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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 9:36:01 AM   
bratnwranglers


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Thank Y/you all for the positive comments and great ideas!!

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 10:44:34 AM   
antipode


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quote:

The reason for His hours is not His choosing, He is a soldier...He works the hours He is told which can be upto 24/7.


Well, that still is a career choice. Many of us have careers, and some of us are accurate to 2000 meters with a 50 cal (which is what that hardware is made for!), or its equivalent.  I think you need to ask yourself why he bites off more than he can chew. One thing about military personnel is that they (I've hired a number of folks straight out of the Pentagon, including my webmaster) function well when completely managed, told what to do, when to do it and how to do it - but when they are left to their own devices, not do so well.

Within my peer group in and around D.C., we normally give a former soldier, sailor, or marine a full year after retirement before they are able to think independently and manage themselves and others effectively. Flyers do a little better.

This isn't a criticism of the military or of soldiers, they're trained this way for very good reasons. Lots of people put them ("awesome") on a pedestal where they do not belong. It is not well understood that it is very much harder to hit the bull's eye at 2000 meters if you're worrying about the kids and the mortgage, and as you know, the military typically tries to take those worries away from its personnel, for good reasons. And as you know, the military builds up its personnel to think they're supermen and -women, unrealistic but necessary to "get the job done".

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 12:01:19 PM   
tazzygirl


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you married into the military.  wow.  your path is a hard one.  im a military brat, grew up on bases most of my formative years.  you will be enticed to drink and cheat, especially when the men are deployed for months on end.  and before the nay-sayers begin,  us "brats" see alot more than the adults realize.

my advice is to fill your time as equally.  take classes, even if its just a cooking class at the local college.  volunteer some time to a charity.  even the local libraries may have something worthwhile to spend your time on.  join the base clubs, but dont get caught up in the drama  and never trust anyone with anything you would not say in front of your husband/Master.  nothing on base is ever kept a secret, someone always finds out.  someone is always willing to spill the anquish of the new "couple" on base.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 1:31:52 PM   
FangsNfeet


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We have a good and bad weeks. But even after having the baby, pet and I continue to make it work. It's the relationship that we both want and we believe it's worth fighting for. Being in this life style is how we first met and we're going to keep it that way. There's no way in HELL we're not going vanilla because of work, school, being parents, etc... It's going to take alot more than that.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 2:39:46 PM   
SailingBum


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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

The reason for His hours is not His choosing, He is a soldier...He works the hours He is told which can be upto 24/7.




Within my peer group in and around D.C., we normally give a former soldier, sailor, or marine a full year after retirement before they are able to think independently and manage themselves and others effectively. Flyers do a little better.

This isn't a criticism of the military or of soldiers, they're trained this way for very good reasons. Lots of people put them ("awesome") on a pedestal where they do not belong. It is not well understood that it is very much harder to hit the bull's eye at 2000 meters if you're worrying about the kids and the mortgage, and as you know, the military typically tries to take those worries away from its personnel, for good reasons. And as you know, the military builds up its personnel to think they're supermen and -women, unrealistic but necessary to "get the job done".



Uh dude of course your entitled to your opinion, wrong as it may be.  It"s obvious that you have no idea.   The military trains you to be a leader.  Ya know schools like West Point Air Force Academy... There sole purpose is to train leaders.  They have leadership classes for the enlisted men as well.

Part of the Green Beret training survival school you would pair up<you would pick your buddy cuz your life depended on it> give you enuff food and water for 3 days a knife compass canteen toss your ass in the jungle and survive for 7 days. Yea those guys can't think for themselves or work independently.

Dunno maybe you just had bad exp with some knuckle head.  Off the top of my head I can't think of any other colleges that train you to be a leader.  To be a good leader you have to be a good follower <everyone has a boss>

BadOne


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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 2:59:39 PM   
DavanKael


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It has been my long-standing opinion that it would be ideal to be able to call my spouse my Master.  That has takena dive into the theoretical rather than practical with the dissolution of my marriage. 
Anyway, having been married to someone in the military, I understand what that can be like and I feel for the stressors y'all are going through. 
You've made some big life changes; allow for time to settle inand calm down.  Attempt to provide stability, love, and support for one another. 
Someone mentioned Spouse's clubs.  I, personally, always got along better with the men than the women, so hung out with mostly folks who were in (Of course, if friends had spouses, they were always welcomed in our home).  We used to spend a lot of time hangin' out at the USO playing Magic and such...good times, not a lot of expense to do, etc. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 4:55:59 PM   
antipode


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quote:

Dunno maybe you just had bad exp with some knuckle head


Knuckleheads? No, not at all. I have only ever had one single ex-military knucklehead staffer, he was the reason I began sleeping with a gun under my pillow.

