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RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/7/2009 11:29:56 AM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
Frankly, I think the goth look and black leather on men tends to be creepy-looking, and it can squik me out a bit.
I can understand the black leather thing (there's at least an obvious historical link between BDSM and leather) but I find the whole goth thing a bit strange.  And I go to goth clubs.

How was it decided that was the subculture that was going become BDSMwear?  Why that and not teddy boys or mods?


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/7/2009 11:56:57 AM   
immoral


Posts: 99
Joined: 6/9/2006
Status: offline 		just lucky i guess- i can do my cleaning  go and do my shopping and then  go  to a club and still be dressed in the same clothes...wipe clean in Waitrose .....chuckles...always fun...if only your everyday housewife realised how practical pvc is  im sure theyd all be wearing it < weg>

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/7/2009 1:16:38 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Fast Reply -
 
Remember that the basic club dress code may change if there is a particular type of event or party or host (Roman orgy night = togas + wreaths, faery tale = fantasy + masks, Inquisition = long robes and screaming witches) etc.
 
Always check the Web-site and send a note or call if you have questions.  And definately invest in a few basic outfits that will get you into the places you want to see and be seen.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/7/2009 3:23:47 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Khakis? Brown shoes? Horrors! How awful! And shouldn't it be obvious to everyone that black cargo pants are fetish-oriented, while black cords are clearly not? The fact that camouflage and/or black cargo pants are ubiquitous these days seems to make no difference as clubs enforce their arbitrary rules.



I was trying to give him an inexpensive alternative to leather pants or PVC pants.  Now off I go to comment on the Doms wearing collars mess I seem to have created


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RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/7/2009 3:54:19 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		From your description of your encounter it sounds like I would have also been turned away wearing my normal dungeon garb (I don't do fetish clubs) and that's okay. I'd have left never to return. I don't want any part of a club that doesn't want me and only wants their version of me. Yes, I do understand that these places wish to maintain a certain atmosphere inside. If they want to really maintain the atmosphere they should not only require certain dress but also require that it remains on your person. Sometimes when it is shed the end result is much scarier than any of the clothes the people who were turned away were wearing.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/7/2009 4:00:28 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Most clubs will advise and publicize a strict dress code and normally give a fairly broad menu of what is acceptable and whats not.
TG's can afford to turn people away as it always gets full to capacity and other clubs will be stricter with single guys for the simple reason that they don't necessarily want lots of single guys (which btw is a great shame in my opinion.)

Another reason for full fet, is for reassurance to the people in the club that the promoters are not just letting anyone in. Why should some people make the effort whilst others not bother? I for one don't want to be in a scene and watched by someone wearing street clothes.

I once got several complaints from people for wearing combats even though they were used as the costume I needed for a performance and that was in my own club!!

I see lots of burlesque guys in fet clubs these days. Leather not so much.

Maria






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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/8/2009 9:07:50 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I understand the reasons for some sort of dress code, and agree completely with them. I just wish there was something for men in the fetish fashion world that actually looked good.

Obviously, it's personal taste that I'm talking about here, and not trying to disparage anyone else's attraction to male fetish attire. I don't have any problem with others wearing whatever they like. It's just that nothing generally accepted as fetish apparel for men looks at all attractive to me. Even some of the less "out there" items don't work for me. For example, I bought a black leather vest to try to fit in with "the look" at an event, but only wore it once. I hated how it looked on me, and now I want to get rid of it. It just doesn't work for me.

Thank goodness many clubs and BDSM events allow all black as a minimum. At least I can feel comfortable in a style that works on my as long as it's black.

Maybe part of the problem is that black seems to signify dominance, and since I'm more interested in femdom/malesub, I'd like to be able to wear something that sends off a more submissive vibe. To that end, I think a collar and/or cuffs would look good and also signify submission. However, to some, as already noted, a collar means "already taken". I like harnesses, but that would look silly over clothing, so would only work in more advanced stages of undress. There seems to be no really good solution.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/8/2009 10:43:19 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

I went along to a club recently and was told that I couldn't come in because I wasn't dressed appropriately. I shrugged, slightly disappointed, but accepted it and went home.

