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ORIGINAL: zach7
Do you think that people would respond differently to questions and comments if we were all face to face, real time?

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I talk exactly the same way in real life.

Agreed...

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Real time I can pull faces, add sound effects and smells too.

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It happens quite a bit here.  There was a perfect example of it just a few days ago, in a forum i won't name because there's no point in embarrassing any of the people involved. Someone posted a question, and got a few well-considered, intelligent, relevant replies before the bandwagon pulled up and the "bash 'em" brigade hopped off and started piling on. And it was clear as day that not one - not one - of the people who were weighing in on the last half of that thread had really read the OP, because every one of them not only missed key pieces of data, but even misquoted the OP, each of them in the exact same way. I honestly think they just skipped the OP altogether and just started responding to each other, while the OP stood all alone by the side of the road watching the thread drive away. I don't even understand why people would waste the keystrokes responding to something they didn't even read. Why bother? Why criticize people without making any effort to find out what they really said? It's pointless, and it negatively affects the quality of the discussions here, not to mention the personal relationships you value. That's all he's saying, and he's right.

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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It happens quite a bit here.  There was a perfect example of it just a few days ago, in a forum i won't name because there's no point in embarrassing any of the people involved. Someone posted a question, and got a few well-considered, intelligent, relevant replies before the bandwagon pulled up and the "bash 'em" brigade hopped off and started piling on. And it was clear as day that not one - not one - of the people who were weighing in on the last half of that thread had really read the OP, because every one of them not only missed key pieces of data, but even misquoted the OP, each of them in the exact same way. I honestly think they just skipped the OP altogether and just started responding to each other, while the OP stood all alone by the side of the road watching the thread drive away. I don't even understand why people would waste the keystrokes responding to something they didn't even read. Why bother? Why criticize people without making any effort to find out what they really said? It's pointless, and it negatively affects the quality of the discussions here, not to mention the personal relationships you value. That's all he's saying, and he's right.

Respectfully, statements like this have always bothered me. When a poster say,"sorry, you are not sticking to what I want to talk about".
You post, you have no control over others, only how you react to the comments. You cant control how people interpret the OPs statements or how they respond. To tell someone,"they dont get it", is really consecending.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Non-confrontation is a form of escapism, and prevents people from having deep interpersonal relationships.

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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It happens quite a bit here.  There was a perfect example of it just a few days ago, in a forum i won't name because there's no point in embarrassing any of the people involved. Someone posted a question, and got a few well-considered, intelligent, relevant replies before the bandwagon pulled up and the "bash 'em" brigade hopped off and started piling on. And it was clear as day that not one - not one - of the people who were weighing in on the last half of that thread had really read the OP, because every one of them not only missed key pieces of data, but even misquoted the OP, each of them in the exact same way. I honestly think they just skipped the OP altogether and just started responding to each other, while the OP stood all alone by the side of the road watching the thread drive away. I don't even understand why people would waste the keystrokes responding to something they didn't even read. Why bother? Why criticize people without making any effort to find out what they really said? It's pointless, and it negatively affects the quality of the discussions here, not to mention the personal relationships you value. That's all he's saying, and he's right.

Respectfully, statements like this have always bothered me. When a poster say,"sorry, you are not sticking to what I want to talk about".
You post, you have no control over others, only how you react to the comments. You cant control how people interpret the OPs statements or how they respond. To tell someone,"they dont get it", is really consecending. One thing I do know is to enjoy these message boards and it s people you do need to have a thick skin.What I mean by this ... people have to stop being defensive and taking things as a personal attack.

Are people jumped on? Maybe, maybe not. i'm one of those posters who can be bothered by someone posting one word that gets to me. It is my right to bring up what bothers me so long as I dont insult. So many new OPs say,"but thats not what I want to talk about", you're not giving the responses I want"

Bottom line, you dont control my responses or anyones responses. You can only control how you react to them.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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It happens quite a bit here.  There was a perfect example of it just a few days ago, in a forum i won't name because there's no point in embarrassing any of the people involved. Someone posted a question, and got a few well-considered, intelligent, relevant replies before the bandwagon pulled up and the "bash 'em" brigade hopped off and started piling on. And it was clear as day that not one - not one - of the people who were weighing in on the last half of that thread had really read the OP, because every one of them not only missed key pieces of data, but even misquoted the OP, each of them in the exact same way. I honestly think they just skipped the OP altogether and just started responding to each other, while the OP stood all alone by the side of the road watching the thread drive away. I don't even understand why people would waste the keystrokes responding to something they didn't even read. Why bother? Why criticize people without making any effort to find out what they really said? It's pointless, and it negatively affects the quality of the discussions here, not to mention the personal relationships you value. That's all he's saying, and he's right.

