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Helpless? - 1/23/2006 7:07:36 PM   
LiddlOne


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/26/2004
Status: offline 		I have been owned by one man. We've drifted apart and have stopped seeing one another. I have attempted to chat with other masters and, in addition to finding it difficult to find a match, I have an issue that perplexes me:

I know it is time to move on and make myself available to another owner. However, when I speak with men, I find myself unable to imagine myself being used or dominated by anyone other than the man that was my owner. I am not this attached to my former master because he cast me aside - he didn't. The decision was mutual. And if it sided in one direction, the direction was mine (although, admittedly, I wouldn't have been able to leave had he seriously wanted to stop me). So, I'm not overly emotionally attached to this man. But, I find the thought of doing sexual things with other men just so foreign as to be impossible to imagine.

If it means anything, he was not quite my first but the boy who was, didn't take me much. So, possibly I am associating my former master as my first true sexual partner. He was certainly the first to be able to do the job correctly and to completion. The man who owned me is older than me and every moment I spent with him was charged with intense sexuality and even more intense experiences (true power over life kinds of things).

My question: Will I get past this annoying attachment that keeps me from moving on? Or are there situations where a man has so seared the mind of a girl that - regardless of how much she dislikes the terms of her enslavement - she is doomed to belong to him (whether together, or apart)?

Respectfully,

Laurie
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Helpless? - 1/23/2006 7:25:41 PM   
wolffeathers


Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline 		laurie,

you will get over it.

It just takes time.

As well as going on, if need be, vanilla dates.

Get to know the Masters before you throw yourself into something your not ready for.

That will not help you or your new Master.

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Helpless? - 1/23/2006 7:28:58 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Get to know the Masters before you throw yourself into something your not ready for.


And take time to get to know yourself before meeting anyone new. Your profile is very complete and you seem to know exactly what you want, but I am a firm believer in the idea that you have to be comfortable and happy being single in order to be comfortable and happy in a relationship. Otherwise you will always be totally dependent on your partner for your happiness and that will almost always end badly.

(in reply to wolffeathers)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Helpless? - 1/23/2006 9:09:59 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Or are there situations where a man has so seared the mind of a girl that - regardless of how much she dislikes the terms of her enslavement - she is doomed to belong to him (whether together, or apart)?


I believe that time and new situations heal everything. When you are in the midst of something difficult, you may not believe it, but it's true. In the meanwhile you need to decompress and regroup, in whatever manner works for you.

quote:

He was certainly the first to be able to do the job correctly and to completion. <snip> every moment I spent with him was charged with intense sexuality and even more intense experiences (true power over life kinds of things).


You have identified what it is you want. That is the best beginning.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Helpless? - 1/23/2006 9:52:46 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Dear LiddlOne,

I don't know that every conversation with a man is a proffer of sex. I remember your profile from the day you joined, it seems to be word for word the same. I think that August to now, having only posted once on the boards that you are not seeing a true cross-section.

I think that to think everything into a year or two down the road from the start is a little heavy and could cloud your judgement considerably.

Could you see yourself going out to a dinner or a movie with a man, perhaps becoming friendly in the process.

Men, by and large do not have to attach alotta peripherals to a quim; they can be set-up with very little. Now, it seems that maybe by stretching your imagination into the 24/7/365 right from the get go, you may be overwhelming yourself. It shouldn't be necessary to peer so far in the future at every man you encounter.

Otherwise like the song, "And did you miss me, while you were looking for yourself out there.............?".

Hope this isn't one that needs translation... most people find me unintelligible as well as unintelligent..........


LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Helpless? - 1/23/2006 10:20:03 PM   
LiddlOne


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/26/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks to everyone for the replies. It seems that the general concesus is that time heals all wounds - even wounded hearts? But I'd like to add that my heart isn't broken. I'm actually surprised that I'm not more emotional about the end. But then, we've been ending for more than a year now.

No, the thing is that despite a lack of emotional trauma related to this break off, I have this odd psycho-sexual attachment to this man. If I had the emotional component, as well, I'd understand this. But, I don't have much in the way of emotions for him. So, that's why I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this kind of thing. I am profoundly submissive. And, with him, I got to live that submission - live in awe of him - his masculinity... in the most intense ways possible. So, I'm still wondering if anyone else has experienced this kind of D/s attachment and then moved on (perhaps to have an even better experience? If that's possible). Or, are there those who never move on?

And my tendency is not to date unless there's potential, there, for the man to be an owner. Good or bad, it's my way.

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Helpless? - 1/23/2006 11:07:38 PM   
daredevil865


Posts: 130
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline 		it is difficult to end a relationship that still lives in your mind be it vanilla or D/s...for memories always focus on the best times not always the real times...but once you deceide it is over and it is time for you to move on you will find someone and perhaps if you are very lucky the right "one".



_____________________________



DareDevil

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

If I had to explain it...you wouldn't understand

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 2:31:12 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Remember that it isn't enough to just meet another Dom. In the vanilla world, merely meeting another single male doesn't guarantee compatibility, you still need to "connect", and I think that's what you're discovering with D/s now....

And I can tell you it's the same for us Doms.... I've met many subs but very few where there's been mutual connection and that's important for a 24/7 relationship. Remember, too, that as a fem/sub, you're also gonna come across a lot more jerks, time-wasters and wannabe doms than I will with ingenous fem/subs.

You're young so be patient and don't compromise your integrity if someone doesn't "feel" right to you. Time does cure most things and time is on your side. Or Oz is a great place to move to.... *wink*

Focus.

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 2:48:33 AM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		LiddlOne,

It’s time to live a little.

