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RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 12:27:39 PM   
honeygirl


Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		Hilarious!

IronBear, I have enjoyed reading your posts. You have such a great sense of wisdom and humor!

Best regards.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 1:38:44 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

Ok. I'm not a Dominant, but i feel compelled to answer this one, asking the Dominants to pardon me this time.
So, this guy appears
Just my two cents worth.



quote:

ORIGINAL: transcendence
(Sincere apologies to the Masters for interjecting in their thread)



quote:

ORIGINAL: honeygirl
I too beg the pardon of the Masters for responding to this thread.



KNOT to be difficult here or hijack this thread, but did I miss some rule where subs can't respond to posts in this forum?

As for the question at hand, I think it has been answered. The offer was declined, so let it be.



_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to cravinspankin)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 2:20:19 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter

I feel she has just ended up with a bottom of the rung dom... (other comments he made and his overall attitude confirms this)


EEENIE MEANNIE MINEY MOE, can you judge a DOM by his knots?

Methinks it suggests a thing or two, but I think it says more about you.

(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 2:46:43 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		I can understand the OP's point.

Just today, I was driving down the road and saw an old guy driving one of the new V12 Mercedes Roaster. The old bastard was driving that thing only 40 MPH. Well hell, I thought that was a waste of good automobile on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in southern California! I followed the guy to his house and complimented him about his new ride. He asked me in and we shared a single malt. I spent at least 10 minutes with this old coot and figured I'd spent long enough. I asked him to give me the keys to his new ride so I can take it out and blow out the carbon. Do you know this guy had the nerve to say no! JEEZ - WHAT an asshole! Didn't he realize I just wanted to make sure his car was operating at it's full potential? Some people just won't let you help them!

E. M.

(in reply to honeygirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 3:00:08 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		G'day Merc & beth, hey mate, using your analogy, does this mean I should offer to tryout the new wives or girlfriends of people I know and make sure they are in good working order and give the odd tweek here and there to tune her up for their men??????

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 3:01:14 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Remember that there are doctors who graduated medical school with a d, and they have patients running around alive.

Such is life, if everybody thinks they are happy there is no distinction that they only think it, it seems true for them, Ja?

where i went, you had to at least have a "c" to pass. oh my, does that mean the quality of health care in the n'awlins that was was better than here? goodness!

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 3:07:06 PM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: transcendence

Speaking of deadbeats !

(Sincere apologies to the Masters for interjecting in their thread)

This situation reminds me of one I was in not long ago when a now-notorious cm playboy was trying to get me to play with him behind his pet's back. Even though I didn't know there were also others, I had the same sense of impending trouble for the sub that you seem to here. But I didn't do anything except drop out of the picture.

Guess I went by the rule that you see something in a relationship that looks wrong, you should keep it to yourself. In retrospect, I still stand by that rule. But now I believe there's grounds for exception when someone's likely to get hurt. One should speak up when one sees nonconsensual sadism. I'm sorry, Katylied.

Desoutter, it doesn't sound like that's the case in your situation, so keep your peace.

And now I'll go back to keeping mine. ;)

mercy be to mergatroid. the count's up to 12.

as to the OP, i agree, it's up to the dominant in that case.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to transcendence)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 3:08:46 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

How does one deal with a deadbeat dom?


Actually, it's good that you waited a whole year to ask for advice about this because he's probably forgotten the offer by now. My suggestion is to go back to their place and get him engaged in another conversation about rope bondage. He'll bring out the pictures and you can offer, once again, to show him how to do it. When he refuses, beat the crap out of him, take the wench by the hair and drag her away. :)

I have a rope question for you though. I've been engaged in Japanese rope bondage for several years ::about 5 now:: myself and, while I'm pleased with my progress with the Turks head knot and am much quicker at the actual tying, I can't seem to get it as tight as I would like. I'm wondering if it's because I lack strength to pull it or, perhaps my hands are just too small. To give you an idea of their size, I wear a size 4 1/2 - 5 shoe and my hands are just as little, which is great when I do a fisting, but not so great for other things. I once had a doctor tell me my feet were too small. Any tips you can give me?

