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WyldHrt -> RE: Looks and weight (6/29/2009 12:02:08 AM)
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quote:
Well, yes. :) And obviously, words like "supermodel" and "bodybuilder" are overgeneralizations. But again, it's a bell-curve.
I'd say a good 80% of the male population's preferences cluster around a group of around 20% of the female population. Likewise, I'd say that a good 80% of the female population's preferences cluster around a group of around 20% of the male population. What "good looking" means is informed quite drastically by social conventions, but we're all pretty congruent in our adoptions of those conventions.
Does that mean a 300 lb girl or a 5'2" guy can't get a date? Of course not, but it certainly means he'll have to try harder, and will generally need some other attributes to compensate. The alternative, of course, is to look for potential mates on the outside of the bell-curve - certain people do certainly have "non-standard" preferences when it comes to body types. The thing is, doing so limits the dating pool quite a bit, which lowers the likelihood of finding someone with other desired qualities.
Look at it this way.
Person X can get what they want by trying hard, perservering, and never giving up. They'll look and look and eventually, they'll find it.
Person Y can get what they want by being a wonderful person and having an amazing personality.
Person Z gets what they want, period. They don't have to try hard, and they don't have to be a winner. They just have to be pretty.
Of course persons X and Y are going to notice that person Z gets a free ride, and be somewhat resentful of it. And then they try to compensate by saying "but look at me! I tried hard and I got it!" or "but looks aren't as important as personality!"
Guess what, though? If you have looks, you don't need personality. You don't need effort. Hell, if you have looks you generally don't need much of anything else. And I'm not just talking about dating; people who fit their society's image of "good looking" are, on the whole, also seen as more trustworthy, more honest, more hard-working, more deserving of reward - in general, more morally good than people who deviate from that image. Yes, it's absolutely true that "good looking" can mean different things for some people, and it's absolutely true that if you aren't "good looking", you can still get by "just as well" with a bit of extra effort. But if you are "good looking", in a conventional sense, you don't need that extra effort - because 80% of the people you meet will fall over backwards to help you out, without even realizing they're doing so.
And please remember, we're a pretty self-selected bunch of freaks. Most of the local groups I've interacted with have very shallow bell-curves when it comes to appearance. A lot of that is because many of the the "pretty" people self-select -- they would love to go to BDSM events, but they don't feel like a crowd full of "social rejects" is really their "scene". (and yes, there are exceptions to this. We're talking about trends here, not hard-and-fast 100% "rules".) Think of it like racism - not everyone has to be racist for racism to be a problem. If enough people are racist, even if it's a minority, it'll still have a big enough impact to cause problems. "Lookism" works the same way, and is probably ingrained even deeper into our subconscious.
You can learn to exploit it or try to fight it, but trying to pretend that it doesn't work that way is... ah... well, naïve.
And all that means or changes.... what, exactly? Sorry, but obsessing over statistics, some bell curve, the perceived advantage of the so-called "good looking", and such just seems to be a complete waste of time. If someone isn't "into me" because of my looks, age, or weight; cool. I move on. Everyone has preferences, and I have no interest in being with someone who isn't both physically and mentally attracted to me.
As for "If you have looks, you don't need personality... yadda yadda". Horseshit. Some few DO get by on looks alone, but they are few and far between. Ask most of the "good looking" kids who flock to LA hoping to make it big about that one... you'll find most of them waiting tables and parking cars.
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