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RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 2:53:27 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I, too, don't find it to be a bdsm thing. It is a relationship thing. I want as much time and attention both from and for someone I care about.

The dissonance between these relationships and my public life is that I know and want to be close with certain people while I am not close enough with others to know or care where I stand with them. Their compliments and criticisms mean very little to me because I don't know the spirit of the one giving them. I care very much what loved ones think of me because I want to be my best for them.

lovingpet

My thoughts exactly! For me, it's a relationship thing. We give and receive attention. Master and I are both rather reclusive publicly but express affection with each other constantly. Regarding Dominants I have served in the past where I had no romantic involvement, it wasn't the attention so much as the experiences that I craved.

I loathe to be the center of attention in a public setting, like when having to receive and award, I am about to be violently ill. The only way I got past this when my job required public speaking was to concentrait on the subject matter as being the focus of attention, not me personally. I don't even like attention within my family, I don't want a birthday party or anything where I am the focus of attention. I do enjoy the quiet, private, gentle praise. When my Master reaches out to hold my hand, means everything to me.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 21

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 3:06:22 AM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
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- i havent had a birthday party in years, i hate it!!! - i used to hate it as a kid, so when i was old enough to make the decision 'no more birthday parties' - that was that! - friends and family have tried in the past and got nowhere.

when i was writing the OP i did think maybe it was just the thing that happens when youre with a significant other - and it is, theres no specific or special difference, but i figured, on the whole our significant others are D's so i left it.

having said that, there have been times when he has been concentrating on me so much that it almost feels top heavy, so to speak. with other couples the effort put in during sex tends to be equal, but often, in this lifestyle the submissive is just 'there'.

and not expected or required to do anything other than remain there. that is reciprocation i know, but i was acutely aware of this last weekend and i guess is why i put this up.

_____________________________

aka lally

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 22

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 4:52:09 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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I never said her posts are attention seeking. I said that by posting here and what we/I read is seeking attention. Every single person here posting is seeking attention, whether they admit it to themselves or not. Posting is attention seeking - making the assumption that maybe someone will read the posts and even possible answer is a form of attention seeking - whether it is to do so to offer support, 'advice' or previous experience. Lally is posting threads as well as posts, it is seeking attention of some type otherwise why do it? Why not simple post them in a private journal. It's seeking attention, just as your post is, just as this one is, like it or not.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 23

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:15:20 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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Way to change the original meaning of your post, nice work

Yeah you're right everything we do brings attention, wanted or not. Therein though lies the difference, whether the prupose of something is to seek attention, or the attention we get is a biproduct of another purpose.

There is a huge difference between attention seeking and getting attention.

*************************************************************

To answer the op i don't like too much attention on myself. I feel hemmed in and caged by it. Sure it's nice to get chatted up, winked at, get attention in general but all attention on me for any length of time - na ha way to stifling.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 24

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:17:59 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

It wasn't changed, you just got it wrong in the first place. That is what discussion is about, to get to the bottom of something instead of second guessing intent, which is never healthy. But like you say, you carry bias. It's all cool.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 25

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:23:48 AM

cpK69

Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Every single person here posting is seeking attention, whether they admit it to themselves or not. the.dark.

You are mistaken; some only wish to draw attention to a topic of interest, not themselves.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/7/2009 5:24:07 AM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 26

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:24:08 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

It wasn't changed, you just got it wrong in the first place. That is what discussion is about, to get to the bottom of something instead of second guessing intent, which is never healthy. But like you say, you carry bias. It's all cool.

How patronising, not something i had you down as.
I didn't second guess, i read it as i saw it. Perhaps you should be more careful on how you come across, this isn't the only thread you are ruffling feathers in is it/

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 27

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:28:51 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Every single person here posting is seeking attention, whether they admit it to themselves or not. the.dark.

You are mistaken; some only wish to draw attention to a topic of interest, not themselves.

