration i feel with some customers ect. it's just a matter of the degree but it never really stops.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 6:01:07 PM

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Good evening!
I think my role to Daddy is to care and compliment him. Not as in talking compliment like you look good today but if he hates taking his meds - to gently urge him to, If he wants to go out, dressing appropriately and be willlng to go(I hate car driving and not being able to drive). I mean in that way to be a half so that we complete a whole.

As far as my service to him ending, that is up to him to end but for me, the only way would be to break a hard limit like seeing someone else, wanting to fist me or share me. etc.and he insisting that I comply. I would be crushed if he decided to end it but I must respect his decision, I'm not gonna be some fatal attraction or anything! ::laughs:: Then again I am different, I call myself a slave even though we do not live together-and never will. A former Dom clarified for me that I was a slave-not a sub-b/c I felt in my heart and being that I had to please everyone..to make their lives as simple as possible...even if it was an impossibility. So maybe "role" and "slave" are subjective terms to me. Just me little opinion.
Love,
Zechriel

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/27/2009 7:51:23 PM

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From: Atchison, Kansas
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Even though I do believe the question has been thoroughly answered, I'll toss my two cents in.
My Master and I do indeed have a unique relationship. I'm new to the lifestyle, admittedly so, but He generally asks me if something is too much when we do something new. He's told me at various points that even though I serve Him, He wants our relationship to be loving, caring, and respectful but that He WILL push my boundaries.
I serve Him, love Him, and have nothing but the utmost respect for Him.
The topping request, well, that would be outlined from the beginning, whether you're M/S or D/S, and we have very vanilla sex. We really only bring out the kink when we use hypnotism. So, vanilla is fine with me ... I am to please Him. So long as He's happy, I'm happy!

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/28/2009 5:18:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

....(and KOM uses this phrase a lot here on the boards): "Do no harm."

you noticed that mmmmmm makes me wonder what other things you notice.

quote:

I think I went off on a tangent here, but to answer your question with "whatever he wants, no matter what" would really depend on the path I took to get there, and I won't get there quickly.

It's not neccessarily the speed or lack of speed that one goes... it's more a question of taking the right path to get one there.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: your role as an owned girl (or boy) - 2/28/2009 7:48:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
We only get one chance at this life, and I have spent far too much of mine being unhappy due to allowing myself to be in unhealthy situations.

I know what you mean, NuevaVida. Congrats and hugs to you for realizing that and changing it. You deserve the best!

luci

_____________________________

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(in reply to NuevaVida)

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