Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch

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knees2you -> Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/2/2006 1:35:31 AM)
When Your A Dom/Submissive/Slave, and You have met your match, {meaning the same as You are} there is nothing to do other then becoming a Switch? Has anybody here been a Master, Mistress, Submissive, Slave and have found the same in another person? You like most the same things, Vanilla {if You have any Vanilla} and Bdsm and You just know that this person is just right with You and for You~[:D] quote: "Switches can Hurt, but can be Loving also.[:)]" Sincerely, Ant[;)]

MistressAlexaS -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/2/2006 5:00:39 AM)
We met in an online game of all places and it was an instant attraction up until he said "I'm into VERY submissive women". He was a dom and I am a domme, no submission here on this end. To complicate things he was into Gor and was married to his slave but they were separated. We got to be friends, VERY close friends and his sometimes macho ways would get on my nerves. But we realised quickly how much alike we were and how close we had become. He told me he loved me after a year and I felt the same way. He released his slave and got a divorce, moved back to his old home town which isnt far from where I live. The dominance factor was a bit of a problem as we both love BDSM but I just couldn't be the submissive sort of woman he was used too. I am a true believer in equality between the sexes. We discussed this in detail and I told him do some soul searching if you can't live without a sub female then by all means go find yourself one, don't try to live life and be unhappy. After awhile he came to me for a heart to heart talk and he revealed he'd always had submale fantasies but was to afraid to ever voice them to anyone. He said he felt like he was living behind a mask and it was one of the reason's his marriage had failed. He wanted to know if I would view him as less of a man for his wanting me to dominant him. I told him he could never be anything but a man in my eyes for it takes a brave soul to admit who you truly are and what it is you truly desire. My BF now is a very happy switch and in fact he is running more sub then anything. I occasionally switch but can only do so in baby girl mode with him as Daddy, I have a real hard time with submission. He doesn't miss being a dom at all and in fact is something of a painslut [;)] ~Alexa

Arpig -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/2/2006 8:28:35 AM)
Like Alexa, i do not have much in the way of submissiveness in me, however in the situation postulated in the OP, I think i would hook up with said person, and start searching together for submissives...become one of the Dom/Domme couples that so confused somebody in another thread [:)]. I don't think a switch is something one can choose to become, any more than one can choose to be a dom or a sub. It is something you either are or you aren't. At the moment I describe my Pet and I as a male dom/female sub couple, however as we explore ourselves and grow, I believe that we would probably be more accuratly described as a male dom/female switch couple.

knees2you -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/2/2006 10:05:51 AM)
quote: Like Alexa, i do not have much in the way of submissiveness in me, however in the situation postulated in the OP, I think i would hook up with said person, and start searching together for submissives...become one of the Dom/Domme couples that so confused somebody in another thread . I don't think a switch is something one can choose to become, any more than one can choose to be a dom or a sub. It is something you either are or you aren't. At the moment I describe my Pet and I as a male dom/female sub couple, however as we explore ourselves and grow, I believe that we would probably be more accuratly described as a male dom/female switch couple. Arpig, You said that One just can't chose to be something like a Dom or a Sub/Slave?r or something else. quote: We met in an online game of all places and it was an instant attraction up until he said "I'm into VERY submissive women". He was a dom and I am a domme, no submission here on this end. To complicate things he was into Gor and was married to his slave but they were separated. We got to be friends, VERY close friends and his sometimes macho ways would get on my nerves. But we realised quickly how much alike we were and how close we had become. He told me he loved me after a year and I felt the same way. He released his slave and got a divorce, moved back to his old home town which isnt far from where I live. The dominance factor was a bit of a problem as we both love BDSM but I just couldn't be the submissive sort of woman he was used too. I am a true believer in equality between the sexes. We discussed this in detail and I told him do some soul searching if you can't live without a sub female then by all means go find yourself one, don't try to live life and be unhappy. After awhile he came to me for a heart to heart talk and he revealed he'd always had submale fantasies but was to afraid to ever voice them to anyone. He said he felt like he was living behind a mask and it was one of the reason's his marriage had failed. He wanted to know if I would view him as less of a man for his wanting me to dominant him. I told him he could never be anything but a man in my eyes for it takes a brave soul to admit who you truly are and what it is you truly desire. My BF now is a very happy switch and in fact he is running more sub then anything. I occasionally switch but can only do so in baby girl mode with him as Daddy, I have a real hard time with submission. He doesn't miss being a dom at all and in fact is something of a painslut MistressAlexas I was born Submissive this I know. From the time the Doctor Spanked me 6 times because I enjoyed it. But my Fiance is Submissive also. So I decided that I would learn how to become a Switch. quote: "You have been Chosen to speak, but do You speak what You have chosen?" Sincerely, Ant[;)]

fergus -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/2/2006 11:42:20 AM)
Sounds like a balanced, mutually respectful relationship that is trancendent of the labels to me. fergus