Thanks in advance,

Celeste

::edited for a glaring typo::

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 1/22/2006 3:10:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 3:51:23 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

G'day Merc & beth, hey mate, using your analogy, does this mean I should offer to tryout the new wives or girlfriends of people I know and make sure they are in good working order and give the odd tweek here and there to tune her up for their men??????


Bear,
Of course! It's the neighborly thing to do! I also believe it's part of the required ritual in becoming a "Grand Master". The new Master must provide his slave as tribute. The "old" Grand Masters have "Prima Nocta" rights.

G'day back at ya! Enjoying your summer?


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 4:58:48 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I'm sorry, Katylied.


Shhhh. No apology is necessary. My hand is filled with apologies, and I've passed some apologies around as well. It's been surreal for me.

Let's move on....



_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to transcendence)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 6:20:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Nothing. It was nice to ask, and he politely rebuffed you. You move on.

THe sub isn't dead or complaining and nothing seems to be the matter.

And I agree, not being a proficient kinkster has nothing to do with being a deadbeat.

This sub hasn't "ended up" with anything- she CHOSE her dom. You mention "other comments" and "overall attitude" which are meaningless without specifics.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/22/2006 11:56:56 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		this is like when i wanted to help my then brother -law to teach him how to dance, he was so sure he was right on the money i told him let me help you and show the right way lol he became mad and told me " i know what i am doing" so i never went to party with him ever i could not stand to see everyone looking at him like they did on Seinfiled with Elaine dancing yes it was that bad. so it proud makes him think it is doing it all right and i can tell you nothing anyone or you wil change his mind, but if it is dangerous the way he is tying then he needs to be told

mons

(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 1:42:51 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		When I was new to the scene, I wanted help from everyone. Now, I know my shibari looks ok, but it's hard to keep it pretty, and keep a dominant aire. If I do photos, we have fun tying the knots, but make sure they look right. if we're playing, I just make sure it's safe, constrictive, and my partner feels completely powerles, degraded, and otherwise turned on.
Anyone who gives it the great i-am, when they obviously don't know what they're doing is a joke, but hey, it's their private joke. I agree with the masses. Leave it alone.
Remember. an intrinsic knowledge of knots doesn't make you king dom. it makes you a cub scout.

]v[

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 1:52:47 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		When i first read the topic i thought this was gonna be about a Dom who sat around, did nothing, didnt work, was a drug addict or an alcoholic and expected the slave to do everything because they couldnt cope with life....

But since its not....

I dunno...some people just dont like accepting help from other people, doesnt make them a deadbeat..maybe just unwise.

(in reply to RubberWitch)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 6:16:04 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm still trying to find the exact quote, but it comes from a 40's or early 50's film and I think it was James Cagney who commented in his usual tough guy style he is famous for... It goes something like this: "The only deadbeats I know are the poor saps who fall over themselves trying to teach everyone what little they know...."

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 7:44:49 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
I can't abide ropes, nails too long, takes too much prep, give Me CHAINS!!!!!!!!

I know what you mean, Hathor. I can't tie a knot the same way twice unless I'm tieing my shoes. Screw that! Give me a good medium weight chain with cuffs and locks and we're talking business!!

< Message edited by MrDiscipline44 -- 1/23/2006 7:45:57 AM >

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 1:31:51 PM   
desoutter


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline 		just when I thought is was safe to post!

BURN HIM AT THE F__KING STAKE - he actually might have an opinion on a dom who is a "bottom feeder".
did anyone actually read what I wrote?

I failed to include:
#1 - no it wasnt that the ropes were not pretty - they are unsafe - improperly positioned on the rib cage - circulation issues
#2 - The term bottom of the rung includes the statement "(other comments he made and his overall attitude confirm this)" MEANING - the guy didnt know s__t from shi__ola when it comes to calling himself a dom...

