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AAkasha -> RE: Reluctance to "Forced" Play (4/14/2009 11:16:05 AM)
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I can tell you what is annoying for me. First, let's not call it "force," let's call it "resistance play," or something else. No one is forcing anyone to do anything.
I have dominated a lot of men (vanilla and submissive) who enjoy certain acts in the context of submission that they would otherwise NEVER do. They cannot bring themselves to do it, they have to feel vulnerable or somewhat seduced to get to that point, or they have to work their way toward it. It's a very hot thing when you get them there, because it's clearly not easy; they crave it, yet are afraid of it. They find themselves doing it, and it's incredibly hot, but once it's over, they kind of question how they managed to do it. In that sense, I play the role of seductress, of domina, of sadist. I push them somewhere. We both want it, but it's a power exchange. This can be for ANY number of kinks: wearing panties, enduring anal play, sucking a strap on dick, etc. What is absolutely vital for them to be able to submit is their relationship with ME, the trust, and the scenario we create. It's hot.
Compare this to a sub who already does all these fetishes to himself. He plays with his own toys, he sees pros, he masturbates with the acts he's talking about, he does them all the time. He will basically do it with any woman who is willing to engage with him (granted, I am describing the extreme other end of the spectrum, and there's a LOT in between). When he offers up to me that he likes 'forced' or 'resistance' play, he is just looking for a woman to be the prop. In his head, in his fantasy, she's the "bitch femdom," or she is mean, or she is nasty and cruel, but in reality, she is doing EXACTLY what he wants. There is no surrender going on here. She is as arbitrary as the 8 inch dildo he's sucking on. If she weren't in the room, he'd just be on all fours sucking it by himself and pretending she was there. I have no desire to be anyone's prop.
If subs in scenario B want to position themselves as bottoms, that's great - and you know what, if he's really hot, and can roleplay well, and has a fun, flirty kind of style that makes him fun to top, I may be very interested in doing some roleplay. But he can't tell me the 'surrender' he is offering is the same as the subs in category A, because it's not.
At the end of the day, what trumps ALL of this, though, is chemistry. If I dig a guy in a huge way, trust me, I'll find a way to get my femdom itch scratched even if he's way too INTO the stuff I am "forcing" him to do - we'll just figure out a way to work through it. Most cases, though, the overly eager "oh, force me, force me!" stuff when the guy is already doing the acts by himself or with any woman he can get just does not click with me. I enjoy doing things to a man that he at least finds somewhat challenging, vulnerable or difficult - and that he does them because of his connection with me.
Akasha
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