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yourMissTress -> The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... (1/30/2006 8:01:53 PM)
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When introduced to the practice of this lifestyle some 15 years ago, I was really into pain play. I began as an apprentice to a Pro Domme and became her business partner and the biggest part of our clientele were boys that wanted to be beat, whipped, flogged, caned, paddled, cut, and kicked, with some CBT and humiliation thrown in for good measure. Thus, pain play was the basis and central focus of my knowledge and experience in the beginning.
I enjoyed it thoroughly and wanted nothing less than to make them scream in agony and really was quite callous and uncaring, for the most part. I am thankful that I had a wonderful guiding hand who monitored me closely in the beginning and taught me well how to carefully inflict pain and torture so that I wouldn't cause any permanent damage. To be perfectly honest, I believe one reason that I didn't seriously hurt any of my "play toys" was because I wanted them to come back and let me hurt them some more.
As time went on I became more caring for the "play toys" (both men and women) that I saw on a regular basis. Although I still liked to hear them whimper and beg for mercy, I did want to ensure their safety for more reason than the opportunity to do it again next week. It was no longer an inner struggle not to break my toys.
Ok, yes, I was pretty fucked up in my early 20's...who am I trying to kid, I was still pretty fucked up in my late 20's too. ANYWAY....
I mellowed out A LOT over the years in the pain play area especially when I began to understand and improve upon psychological torture and mind fucking. Oh I so do love a good mind fuck.
But as of late, I have been enjoying pain play sessions more and more. I get very excited when I see the welts rising, and the black and blue marks forming. I get even more excited and want to draw blood and even then, if the sub's ok, I want to keep going, spray some alcohol on the cuts and continue on with the beating. It could be described as a kind of blood thirst. The amount of adrenaline that seems to be coursing through my body is amazing, and I'm flying in Domme space for a very long time...up to 2 days afterwards.
I would like to hear what other Domme/Dom/Tops have to say about the evolution of their inner sadist. Do your interests ebb and flow like the tides over the years? Or have you maintained the same level of interest in a particular type of play?
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