I was checking out an article on what to avoid when looking to purchase a used car. Many of the suggestions are very pragmatic; no service history, a salvage title, mismatched tires, bondo for paint, beat up rentals, oil leakage, fleet refugees and cars modified into racers. Two bits of advice are quite humorous. Caveat emptor.
"10 Used Cars to Avoid"
Buying used can save you money, but buying badly is never a good idea.
By John Pearley Huffman
"Anything with Acorns Stashed in the Glove Box"
Park any car long enough, and nature will start having its way with it. First, the tires will deflate; then, inevitably, one of the windows will crack, and surely then some woodland creatures will find that it makes wonderful prefabricated housing. Eventually, there’s more nature than car left.
A telltale sign of nature’s encroachment is a stash of foodstuffs found in the glove box or other cubbies. A couple hundred acorns may not dissuade you from undertaking the restoration of a classic, but do you really want to risk the wrath of a family of rabid ground squirrels just to get a good deal on a ’95 Intrepid? Remember, if an animal stashed it there, that animal is coming back for it.
Caution: No matter how hard it might try, a possum is not a good substitute for a starter motor.
Any Camaro Wearing Death Metal Stickers
There’s a lot of good to be said about old Camaros: They were available with small-block V-8s, massaged right they handle well, and they’re dirt-cheap. But it’s also true that these cars attract the sort of buyer who saves his greatest loyalty for death metal legends like Slayer, Necrophagia, and Morbid Angel. Vehicle care isn’t a top priority when you have three kids by four different women and a serious meth addiction.
Caution: Beyond the band-loyalty stickers, look out for crumpled parole reports, old visitor’s passes from prominent penal institutions, and abandoned toothless children in the hatchback area. And if it smells like meth, it’s meth."
"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE