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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 4:50:43 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

What is it about submission, what makes a person submissive ? I am talking about natural submission here, what one is in day to day life and there transfers into BDSM play situations.

If our definitions for natural submissive are the same ....
I never woke one day to transfer anything into BDSM.

I was in love with a man, I went down on him and expected him in some sort of fashion to take over.

My first sexual act was to pleasure him, the man I was dating. I've never thought it should be any other way.

How normal is that for a natural submissive?

What Beth said is very pertinent.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

other folks' natural submission extends beyond the bedroom/dungeon door and is evident in their relations with others and how they live their lives, to differing degrees, depending upon the individual in question.

a submissive submits.

< Message edited by RealSub58 -- 3/19/2009 4:56:58 PM >

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 21

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 5:03:41 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle121

Does this mean, that we can demand a mansion with swimming pool as a Dom property????

Ermmm Noooooooooo...

It would be nice though. I wonder if I built something like Playboy Mansion if some agency would stock it with Playboy Bunny type slaves....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to frazzle121)

Post #: 22

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 6:26:41 PM

frazzle121

Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline

LOL May fantasy continue.

Is a nice dream, but i'll stick with reality for all its foibles, much more fun in the long run.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:57:15 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I agree lass, 'tis fun to have the odd fantacy as different to the dream as a goad to drive you in the right direction.. Real life is far more fun and satisfying too..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to frazzle121)

Post #: 24

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:09:49 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChelseaNY

I have actaully thought alot about this kind of thing lately and had some chats with friends. Is a person born with a submissive trait or does their environment mold them to be so ? Perhaps they are born with it and it shapes the environment and the way people treat them. Being a psych major this is very interesting, hell i am my own case study lol. People would never see me as a submissive person, i consider myself to be a nice person, but i can be a royal bitch. I am demanding and meticulous, i like details worked out. I am blunt to the point of being offensive at times. I like to be in control of those things in my life i need control over. However i always craved a man who could tame me and claim me, and to him i would give my devotion and let him have the control. I agree with the protection idea, i am typical cave woman, i want a man who exemplifies masculinity.

I remember the first time my friends ever saw me with a Dom i was seeing, and he gave me a simple order to get his cigs and the ashtray and his drink, and i hopped right up to do it. My friends jaws dropped open lol. The chelsea they knew would have laughed in the guys face. Thank goodness they didn't know back then the things that went on behind closed doors. They do now though! lol

If you are into working out thyself via psychology,that is a good intention, but a bad idea, for I have it from an advanced psychiatrist that many of them go into the profession to work out themselves, but never achieve this as other people's issues cloud their judgement. Often it is those that deal with the mind often end up crackers themselves, I watched this same psychiatrist self destruct, take early retirement and go gaga.

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to ChelseaNY)

Post #: 25

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:28:35 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

There was a time in my past when i was questioning my submissiveness when i was experiencing my "Dom on the rocks". A great Domme friend of mine paralleled my life as being a natural submissive...
-Brought up in an old world europian family where a womans role is to care for her man and family and her needs are last.
-Joining the convent at 14 yrs old to serve God and the community.(ok i gave that up then made up for lost time)
-Choosing nursing as a career to care for people.
-scheduling my life around various activities to help people
-never expecting anything in return
she said i was destined to be a sub, and its who i am in everything i have done since childhood.
Is this what you were asking? Cuz if not, then i feel a little silly .

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 26

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:34:05 PM

Aneirin

Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline

No, what you have contributed is not silly, nor should you feel it for being you and honest in your reply, as your reply does give food for thought and may resonate with others.

But I did I admit wonder if the caring industries and professions might indicate a prevelance of s types.

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 27

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 11:43:12 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I read somewhere (can't remember where, sorry) that the desire to submit comes from a childish need to be protected. This struck me as very probable.

I asked My Lord if I seemed to need to be protected. He said I don't actively seek the protection of another. Not saying you're right or wrong, just that it's not necessarily applicable.

Mr. Bear--I think that the good properties of a dom ought to include several in the Carribean and one or two on the Snowy River.

As for the topic at hand, I imagine the various qualities one looks for in a mate are the same ones a person would look for in a sub. My Lord enjoys that I am not so subbly outside the bedroom, and wouldn't be happy directing my every step. I am positive the qualities he sought in me would not be the same for someone else. A person looking for someone for TPE would definitely not be looking for someone like me.

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--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 28

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 11:48:29 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

If you are into working out thyself via psychology,that is a good intention, but a bad idea, for I have it from an advanced psychiatrist that many of them go into the profession to work out themselves, but never achieve this as other people's issues cloud their judgement. Often it is those that deal with the mind often end up crackers themselves, I watched this same psychiatrist self destruct, take early retirement and go gaga.

