What Have You Done... (Full Version)

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TreasureKY -> What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 6:45:38 PM)

... for your sub/slave today?

Aside from just being your normal dominant self, that is.  Sure, you give your dominance, just as she (or he) gives their submission to you.  But that's pretty much a given (I'd think)... if we didn't enjoy being the yin to someone else's yang, we wouldn't in these types of power/authority relationships to begin with. 

We hear a lot about the tasks and chores and duties that submissives perform... the tangible benefits that they bring to the life of their dominant.  A lot of submissives, like myself, take great joy in being able to do things for their dominants.   For me, it is a sense of personal satisfaction.

But a person can only give so much, and personal satisfaction can only go so far.  Do you ever worry about "using up" your submissive?  Do you make a point to go beyond meeting his or her needs and ensuring that you give back? 

Something more than just making sure he or she gets to have an orgasm every once in a while, anyway?  [;)]



daddysliloneds -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 7:01:10 PM)

on occassion, when he knows he's losing my attention and adoration, he'll go above and beyond, other than that; he does the bare minimum as most guys seem to do.



SteelofUtah -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 7:07:44 PM)

I let her love me today.

KIDDING!!

I do lots of things two days ago I bought her Tulips because she said all she ever got was roses. And then the night before that I got her one of those Chocolate Orange Ball thingies cause she looked all pitiful when I made her put one back a week before. Then last night I washed her hair and let her have her sexual way with me.

The Truth of the matter is no one in this house is taken advantage of so when we do things for each other it's cause we want to not because we feel guilty.

Steel



slaveluci -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 7:19:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
Do you make a point to go beyond meeting his or her needs and ensuring that you give back? 

Master does this constantly.  It's never a "I give all, He takes all" situation.  He is continually doing sweet things to make me smile.  Today, I worked and He was off.  He took me out to dinner this evening at a nice sit-down restaurant and, when we got back home, surprised me with a new Bluetooth accessory for my cellphone.  Now, we're getting ready to curl up in bed and watch an old cult horror classic that I love and He's never seen and eat some chocolate.  Ahh, He spoils me[:)] and He does it daily................luci



TreasureKY -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 7:33:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

... The Truth of the matter is no one in this house is taken advantage of so when we do things for each other it's cause we want to not because we feel guilty.


Oh, I didn't really mean to include doing things out of guilt.  I didn't even think of that as I would hope partners do things for each other because they want to.  If someone only did something for me out of guilt, I'd wonder about their self-centeredness and probably feel they only gave back in order to continue getting from me.  I've been there before and had enough of that to last me a lifetime.  [;)]



MasterLark -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 7:44:05 PM)

quote:

Do you ever worry about "using up" your submissive? Do you make a point to go beyond meeting his or her needs and ensuring that you give back?


A sub/slave cannot be "used up," as if a vessel being finally emptied down to the very last drop, if there is a good Master who does not abuse. And it's not about going beyond her needs and ensuring that I give back, as if the relationship was fundamentally one-way from the beginning. I suspect this is not what you mean, judging from your very long thoughts about your relationship on your profile.

This is always two-way...an inter-play, though disproportionate if only because one is Dominant and the other submissive. Both give, both let go, both meet each other's needs. Now, does a relationship at times get stale due to repetition and strained imagination? Sure. Keeping it fresh and alive, like any relationship, takes special effort. What have you done for your relationship today? A better question, I suggest.



Gwynvyd -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 7:45:01 PM)

My girl has a bad back. She had started to have back spasms last night. I sat her down, and put away the groc, reorganized things a bit.. and put her to bed. all against her protests.

Then this morning I got the um off to school, and took care of the house stuff. Made her a nice dinner she has been wanting to try. I have massaged her back a couple of times, and brought her food and drinks all day. I have tried to keep her from doing anything all day.

We take care of one another. There is none of this I am on the D side so you must always serve me BS.

We support one another. Who ever needs the help gets it.

I have never understood the whole the sub is the only one who works on the house, and relationship thing.

That drives me nuts.

Gwyn



Vendaval -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 8:02:04 PM)

We have an outdoor adventure planned for the weekend and have been preparing for it the past couple of days.



TreasureKY -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 8:14:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

quote:

Do you ever worry about "using up" your submissive? Do you make a point to go beyond meeting his or her needs and ensuring that you give back?


A sub/slave cannot be "used up," as if a vessel being finally emptied down to the very last drop, if there is a good Master who does not abuse.


I'd have to disagree, though we could probably debate just what "used up" means.  I've reached that point before... been "used up".  I spent 22 years of my life being the one giving, the one working toward goals, the one compromising, the one making sacrifices.  In the end, the relationship was fine, he was fine, the family was fine.  I was not.  I was "used up".

Sadly, there are some dominants out there who proudly proclaim that "it is all about me".  As you imply, the nature of D/s lends itself to being disproportionate.   In some respects that may be true, but I firmly believe that those in solid D/s relationships will readily admit that it requires give and take on both sides.  Just how much giving and taking on each side would be unique to the individuals involved, but I doubt very many submissives could flourish for very long in an environment where just their needs were met... even if they weren't being abused.

While I agree with the importance of the overall health of the relationship being the focal point, I do see the relationship as two individuals relating to each other.  How those individuals are faring physically and emotionally is going to impact the overall health of the relationship.



