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a brick wall - 4/7/2009 11:19:17 AM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
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I've noticed recently, a drastic decline in my creativity and caring as a submissive. When I was younger, I was full of wild, crazy, ideas and fantasies, and now, I feel like I have nothing left. I feel like I'm a rotten submissive for that and a dozen other reasons, and it seems to be a hole that I'm increasingly unable to pull myself out of. I just feel like I've hit a brick wall.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this?
Any suggestions?

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RE: a brick wall - 4/7/2009 11:25:03 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Find a dominant who doesn't demand you do all the creative thinking. One who gives back to you as much as you give.

Are you more overwhelmed now then you used to be? Working harder at a career and not able to leave the job and leave it behind? Child care? Financial stresses?
All of those will impact your energy levels.

Beyond that, are you paying yourself first? Making sure you get enough down time, enough sleep, eat and drink healthily? Have you had a checkup recently? Because I can think of a dozen different causes for this from physical to emotional disorders.

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RE: a brick wall - 4/7/2009 11:56:50 AM

Lockit

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That is when I evaluate what might be happening that causes me to feel that way. Is it health concerns, depression from something, boredom or whatever? If it isn't something that needs physical care or treatment, I will put on some music and do something that I typically love. I used to get sick and couldn't do much for a time... I would fall into an emotional lag and had no energy and was restless. When I started feeling a bit better and bored outta my mind, I still didn't feel up to doing much. That is when I would look at my garden and go out and just sit. Soon I would be noticing a weed or a pretty flower and going over to it. Next thing I knew I was doing something. Or I would do a little dancing and soon I was picking up as I danced and then on to the dishes.

When I ran the shelter, many were depressed becasue they were in crisis. I encouraged them to go outside, do something fun and laugh. I put in a volley ball net, had balloons for water balloon fights and tried to keep everyone laughing. Once people got up and got going they felt much better, but it takes something you really enjoy doing to work the magic.

Hang in there!

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(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: a brick wall - 4/7/2009 2:56:19 PM

littlewonder

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I go through stages like that, especially when I have too much on my plate, I'm stressed, tired, etc...I don't have the time or energy to think.

I'm currently in such a stage due to some stuff going on in my life. Most days I can barely remember my name let alone come up with creative ideas or thoughts. I feel like a zombie.

The only advice I can give is to maybe give yourself some breathing room...take a break from life's rigor...go on vacation, go for a walk, do things you like to do, spend time with friends, try something new that maybe you've always wanted to try or try something else you never thought you would, read a good book, listen to music, remind yourself of those things that you were once passionate about and give them a go again.

And always talk to your Dom about it and let him know how you're feeling and why...maybe he can help to inspire your creativity again.

(in reply to Lockit)

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RE: a brick wall - 4/7/2009 7:29:56 PM

porcelain26

Posts: 181
Joined: 11/16/2007
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I don't believe there is any kind of a medical problem (physical or emotional) which is hendering my 'submissive juices'. In fact, I'm healthier right now than I have been in years (I've dropped over 60lbs in the last 9 months, go me!). I do have financial stuff that's weighing me down right now, as well as an impending cross-country move and a new job...but I'm excited about those things.

This downward trend in my submission hasn't been over the past couple of months...it's been over the past several years. I feel like I'm becoming bitter and jaded with the entire lifestyle, yet I know in my heart that I am submissive and will never be happy in any kind of relationship that doesn't allow me the opportunity to express that. I sort of feel like I've become an old sponge...used thoroughly, rung (sp) out, used up again, had all the life squeezed out of me, and then left in a bucket to shrivel up and die. I know, a bit graphic, but it's a decent analogy for how I'm feeling.

I'm trying to adjust into a different me, not a new me, just a different me...and I feel like it's making this sense of stagnation even more pronounced. I'm just sort of at a loss.

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RE: a brick wall - 4/7/2009 10:29:14 PM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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Porcelain,
What popped into my head after i read your op was "Maybe she doesn't have the right partner for her?"

Maybe you are growing into that 'new you' mentioned above?

And looking at your journal: I say mention the new location as soon as you feel like its' right for you.

I get away from the net when I feel I am getting jaded. I am more careful about who I pick to spend time with online and off. I do what some of the others mentioned above.

Is that a new pic for your main pic on your profile> have you updated it since you lost the weight?

Me
ps: a cartoon pic of Dr Phil popped into my head as I was writing my response... now that scared me!

< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 4/7/2009 10:31:47 PM >

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RE: a brick wall - 4/8/2009 5:29:50 AM

InTonguesslave

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when i get like this i just step away - for me i head for the woods, i spend time meditating, blahblah - thats what works for me.

its about refreshing youre perspective.

we all grow and change and it sounds to me like thats what youre doing. emotional and personal growth is often acutely painful, theres a sort of bereavement for what has been, a feeling that youre leaving that person behind. of course youre not, all youre doing is capitilising on who you are now, who you were and who you will be once this process has delivered you.

theres nothing else i can say to help, other than hang in there, its good youre growing and changing, you dont want to stay the same and grow stagnant.

it doesnt mean that you stop being the submissive you are, of course not! - youre never going to change that. but i think maybe this goes a little deeper than that. its a reavaluation and a taking stock and maybe its been going on for a while because you have been ignoring it. you cant. you have to let the process go.

a newer, revised edition of you will bounce through. i promise. hugs xx

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 4/8/2009 5:34:27 AM >

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RE: a brick wall - 4/8/2009 5:43:50 AM

colouredin

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I think that this is something that we have all felt about something. I think with submission from experience we get told that there are certain things that you have to be to be a good submissive, eventually you will mess up. Then you begin to question yourself. The point is that you are you, never define yourself by a label, expect the peaks and troughs its natural in life, ride it out. The worst thing you can do is tell yourself that you are doing it wrong, thats a surefire way to stop yourself from just being yourself.

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RE: a brick wall - 4/8/2009 7:47:33 AM

xxblushesxx

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Yes. I've found that just stepping away from it for a while restores my zest for service.

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RE: a brick wall - 4/8/2009 7:59:42 AM

porcelain26

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Thank you, everyone, for your advice and encouragement. It's greatly appreciated.

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RE: a brick wall - 4/9/2009 4:29:18 PM

wordstoponder

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Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
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I've been reading the posts, but felt inspired to respond after seeing MissEnchanted's words: "I get away from the net when I feel I am getting jaded."

Master has mentioned this to me many times - that what is portrayed online is more fantasy and less reality. As of late, the more I read about the D/s Lifestyle and submission, the more inadequate I feel. I get all these thoughts in my head that I'm such a bad submissive. However, Master counters that. He says that I am a wonderful submissive/pet that is perfect for Him (though I still have lots of kinks to work out and many things to learn, do, and understand).

Focus more on yourself and your relationship, and less on how others perceive submission to be.

(in reply to MissEnchanted)

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