Question about clubs and dress codes

Question about clubs and dress codes (Full Version)

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sodsta -> Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 6:33:44 AM)
I went along to a club recently and was told that I couldn't come in because I wasn't dressed appropriately. I shrugged, slightly disappointed, but accepted it and went home. I didn't really think on it much until later on, but when I did stop to examine things, I found I was left with quite a few questions. Mainly... Why do fetish clubs have a dress code? I know this probably seems like a ridiculously stupid question, but I'm genuinely curious. I was lead to believe that a dress code is in place so as to make sure that the people coming in ARE kinksters, and not just random people coming in off the street, thinking it's another night club. To easily pick out the people who are serious about kink/BDSM from the people who might just be coming along to point and laugh at the weirdos. There's also the issue of atmosphere, which I also completely understand. And the fact that each club has the right to make their own set of rules. However... the one thought I was struck with was... if a person is able to "prove" themself as genuine in some other way, either by being known by people on the scene, or having a bag full of equipment, or... whatever... then should the dress code then still apply as strictly? What if the most famous, well known scene player misplaces his leather trousers on the night of the club? The lady on the front desk (who was actually very nice about the whole thing) said she could see I'd made an effort and that I was serious about it, but because I wasn't wearing - at minimum - leather trousers, she couldn't let me in. The thing is... I really dislike leather. I dislike most typically fetish-y clothes... leather, PVC, latex, etc... I have nothing against people who like it, but the feel of it sort of squicks me. It doesn't make me feel comfortable and it doesn't make me feel sexy... and if I'm going to a fetish club I don't want to feel uncomfortable, awkward and unsexy. I wasn't wearing jeans, but I was wearing the only other pair of black trousers I own - a pair of black cords. They've done me well in the past and at other clubs, so I assumed they would be, if not perfect, then at least passable. Especially in a venue with low lighting. I also had on a long sleeved fishnet top under a short sleeved black t-shirt, a collar, a tie and leather wrist cuffs. I'm not whining... or, well... maybe I am a little, but the lady I spoke to was very nice about it, so I'm not placing blame or pointing any fingers. It just got me thinking. If the point of a fetish club is for people to go and express a side of their sexuality; a place where people go to be and look sexy, then shouldn't people be allowed to dress in a way that makes them feel sexy, too?

persephonee -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 6:39:17 AM)
Was it a leather club or something???... i may be coming at this from the wrong angle, since girls tend to get into whereever they want...regardless of membership etc...but i have never been turned away from a club for my clothing...and i generally show up in street clothes and change when im inside anyway... Regardless, i suppose the only thing you could really do about that is to email the proprietors and ask what you can do differently the next time. That sucks tho, to be turned away...sorry that happened.

YoursMistress -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 6:41:19 AM)
Was the dress code posted? It sure sounded like you were dressed noticeably, if not obviously for the occasion. If it comes to a vote, I'll vote to let you in. [:D] yours

missfrillypants -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 7:04:42 AM)
me too. i love clothing, it's one of the things i'm passionate about, but i look and feel ridiculous in leather, and i HATE latex and PVC with a passion. they're so shiny! i'm a bigger girl and it doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me feel like i look like a stuffed sausage. i DO however love vintage and vintage style lingerie made from actually nice materials... most of your run of the mill porn and lingerie shop fetishwear is made from cheap,ugly lace or isn't lined or is otherwise incredibly nasty looking if you actually like nice clothing. your outfit sounds like it would also be acceptable as goth wear possibly, but not like you're obviously there to gawk at the freaks. perhaps that's something that ought to be examined, especially since leather pants only really look good on about 20 percent of the population if we're being honest with ourselves.

FelineFae -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 7:14:49 AM)
-fr- The reason they're called clubs not bars -imho- is because the owners get to make the rules how ever they want them. As long as the rules are in accordance to the health standards of the zone. Pretty much it's not up to us to make sence of it, it is our lot just to accept it and go on with the world. Hth, but cords show lots of "fuzzies" in blacklights,,, i'm pretty sure this wasn't the reason you weren't let in though.

IronBear -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 7:18:36 AM)
I do believe the OP has a jolly good grasp on the dress codes even though some are more restrictive than others. One of the best clubs I've been to was either members only or a newby being escorted by a member and who was going that night to fill out a membership application. I do know of clubs also who do have both a changing room and lockers for hire (per evening) in which to hand street clothes and store gear not being used. makes sence to me and allows someone to come from work or dinner in the city without going home first and who can keep their kink gear and clothes in their car. Personally I prefer private clubs and dungeons not being a particularly social bloke, I prefer to just mingle with a few folk and sit back and enjoy watching the rest do their thing..