Thank you - mrdiscipline44 - you are correct - "I left it be" - but the question remains
Thank you - katylied - I did try and yes - It fell on inexperienced deaf ears
mnottertail - very true - very true
Ladyjulieann - yes I was concerned - One photograph showed her neck collared and the bonds from her wrists, putting pressure on the throat - This can interfere with breathing - circualtion...

ahhh - now we come to chaingang - offensive sir - read the goddam post next time - you are the 'shell fuckin answer man' when it comes to being in the right place for answers - Your take on reading in between the lines tells me you share a lot in common with the dom I am refering to...

Thank you - desertrat - as this was what I had done - left it alone - I still feel as though that may have been the wrong thing to do... again... the safety thing... the inexperience thing - Is it satisfactory to allow a person to be killed in the face standing next to you if had the ability to stop it?
Thank you - mh00314 - You are very right - as it was only my 'opinion' - it was better left alone - it just keeps nagging at me though...

chaingang - again with the nonsense... this dom (namely me the superhero) is just a guy who doesnt want someone to end up with sprains - strains - I mean worst case scenario is the sub could die - awww poor poor sub - what shall we do?

thank you wildfleurs - you are correct - just because Im a perfectionist doesnt mean everyone else has to be... I totally agree... but everyone should be aware of some basic fundamental safety and health risks associated with very intense bondage... thats all...
thank you happypervert - I should have been a little more clear in my description of the dom - I actually heard him say (not word for word - its been awhile) but his sub had passed out one occasion and he just... kind... of thought.. that was 'normal'...

Now - Thank you all for your input - now that you all have a little more data - lets see what we can come up with....lol
thank you all for your posts...
desoutter

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 1:35:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter
#1 - no it wasnt that the ropes were not pretty - they are unsafe - improperly positioned on the rib cage - circulation issues

What do you mean "improperly"? Tying people up around the ribcage is generally a fine and dandy thing to do. Have you ever played with the bottom in question? Our bodies vary greatly. For some people tying high on the arm will be bad, for others it will be fine.

And even supposing you were judging correctly that this guy was doing bad bondage...the bottom was fine and happy, you offered and were told no. Unless you see him play publicly and break a public rule, there's nothing more for you to do.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 2:47:08 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Still, you can do nothing if they rebuff your offering. This falls under Risk Aware, Consentual Kink. They are both grown adults that will do things how they want, when they want. Whether you like it or not. Also you stated that this woman is married to this Dom. Like it or not, you have no right to say or do anything to get between them.

You may want to approach this from a different angle though. Like this:

"Hey Jimbob. You showed me a few ropes the other day and I just wanted to do the same in kind. Here are a few I've done.", "I find that this one works the best for arms. Keeps her nice and tight and from slipping away.", "Here's one thats best for the ribs. I do this and that to keep her held down but she can still breath."

What I'm saying is that you're approach gave an automatic assumption that you were better then this guy in his own home. Had it been my home you would've done this once but been made aware not to do it again.

Reguardless, I still don't see how he is a "deadbeat". He is a Dominant that will do things to his pleasing just as you or I will. Calling him a deadbeat implies he doesn't pay back his debts, not that he's inexperienced. And just because he is inexperianced doesn't mean you or I are better then him.


_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to deal with a deadbeat dom - 1/23/2006 3:03:09 PM   
Darklotus


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		My Two cents damnit!!!.....lol...hey you had the girls interests at heart..and thats nice to see...maybe...you could try to do something like a bondage party or some such...and have him show you how he dose it...and then show him how you do it...you know kinda inflate him a bit saying hes got some good ideas...never say anything to the extent of "now let me show you how to do it like me...let me show you how to do it right." try something like..."this is how my Subs like it,..you show me yours and I'll show you mine...so we can get as much pleasure out of it as the girls/bois do..." make it a fun thing.......but thats just as i said my two cents

< Message edited by Darklotus -- 1/23/2006 3:04:01 PM >

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 40
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