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Female Desire - 4/16/2009 6:43:54 PM

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This (rather lengthy) NYTimes Magazine article summarizing current research about women's sexual desire is interesting:

What Do Women Want?

There's quite a breadth & depth of findings offered, some seemingly contradictory . .. . ..

I'm sure that, given the diversity of opinions on all the other topics discussed here, at least a few of you will have some interesting views of this article . .... .

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RE: Female Desire - 4/16/2009 6:45:30 PM

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What I found resonated most strongly for me, at this point in time, was the following:

-
The generally accepted therapeutic notion that, for women, incubating intimacy leads to better sex is, Meana told me, often misguided. "Really," she said, "women's desire is not relational, it's narcissistic" — it is dominated by the yearnings of "self-love," by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. Still on the subject of narcissism, she talked about research indicating that, in comparison with men, women's erotic fantasies center less on giving pleasure and more on getting it. "When it comes to desire," she added, "women may be far less relational than men."
-

For me, intimacy is important, but so is feeling desired, something I didn't really put my finger on specifically until after ruminating on this article . .... .

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RE: Female Desire - 4/16/2009 8:15:41 PM

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I'm inclined to agree with you on that. Knowing I am deeply desired by someone fuels me.

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RE: Female Desire - 4/17/2009 2:23:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

What I found resonated most strongly for me, at this point in time, was the following:

-
The generally accepted therapeutic notion that, for women, incubating intimacy leads to better sex is, Meana told me, often misguided. "Really," she said, "women's desire is not relational, it's narcissistic" — it is dominated by the yearnings of "self-love," by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. Still on the subject of narcissism, she talked about research indicating that, in comparison with men, women's erotic fantasies center less on giving pleasure and more on getting it. "When it comes to desire," she added, "women may be far less relational than men."
-

For me, intimacy is important, but so is feeling desired, something I didn't really put my finger on specifically until after ruminating on this article . .... .

I totally agree. This is the reason that vanilla porn does nothing for me and why I am addicted to BDSM porn. The former focuses on women giving pleasure and the latter on women receiving it.

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RE: Female Desire - 4/17/2009 7:51:39 AM

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quote:

I totally agree. This is the reason that vanilla porn does nothing for me and why I am addicted to BDSM porn. The former focuses on women giving pleasure and the latter on women receiving it.

BSB, Have a favorites list? Please email it!

My comment on the article:

I think many women are in denial about what arouses them due to social conditioning.

Happy to be clear on what turns me on.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

RE: Female Desire - 4/19/2009 9:06:34 AM

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I am in the same position. Once I started viewing BDSM porn, every aspect of the porn world was based on dominant and agressive sexual behavior, its a feeling that a simple vanilla video does not spark interest because of the mentality that you develop in what you want and what it will take to satisfy you, no pun intended. The vanilla porn industry will always be big, but its the BDSM world is that of which will grow in size and interest due to the creativity and diveristy placed in its videos to the viewers with fetishes and other interests not produced in vanilla porn

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RE: Female Desire - 4/19/2009 9:28:24 AM

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...taking detailed notes...

yours

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As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

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RE: Female Desire - 4/19/2009 11:37:00 AM

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Thank you yours, but my intentions were not of those to educate or inform but if that is infact what I am doing, then I am glad to share. I took part in activities within the BDSM community and I myself have alot of learning to do about the meaning and understand of what goes much more than a whip and a flog, its the feeling of every time a woman grabs you that the power and discipline is transfered from what ever dominant sense you think you are or have to being their submissive toy. Its the feeling of desire of wanting more as they tease you with their power which is what they will always have over you, and the one thing you will never earn with them, only trust and security but you will never have power over a dominant woman. ALways understand and realize that. I messed up a great thing with a great woman becuase I was arrogant and tried to take control, not realizing I had none. so any advice I can give, is to let the power be with the dominant touch.

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RE: Female Desire - 4/20/2009 11:08:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

What I found resonated most strongly for me, at this point in time, was the following:

-
The generally accepted therapeutic notion that, for women, incubating intimacy leads to better sex is, Meana told me, often misguided. "Really," she said, "women's desire is not relational, it's narcissistic" — it is dominated by the yearnings of "self-love," by the wish to be the object of erotic admiration and sexual need. Still on the subject of narcissism, she talked about research indicating that, in comparison with men, women's erotic fantasies center less on giving pleasure and more on getting it. "When it comes to desire," she added, "women may be far less relational than men."
-

For me, intimacy is important, but so is feeling desired, something I didn't really put my finger on specifically until after ruminating on this article . .... .

Interestingly, I feel that a lot of transvestites are motivated by this kind of narcissistic drive too.

But then I also believe that such narcissism in most people generally is active; sex after all (what I remember of it at least) is always better when you feel desired and make the other feel desired too - each feeds the other.

E

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RE: Female Desire - 6/18/2009 5:29:14 PM

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lol

Nakedly bumping this back up . . . . . .

