RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off by this anyway?

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 9:11:39 AM

Posts: 32566
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Peon,

Mister Pact and I don't have a dynamic of any kind, just a regular marriage with no authority transfer. Yet, he'll tell just about anyone that in certain matters, I am the boss. This is from a couple of factors. For one, I'm the senior Dominant of the household. (No, that doesn't mean that I'm older than him.) He accepts the fact that I have more experience than him and is willing to accept My judgment on certain matters accordingly. For another, presently, it's My dynamic with clip that makes us a poly family.

He's also been known to call Me "Household 6" which might be lost on you since you're across the pond. In American military families, it's widely known that a pissed off civilian spouse can stir up some degree of trouble in a chain of command. There's no real rank to it, but anyone will tell you that there had better not be any obvious disrespect to the wife of a soldier.

For his last birthday, I sent MP a care package. One of the items in it was a t-shirt that reads, "I do whatever the voices in my wife's head tell me to."

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 9:13:47 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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lol Love that shirt, LP...

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 9:14:38 AM

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Thanks. He actually got a pretty good kick out of it, himself.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 9:15:02 AM

MoGa

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quote:

that southern accent does funny things to me!

Then you would love me and Doll's lol <Imagines Lockit being all funny and stuff> Just sayin...

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 9:20:50 AM

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LOL MaGa! Should have seen me when I went to school in GA! They called me hippi because I was from Ca. and I talked funny, so I tried so hard to not talk southern! lol It didn't work too well. One day I was in a hurry and messing around with my friends in class when the teacher left the room. "Hey ya'all Mitzie's cheatin!" They roared and my life was never the same! lol It still come's out a bit when I drink. Used to have a friend that would tell the bartender... get her one of those lil red things... she talks funny when she drinks them. Ahhh the good ol days! lol

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 9:25:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Peon,

Mister Pact and I don't have a dynamic of any kind, just a regular marriage with no authority transfer. Yet, he'll tell just about anyone that in certain matters, I am the boss. This is from a couple of factors. For one, I'm the senior Dominant of the household. (No, that doesn't mean that I'm older than him.) He accepts the fact that I have more experience than him and is willing to accept My judgment on certain matters accordingly. For another, presently, it's My dynamic with clip that makes us a poly family.

I think that'd be true in an awful lot of vanilla relationships, LP. I've never really cared about most things that happen inside my home. My partner has always taken charge of that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
He's also been known to call Me "Household 6" which might be lost on you since you're across the pond. In American military families, it's widely known that a pissed off civilian spouse can stir up some degree of trouble in a chain of command. There's no real rank to it, but anyone will tell you that there had better not be any obvious disrespect to the wife of a soldier.

True here too, from what I've heard. Civilian spouses of military people carry a weirdly large amount of clout. Same with police. My mother was forever "sorting things out" with my father's Chief Superindendent who'd end up dreading her phone calls about his large family and how that conflicted with my father's night duty.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For his last birthday, I sent MP a care package. One of the items in it was a t-shirt that reads, "I do whatever the voices in my wife's head tell me to."

Oh lord

. . . my mother is, and always was, as mad as a mongoose in March. My father would have been demoted to Pc if he'd ever worn such a t shirt.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 10:52:47 AM

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I think that I would like your mother far too much, Peon...

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 11:17:59 AM

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She's often compared to a parallelogram, Lady Hib. Thinks she's square, but has sharp edges and sides that are equal to anything. On her 70th birthday she got arrested for assaulting a policeman on an anti-war protest. You might like her, but like most, only in limited doses. She doesn't hold with women who have sharp noses, so you're lucky.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 1:20:49 PM

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From: London, England
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I actually honestly don't like it. Titles in general I find a little too forced. Mistress, Goddess, Ma'am, Madam, My Lady, etc... they're all just words to me. Unless I am engaging with a Domme in a scene (or some other intimate set-up) and she specifically tells me to refer to her as "Title A", then I'm happy just using her name.

I actually find using a given name more intimate, because "Mistress" almost allows you to disconnect from a person... "Mistress" could be anyone, but "Rebecca" is always going to be Rebecca.

< Message edited by sodsta -- 3/10/2009 1:30:37 PM >

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 2:02:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I actually honestly don't like it. Titles in general I find a little too forced. Mistress, Goddess, Ma'am, Madam, My Lady, etc... they're all just words to me. Unless I am engaging with a Domme in a scene (or some other intimate set-up) and she specifically tells me to refer to her as "Title A", then I'm happy just using her name.

I actually find using a given name more intimate, because "Mistress" almost allows you to disconnect from a person... "Mistress" could be anyone, but "Rebecca" is always going to be Rebecca.

That disconnect can accentuate the power exchange (agreed, sometimes at the cost of intimacy). If I want to humiliate a submissive, I will detach them from me. When I become "sir" (as opposed to Master, James..) I could be anyone, and that's the point. She is an object who anyone can use. It's a very submissive feeling.

I find calling someone by their first name at best seeing them as an equal, at worst demeaning. In my house, play is done to accentuate the power exchange, meaning its not for the fun of the act - we're not equals before, during, or after. One is up, one is down.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 2:57:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I actually honestly don't like it. Titles in general I find a little too forced. Mistress, Goddess, Ma'am, Madam, My Lady, etc... they're all just words to me.