Kim

I believe you are correct in a sense. That the topic supercedes the personal involvement, but the attention of the self is still there, regardless of it's importance. Otherwise, we as humans, just wouldn't speak out. After all what would be the point? We would just confine it to our diaries and minds, but if we assert our support, it means something.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to cpK69)

Post #: 28

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:34:36 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

Otherwise, we as humans, just wouldn't speak out. After all what would be the point? We would just confine it to our diaries and minds, but if we assert our support, it means something.

How about because a diary cannot answer our questions which is quite often what posting here is about?

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 29

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:39:27 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
How patronising, not something i had you down as.
I didn't second guess, i read it as i saw it. Perhaps you should be more careful on how you come across, this isn't the only thread you are ruffling feathers in is it/

As patronising as fake little winks to lighten the mood of cattiness and accusation? As I said to lally in another thread, it's not all about the person, its a far wider view, she just happened to post it. It's not all about the 'you' for me. You want to get personal then go for it. Lally doesn't seem to have the issue now, you do. Me, I'm over that.
But then, it's all sub-jective hey.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 30

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:42:43 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
How about because a diary cannot answer our questions which is quite often what posting here is about?

Yes. And wanting an answer is seeking attention on the issue you have in your head at the time.
You are reacting like seeking attention is a bad thing. It's not. The intent would be more important on that score.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 31

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:43:43 AM

InTonguesslut

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Joined: 3/5/2009
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Lol the wink wasn't fake, it was out and out sarcastic. I won't hide behind i meant anything other than what i did.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 32

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 5:43:47 AM

cpK69

Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
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I would agree if we were to say “intent toward self is still there”. I really don’t enjoy attention, especially when the responses to my posts, more often than not; draw, what is perceived as, negative responses.

Asking the question in the first place, is about me, asking others, is a check to my balance. Still about me, but I have to be able to step beyond me for that check to be productive.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/7/2009 5:45:17 AM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 33

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 6:06:59 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

The word attention is from the root attend which is most often defined as being present when used without object but we use the word as negative when used with oject to mean to wait up or to serve.

So dealing strictly with semantics and strict word definition, we all seek attention. However, the way I read the original post, was more cultural, than literal. We are social beings and as such we want and need to be attended, that is, heard, recognized, included, present. Proof is the number of people who succumb to madness when held in strict solitary confinement. That we would seek to be recognized as included and present with our loved ones or social peers is not a negative thing, it is a human thing. That we would seek to be served, waited upon, given heed, because of a sense of entitlement or superiority is the popular context of "attention-seeking" and viewed as a negative.

I have no problem with reading words within social context and fully accept that "cool" means something other than temperatures below perceived comfort or below ambient temperatures. I accept that something can be "killer" without being a danger to or incompatible with life.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 34

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 6:10:51 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
How about because a diary cannot answer our questions which is quite often what posting here is about?

Yes. And wanting an answer is seeking attention on the issue you have in your head at the time.
You are reacting like seeking attention is a bad thing. It's not. The intent would be more important on that score.

the.dark.

I am?
I presume you missed this post then

Yeah you're right everything we do brings attention, wanted or not. Therein though lies the difference, whether the prupose of something is to seek attention, or the attention we get is a biproduct of another purpose.

There is a huge difference between attention seeking and getting attention.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 35

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 6:26:29 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
And wanting an answer is seeking attention on the issue you have in your head at the time.

Attention to the issue is a lot different then wanting attention paid to yourself. Claiming that anyone who ever asks a question is only seeking attention to themselves is wrong.

And I agree that your posts of late have a lot of animosity in them. Displacing your anger or resentment or whatever negative feelings upon people who are not responsible for them is an inappropriate thing to do.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 36

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 7:01:40 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

lally, the are different kinds of attention. The attention that a sub/slave gets from their Dom/Master is very special. If you got the same kind of attention from anyone else no doubt it would be very uncomfortable. It is one of the benefits of the relationship. One of the things that seems to hurt a slave the most is not getting enough of it.

Getting that attention, even craving it in some cases, goes hand in hand with knowing that you are pleasing to your Master and getting positive strokes in return. It is what leads to the fulfillment of giving so much of oneself to please another. Enjoy every drop of it, girl! There's nothing at all wrong with that, and when he sees that it makes you even more willing to serve it makes a very pleasant cycle.