Generally speaking, thjis may be true for some psychiatrists and then I tend to avoid them as a pain in the arse. Speaking as a psychologist, I have seen this too but not as often as you may think. Untrained and accredited counsellors are more prone to identify too much or not enough and either are ineffective or generate their own problems. This is why those who are in the industry are advised to walk awar and refer the client/patioent to another better equipped to handle that specific issue.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 29

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/20/2009 4:49:35 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

I read somewhere at some time some psychobabble about birth order and familial roles and I turned out the be "peacemaker" and yeah, I can clearly see that role all my life. I want the people around me to be happy, I cannot stand disaccord and do everything to either avoid conflict or to resolve conflict in my family, my home life, my work life. I am also motivated by the need to be necessary. I feel a little sad whenever I hear "That's okay I can do it myself."

I don't know if that makes me naturally submissive or not. I do know that I had one experience in my life where I was asked to tie my date up and "do whatever you want" to him. So I tied him up and while he was begging me to have my way with him I just looked at him with a very strange feeling I'd never really felt before. It was a feeling like a loved one had just died. I left his house that instant and cried all the way home thinking "That should have been ME tied up!!!!"

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 30

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/20/2009 5:01:23 AM

thatonebitch

Posts: 27
Joined: 3/20/2009
Status: offline

In my day to day life and interactions with other people, I come across as brash, caustic, and nihilistic, bratty and sarcastic. Definitely not traits of a submissive. But it's a mask. If somebody has the patience to put up with it, and break down my walls, they are rewarded with seeing me as I truly am.

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 31

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/20/2009 8:25:58 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

I read your post and i can totally relate to that. I had met someone that i had been chatting with for a couple weeks, and on a whim did the unsafe act of going to his home. When i got there, i felt uncomfortable, and immediately regretted my decision. He told me to take off my clothes, then asked if i wanted to tie him up. He had told me before of being a switch, but that was in the past, and he is now only Dom. Soooo, the rest of the evening consisted of me tying him up, using wax, flogging, CBT and blah blah blah. I only did it because i could tell he wanted it so badly, but when i left, i had this very depressed feeling....that like you....thought it should have been me. But, at least I filled his true need, and though i have received many emails of a return visit, even for pay, I can't do something superficially like that again.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 32

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/20/2009 3:32:47 PM

dominantguyx

Posts: 43
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Why would a submissive person come across differently to any other person. In society we can spot weak people when we meet them but, in my experience, true submissives are not weak. Think of yourself - your own path to expressing your submission was one that required strenght not weakness.

In my experience there are some traits common to many but not all subs - a desire to please, etc. But those seem to be just a small part of the person. Any dominant attracted to a sub based just on their sub traits would be rather shallow. Surely Dominant and sub attractions and relationships are just as complicated as any other.

What do dominants look for in subs - well in my case its a sub who gets on with practising his jaw exercises !

(in reply to Aneirin)

Post #: 33

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/20/2009 4:53:13 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

i would postulate that the reason submissives are strong outwardly is because they have had to learn to push their softer side down and grow some armour. it is a learned defence mechanism, not a generic trait.

you cant go through life submissive, you have to be able to stand youre corner.

but when a dominant comes along who creates a safe place for you to put youre armour down and stand within his shadow its then and only then that a submissive feels able to express herself fully, because she feels safe and understood, cherished and valued for the whole person she is. that is infact where the freedom of enslavement springs from.

the 'problem' many dominants come across is applying sufficient consistancy and safe harbour to a submissive so that she feels she is able to trust and relax. i would imagine that the degree of effort required is directly proportionate to the amount of armour she has built around herself.

generalising on personality traits is a little pointless. i know of guys in the army who'd shoot the enemy without a moments qualm and yet have deeply submissive needs within them

i know of people in high powered decision making jobs who need submission as a release from responsibility.

i know of guys in deeply caring even menial jobs who are very dominant in their personal relationships.

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 3/20/2009 5:21:50 PM >

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aka lally

(in reply to dominantguyx)

Post #: 34

RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/20/2009 5:11:31 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

I dont believe that there is an "armour" with submissives.... maybe an "amore". I think that many subs (not the type that stem from abusive pasts) have a desire, or a drive to strive in excellence. It is their inner strength and love for life that leads them in leadership roles, scholastic education, and success in careers, along with attaining organizational skills, prioritizing, and encouraging others to follow your lead. Its like a ying to a yang. It is that inner strength and love that brings out the beauty of submission.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 35

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