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KnightofMists -> RE: Preparations (1/22/2006 8:18:24 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MHOO314
how to keep the loneliness from creeping in until the boy comes home--and I am deeply committed to that--
This is indeed the biggest challenge you will deal with. Don't forget that it will be both of you that will be dealing with it. Both of you will be expressing these feelings in different ways. Sometimes the stress and loneliness will come out in strange or unforseen manner. Sometimes strange and unacceptable behaviors suddenly are there and are often just rooted in the loneliness for each other. Sometimes the self-doubt just seems maginify the loneliness. Sometimes a meaningless issues become so much bigger for no apparent reason and so does the frustration. Sometimes you will be feeling it and those around you are going to feel the brunt of it and the person what seems light years away will not even know that you feeling it. Sometimes the emotions are so great that you just want to sit in quiet in a dark room and just reflect and regroup, but life often doesn't allow you that.
What I am saying is that you will not keep the loneliness from creeping in... but you can manage it, you can take control of it, you can stop it from overwhelming you. But, Do not deny it's existence. Denying or attempting to remove emotions is actually nothing more than suppression. You can control, cope and manage the behaviors that can be attributed to the emotions. But, the moment you attempt to deny and supress them... well they will have the power to come out in whatever way they see fit. Do not deny yourself the right to be angry... but control how you will let yourself express it. I am angry!!! so what do I do to express it. Maybe go punch the punching bag instead of yelling at a loved one. I feel sad! how do you express it? I feel happy! So many emotions are there but they are rooted to only to a few basic ones.
Habit that people have is when they say... I feel such and such. But when you actually look at the sentence. The proper word is I think such and such. Because the "such and such" is actually not a feeling that all. Often in these situations the feelings are a huge driving force behind the thought and it's important to drill down to the emotions that are motivating the thoughts. It also can be just a habit to talk that way, we are after all feeling human beings... we just can't remove feelings... we cope with them, we manage them... but we don't remove them! After a while we can change them, we can undermined the negative ones, take away the things that bring them about. I don't see this as removing the feeling. Because you will not take away your ability to feel this, you only minimize a particular area that feeling can surface.
With loneliness, you need to understand what you are lonely for. Beyond just wanting your partner, but what is it you crave or missing. The touch is the most common thing, but also the smell. So many things you can overcome in distance, but nothing can replace that crave. With my kyra, when the crave of touch occurs, I find often when we savor the moments of touch we have had it just seems to make it easier. We do not deny the crave for it. But, somehow, savoring memorable moments of touch and smell makes the craving alittel easier to manage. It is for this reason, that every time kyra and I are together, I make sure to make note of special moments that reflect this craving being satisfied. It is why I made our first moments together all about the touch and the smell. When kyra and I are together, we actually talk very very little. Lots of touching and holding to be savored! to keep the cravings at bay.
I can truly appreciate the feelings you are going thru at this moment. I truly hope for the best for you. I find it interesting that many see much what I do as somewhat romantic or full of devotion. I am not what you would call a romantic, as kyra has expressed, what I do generally as alot of reasoning behind it. If things that appear spontaneous, it is usually becuase an opportunity came across my path that I have considered. The only thing spontaneous is usually the timing, but the actions tend to have been thought out to some degree or another.
Just some reasoning behind why I made the first time with kyra so special. I didn't go into the situation hoping she was right for me. I went in knowing she was and was preparing things for the future as well as enjoying them in the moment.
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