Seriously get happy and start doing things for your self. Tell your self “It’s time to move on” and it also wouldn’t hurt to begin some reprogramming with some positive affirmations. If you dwell in the past you make it difficult for the future. If you begin to imagine the future as something wonderful filled with exactly what you need and looking for guess what happens ? Subconsciously you begin to position your self to allow the things you dream about and affirm in your mine come true.

There are many great books about getting over issues in your life, One of my favorites is “The power of your subconscious mind” by Dr. Joseph Murphy. I have read this book at least 10 times and it amazes me each time. Funny part is, when I apply the principles within the book, my life starts responding. The sub conscious mind is programmable and if you don’t recognize it, it can be spiral you out of control. On the other hand if you identify it and program it the subconscious mind can be the most powerful tool you have in forecasting your future.

Hope it helps

Del Rey

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 4:54:03 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		First of all, you need to untangle sex and BDSM D/s. The two are not necessarily synonymous. You need to think about what it is you want and need. If you want a D/s or M/s relationship, fine. Work on that. Try learning to be a better sub/slave. Concentrate on the basics of being a good sub/slave, who you are, what it is your looking for. The relationship will naturally follow. Takes time. Don't think about the whole package. Not yet. What's important to you: this lifestyle, or a relationship?

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 6:13:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiddlOne
I know it is time to move on and make myself available to another owner. However, when I speak with men, I find myself unable to imagine myself being used or dominated by anyone other than the man that was my owner.

Then it's obviously NOT time for you to move on and make yourself available.

Whatever happened to the "Be on your own, find yourself and become secure and stable" stage?

quote:

My question: Will I get past this annoying attachment that keeps me from moving on? Or are there situations where a man has so seared the mind of a girl that - regardless of how much she dislikes the terms of her enslavement - she is doomed to belong to him (whether together, or apart)?

Respectfully,

Laurie

If you allow yourself the time and distance to move on, then you will. You will always feel some attachment. But trust me, he's not THAT unique. The fact that it was your first means it's going to be uber special. If you give yourself time and exposure, you will see that there's far more out there. You're too young to allow this experience to doom your future and I'd hate to see you like a girl who's lost her first crush wailing "I'll never love again!"

Break ups and endings are hard. Give it time. See where you go. Stop pushing to get your fix.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 6:24:10 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Or are there situations where a man has so seared the mind of a girl that - regardless of how much she dislikes the terms of her enslavement - she is doomed to belong to him (whether together, or apart)?


I believe that time and new situations heal everything. When you are in the midst of something difficult, you may not believe it, but it's true. In the meanwhile you need to decompress and regroup, in whatever manner works for you.

quote:

He was certainly the first to be able to do the job correctly and to completion. <snip> every moment I spent with him was charged with intense sexuality and even more intense experiences (true power over life kinds of things).


You have identified what it is you want. That is the best beginning.





Truer words were never spoken...

for the time being, this is your ideal, the bar if you will, there are things about this relationship you will want in any relationship and things that you don't--start by looking for the good and eliminating the bad---as Ron said very clearly behind his words--take it one at a time, post and read here-learn and do not judge the future today---

and as Katy said, take time and regroup, you cannot find another until you have found yourself.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 6:26:24 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Laurie:

I agree with LA's comments. I think you'll get past the attachment, mainly because you have acknowledged that it exists and are actually examining it.

As for being seared? I can only speak for myself, and I'll tell you that there are women who have left tracks on my heart, but after making the appropriate internal adjustments, I have learned to view my experiences as building blocks or something...I am enhanced by them, rather than inhibited.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 7:25:38 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		Seems to me the problem isn't with you but the ones you're looking to, to fill this void. You're previous Master set the example in your mind of what your Master should be. All others that you are finding don't fit the mold, so to speak. Maybe you're looking at the wrong men for what you seek? So you have three choices:

1) Toss out that mold and begin anew. To do this you need to go with your heart over you mind, girl.

2) Keep searching thru the masses and hope that lightning strikes twice in the same place.

3) Find a hunting ground in which what you're looking for is more previlant.

Which one sounds better to you?

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 8:29:38 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		As far as filling the "void" and finding someone who fits the "mold."
If you have too many qualifiers and too large a list of "requirements", you may pass over a person who doesn't meet all of them, but who can add other things to the mix. Possibly better things.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Helpless? - 1/24/2006 1:26:07 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		LiddlOne
It takes time to break the connection you feel with your last Master. You just need time to get over it and to break the connection you have with him. I have been searching for years and I have come across allot who I connect with. It does help being a natural empath to connect but you right now need to allow time and distance to get over. You may never get over for your first will always be part of you. There have been many young ladies that to this day I think of fondly. Your spirit will find another with will ignite your passion once again but give it time. Good luck ScorpioMaster

(in reply to LiddlOne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Helpless? - 1/26/2006 4:05:40 AM   
Oberonrex


Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

As far as filling the "void" and finding someone who fits the "mold."
If you have too many qualifiers and too large a list of "requirements", you may pass over a person who doesn't meet all of them, but who can add other things to the mix. Possibly better things.


Allow me to second this, and to say that you have gotten a lot of good advice from LA and others. At the risk of boring one and all, the first one to fill my heart and life was a very special lady, who set a very high bar for intelligence, class, and more. Yet, had I tried to replace her in my life with an imperfect clone, not only would I have been extremely dissapointed (and dissapointed those chosen as a result, as well as done them a tremendous disservice), I would never have met some truly wonderful women who had strengths and set the bar high in other areas. Each has been different, and I am much the richer as a result. Just a thought.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 17
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