I wasn't wearing jeans, but I was wearing the only other pair of black trousers I own - a pair of black cords. They've done me well in the past and at other clubs, so I assumed they would be, if not perfect, then at least passable. Especially in a venue with low lighting. I also had on a long sleeved fishnet top under a short sleeved black t-shirt, a collar, a tie and leather wrist cuffs.

I'm not whining... or, well... maybe I am a little, but the lady I spoke to was very nice about it, so I'm not placing blame or pointing any fingers. It just got me thinking. If the point of a fetish club is for people to go and express a side of their sexuality; a place where people go to be and look sexy, then shouldn't people be allowed to dress in a way that makes them feel sexy, too?



While the type of club you're describing wouldn't be anything I'd be interested in, a night out in the city for me usually involves black. Black jersey, suit coat, slacks and dress shoes. Unremarkable, yes, but it allows me to go pretty much anywhere without trouble and fit in reasonably well at clubs (do I have to go in there?), bars, sushi restaurants, art galleries, shady sidewalks, etc.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/9/2009 12:49:45 PM   
pdv99


Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		Hey - try going to clubs outside London - most have a dress code, but it's generally little more than "make an effort" - I reckon the collar and cuffs would pass. After all - what are you going to a club for - to meet people and play a little - or a fashion parade??? Some of you folks are so snobby - OK, so some people have no fashion sense - BDSMers are no different to anyone else in that respect. Brown shoes with a black outfit - I wouldn't do it myself, especially when I was dressing up for an evening out (kink or no kink) but what the hell, doesn't mean he was any less good a dom (or was he sub and being made to wear them for the humiliation? :) )Or maybe he just left the bag with his jackboots in in the back of his other car.....

At the end of the day I've a lot of sympathy with the OP - what's the purpose of the dress code - if it's just to keep out gawkers, then a quiet chat should quickly establish someone's bona fides. On the other hand if it's to ensure the club only admits young beautiful people to maintain it's image - be grateful you were turned away and find somewhere more sociable that allows real people in, spend your money where you are appreciated. And if there's  a club turning a lot of people away for not having the right image you can be damn sure there's another which is more welcoming - or there soon will be!

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/9/2009 2:57:22 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99

Hey - try going to clubs outside London - most have a dress code, but it's generally little more than "make an effort" - I reckon the collar and cuffs would pass. After all - what are you going to a club for - to meet people and play a little - or a fashion parade??? Some of you folks are so snobby - OK, so some people have no fashion sense - BDSMers are no different to anyone else in that respect. Brown shoes with a black outfit - I wouldn't do it myself, especially when I was dressing up for an evening out (kink or no kink) but what the hell, doesn't mean he was any less good a dom (or was he sub and being made to wear them for the humiliation? :) )Or maybe he just left the bag with his jackboots in in the back of his other car.....


Actually the point is to spend money so that the club owner can make money and keep the club open. Really does not have much to do with snobby, it has to do with dressing in a manner that will gain you entry. The club owner could usually care less whether someone is a good dom/sub, or whether they know anything about BDSM. 1) Do they look like they will spend money 2) Do they fit the basic dress code and theme 3) When close to capacity are they dressed in a way that will make the club a more enjoyable experiencing for everyone else inside.

quote:


At the end of the day I've a lot of sympathy with the OP - what's the purpose of the dress code - if it's just to keep out gawkers, then a quiet chat should quickly establish someone's bona fides. On the other hand if it's to ensure the club only admits young beautiful people to maintain it's image - be grateful you were turned away and find somewhere more sociable that allows real people in, spend your money where you are appreciated. And if there's  a club turning a lot of people away for not having the right image you can be damn sure there's another which is more welcoming - or there soon will be!


Actually not in every city. Right now there is not a decent fetish club in Atlanta, as the one that used to host fetish activities and shows, closed. There is one club that has a fetish night, but a third of the crowd is yuppie gawkers because they have no door entry control or dress code, so it is not one I go to at least. When I go it is black leather pants, crisp white dress shirt, red silk tie, and black leather blazer jacket. Never been denied entry anywhere wearing that.

