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wishing to change - 3/7/2009 6:06:02 AM

jstmi

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i have recently realized that i was blinded by a deep love for another and wanted to be with them so much i wasn't true to myself. yes i admit i thought i could be poly, but i cannot and i hurt someone very near to me who still eats at me, i also turned my back on a good friend and well i am writing this here because frankly i think they perhaps would delete my email. i am deeply saddened by some recent events and just want to say that i care. this is directed to one very special Woman who showed me so much in a short time . i am a better person for Her and what She taught me. i want to send my thoughts of goodness to Her. i also want to send a hug to someone who has recently moved to another part of the country and hope that we can be friends once again.

thank Y/you
jstmi

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 6:23:35 AM

CatdeMedici

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A brave post...

One of the things people seem to forget or choose to ignore is that in this "life" its ok to say:

I am

just as it is ok to say:

I am not

and both are acceptable statements.

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 8:32:54 AM

Lockit

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jstmi,

The path you travel has been blessed with a wonderous chance to know someone very special to you. You grew, you became stronger and yet the bottom line is that the blessing you found was not what you needed as a final goal situation. To be angry with you for not being able to end with what was found would be denying that path you take and the true happiness you sought, for it wasn't a situation that would be fulfilling as an end result for you. It was in a sense a stepping stone along your life path. A very important one and one that took you to a lot of places you needed to go, but it wasn't the end of the road for you. Anyone that knows you... how you have grown and such... must know these things.

You have a good and loving heart and I will hope that because things didn't work out, that you won't feel badly. Sometimes we have to accept that we are a part of someone's growth and not the lifetime something or other. Don't take this whole situation as a failure because it wasn't. And maybe in time, everyone will know that. You add blessings to people who know you and the spirit you have. So while you gained... I am sure you also gave!

Time will work in this situation, just as it does in all other's. Bask in the sunshine of what was learned and continue on your path. I will hope that it will bring to you all the goodness you deserve!

And jstmi... not everything or relationship has to end as a final with little room for a different kind of relationship. Sometimes time is needed and things can change. Hang in there. Hugs!

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 9:53:53 AM

DavanKael

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jstmi----
Best wishes as you work through these life changes.
Davan

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 11:28:04 AM

HeavansKeeper

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It's easy to get into relationships. We start knowing little about the person and ourselves and learn as we go. It's like two strings, along perfectly straight and simple, then they meet and start to run side by side. Eventually the two (or more) strings will begin to tangle. Sometimes they form intricate tapestries, and other times a puzzling ball of yarn. Tinkering with a poly household is inviting new strings, which increase the likelihood of a devastating tangle which is only solved with scissors or years of leisure time.

Spending time with someone, and inevitably connecting well on so many points keeps us coming back. Whether we see the tangle coming, we keep coming back. And even when we know its time to cut the string, because its best for everyone (or someone)... it hurts. Cutting always hurts.

It feels like a lose-lose situation at first. Eventually, once the pain deadens (or one acclimates to its constant presence) you can look back at the good bits and be happy, knowing you've done the best you can do for the future.

In regards your friends, anyone who blames you for being yourself is no friend. It seems like your actions are not the unforgivable sort, though I don't know the specifics. A reasonable friend makes the effort to forgive the forgivable, and move on with what's left.

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 12:30:25 PM

jstmi

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CatdeMedici

thank You for Your kind words, i didn't realize this until too late i am afraid. but i will move forward with a better understanding.

be well

jstmi

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 12:43:45 PM

jstmi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

jstmi,

The path you travel has been blessed with a wonderous chance to know someone very special to you. You grew, you became stronger and yet the bottom line is that the blessing you found was not what you needed as a final goal situation. To be angry with you for not being able to end with what was found would be denying that path you take and the true happiness you sought, for it wasn't a situation that would be fulfilling as an end result for you. It was in a sense a stepping stone along your life path. A very important one and one that took you to a lot of places you needed to go, but it wasn't the end of the road for you. Anyone that knows you... how you have grown and such... must know these things.

i treasured the times i had with Her and the lessons taught to me. this experience has helped me to grow and realize it is ok to know what your limitations are and accept them.

You have a good and loving heart and I will hope that because things didn't work out, that you won't feel badly. Sometimes we have to accept that we are a part of someone's growth and not the lifetime something or other. Don't take this whole situation as a failure because it wasn't. And maybe in time, everyone will know that. You add blessings to people who know you and the spirit you have. So while you gained... I am sure you also gave!

Time will work in this situation, just as it does in all other's. Bask in the sunshine of what was learned and continue on your path. I will hope that it will bring to you all the goodness you deserve!

And jstmi... not everything or relationship has to end as a final with little room for a different kind of relationship.
unfortunately things did not end the way i wanted them to, i failed to say goodbye the right way and we exchanged some words that well were not pleasant.

but my heart goes out to Her and beyond anything i want Her to know i cared tremendously for Her.
i am on a new path now and the confidence i have in myself i thank Her for bringing it out in me.

Sometimes time is needed and things can change. Hang in there. Hugs!

thank you for Your kind words Ms Lockit and may the sun always shine in Your direction.

jstmi

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 12:56:30 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Hi, cutie!

*winks*

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 1:20:37 PM

beth314

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sometimes things/changes happen but when you love someone, it doesnt just turn off because they act or dont act in a fashion that you wouldn't or do not find pleasing. Assumptions ALWAYS cause chaos. For that, this girl is truly sorry. i love you, sis

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 8:21:04 PM

jstmi

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blushes and smiles, thank You Ma'am , hello to You

jstmi

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RE: wishing to change - 3/7/2009 8:23:50 PM

jstmi

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beth

thank you for accepting my apology, i know She brought us together as friends and i will be always grateful for that. cause i think you are a special friend sis

love
jstmi

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