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 8:34:01 AM)
I will give you my perspective from someone that used to work the door and security at a local fetish/dance club. If they were pretty full, and already had many that were dressed similar to you, then they were wanting a different look. There could have been something about your body language that queued the door guy to something they didn't like (from a security stand point). The manager could have told the guy "only want those dressed a particular way for the rest of the evening". There are many things that you can get turned away for, and told it is dress code. these clubs are creating an atmosphere, and though you may have been dressed appropriately due to some standards, it may not have been what they were looking for at that time, or period. Was it a busy time? Do you know if they were close to capacity? What were some of the others dressed like that were making it in? Save the money and get you a nice outfit to wear to clubs like this, it may help. Also, if you really want in and have the money, try folding a $50 and have it pressed up against your license when you are carded. Have the look, have the demeanor and have the cash are the best ways to always be admitted.

EvilKitty -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 11:06:55 AM)
I fully understand a club wanting to keep out the lookieloos, but for pete's sake, you were wearing a collar & cuffs! To me, that's indication enough that you're "one of us" & should come right on it & have some fun. I go to a good many events in my area that require "fetish garb" & am always amazed that I see a couple of men dressed like they were headed for the grocery store. I've been told that they're big bondage guys. I've never once seen any of them actually tying anyone up; I'm just informed by the host or hostess that they're longtime fetish people. Seems a pretty damn sorry excuse to me. At the VERY least, wear a leather vest or a belt with rings & some cuffs hanging from it, or even a tshirt with a fetish image in a pinch! Orion made an excellent point that if the club was close to capacity, they're liable to want to save that room for someone better dressed. Clubs must look at their bottom line if they want to maintain their good rep & remain open. A good-looking crowd does help the next time someone thinks about returning for later parties. If we speak of clubs/bars as opposed to private functions that have a changing room, then collar & cuffs would seem to have fit the bill.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 8:23:26 PM)
It's partly why I'm not interested in clubs, at this point. I'm a domme, but I'm a big woman. So if what they want is someone who is a size two, they'll not let me in even if I do pony up for a (gack) PVC minidress. That is so VERY not my style. I need to have freedom of movement, a secure stance, and not to be worrying about wardrobe malfunctions if I'm topping. So I tend to wear riding boots, jeans, and either a black tank top or a white linen shirt cut in 18th century style, with my hair securely up. My husband is terminally casual and is a dominant as well. He's not a leather pants sort of guy... jeans, cowboy boots, and a black T-shirt is what he wears to kink and non-kink events alike. So we'll stick to private parties. The clubs would be interesting for a visit, but not enough for me to spend ridiculous amounts of money at a guess of what sort of clothing would get me in.

roughleather -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/6/2009 11:06:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sodsta I went along to a club recently and was told that I couldn't come in because I wasn't dressed appropriately. Great! It's good to know that some place is maintaining standards. You're in London. Where did you go, Torture Garden? Quit whining and go shopping. I went to the Rubber Ball in London once. Great seeing all those people in hot outfits.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 12:58:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf Save the money and get you a nice outfit to wear to clubs like this, it may help. Also, if you really want in and have the money, try folding a $50 and have it pressed up against your license when you are carded. Have the look, have the demeanor and have the cash are the best ways to always be admitted. I don't believe there's any such exclusive club I'd want to get into, as to bribe the doorman with $50, before paying to get in, and than the drinks. I didn't realize doormen did so well, go figure, M

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 3:00:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1 quote: ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf Save the money and get you a nice outfit to wear to clubs like this, it may help. Also, if you really want in and have the money, try folding a $50 and have it pressed up against your license when you are carded. Have the look, have the demeanor and have the cash are the best ways to always be admitted. I don't believe there's any such exclusive club I'd want to get into, as to bribe the doorman with $50, before paying to get in, and than the drinks. I didn't realize doormen did so well, go figure, M It's much more common than you're led to believe. Some people think tipping has fallen out of favor, but there's an old world panache to it which yields tremendous results. Being a regular and a tipper puts you in good standing in any club, kink or not.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 4:11:32 AM)
It wasn't that he tipped, it was the outfit. While I think that the requirement for leather pants is a bit much, that is clearly a club-specific policy. The cords? [>:] Go to rangerjoes.com or something similar, get some black military cargo pants for around $30, and black boots if you don't have them...NOW you have the minimum requirements for the vast majority of clubs. I was at a part recently there two guts had khaki pants and another guy was in all black with ([:'(]) brown shoes. It was just awful and I complained (that club had a strict no jeans policy and a pay scale based on you you were dressed). The point is, these places are both doing it to keep out the lookieloos and to maintain an certian 'look'. As an unattended male (great, just what they need, another single guy possibly harping on the women) in an outfit that wasn't quite up to snuff is all they saw when they saw you coming. Fishnet and leather cuffs? generaly fine, but found in every high school these days. Also, don't wear a collar if not owned, it is confusing and a women like me will take one look at it and thing 'oh, he is owned'. The worst? I saw a women in a collar (not a switch) leading a guy with a collar on a dog chain ([:(]).