(I learned to 'naked bump' over on FL, lol . . . . )

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RE: Female Desire - 6/26/2009 3:19:30 AM

ranja

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yes i agree with the statement that women want to be desired...i want that most definitely myself...
and i mostly like to be seduced...to be made to want something desperately...to me that is the sexgame at its best...
to give or to take something because it is expected or because you might aswell or because you might get something back if you do is not near enough as good as to give or take something because you desperately want to give or take this...

I suspect most men have the desire to give or to take quite readily in them while most women are slow starters...they need to be made to want to give and take things, hence they need to be seduced... (just my take on things)

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RE: Female Desire - 6/26/2009 9:47:14 AM

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somewhat interesting article and study, despite the massive generalization that is common to all such topics. i am glad that it was finally stated that intimacy does not necessarily make for more fulfilling sex for women...duh. i would agree that most women want to be an object of great sexual desire and lust, however the same could be said of most men. that's just a human thing. however i vehemently disagree with the idea that women tend to fantasize more about receiving pleasure than giving pleasure. never, ever in my life have i fantasized about receiving pleasure sexually or even of being sexually aroused. in my "real" sex life, again my focus is always on pleasing my partner, it is all i care about or concern myself with, and i have zero interest in partners who are concerned with trying to please me or give me pleasure.

perhaps this study did not take submissive women into account? lol

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RE: Female Desire - 6/26/2009 10:01:49 AM

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quote:

...however i vehemently disagree with the idea that women tend to fantasize more about receiving pleasure than giving pleasure. never, ever in my life have i fantasized about receiving pleasure sexually...

this slave is in total agreement with you, prop. and one of the reasons she prefers a dominant sadist for sexual encounters. they seem a bit more understanding of this slave's unusual preferences.

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RE: Female Desire - 6/26/2009 12:27:42 PM

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You shameless hussy you...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

lol

Nakedly bumping this back up . . . . . .

(I learned to 'naked bump' over on FL, lol . . . . )

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
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RE: Female Desire - 6/26/2009 3:13:06 PM

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Reading this I can't help smile. Prior to the the late Renaissance period and increased conservative christianity, it was widely believed in the western world that women not only had the capacity for enjoying sex far more than men but they were far hornier than men to use a modern expression.

What I think is very telling is that women seem more conditioned to deny their sexuality and thus the mismatch of physical and verbal responses.

Just some thoughts your link created in me, DemonKia.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 6/26/2009 3:14:51 PM >

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RE: Female Desire - 7/5/2009 2:06:09 PM

ranja

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daddysprop, but surely your partner is pleasing you and giving you pleasure by using you and allowing you to be of service... surely your partner desires you and arouses you when you see and are seduced by his desire for you...

I don't think that most men want to be an object of desire and lust at all...i think most of them do the lusting and desiring and mostly want to put their mark on the object of their desire at least for as long as the erection holds...

< Message edited by ranja -- 7/5/2009 2:09:41 PM >

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RE: Female Desire - 7/5/2009 9:59:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

daddysprop, but surely your partner is pleasing you and giving you pleasure by using you and allowing you to be of service... surely your partner desires you and arouses you when you see and are seduced by his desire for you...

I don't think that most men want to be an object of desire and lust at all...i think most of them do the lusting and desiring and mostly want to put their mark on the object of their desire at least for as long as the erection holds...

having been sexual with many, many men over the years, and having been intimate with nearly as many, i would have to say that you are very much mistaken. "most" men absolutely wish to be an object of lust and desire. the exception would be those men who are only sexually fulfilled through nonconsent/force/coercion.

and of course i am pleased to please my Master, and others whom he has me serve. but it is not a pleasure akin to sexual arousal. that is not something that my life is about.

(in reply to ranja)

RE: Female Desire - 7/6/2009 11:47:14 AM

ranja

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No i am not mistaken... but it could be that we attract or be drawn to different kind of men.
in my experience men do not want to be an object...they like to be found attractive but their own opinion of how much they are so is usually enough for them... men i encounter are more likely to want recognision of their wisdom and power.

Now while the sex act is happening and the man would like a woman to do things to him i suppose you are right and the man would like the female to be totally lusting after him and regard him or his penis as the object of her desire...but the only way he would be convinced the woman feels like this is if she gets aroused while she is desiring/serving him...and you say you do not get that sort of pleasure out of it so i am a bit confused

I think with men and women it is sort of the otherway around...i would say men like to be respected or even feared a bit before they had sex and afterwards maybe remembered as the handsome sexy stud. While women like to be desired and wooed and be found gorgeous and sexy beforehand but very much need to feel respected afterwards

obviously i look at the issue from my perspective of sub and am attracted to Dominant men...things might be different for submissive men and Dominant women.

My life revolves a lot about my sexual desires...not that they always be met of course but it is sure nice when things work out

(in reply to daddysprop247)

RE: Female Desire - 8/30/2009 9:18:20 AM

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*bump*

This is a profound article with a lot of great info, so I hope it gets as wide an audience as possible . . . . . .

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RE: Female Desire - 8/30/2009 11:48:11 AM

hlen5

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DemonKia,

Was this one a "naked bump"??

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