Otherwise, I have had no bad experiences - the first division I put together, in D.C., grew to 800 staff, and was almost half former military. My carpool drops passengers at the Pentagon, in the morning, and picks what we call "slugs" up there in the evening. I really am kinda close, and more than half of my division's revenues come from the Fed . I just see the folks that come out of the military, and what it takes corporate America to turn them into useful employees, managers, and sometimes executives. There is nothing wrong with this - the military has very different aims from the commercial world, and military leadership training is very different from leadership training in the commercial world.

But again, I am not saying anything negative here. They have many good attributes, and we take almost every applicant out of the U.S. Armed Forces that rings our bell, for that reason - proven reliability, ability to stay within predetermined frameworks, security conscious, hierarchically conscious, etc. You just haven't lived until you've tried to teach a Marine how to deal with civilians, and what exactly the difference is between motivating recruits, and motivating civilians . Trust me.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 5:05:27 PM   
FelineFae


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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

The military Spouse Clubs generally are there to keep people informed.  If the military person is expected home from deployment, they normally have a phone system to let everyone know when the plane or whatever transporation they are using is do to show...and where.  Since plans change constantly (mine never got home at the time I was first informed) the clubs let you know the new ETA.   They get people from the base....such as Special Services, Housing, or the PX system to give talks on what they have to offer to people. 

I'm sure not all clubs are the same.  I'm sure some are not as good as others, however, with people transferring in and out of a unit constantly...she might just find a well organized club.  All she can do is try it.  Nothing says anyone has to attend all the meetings. 

I'd also like to inform you that my own son was married to a Navy woman and was a member of the Spouse Club. 



Things may have changed now. The FRG, Family Readiness Group, serves to inform the families of soldiers of whatever we're allowed to know. Ran properly, it also should be able to assist with basic needs, babysitter for dr. appointments, links to red cross, AER for financial crisis, and so on.

my statement was just a warning of what often happens. Wives battle for a sence of power, and the results are rarely pretty. To be fair, it's not always this way. But you know the saying, "Absolute power currupts absolutely".

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/25/2009 6:20:25 PM   
Huntertn


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new job..on a new base...lots of extra hours just wait till he is  deployed...I suggest joining a wifes/dependent group for sure..but mostly give him rest..sure its as if your being left out ...but trust me...in time I am willing to bet he will be able to strike a better balance..but thats military life ....It has to come first...or he will be bounced out...my stepson is .... in the same boat..new post..new job..new wife..and she feels like you do...But the Job has to come first or his bosses will come down on him hard..just like they are coming down on my stepson .  He is getting all kind of write ups..be glad your Man is not....

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/26/2009 8:03:05 AM   
SailingBum


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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode



Otherwise, I have had no bad experiences - the first division I put together, in D.C., grew to 800 staff, and was almost half former military. My carpool drops passengers at the Pentagon, in the morning, and picks what we call "slugs" up there in the evening. I really am kinda close, and more than half of my division's revenues come from the Fed . I just see the folks that come out of the military, and what it takes corporate America to turn them into useful employees, managers, and sometimes executives. There is nothing wrong with this - the military has very different aims from the commercial world, and military leadership training is very different from leadership training in the commercial world.

But again, I am not saying anything negative here. They have many good attributes, and we take almost every applicant out of the U.S. Armed Forces that rings our bell, for that reason - proven reliability, ability to stay within predetermined frameworks, security conscious, hierarchically conscious, etc. You just haven't lived until you've tried to teach a Marine how to deal with civilians, and what exactly the difference is between motivating recruits, and motivating civilians . Trust me.



Why would I do that?    It clear we are going to have to agree to disagree.  There is zero dif between telling a engineering battalion to build that bridge and telling a contractor to do the same.  The ratio is something like 8 to 1 for every combat solider.  Those other 8 jobs are basically "civilian type" jobs.  vehicle repair, office work, supply distribution etc.  Those functions and leadership skills directly relate/ transfer to the corporate world. 

I can't understand your post at all.  As if your saying take a teen send him to west point and according to you...deprogram the person for a year just because he was in the miltary as if it's some kind of cult. That just does not make any sense in my world.

BadOne


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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/26/2009 1:31:24 PM   
MrRodgers


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Absolutely, I know and know of more than one husband and wife as M/s.

How's this one ?

Man prosecuted by the state of Md. Man beats the wrap and then charms, seduces, lures...eventually acquires the prosecuting atty. as his beautiful slave. Then were married soon therefter and are deliriously happy.

Oh on the other side, I knew of a couple who were married 8 yrs. only to divorce for her to become his slave. I understand they are very happy, and some said...happier than when they were married.

Obviously, it can go either way.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 3/26/2009 1:52:57 PM >

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/26/2009 1:50:13 PM   
MarcEsadrian


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bratnwranglers

Can Husband and Master be One?


Certainly, so long as your Master is free in your eyes (and his) from any caveat to his authority you both feel comes from matrimony.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/26/2009 2:54:30 PM   
IronBear


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Part of the Green Beret training survival school you would pair up<you would pick your buddy cuz your life depended on it> give you enuff food and water for 3 days a knife compass canteen toss your ass in the jungle and survive for 7 days. Yea those guys can't think for themselves or work independently.


