Approaching a Domme (Full Version)

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quixotikal -> Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 3:56:18 PM)

I recently 'attempted' to talk to a Domme on this site and was reprimanded for not doing it correctly.

That's fine, but how does one make the first contact with a Domme provided you don't already know the 'rules'?



chamberqueen -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 4:40:13 PM)

Courteously.  Read her profile first and see if she has any demands, such as including a photo of your face.  Don't start out with genital shots - it's a good way to be blocked.  Check out her journal if she has one.  Don't write with a wish list, but make pleasant conversation.  Don't assume that your favorite kinks are also hers.  Basically, be a gentleman.  If she chooses not to speak to you go on to the next one.



Lockit -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 4:44:51 PM)

I have rules of communication on my profile.  Half the time they don't work becasue many don't read.  They just want to rush in and chat with me.  Just be polite and friendly after reading the profile and if they can't handle that, it isn't a big loss to you.

Good Luck!



Kaiel -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 5:41:31 PM)

I agree with the past posters, read the profile... alot of time instructions are in the profile. Also just start a conversation... be polite... and if it doesn't "fit" move on to the next one that you believe will be a fit for you.

good luck!



DelilahDeb -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 6:19:37 PM)

Assuming that I want to chat online is a good example of how to annoy. My profile states that I don't do that. Giving me a Yahoo! IM persona is not going to change that!
But then there's been threads and threads on here about "why subs can't read".

Lady Delilah Deb



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 7:07:22 PM)

Read the profile, and if there ARE directions, follow them.  If not, heaven help you!  Approaching a dominant online seems to be a minefield of potential gaffes.  For me, politeness and complete sentences work nicely.  Avoid honorifics and the use of the term "ma'am".  Evidently some women are violently opposed to being called that, in spite of it being courtesy in the military and half the USA. 



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 7:13:36 PM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: quixotikal

I recently 'attempted' to talk to a Domme on this site and was reprimanded for not doing it correctly.

That's fine, but how does one make the first contact with a Domme provided you don't already know the 'rules'?


Did she have any specific observations regarding what about your approach was incorrect, and what would have been correct?



MsKittyBlack -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 8:21:44 PM)


"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman" http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=5043162



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 11:03:15 PM)

It's in some ways no different than applying for any job. Check the listed requirements against yourself, and if, for example, she mentions that crossdressing is a hated activity and all you want is a mistress to feminize you, don't waste each other's time. Into bondage but not service? Or service but not pain? Read her profile and find out what she's "hiring for", and don't apply for a position you really don't want to fill. Trust me, we don't want you either if you don't really fit. It is perfectly fine to write and ask what qualities she is looking for in a submissive, IF it's not in her profile already. Use complete sentences, proper capitalization, and check your spelling. Sloppiness in writing won't impress either a potential boss or potential Mistress.

Read her profile! Her profile will include her interests, probably. "I notice you are interested in (activity), as am I..." tips us off that you read our profile. "I hope the vacation you went on was relaxing and fun" if we had journaled recently that we were going on vacation tells us you cared enough to look and see what we might have said recently. If you don't know what something is she's listed as "Lives for" or Loves", take three seconds to google it, so you don't make a fool of yourself.

Don't automatically start a scene by typing,

(kneels at her feet naked, speaks without meeting her eyes) "Your slave is ready to serve, Mistress" (presses a brief kiss to her booted foot)

or some such crap. You're presuming she wants you to serve naked. She might want you to unload the groceries from the car, mow the yard, or clean the gutters. You're presuming she likes her feet kissed, likes eye contact protocols, likes being called Mistress, et cetera. Presumption in someone I have never met is NOT attractive. In fact, if you presume like that when you've never met me, how can I assume you'll listen to me and not your own happy fantasy later on? That will get your letter deleted with no further thought given to it, by me, at least.

I have heard hiring managers say that of 100 applications, 90 will do one of a very few simple things that make their application one for the circular file, not the "follow up" file. The same is true for the majority of applications of submissives to dominants. If it's worth doing, isn't it worth doing well?




SnowRanger -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 11:18:04 PM)

Hello Quixotikal,

ChamberQueen  is right about genital photos (I call them Rooster Photos); "cock shots" are universally despised.