MasterLark -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 8:33:57 PM)

quote:

I firmly believe that those in solid D/s relationships will readily admit that it requires give and take on both sides. Just how much giving and taking on each side would be unique to the individuals involved, but I doubt very many submissives could flourish for very long in an environment where just their needs were met...


Sorry you were "used up," which sounds like an abuse to me. I fully agree with your quote above. It's a solid D/s relationship because it's a solid relationship.



OrionTheWolf -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/27/2009 10:43:45 PM)

My property always gets exactly what she needs. It may not be what she wants, what others feel is right, but it keeps her secure and at my feet.



MissMorrigan -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 12:25:59 AM)

Reality and I live together in a household where compromise is a must, as it is in any relationship. The only area where is not applicable is to the D/s dynamic in our relationship, but other than that, we need to be practical and it's healthy for the soul not to dive in to a sea of ego and at the expense of the relationship which is what would happen if mutual needs weren't met. There's always an expiration date to the 'always give'/'always take' dynamic, people tend to get bored rather quickly and realise they, too, need something out of the relationship other than a stereotyped fantasy that is not sustainable when realised.

Reality is currently having a lie-in as it's 8.17 in the morning here, he has an important football match at lunch time and I want him to feel rested, so I've made my own tea this morning (how shocking!) and will likely cook breakfast for us both (even more shocking!).



chezzy71 -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 3:09:06 AM)

Mistress Cat is always there for me..with a smile or a kind word.A laugh or her unwavering guidance.She does this when she has the time of course,she is a very busy lady.But what she does cannot even be measured to the amount of inspiration she provides me everyday.



DesFIP -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 5:34:40 AM)

He's doing taxes, so he isn't very available right now. Even so, he took a break to help me carry groceries upstairs and even complemented me on dinner before returning to the taxes.



SirJ40 -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 6:59:55 AM)

She's sleeping in.. right now. A luxury that I can't seem to indulge in.. but I don't make her get up with Me.. very often. 



LadyPact -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 7:03:48 AM)

What did I do today?

Honestly, not much.  Of course, the 'day' that I've had with My submissive comprised of 45 minutes on the internet because he's in a different time zone.  (Got to love Mistress Military.)

In that 45 minutes....

I checked on his well being, verifying that he slept well, had eaten, and took his meds.

I made sure to know his travel plans for his leaving WI.

Empathized with him for his feelings about not liking to sleep alone.

Reassured him that I miss him, too.

Expressed My happiness at his excitement of being back to his home tomorrow.

Made him smile by letting him know that I'll sleep with the pillow he gave Me.

Oh yeah, there's that little thing about letting him know that I love him.



Probably not much in most people's eyes.



KnightofMists -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 7:18:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

In the end, the relationship was fine, he was fine, the family was fine.  I was not.  I was "used up".



I will strongly disagree with this... If your used up... I can't possible believe that the relationhship and the family was fine.  Maybe lacking awareness of the reality that existed.. but definitely not fine.

For myself... It is all about the family.. the whole and it is not fine unless everyone is fine!  Yesterday evening, we as a family (less one little one that was involved in a leadership group for young) went sking.   Kyra isn't ready for night sking so she sat in the lodge and read a book as the rest of us skied.  Everyone one was fine. 

I took a break for a bit and sat with Kyra and we had alittle discussion about how things are today.  I asked her if living where we are would be a good place to retire.  In short order, I learned her perspective of things and I shared her opinions on the issue.  This is how I take care of my family... listening to them ask I ask various questions of a variety of things.  The best way I take care of them... is to know them.  In knowing them.. I can make the best decisions possible.  Last night I confirmed a thougth that I had.  That living where we are is great for the family with the little ones.... but when it's just us adults... it is going to change for us.  It just will not be enough.  Our focus is in nuturing and empowering our young  in time we will reach the empty nest stage and our time will become refocused.

It is not just about knowing things in the distant future.. but it's about knowing what is occuring now.  But... If I am not open to knowing.. I will run the risk of using them up and having that illusion that everything is fine.  Everyday is a exercise in knowing wearing they are at and making the appropriate choices base on that knowledge.



TreasureKY -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 12:37:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I will strongly disagree with this... If your used up... I can't possible believe that the relationhship and the family was fine.  Maybe lacking awareness of the reality that existed.. but definitely not fine.


A poor choice of words by me, KM.  You are correct in that things were not fine, but rather he was under the impression that they were and had no desire to see otherwise.



CatdeMedici -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 12:40:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chezzy71

Mistress Cat is always there for me..with a smile or a kind word.A laugh or her unwavering guidance.She does this when she has the time of course,she is a very busy lady.But what she does cannot even be measured to the amount of inspiration she provides me everyday.


I never for one moment leave him out of My thoughts, My plans, My considerations, My attention to his needs.



jstmi -> RE: What Have You Done... (2/28/2009 1:09:30 PM)

i have been reading this thread and Your comments were so particularly nice to read. it is so refreshing  that You really "get it". any kind of relationship takes two to make it work, and that also means recognizing when another is not up to her best. what You did was very sweet and a Dominant who takes the time to open their eyes to see when something is wrong always garners my respect.

i wish You and Your girl the best MsGwyn

sincerely,
jstmi



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