RumpusParable -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/2/2006 12:33:53 PM)
I guess how I can see it would be an issue if you were monogamous and purely one-partner types for BDSM... Personally, though, I don't work that way. I'm a switch but can't switch with a single partner. If with a partner who's my Dominant and we're monogamous and I wanted to enjoy my own dominant side, I'd need to find a submissive outside of the relationship for purely BDSM interests. Of course, if poly then I find whomever vanilla or bdsm who I need/want within the rules of the relationship. If you're monogamous and both submissive, can you not both look for a Dom/me together?

knees2you -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/3/2006 11:05:41 PM)
quote: If you're monogamous and both submissive, can you not both look for a Dom/me together? No it is out of the Question. This is why I will learn about being a Switch at first. quote: "You have been chosen to speak, but will You speak what You have chosen?" Sincerely, Ant[;)]

Laura -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/5/2006 5:06:47 PM)
I don't think you can "learn" to be a Switch. You just have to love it, as is. :)

roseofsheryn -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/6/2006 11:20:48 PM)
I have to agree. I dont think you can choose to be a Switch. I think that maybe there are tendencies that must have been there before that you had not seen before. I was a 24/7 live in slave for 4 years. I never thought I would EVER Top anyone. Once I tasted it though from the top it kinda flipped a trigger in me and I liked what I felt. It felt natural just as being a slave did. As for the "learning to switch" we learn technique but the motivation behind it comes from within and it just is. I am now predominately Dom. I love it it turns me on but the occasionol subbing really does too. I find that there is a balance thing going on for me. If I am constantly having to be in leadership roles in my nilla life I long to bottom/sub. When I am in more submissive roles in my nilla life I long to Top /Dom. When I get both of those met I feel balanced and life is easier to take on. I need both and without both it feels like something is just missing. I know some though that could never switch no matter what other than to appease someoone else but they would get nothing out of it. It wouldnt tickle that spot in a Switch that makes us love the Switch. It wouldnt trip their trigger and they would simply go through the motions. I would not consider that a Switch. I consider that making sacrafices for the other person in the relationship. Just my 2 cents, Roseofsheryn

Slipstreme -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/7/2006 10:27:00 AM)
Yep. I'm a Switch and I love it. However, the more I look into it the more I'm beginning to realize I am a Dominant who often bottoms. Cause I like endorphins, a lot. I top more often, and recently found the reverse of subspace, Domspace to be just as exciting. I did, however, "meet my match" so to speak, however it didn't work out. I would have happily served this woman, put her up on a pedestal and worshipped the ground she walked on. However, she turned out to be more submissive than I am and also decided to seek out a relationship with someone else. No we didn't actively seek out a D/s dynamic, just that I found myself wanting to do things for her that I didn't in any other relationship I had ever had. We are still friends, but friends is all we will ever be. Ah, the things love will do to you!

pollux -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/13/2006 8:10:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you When Your A Dom/Submissive/Slave, and You have met your match, {meaning the same as You are} there is nothing to do other then becoming a Switch? Has anybody here been a Master, Mistress, Submissive, Slave and have found the same in another person? I don't think switching is the only option. I've noticed that the majority of married female dominants seem to be married to dominant men. I don't know if that's statistically true (I didn't count), but it is an impression I've gotten from reading profiles here. I've always wondered how that worked... There are at least two issues that seem like they would be problems: How do you get your BDSM needs met? (an equally obvious answer is you each go outside the relationship and find a sub, or you could switch) And, who wields the power/authority in the relationship if your partner is also dominant?

John665623 -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/15/2006 7:13:56 PM)
I am a true switch but it all depends on my play partner(s). I can be totally dom with one, totally sub with another and alternate sessions with other switches. If they sway one way or the other, obviously I will need to take the oppisate role to create a good quality session.

champagnewishes -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/17/2006 4:30:59 PM)
I'm totaly freeloading here today but i am going to add my two cents in anyways. I am a sub...never the desire or want to be anything but a sub. I have connected with a Dom who has always thought the same way about his Dom role. However, as of late, he has been verbalizing interest in being topped. I have to admitt, his interest has stirred interest in me as well. So maybe you can't learn to be a Switch, but there may be something yet undiscovered in all of us that makes us rethink the whole equation. It just takes a certain special person before we can realize it. In any case, i think it more enjoyable to leave the possibilities open then to dismiss them because of a label.

ShadeDiva -> RE: Leaving the Dom/Slave/submissive behind, becoming a Switch (2/19/2006 8:37:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux There are at least two issues that seem like they would be problems: How do you get your BDSM needs met? (an equally obvious answer is you each go outside the relationship and find a sub, or you could switch) And, who wields the power/authority in the relationship if your partner is also dominant? The first would be a problem only if you are unable for whatever reasons to express a part of yourself that you personally would feel HAS to be expressed in order for you to feel 100% happy. If your partner is not a switch, then obviously the only solution would to be at least BDSM-poly. That's what we are. My dominant is not a switch - but encourages and suipports me to find someone with which I can express my dominant side in a BDSM context rather than trying to get that need fed by headbutting him and jostling for the seat of power so to speak. However that being said, really 95% of the time when we are not in "on" mode between us we are equals and behave as such. Once we are in role and "on" - then he holds the power seat, unless the situation calls for me to assert a dominant role or my duality war rises from the murky depths of my psyche which is handled by him in various ways depending on what happened to trigger it and where my headspace is at.

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