_____________________________

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 37

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 7:05:06 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

I would agree if we were to say “intent toward self is still there”. I really don’t enjoy attention, especially when the responses to my posts, more often than not; draw, what is perceived as, negative responses.

Asking the question in the first place, is about me, asking others, is a check to my balance. Still about me, but I have to be able to step beyond me for that check to be productive.

Kim

I don't believe that you have to be comfortable with getting attention to do something to get it - if that makes any sense. Seeking attention isn't always about flouncing around in a groovy outfit to get 'seen'. My question to you would be, would you still write on here if you didn't think someone else might be reading it? I would challenge anyone who said they didn't, but that's me. There is a degree of catharitic cleansing about putting your thoughts 'out there' rather than in a private journal(which in itself is carthartic).
Absolutely with you on the productive slant, but I would make the suggestion that self checking only works when you can trust that 'others' asked don't have an ulterior motive for the perceived negativity.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to cpK69)

Post #: 38

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 7:20:32 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
And wanting an answer is seeking attention on the issue you have in your head at the time.

Attention to the issue is a lot different then wanting attention paid to yourself. Claiming that anyone who ever asks a question is only seeking attention to themselves is wrong.

And I agree that your posts of late have a lot of animosity in them. Displacing your anger or resentment or whatever negative feelings upon people who are not responsible for them is an inappropriate thing to do.

I totally believe that if someone is highlighting an issue (using issue as an all covering word here) that they are lending their support to that issue (or against it depending on the context) - that their thoughts on the subject must carry some sort of validity. Otherwise why bother vocalising it? It places a person in a postion that is on one side of the fence or the other(or on it) and gives validity to the issue from their pov.

You have just given a great example.

You have the impression that I am displacing resentment and anger in recent posts. Well, your wrong but that's irrelevant. The great example of believing that your attention and thoughts on this is valid enough to post about it publically. That public statement holds ulterior motives (as I have mentioned to cp above). You give it attention, thinking that people will read what you wrote and either disagree, or even better, agree. It's attention seeking. It's placing validity to your thoughts and to anothers (in this case misst). It's gaining attention - otherwise you wouldn't be posting it public, you would take it in private or hold it to yourself.

There are no altruistic acts here on this board. There are possibly a couple in life, but even those are questionable.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 39

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/7/2009 8:34:46 AM

cpK69

Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I don't believe that you have to be comfortable with getting attention to do something to get it - if that makes any sense. Seeking attention isn't always about flouncing around in a groovy outfit to get 'seen'. My question to you would be, would you still write on here if you didn't think someone else might be reading it? I would challenge anyone who said they didn't, but that's me. There is a degree of catharitic cleansing about putting your thoughts 'out there' rather than in a private journal(which in itself is carthartic).
Absolutely with you on the productive slant, but I would make the suggestion that self checking only works when you can trust that 'others' asked don't have an ulterior motive for the perceived negativity.

the.dark.

I will need to think further on that thought. In the mean time, I am wondering, does having my thoughts read by others, constitute attention to me, or my thoughts?

I am inclined to believe, we are more than our beliefs; otherwise, there would be little chance for change.

Due to the nature of the topics that most interest me, and a subconscious tendency to ‘push’, or provoke it in others, I don’t get a lot of feed back by contribution of thought exchange. I have managed to devise a method of assessing accuracy regaurdless. That is what I come to the boards for. When I am confident in my assessment, then it is posted as fact (according to reality within my perception) and is a representation of me. I don’t need others approval to be, but I do need to make a stand.

The sentiment of “you have to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything” is inaccurate; ‘you’ can’t fall if you stand for nothing; you never got up.

Kim

Edited to indicate which thought I was referring to.

Also adding; It is true I derive attention from my posts. It equates to that most given to a circus/carnival “freak”, seriously, not my kink, and not something I seek.

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/7/2009 8:43:42 AM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 40

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