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RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/9/2009 3:27:10 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I am so glad We are more laid back in Australia! When We ran parties, neat and clean was Our main requirement, and if people wanted ideas, We suggested basic black. Didn't matter what your clothes were made of, comfort was more important. And didn't have to be black, We had some who loved dressing as nurses, some schoolboys in grey, and as I have a bit of a lingerie fetish, My long white nightgown made more than one appearance. My ex sub hub loved wearing his tartan kilt along with his heels and stockings. We considered parties to be a chance to be "the real you" amongst others who would understand and accept that. Since We met people at munches and "vetted" them before giving out the address and inviting them to come to the party, a dress code on the night wasn't an essential to gain entry. The only people who drew negative comment was a couple where, on their first time, he was in a grubby singlet, stubbies (shorts) and thongs (flip-flops) ... albeit the archetypal aussie but not really pleasant to see (or smell!). Turned out he'd had to work overtime and she'd picked him up and come straight to the party, only exchanging his workboots for the thongs! she'd not thought to bring extra clothes. Easily sorted!

I particularly dislike the fact that fetish clubs have only their idea of what constitutes an appropriate fetish ie leather, pvc, corsets etc. What about those whose fetish is for uniforms? Or for dress suits? Or lingerie? Or how about the adult baby who only wants to wear diapers and hug his teddy? (he was welcome at Our club too!). There was another group running Fetish Balls at $100 a ticket and very strict dress codes according to their idea of fetish ... I wasn't interested in attending. Neither were many others who felt welcome at Our parties. Fine for those for whom leather etc was their fetish and went along, but there was no play there, just loud music and dancing. Our parties were a lot more fun and interesting for a suggested donation of 10% of that!

OP, you'd have been MOST welcome here.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/9/2009 4:31:58 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

I particularly dislike the fact that fetish clubs have only their idea of what constitutes an appropriate fetish ie leather, pvc, corsets etc. What about those whose fetish is for uniforms? Or for dress suits? Or lingerie? Or how about the adult baby who only wants to wear diapers and hug his teddy? (he was welcome at Our club too!).


The two clubs I DJ'ed and worked security at allowed all of these, up to a point. Once we were at 90% capacity the Manager usually wanted a little more "pop" than the normal.

quote:


There was another group running Fetish Balls at $100 a ticket and very strict dress codes according to their idea of fetish ... I wasn't interested in attending. Neither were many others who felt welcome at Our parties. Fine for those for whom leather etc was their fetish and went along, but there was no play there, just loud music and dancing. Our parties were a lot more fun and interesting for a suggested donation of 10% of that!

OP, you'd have been MOST welcome here.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]


The extremely strict balls and parties around here were popular for all of about two years. A theatrical group took over doing the shows, rather than those that actually did know how to use a whip well, or what have you. What happened is the BDSM lifestylers slowly stopped going, and more dress up gawkers showed up. This kind of killed the scene here, and was a good example that if you look for too much "style" and not enough "substance", your core clients will just stop showing up.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/9/2009 7:34:27 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds like they were being jerks.  Your outfit sounds totally appropriate.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/9/2009 9:01:12 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		I have always found that my utilikilt is accepted as dungeon garb, and has other advantages in terms of access for play. They look sharp too.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/10/2009 12:16:33 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
People don't need to spend a fortune on a fet outfit and in UK clubs we don't have 'leather only clubs'.
I don't want to end up in a fet club where I am entertaining a vanilla crowd that just happened to be passing the door looking for a good night out. Even if the door staff and promoters have checked that the street dressed guy is 'really' into the scene, how do all the punters in the club know? The promoter would have to go round all night explaining this to his concerned fet customers.
and how far does a fet club drop its dress code standard? We and other clubs I know, in London, asked for a minimum of smart black but many people will even try to take advantage of that or phone up before the night complaining 'but I don't have anything black so will navy blue do?'
There are clubs in London where people don't need to make an effort. There are clubs out of Lonon that insist you wear full fet. Its individual choice and up to the individual to look around but don't go along to a dress code club in something that doesn't fit and then complain you can't get in.


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question about clubs and dress codes - 4/10/2009 12:19:03 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Sounds like they were being jerks.  Your outfit sounds totally appropriate.


I agree with this. From what the op described he sounded appropriately dressed. I think its far more likely the club already had a large amount of single men inside and they were using his dress as an excuse. I have known this to happen so many times.


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Profile   Post #: 36
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