Until you meet a woman who changes this state of affairs, and makes the words more than a "title"--best to skip it.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 6:05:48 PM

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Getting back to the OP ... sorry, but at best it IS a 50:50! Ideally it should make the sub feel all nice and subby and the Domme feel all nice and Dommly. As we've heard, sometimes it's more for one than for the other and as long as it's negotiated and doesn't make either side desperately uncomfortable to say/hear it, then fine.

I'm fairly flexible in terms of honorifics, I do tend to reserve Mistress for those who are more deeply involved with Me though. However, there is another Mistress's sub who always refers to Me as Mistress, when I checked on this, he said it was purely out of respect for Me and his Mistress was completely happy with that. I did note that he didn't do likewise with all the Dommes we knew, and I admit, that gave Me a nice warm fuzzy feeling! I like Ma'am as a general title, and could also be totally happy with my Lady or m'Lady. I'm not real fond of Miss (been a schoolteacher!) and Goddess tends to make Me laugh! However, I could imagine that said in the right context (the right way/person/situation) it could make Me melt into a Dommly puddle!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 6:33:38 PM

dreamerdreaming

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I always disliked the term "Mistress" for its adulterous connotations. Ew. I've always forbidden its use when referring to me.

I have only recently been requiring my boy to use "Ma'am" in situations where proper deference is needed. This is to remind him of his slave status, and it seems to be working very nicely. Its not like he was forgetting, but I wanted him to always remember what he is, even in the most mundane situation, or ordinary moments.

I love it, and so does he, because it brings into focus the dynamic, and his willing obedience, in so sweetly humiliating a way... There he is down on his knees for me, eyes down, begging in the prescribed manner, hands together as in a prayer and he says "Ma'am, please may I use the bathroom?" And then I have him wait like that and draw out the sweetness of the moment for our pleasure... maybe I'll put him down and pee in him before I let him go relieve himself, or mybe I'll just let him wait a while there on his knees for me while I make the moment last.... Its lovely.

Um, I'll be um... Back in a while, I uh, gotta go do somethin'. I drank a lot of coffee just then, and its going right through me...

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 6:34:01 PM

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From: Austin, TX
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To focus on the term specifically, I usually use Mistress as a title of address when it is how a domme wishes to be addressed. I also tend to use it when being silly (especially when writing) with a tongue-in-cheek spirit due to how commonly it is used.

To focus on the idea of using a title or a form of address, how much I enjoy it or tend to use it depends on the type of dynamic and the culture of the environment (for example, an event or group where titles are used versus one where they are not). I enjoy it more in a formal dynamic, and tend to use it less in a broader, more relaxed dynamic.

I think to ask who enjoys it more forces a dichotomy where one does not exist. What if it is indeed of interest to each? Use of an honorific is one amongst many ways people express their dominant and submissive roles. I expect we will see varying combinations of interest in this expression (in some cases the domme enjoys it more, in some cases the sub enjoys it more, in some cases they each enjoy it) just as we might for other expressions of D/s. In a well matched relationship, engaging in D/s is not for the sake of the dominant only or for the sake of submissive only, but for sake of both. I expect the same applies to use of honorifics in most cases.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/10/2009 11:04:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Wish I could say that I felt that about the word "Mistress", Lockit. Of course I'd use it if told. But it's "Ma'am", for me, that really turns me into knee-buckling, submissive jelly. Very, very special and to be used only for one woman.

*Sigh* - one day.

See having played in the south for years...a really powerful sincere Yes Ma'am is sooo much better than all the plain old 'Yes Mistress' in the world. Gotta love the southern boys...they can get the Yes Ma'am like no one else...and you just KNOW you own them with those two little words...and they know it too...any wonder I married one? Now that's what gets my rocks off...not what they say as much...but HOW they say it...

But I'll take a good Yes Ma'am any day...

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/11/2009 8:04:38 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

Is use of the term "Mistress" in a dialogue supposed to be:

1. A turn on for the sub because he is forced to use it or expected to use it

.

If I were ordered or expected to use it, then yes, it would be.... well, not so much a turn-on in the traditional sexual sense, but satisfying and pleasurable to use. The word never really had much meaning to me in and of itself. If my usage of it has meaning to a partner, then it would have great meaning to me, because using it would make her happy.

But if it's just me, it's not a word that comes naturally to me. I feel more comfortable using the word "ma'am" to address a partner (because to me that sounds and "feels" so much more respectful), and the word "owner" as a descriptive or a title, because that more accurately represents the type of bond that I feel with a woman I love.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/12/2009 2:17:42 AM

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When I call my owner "Mistress", it is because I have earned that privilege and reward with lots of effort and hard work. It is an honor I receive because I have earned the sweet sanctuary of her collar. It is a special reminder of who she is in my life. No one else is allowed to call her "Mistress" unless her first name is used with it.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/12/2009 10:42:56 PM

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I like to use Mistress or Ma'am because to me it shows my respect for the Domme. I also like for the Domme to state that she is Dominant. I like to hear her talk of her Dominant nature, her superiority, her sexual power, her philosphy of Dominance and the like.

(in reply to rubberpet)

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