BadOne



Amen brother amen! Mind you the same basically applies to most Special Force Units I've come across in the US, UK, Israel and of course here in Aussie. When I was mining and had a drilling & Blasting company operating in Western Australia for a couple of years on open cut gold mines all my guys were Vietnam vets and most were ex SAS or similar. Much easier to deal with and mostly were people who I knew could and would get the job done no matter how tough the conditions were.. Bloody buggers could drink well too....


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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/27/2009 4:22:06 AM   
ranja


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some couples make it some couples don't...it takes commitment and flexibility and patience and understanding and communication and love and a bit of hate too and besides all that lots more to make things last.
Nowadays people quickly get desillusioned and bored with eachother and so decide to split up, the grass is greener and all that...Personally i am more of a hang on inthere and count your blessings and work to make things better type...
...a month is nothing if you were serious about signing up for life
good luck with your marriage

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/27/2009 8:46:56 AM   
SailingBum


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Part of the Green Beret training survival school you would pair up<you would pick your buddy cuz your life depended on it> give you enuff food and water for 3 days a knife compass canteen toss your ass in the jungle and survive for 7 days. Yea those guys can't think for themselves or work independently.


BadOne



Amen brother amen! Mind you the same basically applies to most Special Force Units I've come across in the US, UK, Israel and of course here in Aussie. When I was mining and had a drilling & Blasting company operating in Western Australia for a couple of years on open cut gold mines all my guys were Vietnam vets and most were ex SAS or similar. Much easier to deal with and mostly were people who I knew could and would get the job done no matter how tough the conditions were.. Bloody buggers could drink well too....



Hell ya dude give me a vet, I know they got my back.  Never would get a excuse why they couldn't do something they would problem solve it out.  Ya know results oriented.  I think there credo is Work Hard, Drink Harder.  Great bunch of guys.

BadOne


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The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/27/2009 12:42:06 PM   
sailorfrank


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    Well poor guy of course he needs a damn job!   Hes in the Military the pay sucks for one...let alone two people.   Most of our people out there protecting us need food stamps to get by on!

  As far as married and a Dom hell yes no problem there.   And hang in there as soon as he can breathe and relax again he will be back to having fun with you!   Duty sucks as I spent two and a half weeks on a ship in Long Beach(peace time) every month and my wife wasnt very damn happy with me or the Navy!

  Help him out as much as you can and most of all support each other thru all the military mess okay?   Good luck to both of you!

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/28/2009 8:26:43 PM   
MasterDarkSadist


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Have you acted different towards him?  Maybe he is just tired.  Maybe adjusting to living together, and having you around all the time has changed his drive (temporarily).  Maybe you are demanding too much from him at the moment, and he doesn't have anything left to give?  I've been there....when you are dead tired, you don't want to have to stay up another 2 hours when you have to get up in 5 to go to work.  Give it some time, don't force it, and let him catch his breath.  I am sure he will be back to his normal self in no time.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/30/2009 9:36:32 AM   
Masterdarkone29


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Hello Brat,
I know exactly what your going thru from your Man's stand point.. it is hard working the long hours then trying to come home and take care of things at home. I did it for sevearl years. I would be happy to talk to you outside of here if you ever just want to talk. Also you could try things like asking him to call you before he leaves to come home so you can have a nice hot meal prepared and awaiting his arrival and you kneeling at the door awaiting him to help him get out of uniform and pamper him with things he likes and may need at the end of a long day that you can provide for him.

Good luck and talk to you later if you need.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 3/30/2009 9:41:12 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

since W/we got married the D/s has decreased significantly


This subject is discussed frequently, in the forums. In many, if not most cases, one of the partners uses D/s as a tool to "hook" the other, then once the relationship is established, drops it. "Getting it back" generally does not exist - you can't change another person, only yourself.

Look at it this way: if he wanted D/s, getting married would not have had a high importance (unless practical considerations like car & health insurance, or immigration, were at issue). So if he pushed to marry you, having you exclusively would have been his ultimate goal, not the D/s. If you were the one pushing for marriage, because you wanted to have your cake and eat it, you now know better.



I find this opinion very myopic.

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RE: Can Husband and Master be One? - 4/1/2009 7:01:25 AM   
Rainfire


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Sometimes, the D/s takes a subtler form than the obvious "scene". For us, it's not about me being tied up and beaten but things like considering Him first, taking care of His needs, things that aren't blatant. People who don't know us don't know we have a D/s relationship, they think we have an old-fashioned type of marriage. Even when I wear my collar every day. *chuckles*

Daddy is a senior Operations manager at his company and as a result, works 6 days a week and is always on call. We also recently got his 4 year old son living with us so that means that some things have to be more discreet. I look for ways to please him and when I'm stumped, I just flat out ask what I can do to help him or let him know I have a certain need, like if I need "little girl time" or just snuggling. I've discovered that some things just go in cycles and if I'm patient, it will come around again.

Good luck - I wish you the best of luck. 


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