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 4:39:50 AM)
i do feel bad for men because they seem to have a much harder time getting into clubs than us women do. But, i've felt this frustration as well being that i only have one dress and it is PVC which i feel comfortable (so that i won't stick out like a sore thumb) in wearing. Sometimes i wonder if it's appropriate especially when i have no idea what the dress code is and, quite simply, i'd feel silly bringing in a bag of clothes to change into. It's hard for me to find something to wear to these clubs that when i walk down the streets of San Francisco to a club the police won't think "arrest that fat hooker!" My other problem is finding anything that supports my boobs, i mean with 38DDDs this poses a bit of a challenge. Especially since much of the club dress code for women is basically "sexy and revealing" i mean, it's fine line that needs to be walked between sexy, beautiful and classy and "cheap slut" and there's really nothing all that sexy in my size at least, that i've found. Hell, on New Year's i got turned away at the door of a club because it was sort of an invite only thing but, i think it may have been the way i was dressed too. i mean, scrubs doesn't really inspire sexy thoughts (i had my outfit on underneath because it was really fucking cold outside and it was a long ass walk to the club). i really couldn't figure out what was so exclusive about it though, once i met up with friends who were on the list (because they forgot to add me to the RSVP) and we got in. All it really ended up being was a drunken orgy with a bunch of strangers with a bit of spanking thrown in...great fun to watch though.

kidwithknife -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 6:01:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roughleather Great! It's good to know that some place is maintaining standards. You're in London. Where did you go, Torture Garden? Quit whining and go shopping. If someone's going to splash out on a new outfit to go out, better they go somewhere cool. Torture Garden hasn't been for several years. It's far too mainstream now and has all the appearance of elitism with none of the benefits. You can put a corporate in leather but they're still a corporate... Forget a dress code. Clubs should start testing people on their knowledge of bands before letting them in.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 6:10:11 AM)
Depends on the club, and depends on how badly you want to get in. It is not so much they are exclusive, just the fact they are sometimes wanting a certain look or close to capacity (as I stated). quote: ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1 quote: ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf Save the money and get you a nice outfit to wear to clubs like this, it may help. Also, if you really want in and have the money, try folding a $50 and have it pressed up against your license when you are carded. Have the look, have the demeanor and have the cash are the best ways to always be admitted. I don't believe there's any such exclusive club I'd want to get into, as to bribe the doorman with $50, before paying to get in, and than the drinks. I didn't realize doormen did so well, go figure, M

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 6:34:25 AM)
when Mistress Xena's (or anyone else i know who's) hosting a kink-related party, there will be a dress code. those who plan to attend must adhere to such code or you'll find yourself barred from entering. it's to weed out potential troublemakers and unruly people since some clubs/venues charge a higher rental fee than they would for rock/music show. the couple of parties i've attended before there would be non-kink people attending trying to stir up trouble during the party.

roughleather -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 9:07:08 AM)
quote: Forget a dress code. Clubs should start testing people on their knowledge of bands before letting them in. Slimelight, the long-running punk club in Islington, used to have a cheeky little test. Now it's just "Pick up a membership form on entry to the club, fill it in, ask 2 members to sign it and hand it back to the desk person after 3am. we will then post your card out to you the following week."

kidwithknife -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 11:05:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roughleather Slimelight, the long-running punk club in Islington, used to have a cheeky little test. Now it's just "Pick up a membership form on entry to the club, fill it in, ask 2 members to sign it and hand it back to the desk person after 3am. we will then post your card out to you the following week." I remember that! When they used to have the "bring your own beer policy"? Slimelight used to be so awesome. Ahhh, nostalgia.

hardbodysub -> RE: Question about clubs and dress codes (4/7/2009 11:15:07 AM)
Khakis? Brown shoes? Horrors! How awful! And shouldn't it be obvious to everyone that black cargo pants are fetish-oriented, while black cords are clearly not? The fact that camouflage and/or black cargo pants are ubiquitous these days seems to make no difference as clubs enforce their arbitrary rules. I understand that clubs want to discourage gawkers and promote a kinky atmosphere, but some of the dress code ideas are pretty silly. Frankly, I think the goth look and black leather on men tends to be creepy-looking, and it can squik me out a bit. I understand the need for everyone to wear something that is clearly BDSM or fetish-identifiable, but line between acceptable and unacceptable is sometimes pretty foolish.

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