I will offer this:  Many people assume that CM removes a few steps in the "courting" (for lack of a better word) process.  This is not true at all!  You still have to start with hello.  You still have to make a good first impression.  You may be sitting there in your sweats; but, act like you're in a tuxedo.  There are so many people that are crude and rude on line that good manners will make you stand out.  Try to be literate.

You are getting some good nuts-and-bolts advice here.

Best Wishes,
Mike
SnowRanger





GoddessTeaze -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/12/2009 11:53:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: quixotikal

I recently 'attempted' to talk to a Domme on this site and was reprimanded for not doing it correctly.

That's fine, but how does one make the first contact with a Domme provided you don't already know the 'rules'?


If no one explanes this to you,
then you can't know !!!!

Simply because there are 1001 kind of woman,
and each has their own way !

Some like to b addressed by their name,
and others don't want that,
Some like a long email, others won't.

Be genuine about the interest in Her,
and make that shine through.

Then you know you've done all you could've
if that's not good enough, She ain't your match!

I wish you enough & a Happy Easter.

GoddezzT`



CatdeMedici -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 5:25:39 AM)

There is nothing more annoying than these three scenarios:
 
1. A one word email "hello" when they haven't read the profile.
 
2. A lengthy petition when they haven't viewed the profile.
 
3. The same info verbatim in the email as is written in their profile.
 
Remember we can see who has viewed our profiles, if we don't see you show up there, chances are we are going to assume you simply did a cut and paste enmasse.



quixotikal -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 9:49:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda]

Did she have any specific observations regarding what about your approach was incorrect, and what would have been correct?



She never said, nor did she reply when I asked. However since then I have had positive communication do I guess I'm not totally off...



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 10:56:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Remember we can see who has viewed our profiles, if we don't see you show up there, chances are we are going to assume you simply did a cut and paste enmasse.

...not that I've ever msged a domme in attempt to introduce myself..
but what if a person hates to show up in the "who's viewing me section" and therefore just reads the profile in the main view????  (assuming that the profile was short enough not to be cut off)[8|]



Lockit -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 11:03:39 AM)

I say in my profile that if the nickname or they don't show up on who has viewed me, I won't answer their email.  Saves me a whole lot of time.  Many say they read it... but did so from the home page and they missed a great deal.  When they clearly read some of my profile, I will ask them to go back and read the rest and they show up on my list and run away.  That is why I want them to read the whole thing.  I know most will run and I hate repeating it all in email.

Extra kudo's to those that at least try to read a bit of the journal too.  If they are serious, they want to know you... if they want a quick fix... they aren't going to bother knowing you.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 11:06:22 AM)

Awesome[;)]



quixotikal -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 11:34:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKittyBlack


"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman" http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=5043162


Thanks, I'll be sure to check that out.



Highlandsub -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 2:27:23 PM)

I have contacted a few people on here and the first thing to do is read there profile. I have come across more than one that said to put a specific word in the title or first sentence. Good way to narrow it down if you ask me. Second I always send something more than "Hello". When I contact them, I state why I have and what interests me. Be respectful you wouldn't want someone just walking up to you in a club or a bar and just say, Hey wanna whip me or dress me in ladies underwear. Kinda turns people off dont you think?
If you contact someone and they say you didn't follow there rules, just be kind and say sorry and either try to make it right or move on. There are plenty of other people out there, just try and understand your mistake and hopefully you will do better next time. Good luck.



JustStephen -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 2:36:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: quixotikal

I recently 'attempted' to talk to a Domme on this site and was reprimanded for not doing it correctly.

That's fine, but how does one make the first contact with a Domme provided you don't already know the 'rules'?


OK, few hints from a guy who lives with one...

Wear Armour, I find chain mail is best. Keep your head down and look for cover and easy escape routes. Send out an advance party bearing gifts. Don't give up if your first assault is un-successful; If you return to battle with a few broken bones she is bound to be impressed. Use humor (unless she is German).

Stephen



MsAlaria -> RE: Approaching a Domme (4/13/2009 3:44:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly
...not that I've ever msged a domme in attempt to introduce myself..
but what if a person hates to show up in the "who's viewing me section" and therefore just reads the profile in the main view????  (assuming that the profile was short enough not to be cut off)[8|]


By doing this though, you miss out on journal posts as well as the likes/dislikes area. 



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