Respectfully, statements like this have always bothered me. When a poster say,"sorry, you are not sticking to what I want to talk about".
You post, you have no control over others, only how you react to the comments. You cant control how people interpret the OPs statements or how they respond. To tell someone,"they dont get it", is really consecending. One thing I do know is to enjoy these message boards and it s people you do need to have a thick skin.What I mean by this ... people have to stop being defensive and taking things as a personal attack.

Are people jumped on? Maybe, maybe not. i'm one of those posters who can be bothered by someone posting one word that gets to me. It is my right to bring up what bothers me so long as I dont insult. So many new OPs say,"but thats not what I want to talk about", you're not giving the responses I want"

Bottom line, you dont control my responses or anyones responses. You can only control how you react to them.

Luscious, I understand what you are saying but there is a bit of conflict in the above words. To say that someone saying "you don't get it" is condescending but then to also say, you have no control over what people are going to type, that we need to have a thick skin, that we are the ones in control of how we take any given post sort of contradicts that thought process.

I really don't think it is a "cake and eat it too" concept. You either accept that sometimes there will be posts that are taken wrong, that upset people, that people "don't get" etc etc etc....... AND, we are each responsible for how we take the various posts that rub us the wrong way. Including the posts that tell us, we just don't get it.

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ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

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It happens quite a bit here.  There was a perfect example of it just a few days ago, in a forum i won't name because there's no point in embarrassing any of the people involved. Someone posted a question, and got a few well-considered, intelligent, relevant replies before the bandwagon pulled up and the "bash 'em" brigade hopped off and started piling on. And it was clear as day that not one - not one - of the people who were weighing in on the last half of that thread had really read the OP, because every one of them not only missed key pieces of data, but even misquoted the OP, each of them in the exact same way. I honestly think they just skipped the OP altogether and just started responding to each other, while the OP stood all alone by the side of the road watching the thread drive away. I don't even understand why people would waste the keystrokes responding to something they didn't even read. Why bother? Why criticize people without making any effort to find out what they really said? It's pointless, and it negatively affects the quality of the discussions here, not to mention the personal relationships you value. That's all he's saying, and he's right.

Respectfully, statements like this have always bothered me. When a poster say,"sorry, you are not sticking to what I want to talk about".
You post, you have no control over others, only how you react to the comments. You cant control how people interpret the OPs statements or how they respond. To tell someone,"they dont get it", is really consecending.

But, again - that is not what I'm saying. In this particular example, I'm not talking about people misinterpreting something that was vague or subjective. I'm talking about people just plain not reading a clearly written post. Not just ignoring crucial details, but quoting back things that weren't even said in the post. I can understand missing a sentence or two (I've done it myself, more than once) but if they actually misquote someone - I mean, quote back at them something they didn't even say - they're not misinterpreting anything. It's not that they didn't get it - it's that they just didn't read the post they're criticizing. They're just flat-out wrong, and there's nothing at all condescending about saying so.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I suppose the bottom line, for me, is that if I post something that gets a lot of irrational pushback, or that I think was totally misinterpreted, my first instinct is to lay the "blame" upon myself, that there was some weakness in my communication skill.  The response probably indicates something I have to work on.  I don't post just to hear myself talk.  I'm trying to communicate to others, and to move people to see things in ways they might not otherwise have seen.

As a result, people don't tend to go apeshit on me.  When people disagree with me (like Panda and dark just now), their positions tend to be serious and thought-out.  I might not change my mind, but the conversation is high-quality, regardless.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I think, for the most part, people get back what they put out on a site like this.  If you type a lazy, thoughtless post, and follow it up with defensive posturing, you're likely to produce a snarky thread.  If you ask a heartfelt question, and treat others with respect, you're likely to get genuinely concerned replies.  That's why I'm not a big fan of statements that "mean" posts are "undeserved."

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ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Hello zach7 and welcome to the Forums. 
 
 
You will also start to notice who does and does not like each other and who can agree to disagree without being an asshole about it.
 
                                                
                                                                 
 
Some of what you are observing are the inevitable social politics of any group.  
 
 
                                          
 
And remember, we have a whole lotta masochists and sadists in here.
 
 
 
                                             
 
 

 (cartoon format edit)

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I sometimes think that there might be some people I don't care for much on here, that I might like more in person.

Or not.........